


October Fourteenth

by rainydroplets



Series: The Wrong Side [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drugs, F/M, Gangs, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, References to Drugs, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2020-12-24 02:17:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 136,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21091751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainydroplets/pseuds/rainydroplets
Summary: Follow on story from Wrong Side of the Tracks, about Levi and Erwin post-University studies, set four years after the ending of the other story. Erwin Smith found himself with a successful career ahead of him, a blossoming relationship, and a beautiful home. Levi's life was falling apart; bordering on homeless, with unhealthy habits and a desperation to escape the life he'd made for himself: what would come for the pair when they accidentally met at Levi's work, three years after they'd last spoken?You probably don't need to have read Wrong Side of the Tracks, however there are mentions to it throughout! I'll add additional tags as the story progresses!





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! And welcome back if you read my other fic! I hope you're going to enjoy this one just as much ^.^ I'll post chapters as regularly as I can, which hopefully will be quite often! Thank you so much time for taking your time to read this story!

Winter weather was set in its ways, despite it was only mid-Autumn. The cool breeze that threatened to break through thin windows caused the men to curl up under the covers subconsciously, barely able to afford the heating in the flat, never mind paying to get the windows fixed that never closed properly. The rustic leaves from the trees lining the path had floated onto the harsh pavements; a saddened reminder that they were still in the city. That they still were so far away from their original homes, where once everything was good.

The men under the covers barely slept, didn’t even remember falling asleep. The cold of the flat made relaxation unbearable unless they were transported to another place, and even with the constant flow of alcohol through their veins, there was nothing that could heat them up. Levi squeezed his eyes closed, pretending that he wasn’t awake, desperate to catch a few more hours of rest before the hellish days began again.

But there was no such luck. A large, aggressive noise sounded through the mattress, forcefully moving the pillow the man rested his head on.

Levi winced, the incessant vibrations from his phone sounding close to his ear; it was too loud. He squinted his eyes, head pounding, as he noted it was still dark outside. It definitely wasn’t time for his day to start yet, not time to phone sick into work. With a frown, he reached under the thin and stained covers to retrieve his phone. Angrily, he switched the alarm off without another thought, throwing it to the side of the mattress.

Even just a subtle movement from the warmth of bedding startled him, the cool shaking through his bones. The small body burrowed deeper into the mattress, tugging the blanket along with him as he did so, forcing more of the material over his shoulders. He was freezing, tucking his head deep under the duvet, eager to warm his freezing nose.

“What the fuck, Levi.” The man beside him spoke, aggressively pulling at the blanket, forcing the material away from Levi to wrap it around himself.

Levi let out an annoyed groan, pulling some of the material back onto himself. The lump in the bed beside him grumbled loudly, his bare back facing Levi, though the latter didn’t pay attention to it, instead rolling to face away from the man beside him. Body heat would keep him warm, but he didn’t want that, not from him. All Levi wanted was to sleep, to be whisked off into that dreamland where reality was far away, where his life hadn’t turned to hell yet.

Ever since he was young, Levi was always a light sleeper. His Uncle Kenny had taught him that trick, knowing the dangers of someone creeping in through the night to get you if you didn’t have your guards up. Levi learnt about it the hard way, almost being strangled once before by a creep. Since that night, and especially since moving out once again, he forced himself to be a light sleeper in order to guard himself.

Thus, he was always sharp, and always on point. Even more so these days, where it was unusual for him to sleep much at all, finding himself wanting to sit and watch from the window through the night, drifting in and out of light slumber instead of deep-set sleep. However, the man beside him now liked to convince Levi otherwise, persuading him to join him on the unwelcoming mattress most nights instead, where Levi would lay awake for hours just staring into nothingness.

He hated laying on that bed, though. It wasn’t like there was even any point to sleeping on it, considering it was simply an old mattress that the men discovered dumped outside the flat block. Piled upon it were cheap blankets from the shelter, from charity shops, or stolen from shops that didn’t watch their stock well enough. They barely even had pillows, instead opting to use cushions without covers, the annoying prickles of feathers poking Levi’s face throughout the night, irritating his skin.

Although he tried not to complain too much; at least he had a roof, shelter, and a safe-enough place to go. It could be worse. It had been worse.

Now, as most mornings, sleep would not come to him after the alarm’s disturbance. He was annoyed at not checking through the clocks the evening prior, not that he was in the right frame of mind to do such a thing. Instead he sighed loudly, rolling onto his back to try and embrace the cold air of the flat, preparing himself to venture into the real world.

Surrendering to the unlikeliness of getting even a wink of sleep, Levi chose to get up instead. He breathed in a deep breath, preparing for the cold walk to the bathroom on the creaking floorboards. Although the deep breath barely helped, instead illuminating the feeling of nausea that had settled in his belly, bringing attention once again to his pounding head. He brought a hand to his head to massage his temples slightly, forcing his body onto his elbows to examine his surroundings.

Levi frowned; the room was a mess. The stench of stale cigarettes floated through the air, bottles still scattered across the floor from the night before. An empty packet of bread sat at the end of the bed, crumbs falling onto blankets. He turned his nose at the mess, trying to recall anything from the night before. Judging from how sore and shit he felt, and the state of their home, it couldn’t have been anything good.

He looked over at the snoring shape beside him again, jealously flaking through his body at how quickly and soundly the man could slip off to sleep. Not wanting to piss him off, Levi quietly slipped his legs from under the covers, leaning over slowly to remove the phone from its charger. The screen was hidden as he did so, quite pleased that he at least remembered to plug the device in despite the state he was in before. He took a moment to gather himself before standing up, glancing over his living quarters.

Despite living in a new town now from where he grew up, still located near the university and his old, lavish apartment, the new simplistic layout of his current residence sparked so many horrid memories of his youth when he was living with Kenny. It was a poxy little flat; a tiny kitchenette displayed right beside the front door, the only furniture being two camping chairs and the cheap mattress on the floor. They had no clothing storage, no cupboards to put things away. Although, it wasn’t like they needed it: they barely bought food, unless they were starving, usually finding something cheap and easy. Their clothes were just folded in a laundry bag, where Levi took it to the laundrette when he was in a good enough mood to.

And, surprisingly, the state of their living barely bothered Levi despite his neediness to be clean. It was only really when Levi was coming down that he noticed how badly kept the flat was; the dirt piling up on the floors, the piles of dirty clothes that were just discarded, the beer bottles smashed into millions of pieces. But when he ached as badly as he did, Levi didn’t care. All his mind could properly focus on was the blood pumping through his veins, his head pounding, and that lingering sickness that wasn’t passing.

The bathroom was the first pit-stop; the only other room in the entire flat. Levi opened the lid of the toilet just in time, his body dry-heaving into the water. After three times of trying and realising nothing was going to leave his weak frame, Levi allowed his body to collapse against the wall beside the loo, running a weak hand through his sweating hair, his face crumbling slightly. He always got like this: overly emotional, frustrated, desperate for anything else, to not be him.

Feeling that building of sweat made Levi cringe, squeezing into his scalp in an attempt to pull it away, tugging at the strands of black hair. He was eager to pull the drug-induced headache from his system, desperate to feel anything else other than being trapped in a come-down, wanting that feeling of euphoria again. He kept tugging, but no matter how hard he pulled, how many hairs fell from his weak scalp, that pounding wouldn’t stop. It wouldn’t go away. Before he let out a scream in frustration, he remembered where he was and who he was with, trying to keep silent instead.

Levi took a second to think. His eyes wandered over the room before him, a desperate plea to find anything that would snap him away from how bad he felt, anything left at all. He gazed at the tub, focussed on the small specs of blood which had stained the white porcelain, never cleaned off. The cigarette buds discarded across the ledge of the tub, needles piling in the small sink with the harsh crack through the centre, blood splattered on the floor just before the basin. He forced his gaze to pass over the remains of foil, spoons, candles – not wanting to think about how he ended up here, how he was so reliant on drugs to keep him alive now.

Younger Levi would never have allowed his home to get in such a mess; would never have let blood linger for so long it had stained, would never have touched drugs after what he’d seen Kenny go through. This was definitely a life he promised to stay away from; Isabel and Farlan would be infinitely disappointed in him now; the man they looked up to with so much love and admiration, crumbling into the person he swore he’d never become.

With a last push of energy, Levi crawled over to the pile in the hopes there’d be anything left, just a small amount would be enough right now. He hadn’t left the house in over a week, and he knew their stash was running low. He had no money left now, blowing the last of his student loan on the rent for the next month. Even the thought of dealing with that made him panic, he didn’t want to have to go back into work. He didn’t want to see everyone, knowing there’d be so many questions as to why he hadn’t turned up to any shift in two weeks, religiously calling in sick. But it was this time of year; he just couldn’t face it.

He already had numerous missed calls from Petra, presumably from the night before wanting to know if he'd be in tomorrow, the only person he’d actually managed to make friends with at work for the simple fact she wasn’t as annoying as the rest. Everyone else he met seemed to rub him up the wrong way, but she never questioned that Levi did, instead leaving him to it. Although her constant check-ins were quickly pissing him off, especially when he felt the way he did.

After scrambling through the contents of the bathroom, Levi knew there wasn’t anything to find. He was going to have to bite the bullet, call someone for a favour, promise to pay them double next week after he’d gone back to work. He’d managed to do that enough times before, and people were usually quite lenient with him about it.

With shaking hands, Levi brought his phone to his face once again, displaying the time before him in bright numbers, the nausea flowing through him due to the bright screen so vivid in his face.

He scowled, the clock displaying that it was only six in the morning. He was expecting it to be far later, his alarms normally sounding at ten, ready for him to get ready for the midday shift. This was unusually early. And that unsettled him even more; there was no way that anyone would reply to him at this time, most people he bought from living relatively ordinary lives of which they maintained normal sleep cycles. But he was _desperate_.

Panicking, he began looking at the screen again as though the time would magically change to be a decent hour so he could begin ringing around. But the more he willed and stared at the screen, the other numbers came into his focus displaying the date. It was the date that always threw his world inside out, the day where he’d always make sure to be busy doing something, just anything, so his mind wouldn’t wander about what his dream reality would be. He didn’t like to think about who he should truly be with, what they should be doing, and how much different his life would be if that date meant anything to him anymore.

He blinked back the tears threatening to leak down his face, rereading the numbers over and over.

October Fourteenth.

Just the memory of that face, that smiling, content face forced Levi to sit up and march from the bathroom, waking the sleeping man urgently. He needed it now; he needed to forget the man whose life he ruined, the man he abandoned.

Even if it meant ruining his own.

* * *

Erwin awoke early; not by choice either, but because the girl laid beside him was waking him up with a gentle nudge, reminding him of the day it was. His birthday, his twenty-third birthday. It had been two years since he finished his undergraduate degree, two years since he completed his Bar Professional Training Course, and a year since he started his training in a Barristers Chambers. At this point, he’d also sold his old flat and had started paying a mortgage for his luxurious Victorian townhouse in the city centre, right by the legal firm he was working at.

Alongside having such a successful career and blossoming success in buying a house so young, Erwin Smith was now officially engaged as well. It was something he doubted would ever happen unless it was to Levi, but after they parted ways, he bumped into Marie once again. The Marie who dated Nile throughout High School, the man who almost ruined Erwin’s entire educational career. Thus, he felt that dating his ex-girlfriend was prime revenge, although that wasn’t the real reason he was with Marie, of course, it was just a bonus which came with it.

It turned out that Nile had broken up with Marie at the start of University, deciding that he wasn’t ready for higher education just yet. Instead he wanted to go off with his friends, travelling the world, and Marie didn’t want to go. Therefore, they decided it would be best to part ways instead, and it proved lucky in her case: a healthy sized diamond glistening on her finger every day, the man of her dreams waking beside her each morning. And truly, Erwin was happy. He was happy that his plans had all fallen into place, and from the outside, Erwin Smith’s life was utterly perfect.

However, he just couldn’t believe how much his life plans had deviated from their originally route. So much had changed since the first day he stepped foot in that University, and sometimes he wondered if that was for better or for worse. When he left his small town to go to the City, he had his loving boyfriend by his side, and a strong acceptance into the Law School at a Red Brick University. They had their own flat together, and even Levi had been accepted to study on the English literature course. His friends were all content with their life goals and plans, and there was even marriage on the cards for Nanaba and Mike who were more in love than ever.

But all good things must come to an end, and the downwards spiral began. Erwin had always heard rumours about people struggling at University, relationships not holding out, and courses placing so much pressure on you it was hard to cope. What he hadn’t expected, however, was for all that to happen to him. He really began to struggle with the level of study which he was expected to undertake, finding himself craving the fun side of University life instead of the academics.

Erwin joined numerous societies, eager to go to their drinking events rather than reading up on cases. He attended their meetings daily after lectures, went out most nights to get drunk and let loose a little, to relieve the stress that was on his shoulders. But the whole time, he didn’t quite realise how far he was pushing Levi away, or how little time he was spending with the man he loved. He didn’t see how much Levi hated University, because he didn’t come home for long.

And that was Erwin’s first mistake; Levi was struggling, more than Erwin, and he definitely wasn’t the kind of man to admit that to anyone. Within the first few weeks, Levi was sure that University wasn’t for him: as much as he wanted to do it for Farlan, it became evident how different they were from each other in regard to studying. But Levi didn’t want to tell Erwin this, he didn’t want to let him down. Erwin had almost sacrificed his most important year of High School to ensure Levi got a place alongside him, and Levi didn’t want him to think he was ungrateful.

So he struggled in silence.

He went to some lectures and seminars, though not all. And those he did go to, he found the course far too tiring, too rigorous. He barely understood the texts he was expected to read, not that he was even a good reader at that: it was Farlan that always read to himself and Isabel. In terms of writing, he was okay he supposed, but it became clear that the only reason he did so well in his final exams was down to the sheer amount of dedication his friends provided into his revision. Without their knowledge and him simply recalling things they said, he wouldn’t have known a thing about any of his subjects and would not have got into College.

It wasn’t too long until Levi simply stopped going to classes, sitting around at home all day, hoping that Erwin would come home instead of being out all the time. And at this point, Levi wasn’t aware that his own boyfriend was also finding the level of study difficult, opting to enjoy the finer things that University life had to offer instead. But that would lead onto more terrible life choices in the end, which was bound to happen.

The second mistake that University brought to Erwin’s life was his new and developing friendship group. A large selection of men who were all upper class, traditional students, who enjoyed nothing more than getting drunk and high, encouraging party-like behaviour to get him through the degree. They were the kind of people who had rich daddies who would simply pay their way out of trouble, getting whatever, they wanted from life, and Erwin found himself sucked into that despite his family was not like that at all.

At first, Erwin simply accepted the shot of whisky, the heavy cocktails, the posh wines. But soon, he found his own personality morphing into theirs from spending so much time together. At first, he only smoked pot with them all, a small high that wouldn’t come too strongly upon him, and that was fine. But it quickly developed into more hard drugs occasionally: that was the huge mistake. The day he came back to the flat after snorting cocaine was the day that he knew he’d blown things with Levi, he’d never seen anger fuel someone so intently, so greatly. It was clear that Levi felt betrayed.

The third mistake was their big fall out: the unending argument that the couple had. The second Erwin returned home, Levi knew what he’d been doing, and he snapped. He started yelling about how drugs had ruined his entire life, talking about his mother, his best friends, his uncle. The sights he’d endured through High School. He yelled at Erwin, saying he was selfish and spoilt, the kind of rich boy that would never understand the severity of drug-use, occasionally or not.

That night, Erwin followed Levi around the flat as he grabbed a duffel bag and filled it with a few pieces of clothing, the couple of pictures he had left with his best friends, and his toiletries. Erwin didn’t say a thing, simply watching the man yell and walk around the flat, getting his things together. He didn’t say anything as Levi stormed from the flat, slamming the door behind him, and posting their house key through the letterbox. The second that Levi left, Erwin collapsed onto the sofa and cried. He realised at that point he’d messed everything up and would disconnect with his new friendship group from that point onward.

He planned his apology out to Levi, explaining how hard he was finding the course, that he didn’t think about anything when he was doing the drugs with his friends, that he hardly had used. He guessed that Levi would return home within a few days, maybe a week after having some space. Erwin guessed that Levi would’ve gone back home on the train to Mike’s house for a bit: but after a week and a half of no contact whatsoever, Erwin began to panic. 

The blonde man started by checking around all his friends from High School; Hange, Mike, Nanaba – but no one had heard from the man at all. He ventured to the English department to see when he last came to lectures, only to discover that no one there had seen Levi in months, that they thought he’d dropped off the course. A deep-set panic set into the pit of Erwin’s stomach then, utterly confused as to where Levi had gone and who he was with, as there was no one he spoke to outside the people which Erwin knew as well.

That same day, he filed a missing person’s report with the police, deciding that was the only way to find his boyfriend again. The police investigated, searching CCTV in train stations, interviewing friends that Levi could’ve stayed with, and after a fortnight investigation there were no leads. They promised to keep looking, but Erwin knew at that point that he’d lost the boy forever. He swore to himself to never give up on Levi, spending free time hunting out where he could be, but at the same time Erwin knew he had to get his life back together. He had to finish his degree, no matter how much of a nightmare he was living in.

So, he did just that. He properly threw himself into Law once again, barely allowing himself time to rest. He needed to catch up on everything he missed, learn the things he hadn’t put attention into. He stopped attending any societies, he didn’t see his friends anymore, and all his time was spent in the library doing as much work as he could. Erwin managed to pass all his exams with flying colours, accepted onto his masters-level course before he’d even finished his undergraduate degree.

And when he finished Law and graduated, all his friends and family came along to the ceremony. Their photos were taken together as he wore his gown, they enjoyed a celebratory meal out that evening, before going out for drinks in the city to celebrate the man they loved to much. And Erwin did feel loved in that moment, most likely the happiest he’d felt in those two years without Levi by his side.

However, he couldn’t stop that emptiness that settled inside: as though there was always a part of him missing, almost feeling guilty celebrating without Levi beside him. And he still felt that pang of emptiness now, as Marie stretched over him in their shared bed, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek to try and bring his thoughts back to the present. He forced himself into her love, and he did love her, but no one could ever fulfil the hole left by a first love. By Levi.

“Wake up, sleepy.” Marie giggled beside him, “I have a busy birthday day planned for us both, and that involves getting up and ready.”

“Mmm,” Erwin groaned, reaching up to rub the sleep from his eyes. “What time is it?”

“It’s not too early,” she replied, “Around nine, plenty of time for breakfasts and showers before we need to go. Now come on!” She jokingly pushed the man beside her, pulling on his arm to try and get him to sit up from the bed. But he wasn’t budging, not until he knew what devilish ideas, she had up her sleeve.

“And what is the plan? Since it is my birthday, I feel like I should definitely have a say.” He smiled, wrapping an arm around her to pull her slim body flush against his own, wrapping them both under the covers again. She stretched an arm over his broad chest, returning the hold.

“Well,” Marie began, “I was thinking get up early and have pancakes, before getting dressed and heading into town to get you a birthday present to wear tonight. I’ve found this really cool new bar for lunch in the centre, it’s a bit hipster with plants everywhere and fancy cocktails, but it looks nice! It would be cute to find a new place to make traditions with you. Then we can just play the rest of the day by ear.”

Erwin smiled, “Sounds lovely, Marie. Looks like we better get up and start getting ready then, I’m starving, and pancakes will fill the hole just perfectly.”

She leaned up to kiss him gently, “Happy birthday, Erwin. I love you.”

He looked back at the girls glistening eyes, trying to fall into them deeply as he once would’ve. But his mind was filled with that face he saw in his dreams, reminiscing on his last birthday shared with Levi, where he caught the man baking a cake in their kitchen at six in the morning, dreading what time he must’ve got up to set his alarm for. Erwin couldn’t help but smile at the memory of Levi in his pyjamas, covered in cake batter, struggling to follow the recipe since he was never taught how to cook. They ended up just eating the raw mixture instead, but it was still once of his favourite birthday cakes he’d ever had.

He sighed internally, not letting his true feelings shine through. “I love you too, Marie. Today’s going to be lovely.”

* * *

Not caring about the repercussions, Levi marched right onto the mattress and woke the man sleeping before him without a care; he was an older man named Petyr, of who wasn’t best pleased at the relentless begging of his housemate beside him. Levi was practically shaking in need, whimpering as he spoke of his need, about how desperate he was to get high. It was the new Levi that Petyr had met, never expecting him to become so reliant on something so expensive.

See, when Petyr met Levi originally, he was a completely different person. A young ex-student living in a homeless shelter, who was brave, strong, powerful. He was determined with an air of brokenness about him; the kind of soul that Petyr always had a desire to fix in his own twisted ways. Back then, though, Levi wasn’t even called Levi, instead going under the name of Josef Winter in a plea to remove himself from his past, to reinvent his life. Even at this point, however, Petyr was still yet to learn Levi’s true surname.

From that point onwards, Petyr took Levi under his wing. He found the man incredibly attractive, could sense his neediness to be loved, to be wanted. And because of the attention of which the older man was giving Levi, the latter found himself falling into the web of deceit. He didn’t exactly find Petyr attractive from the get-go; he was a forty-year-old man, who was scrawny and covered in tattoos with a face that looked as though he hadn’t shaved in too many weeks, yet not enough facial hair present to call it a beard. His eyes were dark, circled with evidence of lack of sleep, and his sleek, greasy, black and grey hair was scraped back. However, with the affection that he was giving Levi, in his weak and abandoned state, he couldn’t help but give into it. Especially when sex rewarded him with rooms to sleep in for the night, or the most basic of human necessities such as food or a shower.

The couple grew more accustomed to one another, gaining a deeper understanding into their pasts, and so they started to work together to save up for a new life for themselves. Whilst Petyr wasn’t technically homeless, he was repeatedly kicked out from the place where he resided, and thus eventually ended up wasting all his money on drink and drugs, leading him to a life beside Levi in the shelter a few months after meeting him, and so they planned an escape.

Levi had no student loan left at this point, the final instalment he’d get was coming through at the end of the year, and he couldn’t wait for that long, especially once Petyr had blown all his savings. So, the younger of the two took a job at a local bar and restaurant, serving drinks through the night, and delivering food through the day. Petyr found himself wrapped into the drug industry, dealing alongside a friend he’d made; although he ensured he kept that part of his life a secret from Levi after hearings the others past, not wanting to scare him off.

Quickly enough, they had enough money between themselves to put the deposit down on a rented studio flat in the city centre, albeit, not in the nicest of areas. And that put the couple behind closed doors: the place where Petyr wanted Levi all along, to himself, hidden out of sight. And now they were out of the homeless shelter, they celebrated.

It was the first night in such a long time that Levi finally let himself loose. He drank to inhumane levels, smoked cigarette after cigarette, he laughed and danced before collapsing onto the camping chairs they’d found in a dump, finally opening up to Petyr properly. He told the man his true name, and how he really ended up stuck in that homeless shelter, the fact that he was covering his true identity under the name of an ex, due to the fear that Erwin would come looking for him. He was ashamed of what he’d said in their fight, embarrassed at the person he’d become whilst at university, and he wanted to forget all that. He wanted to evolve into this imaginary Josef that he’d created in his mind.

Petyr just listened on silently, watched as Levi broke down, the alcohol in his hands slipping onto the floor with a crash. But he didn’t do anything; too angry about the fact that Levi was running from an ex, furious that Josef wasn’t his true name, that it was his ex’s name. Petyr was possessive; he didn’t want Levi’s mind to be plagued with the thoughts of other men that he’d spent time with before, he wanted that man to himself. And so, in Levi’s drunken state, the man drifted off to sleep: he barely even felt the prick of a needle sinking deep into his veins, forcing its toxic liquid throughout his body.

It was only when it hit that he felt it. And at first, Levi couldn’t hack it. He felt sick, terrible even. He panicked, started lashing out around the flat, furious that such a disgusting thing had entered his body after what he’d been through. He threw the chairs around, fought Petyr aggressively, feeling betrayed at the trust. But soon enough, the anger subsided, and euphoria took over.

Petyr held him close as he fell into a drug induced daze, having such vivid dreams he almost felt he was there. He had memories about his childhood, about his mother, about Farlan and Isabel. Sights that he thought he’d unseen coming back to his memory, finding himself sinking into a life he much preferred to the one he’d found now. He saw himself sitting on the bus stop with his best friends, looking up at the sky and talking about how they’d escape the hell they were in. He saw himself with Erwin, together in bed, fully embracing one another. He saw them laughing together on their dates, walking into university for the first time. He felt happy. Happier than he’d felt in months and months, and it was amazing.

That incredible feeling hit a whole time low when he came down from the high, locking himself in the bathroom, in a tub of lukewarm water still fully dressed, trying hard to stop the itching under his skin, through his veins. He couldn’t stop being sick, his heart and head felt heavy with disappointment, and it was in that moment he swore to never touch heroin again. He didn’t even want to see Petyr again after the man had forced him to even do something so disgusting, wanting to hide out in the bathroom forever.

As he left the bathroom that night, seeing Petyr sat on the pile of blankets they’d curated thus far, Levi knew he wanted to get into that dreamlike state again. He knew he wanted the man before him to be Erwin, and the only way he could do that was through an illegal escape. Petyr understood without a need for words, forcing the thick needle into himself crookedly, before poking it into the other. As the high took over, they found their limbs entwined, embracing contact with one another throughout – although Levi wasn’t seeing Petyr, he was seeing Erwin.

And soon enough, he became hooked.

Petyr would often buy it for them both to share instead, but on some occasions, there was only enough for one of them to fully enjoy the high. It was then that Levi started stealing, eager to use the drugs to enjoy his dreams. He snuck into Petyr’s jacket pocket whilst he was in the bath one day and allowed himself to enjoy the drug. His hallucinations of Erwin that particular time were so strong and so powerful, he almost felt as though they were beside one another, that they were touching. At least he could enjoy Erwin in this way if the man hated him so much in real life, it was the perfect escape.

Despite how promising the high was, it was that first time that he stole drugs that Levi learnt the real truth about the man he was living with, the man who was claiming that Levi was his boyfriend. The first hit from Petyr wasn’t brutal, nowhere near as harsh as the fights Levi had endured throughout his life, but it _hurt_. It hurt in far more ways than one. And it was that memory that caused Levi to twitch when Petyr finally spoke, awaking from his slumber.

“Fucks sake, Levi!” Petyr yelled, sitting up angrily and looking at the man pleading before him, “What the fuck do you want?! It’s six in the bloody morning!”

“Petyr, it’s today. I need some shit now, please. I don’t know who I could phone but you can always find someone, please, _please_sort me out.” Levi uncharacteristically begged, trying hard to not let the neediness of his request come through in his tone, although it was virtually impossible to stop it.

“You’re joking!? At this time?!” He growled, “And how the hell do you expect me to pay for it?!”

Levi looked down, thinking. “I’ll work! I’ll go back to work today. Please, just, help me on this one. It’s just this once. Next time I’ll sort myself out, I swear. I just don’t wanna be feeling this shit today.”

Peter scowled, “_Fine_. But you fucking owe me, Levi. I mean it.”

Wordlessly, Levi watched the man before him crawl from the side of the mattress onto the floor, reaching for his phone as he did so. Reluctantly, he began to scroll through the screen and Levi watched as the telephone was brought to his ear, hearing the thanking words of a deal being made.

* * *

After waking Petyr and begging him to sort him out, Levi knew that he couldn’t avoid work today. He owed the man money, and he also wanted to get out of the house before his partner properly snapped. Therefore, he forced himself out of his melancholic daze and headed back to the bathroom, showering quickly, before dressing in whatever clothes he could find on the floor. He brushed his teeth until the taste of alcohol had dispersed, before leaving the house early, making an extra effort to go over to Petyr and give him a kiss, thanking him for sorting it out.

Mercifully, that seemed to put Petyr in a good mood. It was rare that Levi would be the one to show affection first, and when he did, the older man was always content. He promised to bring Levi the drugs during his lunchbreak, agreeing to meet in the toilets at two in the afternoon so they could enjoy it together instead. Even though Levi knew it was risky and he’d probably get sacked, there was no way he’d argue against his partner today; not after he’d definitely pissed him off earlier.

Reluctantly, the man left the flat and began to walk to work, calling at a local bakery to buy a small pasty with the small coins he’d found in his jacket pocket, just enough for breakfast. Gratefully, he carried the food wrapped in a paper bag to a bench and took a seat, eating the hot pastry slowly in an attempt to stop that sickening feeling that was still inside.

By this point, Levi wasn’t sure whether he was feeling sick from the night before, however, or from the date of the day. His mind couldn’t stop floating to Erwin Smith and the birthdays they’d shared together, to the one where Levi decorated the entire bedroom with banners and balloons, his small presents piled up in place of where Levi would’ve slept. Or the time it was Levi’s birthday and Christmas, so Erwin dressed as a sexy Santa to deliver his presents in the morning; although just seeing the man in that outfit was enough of a gift to Levi, and it was safe to say he made the most of Erwin like that (notably after removing the false beard).

He finished the pasty quickly then, eager to change his thought process. There was no way he’d made it to two if his mind was so full of his past, and so tried to distract himself by looking at his phone. Thankfully, distraction came in the blessing of his friend Petra who was asking if he was coming into work today, concerned that if he missed too many more days, he might lose his job. He responded saying he was coming in, and he’d be there in twenty.

As Levi looked through his other messages, one from Petyr just came through: an expectation of what he wanted from Levi since he’d sorted out his drugs that morning, and it wasn’t something that Levi could find himself looking forward to. Being fucked by that man made his stomach turn, never enjoying himself in the ways he had before. But he knew he had to, otherwise he’d be back on the streets without anything to live for anymore, struggling once again. At least he didn’t have to do it before work, he thought: the old man was usually rough and violent, and Levi couldn’t cover up any sex marks that quickly, nor could he hide his annoyance for the entire shift as well, undoubtedly feeling uncomfortable.

Although, he did have to admit, by this point in his life, Levi really didn’t care much for his appearance. He knew what he looked like; his frail frame, his gaunt cheeks, his heavy-set eyes. There was no hiding what he got up to in his free time; whenever he left the house, those judging eyes would follow him everywhere. It was obvious what people thought about him. So, really, a few extra marks on his body really wouldn’t make much of a difference, people would still think the same things.

Sighing, he looked at the time before realising he’d be late if he didn’t properly walk there soon, spending far too much time disassociating on the bench, trying to become someone else. He screwed the paper bag up and threw it on the bench at the side of him, before standing up and venturing into the centre to get to work. 

On his journey, Levi made sure to go down the more popular streets where shoppers would be mulling about, always conscious of the kind of people he’d find in the back streets at this time. He owed a lot of people a lot of money; even more so when a few of them caught wind of who’s nephew he was, no thanks to Petyr saying his true name a few times instead of his cover up. Quick enough, it was like before with Starr: people who barely knew him chasing after him, looking for him, simply due to the shit his uncle committed. But Levi had come to accept that now; that was inevitably the life he would be destined to forever.

With a deep breath, he pushed open the door to his work place, cringing as he did every time at the sheer pretentiousness of the place. But, as he scanned the room, he noticed it was dead. Much to his relief.

There were virtually no customers, bar from a few people enjoying breakfasts or brunch meetings on the tables. There was one waitress on shift who Levi hadn’t learned the name of yet, despite how long she’d been there. He found it hard these days to talk to people he didn’t know at all, even worse than when he was in school. Concentration proved more difficult than when he was younger, and if the person wasn’t interesting within a few sentences, Levi didn’t care. Small talk was not his forte.

His gaze drifted towards the bar where he usually worked, noticing his best friend stood cleaning glasses with a beaming smile on her face upon seeing Levi. Petra had become close to Levi pretty quickly, as he found himself warming to her. Her mannerisms, speech, and her cuteness reminded him immensely of Isabel and so he felt the need to be there for her, to look out for her, and so they became friends quick enough. She was the only tolerable person in that entire establishment, who whole-heartedly agreed on how horrendous the decorating was, and that if it was only a little different, the customers would be so much nicer.

Petra was the first-person Levi told the truth about his real name to, including most of the distressing aspects of his past. He did it because he was always anxious about who walked in the door, and she always found him twitching whenever the back of a blonde head came into view. He knew how weird it was, and she was there as he told her about Erwin, about their fight, about his uncle and his friends. She was kind and understanding throughout their entire conversation, and from that point onward, they had each other’s backs at work. Always.

The longer he worked there, the more Petra learnt about her new friend. The hardest discovery was the day she found Levi curled up in the stockroom, rocking into himself slowly, scratching at his forearms so firmly small speckles of blood were peeking through. She sat beside him and calmed him down, talked to him with distracting topics, before he told her about Petyr and what he’d done to Levi, about the abuse he went through daily at home. He told her about the drugs and how he needed them to get rid of his negative thoughts, and she was kind and understanding.

It was that day that Levi swore he was done with drugs, that he was going to find a way to get out of his relationship with Petyr and find himself again. Petra offered him a place to stay, a room to live in, and Levi was so close to going through with it. But just sobering up and thinking about his life with Erwin caused Levi to spiral again, and he found himself back on the needle within a week. Not that he told Petra this; she thinks he’s been off drugs for ages now. She’s certain he’s just waiting for the right time to leave Petyr and move in with her.

She waved as Levi approached her, heading to the back of the bar to get into the staff room. He simply returned a small hello with a polite nod, before opening the door to the employee’s small retreat. His coat and bag were placed in his locker, as the key turned to ensure it was shut away. He took his pinny from the wall rack, shoving his phone into the front pocket, before making his way to the bar area just on time to start his shift. Not that it would’ve mattered today anyway, his boss wasn’t even here.

“Hey Levi.” Petra smiled at him, as he took his place beside her, beginning to clean glasses with her. “You alright?”

“Yeah. You?” He spoke back, his words tired. Today had already felt exhausting and it had barely even begun. He tried hard to focus on how he looked, not wanting to show how shit he felt.

“Yeah!” she smiled, kindly, “Today’s been pretty quiet so far. All the managers phoned in sick, weirdly, so it’s just us three here until later. I hope it stays quiet, I can’t be bothered working today.” She placed a glass back on the bar and picked up another, beginning to polish it.

Levi nodded in agreement, ready to say something just as an older gentleman took a seat at the bar, looking over to the pair expectantly. Levi stood up from where he was leaning against the back of the bar, asking the man what he wanted. As the drink order was received, Levi took the glass he was polishing to the beer tap, letting it run for a moment before putting the pint underneath, watching the brown liquid hit the base.

He knew he was zoning out, and he could feel Petra’s curious eyes following him around as he served the drink, turning the tap off and putting the pint before the customer. He took it with a nod, asking to add it to his tab since he was having a business meeting. It was only when Levi took refuge against the wall of the bar that Petra’s curious eyes decided to speak, asking him the questions burning inside.

She frowned, “Levi, you’re shaking.” A small hand tried to reach over and place over Levi’s, but he snatched it back quickly, grabbing a glass to continue polishing. “What’s happened, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Levi grumbled, slamming the glass on the side and grabbing another one. He thought today wouldn’t be bad if it was Petra and him on shift, but now it seemed like it was going to be unbearable. If she was going to be the concerned friend all day, he’d just go home. His eyes wandered to the clock, still over four hours until Petyr could get here. He felt himself sigh.

“Levi, what’s happened? You’re shaking, you smell like shit, and you’re twitchy as hell. Please tell me what’s going on. I’m seriously not going to judge, alright? I just want to know you’re okay.”

“Look,” He snapped, “There’s literally nothing to tell. Nothing’s changed. I’m just waiting for Petyr to bring me my lunch ‘cos I’m fucking hungry.”

“You expect me to believe you’re hungry when you’ve just got here?” She sighed loudly, “I thought you said you didn’t use _drugs_anymore. I thought you were off work because you were genuinely sick.” She shook her head, “Look. What can I do to help until he gets here? You can’t be serving people their drinks shaking like you are, you really don’t look well. At all.”

He sighed, bringing a hand to the bridge of his nose, abandoning the cleaning job he was doing. “Sorry. I don’t know. Look, I’m fine just let me be. He won’t be too long, he’s coming on my lunch at two. I just need to keep distracted and busy. I just need today to be an easy day, alright?”

Petra smiled sadly, “Okay. But if there is anything that will help, even if it’s drink, I won’t say anything about it. You do what you have to do, and I’ll be there to help.”

He looked at her weakly, feeling overwhelmed by her utter kindness that he never experienced anymore, not since the Smith family left his life for good. “Thanks, Petra.” He mumbled, just as the front doors opened again, revealing a very over-the-top-dressed lady. Levi tried not to roll his eyes at Petra as he felt her giggle slightly, but his gaze was snatched away from his friend at the sight of the person trailing in behind her, holding her hand tightly. It was only when he focussed properly that he knew who she was: Marie.

And the man in her grasp was the one person he never thought he’d see again. The person who he still loved and would always love.

Erwin fucking Smith.


	2. Chapter Two

The second that Erwin locked eyes with Levi, he froze. He could barely believe that the man he’d longed after for all these years was simply before him, living in the same city, working in the same city. _All this time_. His mind could not comprehend how they hadn’t crossed paths. This was an area that Erwin and his friends frequented often, yet he’d never seen Levi working the bar – he would certainly have remembered if that was the case.

And now, after years of waiting, he could see that familiar and comforting face before him. And Erwin had played this scene out in his mind many-a-time; his plan was always how he’d apologise, project his love onto the man, and try and fix everything from their big fight that day. But he thought of this plan many moons ago, and since then so much had changed. He’d bought a house, he’d moved in with his girlfriend, he had a very promising career ahead of him. His life was busy constantly, with no room for a Levi anymore. Not in the way that they once were. And as much as he held a place in his heart for Levi, he couldn’t just leave Marie out of the blue: not after everything they’d been through together.

He loved Marie now; she’d helped him more than he could ever admit. She was funny, kind, and understanding. She provided support when he needed it, was there after those incredibly difficult cases he’d lost, was there to celebrate his wins. She was by his side through his best friend’s wedding, drove him to Hange when they were struggling with making friends on their course. Marie was Erwin’s utter support mechanism, and there’s no way he could abandon her now.

But Levi was before him, and all his inhibitions flew out of the window. He couldn’t deny it; he _loved_this man with every fibre of his being. The idea of a confession of that made his heart swell, apologising gave him promise for the future, even an ability to move on together. He couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander to how it once felt to hold that man in his arms and embrace him; how making love felt, kissing each other once they finished studying, dealing with shootings and drug dealers and family deaths. Levi had brought Erwin into a new world, and Erwin was eager to bring Levi back into his.

But as soon as those silver eyes locked onto his own, Erwin crumbled.

They brought reality back like a shock wave to him, and he understood that he could never be with Levi now, not with the way his life was today. It was a perfect little life, and he’d only made it that way because Levi had left him, because he finally could give up those hours and nights spent searching for the man he loved. And he never stopped searching, he just learnt how to put himself first for the first time in his life. But as successful as his life was, right now, he’d do anything to go back.

Erwin couldn’t help but wishing he was in High School once again, even in that last year that caused so much heart-ache and pain. He’d rather go through getting shot again, finding two dead bodies sprawled in a stinking flat, sat in that ambulance listening to Levi’s painful life-story, than to be here looking ahead at a stranger. And just imaging the scene that could play out – Levi jumping onto the bar, crawling into Erwin’s lap, embracing in such a tight hold. It had his heart pumping quickly, the blood heating up his body with such ferocity that beads of sweat pooled by his brow.

But then the argument came into vision; standing there, watching the man he loved packing up all his belongings, shouting with so much passion and sadness that Erwin was unable to handle the situation. The horrid words that Levi had called him, the threats that he’d never come back. Yet Erwin managed to say nothing to the man who was breaking in front of him – simply let him walk out that front door. Despite everything that Levi had suffered just the year before, Erwin had just assumed that he was doing okay again.

He never realised that the chance of checking on Levi’s mental health would never come up again after that argument. He always expected Levi to come home.

And Erwin remembered how little he did check up on Levi after that point, fuelling his regret. It was always the smaller of the pair who brought it up, and at first, Levi seemed to be okay talking about Kenny those few conversations they had in the second term of first year; even after their visit home that Christmas, Levi went to Kenny’s grave and told him about college. But as University progressed, Levi grew quieter.

And the more these thoughts played out in Erwin’s mind, the more he regretted not talking to Levi, not making sure he was doing okay at University. After all, it was Erwin who had applied for a position for his boyfriend, not the other way around. What if Levi only went because he felt obliged to? What if he was having a miserable time, in the same way Erwin was, yet neither of them talked about it and as such burned their relationship down? Erwin had his escape routes: friends, drink, drugs. What did Levi have? The more Erwin thought about it, the more he realised that Levi hadn’t even made one friend at University.

Erwin shook his head. He was selfish; too wrapped up in his own University bubble, moaning about his course even though if he simply put more work in, he’d have been fine, to notice his boyfriend slipping through his fingers, growing more reserved each day. And now that man he failed was before him, eagerly awaiting their approach to the bar, clearly clocking through what to do about the whole situation.

And despite all that; despite their past, their disagreements, their failures. And despite the trepidation he felt about approaching Levi, Erwin simply couldn’t stop that swell of excitement in his heart that he’d first felt walking in, the nervous feeling at the pit of his stomach.

With just one look at one another, Erwin almost forgot their entire past, and his entire future. He forgot about his girlfriend beside him, the harsh words which were exchanged, the fact that Levi had ignored the missing person pleas all this time. All Erwin could focus on was his desire to run to that bar and wrap that man up in his arms, holding on so tight that Levi would understand that he’d never let him go again: not this time.

However, such delusions fogged Erwin’s mind in such a way he failed to see Levi’s own reaction to his presence, or how different Levi looked, even this far apart. His stance was different, his hair was dirty, and there was a certain air about him that could be felt as soon as the establishment was entered. But Erwin didn’t see that; instead he just saw the love of his life.

The only thing that managed to bring Erwin from the clouds and back to reality was the grounding touch of his girlfriend; the tight grasp of her hand over his, squeezing softly as she also clocked the man before her. He tried to clear his thoughts: of course, it was his _girlfriend _holding his hand. The girl who lived with him, slept with him, looked out for him. Levi wasn’t his boyfriend anymore, and he had to remember that.

Erwin looked over at her nervously, awaiting her request to leave the bar, to go somewhere else. Whilst Erwin hadn’t told her everything about their relationship, she obviously knew the two dated and had broken up in an unpleasant way, especially since she had helped Erwin in regard to the missing persons search all that time ago, never questioning when he was still searching for a sighting in social media. She understood how much it would mean to her boyfriend to see the man before her, despite how awkward the conversation between a current partner and a previous one could be. She was there for Erwin, and evidently wanted to help him through this.

He scanned over Marie’s features, looking for any sign of discomfort or unease; an excuse to leave this venue. However, she didn’t seem nervous or phased about Levi at all, instead eager to speak to the man. She had been through a similar journey, and no doubt wanted to check in on Levi after all this time of looking for him. Surprisingly, she began pulling on Erwin’s arm, keen to go and say hello, playfully tugging her boyfriend across the restaurant.

Erwin let his limp body be guided through the empty establishment, of which Marie was making a direct line for Levi who was simply stood, staring at them both. The only way in which one could describe the look on Levi’s face was like a deer in the headlights: his movements paused entirely, the towel he was using the polish cups still hanging on his arm, the glass lopsided in the other hand.

The petite girl beside Levi shuffled closer to him, stepping onto her tiptoes as though to reach the man’s eyeline. Erwin was surprised that someone could possibly be smaller than Levi, always knowing him to be the shortest person he knew: but this girl was even more petite, like a little pixie, with familiar ginger locks that reminded him of a fiery red-head from High School. No wonder Levi wasn’t reacting to someone being so close in his personal space – she looked just like Isabel.

From how it appeared, it was safe to assume that the ginger-girl was whispering something to Levi, trying hard to snap him back into reality from his glazed over expression. But Levi barely noticed she was in front of him, solely observing one man alone with such a piercing gaze that Erwin felt shivers run through his body. Though the look displayed on the barman was one Erwin had come to know intently over the years; Levi was panicking.

Trying to remain calm, as though that would spike a soothing sensation in both himself and Levi, Erwin picked up the pace confidently and led Marie to seats at the bar on the furthest side of the wall, as far away from Levi as they could possibly sit to order drinks. Marie frowned slightly in confusion but was empathetic to the reason why Erwin chose the tightest corner he could. She simply smiled at him, giving his knee a gentle squeeze of support as he took refuge on the bar stool.

Their coats were removed, hung neatly on the back of their chairs, before Erwin thought to look up and try and gage what was going on before him. By this point, Levi had finally diverted his gaze and was looking at the other bartender, speaking frantically in an animated way, hands flying everywhere and eyes wide with shock.

It was evident that the girl knew how to handle the man, though. Calmly, Levi’s friend gave his hand a gentle squeeze, as she turned and began to gather a pen and notepad from the side. Levi raked a hand through his messy hair, breathing in deeply as he did so. The ginger-girl smiled sympathetically at him, before looking up at the sound of the front doors opening.

A new man stepped into the establishment, walking straight over to the young girl with a beaming smile on his face, and very rosy cheeks. Erwin watched the situation unravel, grasping the understanding that it was her who was coming to take their orders, until this man appeared, of whom was aiming directly for the barmaid, not paying any attention to anyone else. There was no way she could avoid serving him, he had such a strong air of determination Erwin could almost taste it in the air.

And suddenly, that panicked feeling flew right back to Erwin. There was no way he and Levi were going to be able to avoid this awkward encounter; with no one else to take drinks, he would undoubtedly have to perform his job role and take their orders. Erwin took in a deep breath to steady himself for the approach that was coming in due course.

The man who appeared tipsy already clumsily took a seat right before Petra, only a few seats away from Marie, before resting his chin in his hand and batting his eyelids in, what Erwin assumed, was meant to be a flirtatious way. Petra kindly smiled at him before preparing her notebook a pen to take an order, leaning over the bar herself so their faces were closer together. Even from here Erwin could smell the alcohol, so he could only imagine how intoxicating it would be for her being so close.

“Drinking already are we, Oluo?” She teased, tucking a strand of her thick locks behind her ear. Erwin watched on, noticing how Levi still hadn’t moved from his position behind the bar, his eyes staring protectively at his friend.

“It’s one of those days, Petra, honey. Would you get me a gin and tonic, if you please?” He growled out, his voice hoarse from the alcohol that was clearly in his system. Levi stepped forward beside Petra to, presumably, check she was okay, and ensure that the man was sober enough to drink. Under the bar, Levi simply gestured one finger, meaning that’s all they would serve him, and his friend smiled back with understanding.

It was at that point that Levi took a deep sigh, preparing himself for what was to come. Petra looked at him as she poured the gin with a sympathetic and apologetic smile, before Levi turned away from her to complete his job. As he began to walk over to them, Erwin felt his heart rate increase rapidly: his sweaty hand pulled from Marie’s grasp to wipe against the thighs of his trousers, fidgeting as he tried to loosen his tie from his neck, suddenly becoming far too hot.

Marie, however, remained calm and collected. She didn’t pay attention to Erwin so as not to draw attention to the uncomfortable aura that he was giving out. Instead, she beamed up at the man before her, ready to start the questions floating around her mind.

But before either Erwin or Marie could speak, Levi began the conversation.

“What do you want?” He snapped, as though he wasn’t interested at all.

Erwin felt utterly taken aback, his eyes widening in surprise, expecting something more from a man he was in love with, rather than to be treated just as any other customer. Though he tried hard not to be perturbed, assuming that Levi was just on edge about their appearance at his work place, the uncovering of where he’d evidently been hiding all this time. But a warmer greeting after such a long time apart would’ve been taken gratefully. Nonetheless, Erwin didn’t want to make the man uncomfortable also, and instead just took a moment to bask in the fact that Levi was safe and stood before him.

He took his time to look over Levi, admiring him in the way he always did before. His petite nose, his high cut cheekbones, his black, flopping hair. He almost looked the same, the way that Erwin had imagined him in his dreams for all those years apart. And looking at him now, there was nothing more that Erwin wanted to do than kiss him, embrace him. Fantasies ran about his mind as he looked on at Levi, but they were quickly dissolved.

As he looked a little more intently, Erwin found his brows furrowing. There was something different about him, something had changed in Levi since the last time they spoke. And such changes spiked concern in Erwin, as it wasn’t for the better. They weren’t simply little things like looking slightly older or having a new piercing; these were dramatic changes that would only occur after continued self-medication.

His eyes were the first thing he noticed: despite the usual darkness of the grey, somehow, they always held an endearing sparkle. But not today, the grey was dull like a rainy sky, and the pupils took over almost all the grey that was visible. They looked almost dilated, even. Erwin scowled, scanning over the rest of Levi quickly: his unusually pale skin, the gauntness of his cheeks, his eye sockets almost hollowed out. He looked weak, shaking subtly before the two of them, his teeth grinding so tightly it was as though he was trying to control those shivers. And Erwin was sure it wasn’t because he was cold; the thick hoodie sleeves were pulled over his hands, and the heating was on full in the building.

Concern laced through Erwin’s mind, as he prepared the best way to question what he assumed Levi was going through, before Marie chipped into the conversation, ignoring what Levi had asked directly. “Levi! It’s been so long, what have you been up to these days? You look so different, though I can see your height hasn’t changed at all.”

“Marie.” Erwin snapped, offended on behalf of Levi. Though she didn’t seem phased, giggling slightly at her own joke.

“Who’s Levi?” The man at the bar responded, his voice shaking slightly, but his face cold and stern. “Think you’ve got the wrong guy. Now, can I take your orders?”

Erwin’s frown deepened, feeling utterly puzzled. He’d know that face if he saw it anyway, that frame, that hair, even that voice. This had been the man he’d been searching for, for years now, and it was obvious to him that Levi was lying. But why, and what was Levi trying to cover up? The worry simply grew in his mind, as he listened to Marie trying to pry the truth out of the man they both knew.

“Don’t play with us, Levi! You, of all people, should know its Erwin’s birthday today! And we came to celebrate. When did you start working here? I never took you as a barman!” Marie sang, her voice pleasant and uplifting, not that it was helping either of the men’s moods.

“I said you’ve got the wrong person.” Levi snapped, angrily, ignoring the fact she’d announced the birthday at all. “I’ll give you both five more minutes before I take your order.”

“Wait, please.” Erwin spoke, but the man had already turned away from the couple, not wanting to participate in their conversation any longer. He headed straight over to his friend at the other bit of the bar, grabbing her sleeve with urgency as Levi shakenly whispered things to her, turning his back to the room before him. She nodded along understandably, before Levi passed something over to her.

* * *

There was no other way to explain what Levi was feeling other than utter panic.

The second he saw that beautiful blonde man with his gorgeous azure eyes, he panicked. He’d dreamt up this situation for years now, always planning out what he’d say in advance, eager to apologise for the harsh words he yelled at Erwin that day, for disappearing completely for such a long length of time, for never announcing his safety despite seeing the missing posters about town. Just witnessing the man he loved before him again made Levi regret all the decisions that he’d made in the past few years; meeting Petyr, getting hooked on drugs, not doing anything progressive with his life. He’d waited such a long time to be able to apologise for his wrongdoings and terrible decision. But now the opportunity was here, and Erwin was in front of him, all plans, apologies, and explanations flew from his mind.

He had no idea what he was meant to do or say, retreating into the character he’d made for himself, to avoid real-life situations. He reminded himself of the story he’d told himself, Petra, and Petyr: that he wasn’t Levi Ackerman, and his real name was now Josef Winter. He just needed to let Petra know to call him Josef for the day, and he needed to get out of serving the couple. That was his first and foremost priority; if he didn’t serve them, then they had no reason to talk to him and question Levi about where he’d been.

As he went over to Petra, it was clear that she knew who the unwanted guest was within a minute, not needing an explanation whatsoever. Levi had described Erwin so many times that she could see his face without even stalking over social media: she knew Erwin so well that the man coming in felt like visiting an old friend. And Levi was thankful for that: a warning in advance, so she would understand his worry instantly.

“Fuck, _fuck_.” Levi shouted in a hushed tone, “Fuck. I can’t believe he’s here. Of all days, he’s come here. Jesus Christ, I knew I should’ve phoned sick today, I _knew _it.”

“Hey, come on now,” Petra spoke, stern and kind. She’d seen her best friend panic when coming down from a high enough times to understand how to handle it. “It’s okay, Josef. Why don’t you go and finish doing the stock in the back for now, and I’ll serve customers up front. See if you can get Petyr to come to you quicker, if needs be.”

“Right, yeah. I’ll go to the back.” Levi nodded firmly, trying harder now to control his shivering body.

She smiled kindly at Levi, ready to make him escape into the back. And he was about to go until the front door sounded once again, followed by the very familiar sing-song of a drunken man, the face beaming in front of them both: Oluo. The man who came in every other day, chasing after Petra’s heart, flirting with her for hours on end. He ordered such heavy spirits they’d often had to call him a taxi home, carrying the man to the backseat and paying in advance for damages from being sick. 

But no matter how annoying he appeared, and how much of an inconvenience he was, Petra had a soft spot for him and his quirky ways.

It was just that, when he got absurdly drunk, which was most days, he’d recite love sonnets to Petra, asking her out on dates. And she _would _accept the offer, if only he’d ask her sober. They’d been here over a year and were still waiting for the day he’d pluck up the courage to ask her on a normal day, rather than when he was plastered. And judging by the way he was acting today, there was no chance that she’d get her wish granted yet.

And there was no chance that Levi would get his wish granted, either.

Just the appearance of the man indicated that Petra would be swept away for a while; attempting to end that conversation would end with a very unhappy drunk man, who most likely would either cry the bar shut or kick off. Both of which would just make the entire situation worse. Instantly, the two fell into a comfortable flirtatious conversation which Levi was so used to seeing unfold. Petra leaning on the bar, twirling her locks around her fingers. Oluo trying to imitate Levi’s voice, because apparently it always sounded so husky and he thought that was cool.

Trying not to roll his eyes at what he was hearing, Levi scanned around for a sign of even a waitress who could simply clock him out for five minutes, but as the building was so quiet, there was no one else who could help.

Levi knew he had to bite the bullet and ignore the anxiety building inside him; he had to face the man he never wanted to see again in real-life. With a deep breath to ground himself, Levi turned and headed to the customers at the end of the bar, trying hard to make himself look as though he was doing well in life; basically, trying to look like anything but what he was feeling now.

He kept his stance as still as he could, biting his teeth harshly together to stop the shaking sensation flowing through his body. His sleeves were pulled as far as they could go, and he focussed his gaze on Marie, in an attempt to keep his eyes from wandering and his voice smooth; just one look at Erwin would have him wobbling. But when he first spoke, the shock of seeing Erwin before him in his peripheral vision took over, and he felt himself tremble at the sight of him.

Up close, Erwin looked incredible, and there was no other way to put it. His figure was primarily the same, though he had gained more muscle as he’d gotten older, as well as having a more confident stance about him. His eyebrows had finally grown into his face properly, his manly features strong and prominent with the faintest bit of stubble surrounding his mouth. His hair was freshly washed, parted, and sleek: pushed into his traditional side parting. And his eyes; they were so blue, practically glistening gems before him. Just sensing him there made Levi’s knees go weak, remembering all the times those eyes looked him over in bed, how Erwin looked at him as though he was the most beautiful human on earth.

But now he’d look at Marie that way. And the more he looked between the couple, he saw how suited they were for one another. The clothing they both wore were obviously designer, easily costing more than three months’ worth of Levi’s rent in his poxy apartment. No doubt they had a luxurious home together, and Erwin would clearly be doing very well in his career by this point. Especially judging how much money he’d clearly earnt, having a wardrobe that extravagant. And for the first time, Levi finally saw how much he didn’t fit into that life-style: he’d never have looked right beside Erwin, failing to finish his degree, working in a shitty bar that only paid minimum wage, not having a successful and rich family. He couldn’t be more opposite, living on the total wrong side of town to understand those people.

And it was that point that Levi knew he didn’t belong in Erwin’s life anymore. He didn’t deserve anyone but Petyr, Kenny had taught him that from a young age. He might have had a good few years of school, but that was all he could have. Now he had to become the person that was always expected of him and live the only way he’d ever known how to survive: crime, theft, drugs.

With a deep breath, Levi absorbed himself into the false persona of Josef Winter, ready to take their orders and do his job, as was expected of him. These were just two people he didn’t know and taking their orders would kill more time for his boyfriend to arrive and fix him up again. He even zoned out completely of what Marie was saying to him, pretending he didn’t know who Levi was, pretending to not know either of them. And it broke him in two when he heard Erwin ask him to wait, but he wanted to get out of there, and he wanted to speak to Petra. He needed an escape plan.

Not caring about anyone’s reaction, he immediately pulled Petra away from her conversation with Oluo, his eyes glaring right at her. “Take my phone, make up an emergency. Say my mum’s calling from hospital and I need to go and see her, or some shit. I can’t be here. I can’t fucking see him.”

Petra took the phone from his hand and nodded, “Of course. I’ll go take their orders and do it straight after, so it looks like you haven’t just asked me to say something.”

He shook his head with relief, “Thank you. So much. I can’t fucking be here right now. _Fuck_.”

Carefully, she raised a hand and placed it gently on Levi’s bicep, giving it a subtle squeeze of encouragement. “You can go home if you need to, at whatever point. This is a lot for anyone to handle, especially considering how you’re feeling today, and I can definitely manage the bar by myself. It’s not exactly busy. Don’t force yourself to stay for me.”

Levi took the words in, wishing more than anything that he was only staying for Petra, and not for the fact he owed Petyr money, or that he had rent and bills to pay. He looked at her sadly, “I’ll be fine when Pete’s here. I just need shit to get me through this.”

Not wanting to hear Petra’s response to that, wordlessly, Levi took off in the opposite direction of Erwin. He began shifting bottles around at the back of the bar, pretending to make a list of alcohol that needed filling up from the stock room. In his peripheral vision, he watched as Petra told Oluo she’d be back with him in five minutes, ready to go and take the orders from Levi’s old acquaintances.

But before he could hear her speaking to Erwin, the voice spoke up, directing him instead. “Josef,” Petra called at him, a slight worry in her voice, and it took a second for him to register that it was him she was calling for, despite him saying the plan less than a minute ago. “Your guy just texted, said he’s on his way.”

“Right.” He replied, relief flushing through his system. Looking at the clock, it was far too early for Petyr to be heading over, but right now it was all he wanted. He needed Petyr, and he needed to get himself out of this shit situation.

* * *

The speed Levi left the bar was inhumane, practically climbing over the tables and running off to the bathrooms, ignoring everyone that watched on with confused looks. It was the perfect excuse to avoid Erwin: if he could just get out of the way for now, he could hide out in one of the stalls and wait for Petyr to come in. The second he’d be high, the second all this would be over with. Or at least he could face it front-on, rather than feeling jittery and overwhelmed.

He did a quick scan around the bathroom to make sure no customers were present, before turning the cold tap on and letting the water run continuously. Carefully, he took his hand under the tap and cupped some water, bringing it to his face and splashing. This entire thing felt like a nightmare; and only now, looking into the mirror before him, did he realise how much worse it truly was.

There was no way that Erwin would find him attractive anymore and seeing himself in that way made him realise there was never a point they’d be able to date again. He looked exhausted, worn out. A shell of the person he used to be; his face ghastly pale, the bags around his eyes were so dark it could be mistaken as eyeliner. He looked worse than Kenny ever did, but that was always to be expected. At least he was following in his family’s footsteps, the same way Erwin was successful, following his family’s too.

It was only when the bathroom door flung open that Levi took his gaze away from the mirror, twitching as the metal handle crashed against the side of the tiled wall. In the entrance stood Petyr, wearing a thick, black pea coat and carrying a backpack that Levi knew contained his escape route.

“Petyr,” Levi breathed out, his voice sounding pathetically high and needy. But right now, that’s exactly how he felt, and there was no denying that fact. There was no need to play it down, either. By this point in their relationship, Levi knew the best ways to get Petyr on his good side and acting totally reliant was one of the more successful ways. Though, judging by the face on his partner, he clearly didn’t appreciate Levi’s submissive voice. “What’s up?”

“I couldn’t find you at the bar, went looking for you and overheard that ginger bitch talking. Petra said something to someone called Erwin. Is that your Erwin, hm? Has he come for you?” Petyr yelled, marching over to Levi and snatching his arm from where it was balancing on the sink, grabbing his wrist forcefully.

Levi frowned, spitting “I didn’t fucking ask him to come here, did I?!”

“I don’t give a shit.” Petyr tugged harder, “You fucking talk to him, and I’ll get you. Both of you. You fucking got it? Make sure he knows you’re mine now. I don’t think he’ll be able to give you what I can, anyway.”

“That’s why I’m hiding in the fucking bathroom!” Levi yelled back, snatching his wrist forcefully from the grasp of his boyfriend, “I don’t wanna talk to him, alright?! I’ve been hiding from him for years. Did you bring me my stuff or what?!”

Petyr growled, reaching out and cupping Levi’s chin in his hand harshly, moving his cheeks in an uncomfortable manner. “Speak to me like that again and you’re on the fucking street. I brought your shit, but you owe me. I want something in return, now.” He thrust Levi’s face away, forcing the latter to take a few steps to regain his balance, considering his weak state. He took a deep breath to level his anger, not wanting this to turn into anything serious. Not when his best friend is outside, not when his ex is here.

Levi tried not to look too repulsed by the suggestion, maintaining a more polite voice to calm the older man, “I’m at work, Petyr. I’m not even on my lunch yet, can’t you wait ‘til then? It’s only a couple hours away.”

“If you don’t do anything with me now, you better be fucking amazing when you get home tonight, yeah? My rules, too.”

“Fine.” Levi replied, wanting nothing more than to just get high and get out of this bathroom. “Did you manage to pick me up some dirt or what?”

“Yeah.” Petyr responded, “I’ve got it prepped for you and everything, so you better be fucking grateful. You want it now or what?”

Levi nodded in response, trying hard to keep calm even more so now he knew his escape was here. He put on a fake smile for Petyr, his own little show of thanks though he couldn’t help but cringe when he thought about how he looked right now. And he knew he had to show how grateful he was, if only to avoid an awful fucking straight after work: but the only language that Petyr knew was lewd, and so Levi played up to that factor, speaking on the same level.

Plucking up some courage and blocking the physical appearance of the man before him from his mind, Levi pounced on Petyr with urgency, wrapping his arms tight around the man’s neck, hooking his face down slightly so their lips could crash together. It was an uncomfortable kiss; his dry lips tight into Petyr’s, who barely gave Levi an opportunity to feel the kiss properly before opening his mouth wide, forcing his tongue into Levi’s, crashing it awkwardly against his teeth. Bodies were pressed firm against one another, as Petyr wrapped a strong arm around Levi’s back, holding him so tightly that Levi could barely move.

The older man guided the two of them backwards into a cubicle without separating their lips, ensuring the lock was twisted on their way. Levi felt his body be pushed up close to the back of the room, his knees awkwardly bending around the basin of the toilet. Playing into the role, his hands climbed up through Petyr’s greasy hair, pulling on the strands in a way he learnt provoked small noises of pleasure.

Levi let the older man’s hands follow up and down his body, the cool skin sneaking under his hoodie, pressing his hands flat against Levi’s stomach. He tried hard not to cringe, convincing himself that he wanted this, that he needed this. If it wasn’t for the man feeling him up in the public toilets of his work, then he’d never be able to get Erwin’s face out of his head, he’d always be reliving his past. Petyr was simply helping him, and Levi was using him to do that.

However, as the man stuck a hand aggressively down the front of Levi’s trousers, the smaller man pulled away. “No, not yet. I want my dirt first.” He spoke, trying to level his voice from how breathless he’d grown, being pushed into the toilet and practically squeezed.

“Fine.” Petyr snapped, though his voice was tamer than before. The kiss and small touch-up evidently helped, Levi thought. The smaller man let his body fully collapse onto the lid of the toilet, taking a seat to prepare for what was to come. He couldn’t help a small bubble to excitement hiccupping out of him.

Levi watched on with wide eyes as Petyr swung his back from his shoulder, rooting around and retrieving a needle that was already topped up with the familiar oozing liquid; thick and brown. To anyone else, it looked scary – disgusting even, the colour enough to put anyone off injecting such a substance into their bodies. However, to Levi, he just saw a getaway: a chance to become someone else, to feel incredible, if only for a short while.

Understanding that Petyr was quickly growing impatient, and feeling his own body’s needs, Levi quickly lifted his arm from the hoodie, ensuring that he could see his veins clearly, courtesy of the tourniquet he’d created earlier, fashioned of an old pair of black tights he’d found abandoned on the street. He looked up at Petyr with the other hand held high, taking the drugs from his so-called boyfriend. And now they were in his hand, nothing else mattered.

And the minute that sharp prick pierced the skin, Levi felt his body relax almost instantly.

Within that moment, he was snapped out of reality, transporting Levi to a realm where he felt content to be himself. A world of imagination, yet so vivid and vibrant he felt as though it was true. Erwin by his side, holding him, kissing him. That warmth touch on his knee from the man he loved with all his heart; no fights were ever to come, there was no past: no Kenny, no Starr, no Josef, and no Petyr. It was the place where Levi truly felt like himself. Like a person who actually deserved to be happy.

He let his mind wander, sat in that cubicle, into such a state he could barely hear the man before him talking to him. He knew it was Petyr, that much was obvious. But what he didn’t hear and wasn’t paying attention to was the incessant begging of his boyfriend, asking for attention, to be kissed, to be held. Levi couldn’t bring himself to move. The only person he wanted to hold right now was the blonde man in his dreams, that brought nothing but happiness to his life.

It was only when his arm was grabbed harshly that Levi let his mind be taken from the euphoria of the life, he dreamed for himself, back to the harsh reality. The older man before him frowning in frustration, glaring at Levi as though he had done something terrible, as though he was pissed off for Levi’s happiness. The drugged-up man leaned forward from the toilet lid he was sat on, gazing up longingly at the man before him.

“I have to go.” Petyr said, as though he’d already said that statement numerous times. And for all that Levi knew, he most likely had. “I have to go to work. But you owe me, Levi. When you get home, you owe me. Make sure to bring that money too, can’t afford to keep up your bad habits without it.”

“Whatever.” Levi grumbled, waving a hand in the air as though he was pushing away the conversation, “Just shut the fucking door on the way out.”

With a loud sigh, Levi heard Petyr unlock the cubicle, before slamming the door shut behind him. Levi didn’t even think about locking it again, instead letting his limb body fall backwards, leaning against the porcelain flusher. When he felt like this, he finally could understand what Kenny saw in the drugs; why he’d rake up such an unimaginable debt with people just to feel this way. Levi felt worth-something. As though all the little things that irritated him were dispelled from the world; the cleanliness of where he was didn’t faze him, nor did his job, Petyr didn’t make his skin crawl. It was incredible.

And when he was this high, he didn’t even think of the come down. Of the vomiting, the sweaty, the incessant twitching and jittering. He didn’t think about how much he desperately needed his next dose, barely thought about health repercussions, or the fact that this simple injection could kill him within a few minutes. All he cared about was how good it felt in that short space of time.

As he closed his eyes once again, letting his drowsiness consume him, Erwin’s face came into view. So kind, so caring. The man leaned down to brush hair away from Levi’s face, with a touch so gentle it was almost like a ghost, but it felt so real. He reached up to try and grab that hand that he was imagining, his pale fingers instead falling through the air. Levi frowned.

It was only when he heard the voice yelling through the toilets that he understood why Erwin was appearing so vividly; the voice bringing back so many memories in just one shout.

* * *

Marie frowned at her boyfriend, who in turn was just as puzzled. They were both watching the man who had been adamant to not being the person they knew climb around the bar so quickly, responding only to the name of Josef. He moved so quickly, his frame still agile despite how much he was shivering before the pair of them. Erwin tried not to watch on at the man escaping the scene, focussing on the lady before them who had taken Levi’s place instead.

But Erwin couldn’t help but feel concern: the way he purposefully ignored them both was equally as confusing as it was uncomfortable. He at least expected a small hello, a brief explanation about where the hell Levi had disappeared to: he didn’t expect lies. Erwin felt his heart sink a little more as Levi fully disappeared from his vision, the hopes for his future melting away quickly. It wasn’t the reunion he’d always dreamed of, the one he’d always wanted. And even worse, Levi was not what he imagined at all. He clearly looked as though he was struggling through something, and Erwin couldn’t help but want to find out what.

“What the hell was that all about?” Marie laughed awkwardly, before turning to the waitress before them. “We’ll order a bottle of prosecco, please.”

“Coming right up.” The ginger lady responded with little enthusiasm. It was evident that she was just as concerned for Levi’s wellbeing, staring off into the distance which he disappeared. It was only when the door sounded once again that she physically frowned, before turning from Erwin and Marie to fetch a bottle and some glasses.

“Anyway,” Marie continued, “I’m certain that was Levi, right? Maybe he just didn’t want to see us after everything that happened. I don’t blame him, really. It’s always awkward seeing an ex. The first time I saw Nile again, he practically crumbled in front of me.” She laughed softly, before noting how her boyfriend wasn’t joining in on the conversation. A gentle hand rose to Erwin’s shoulder. “Hey, are you alright?”

Erwin frowned, looking down before putting on his happiest face and turning to his lover. “Yes, of course. Sorry, I just didn’t expect to see him today. It’s actually thrown me off a little, that’s all. It wasn’t what I expected.”

She smiled sadly, “So you’re sure that was Levi, not Josef?”

“Certain.” He responded with a sigh, “I know the Josef he’s pretending to be, he’s not the most creative person with names. Though I’m not sure he was certain of who he was. He didn’t look very well at all.”

Erwin’s thought process was interrupted by a girl placing two glasses before them, popping the cork of the prosecco, and pouring the fizzing alcohol until their glasses were full. “Anything else I can get for the two of you?”

Erwin shook his head, “I think we’re okay for now, thank you, though.” He paused, “Sorry if this is brash or inappropriate to ask, but is your co-worker’s true name Josef? Just, we went to school with him and we knew him as someone else.”

Petra shrugged, clearly prepared for a day such as this. “Always known the kid as Josef, and I never care to ask someone’s past if they’re not content in spilling it. Maybe I’d advice leaving him alone, if his real name is Levi and he’s pretending to be Josef, maybe it’s ‘cos he doesn’t want to see anyone from school?”

“Thank you,” Erwin replied, ignoring everything else the waitress had spoken of, before outstretching a hand, “My name is Erwin, and this is Marie. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Both Marie and Petra frowned in confusion at the formal introduction; not usually the done thing to bar staff who had simply served you a drink. Even less so when it’s performed by a man sitting beside his girlfriend. But, respectfully, Petra shook the outstretched hand in response, a small smile on her face. “Petra. If you two need anything else, give me a shout. I’ll be down that end of the bar talking to drunk-face.”

“Hey!” Oluo called in a teasing manner, “I can hear you.”

Petra laughed loudly, turning from the couple and heading to the man of whom she was entertaining before. They fell back into conversation quickly, as Erwin focussed once again on the bubbles. His aim was to get to know the people which Levi was evidently close to in an attempt to keep the man in his life. Even if it was through other people, it would do Erwin the world of good just to know that the man he still loved was somewhat safe, and at least happy.

“Go,” he heard, the gentle female voice snapping him back to reality. “Go find where he ran off to. You’re clearly eating yourself up about what happened, and it might put that entire night to ease if you can just go talk to him for five minutes.”

Erwin shook his head, “No. I’m here to enjoy my birthday with you, Marie. I’m not going running off after an ex-boyfriend who walked out on me. He was the one who didn’t want me anymore, didn’t like me for who I had become. I don’t blame him, but he could’ve at least had the decency to respond when I put out the missing persons form, when I was walking around all nights looking for him -”

A kind hand placed over his own, only realising now how much they were shaking. He surely wasn’t nervous about seeing Levi again, right? He was Erwin Smith: the barrister of whom people dreaded having in their court rooms, the stone-faced heartless man who only showed his affection in private, who never had time for unnecessary feelings. Surely one man couldn’t change all that?

“Go, I mean it.” Marie spoke, “I want you to go, and I’ll be right here waiting when you get back.” She smiled, “But don’t take too long, or this bottle of prosecco will be all gone.”

Erwin laughed, before taking a deep breath. “Thank you, Marie.” He said, and he said it with meaning. He was thankful and grateful to have found a girlfriend who was understanding of his past, who could still see how much Levi meant to him, although he was adamant it wasn’t romantically at this point. He was simply concerned after seeing him after all this time, especially in the state he was clearly in. With a kiss to the cheek of his partner, Erwin pushed his way from the bar stool and headed towards the male toilets.

He could sense Petra’s eyes on him as he walked, burning into his head, threatening him and begging him not to go. But he was; he needed to speak to this _Josef_, to get him to admit to the truth. He needed to ask Levi about what happened, about why he ran away, why he wouldn’t hear Erwin out that night. And more importantly, he wanted to check that his ex-partner was safe and okay, that nothing as horrendous as the last year of High School had happened to him again.

His heart was pounding as he pressed open the door, meeting nothing but silence, only muted by the echo of his firm soled shoes tapping on the floor. He coughed gently once to clear his throat, scanning around the room as he did so to be greeted by just one closed stall.

“Levi?” Erwin called out into the toilets, “Look. I know you’re in here, and I’m certain you don’t want to see me. But I just would like a moment to talk to you, to explain everything. Please.”

Erwin heard a small sigh come from the cubicle with the door closed. He took another breath to compose himself, trying to debate the best way to handle this. He didn’t want to scare the man off again, he didn’t want to lose him. This could be his final opportunity.

“Please, Levi.” Erwin begged, “I just really feel as though it would help us both to talk about us. About what we’re doing these days, what actually happened.”

“Not now,” Levi spoke, his voice a little quieter than normal, “I’m busy.”

Erwin frowned, confused at the tone he was hearing. “Levi? Are you okay in there?”

“I said I’m busy.” He snapped, though Erwin could tell his voice wasn’t its usual sound. He frowned in concern. “Just fuck off, alright? You’re ruining this.”

Erwin stepped towards the door, a hand outstretched ready to push it open. “Why are you busy? What am I ruining?”

Without waiting for a response, Erwin gently pressed the cubicle door open to reveal Levi. But the sigh before him was not what he expected, and he felt his insides deteriorate.

Levi; what the hell was Levi doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this second chapter of the fic! I tried to get it finished quickly, as my birthday is this Saturday (happy Scorpio season!) and I'll be quite busy for the next coming week so I didn't want to keep you all waiting too long for it. Thank you so much for the amazing kudos and support thus far, I can't believe how many people are enjoying this second part! I hope you continue to enjoy this series! And I'll upload the next one as soon as possible.


	3. Chapter Three

The bar area seemed tense the second that Levi dashed from the situation. It was evident that everyone surrounding the area were going to discuss why he rushed off so quick, and Petra was aware that there would be questions about who the guy was which she’d spoken of, and Erwin was certain to question why Levi had left in such a hurry. But right now, she couldn’t dwell on that, she had to ensure that everyone who was at the bar, stayed at the bar. Levi needed this time to feel himself again, and for that, Erwin had to remain seated.

Therefore, the girl took it upon herself to keep a keen eye on the unusual visitors sat towards the edge of the bar, all-the-while keeping contact with Oluo before her to as not disturb the peace. She managed to keep chatting away to the guest she’d grown to love so fondly, whilst keeping a steady gaze settled over Erwin and his partner. For the while, they seemed to just be chatting amongst themselves, much to her relief. And she had assumed the situation would stay fine and dandy until the door sounded once again.

Ignoring the previous statement from her conversational friend, Petra gazed up at the entrance of the bar to meet the eyes of a man she’d come to know all too well. Petyr scanned around the room to look for the man who relied on him, before he began to make a b-line directly for the male toilets. She watched on, not noting how the other guests at the bar had too drawn their attention to the new guest, although their interest didn’t last long, resuming drinks and chatter.

But Petra could barely hear what was going on around her from the beating of her heart, rapid and panicked. She desperately wanted to follow Petyr to the bathroom to look over Levi, but by this point, everyone who was in the latter’s life knew better than to get involved with those two. Levi was stronger than anyone Petra had ever met and was more the capable of caring for himself and standing up for himself should he need it.

However, that was the exact thing sparking such concern. _When he needed it_.

Petyr was known to be temperamental, and Petra had cared for Levi one too many times with broken bones, bruising skin, bleeding cuts. If something had pissed him off, Levi was sure to feel it. And he would stand up for himself, he could easily knock Petyr from his place, but Levi relied on that old man. Without him, there’d be no drugs, and no escape from the hell he’d suffered through to get where he was today. And judging by the expression on Petyr’s face when he first walked in, Petra assumed he was definitely not in one of his better moods.

There was no point for her to follow and get involved, though. She knew how much Levi had needed a hit today, judging by the state he was in at the start of his shift, never mind being interrupted at work by the infamous ex-boyfriend of his. As his best friend, Petra wished he wouldn’t rely on drugs with so much force, wished he could find a way to escape them easily and quickly; a way to get out of such a messy lifestyle. But the other part of her cared for Levi so deeply that she’d do anything for his happiness, and if that was turning a blind eye to the illegal substances entering his body, then she would do just that.

For as long as the two knew one another, there had always been the issue with drugs. And at the start, for the longest time, Petra had assumed that Levi had fallen in love with drugs recreationally, just for a little bit of fun or an escape. She’d never thought he’d be classed as an addict until far more recently, when she noticed him shivering and stuttering when he went too long without a shoot. And from that day, she understood.

From her own upbringing, Petra had qualms and problems with drugs. She’d never touch them herself, her childhood being destroyed by such a thing, but always kept that way from her reality now, and would never inform Levi of such. Instead, she swore she’d always be there to help Levi; to understand why he needed that release so much, that high. Hence why she was allowing her best friend to sneak off mid-shift to do drugs in the bathroom. At this point she’d let him do anything. Letting Levi get high was so much better than seeing him broken, not the man who she’d come to have learnt from his past.

“You okay?” A voice snapped her from her thoughts, gaze settling back on the person before her at the bar who was looking worried. Unusual, for Oluo, he’d only ever looked either extremely drunk or pulling his best flirtatious faces. “You zoned out for a minute there.”

She smiled weakly, “I’m fine, sorry, Oluo. Just keeping an eye on the place whilst Josef takes his break.”

Her gaze directed back up to the bathroom door, her ears listening for any subtle shouts or aggressive yells coming from behind the wood. But from the sounds of it, everything seemed sane. Erwin was still sat at the bar, customers were still been waited by the catering staff, and bathroom door remained closed. Taking a deep breath, Petra decided to let herself calm down and continue the conversation which she was having before, eager to find distraction in the comfort of normal things.

And a distraction would’ve been good, if not for the lack of attention she gave to the bar after that point. The conversation began to flow so quickly, as did the shots of vodka for Oluo, that the barmaid failed to notice Petyr leaving the venue. It was only when the sound of the door slammed that she looked up once again, followed by the dragging of the barstool on the tile. It was at that point she began to panic, her heart racing quickly again.

Erwin was standing, tucking his chair under with his attention on one place alone. She couldn’t hear what the other girl was saying to Erwin, she just noticed how he was now journeying directly for the bathroom where he would inevitably be met with a high Levi and an annoyed Petyr, or so she assumed: not a great combination. And since Erwin was the problematic ex that Levi had talked about so often, it wouldn’t take long for Levi’s new boyfriend to clock on and kick off.

And an aggressive, angry Petyr was not someone that Levi could deal with when he was high, especially if the dosage was large. Even worse for Erwin to go in now and attempt to spark a conversation with the man with a hidden identity. Knowing that she had to be there right now, a sign was grabbed from underneath the bar and placed in the centre of the counter announcing its closure.

“Sorry, Oluo. I’ll be back quick.” Petra spoke with determination in her voice, not waiting for a response as she walked around the bar to the front of the floor, ignoring the prying eyes of Erwin’s partner, not paying attention to the calls from Oluo as she directed her steps for the male bathrooms. To the one person she needed to be there for at all costs.

Petra would be damned if she ever let anything happen to her best friend. She had to stop this situation escalating. Immediately.

* * *

Erwin felt his footing falter, a small step staggering him backwards to take on the sight before him. He looked on at the man before him, bewildered at what he was feeling. Anger, repulse, disgust, annoyance, hurt, sadness. Everything Levi had sworn against his entire life was now on him, stuffed in a dirty cubicle, his jumper half off, a pale arm dotted with track marks hanging loosely from his body. His head was lolling against the back of the toilet, his eyes almost closed, and his mouth slightly agape. It was a wonder he’d managed to even respond to Erwin at first, the drugs consuming him so rapidly.

The blonde tried to take in the sight quickly, to see if Levi was posing himself any danger. As he looked down, Erwin noted a few small speckles of blood located on the tiles, beside an abandoned needle with brown stains entrapped in the plastic. Toilet paper was hanging down from where it had been rubbed, piling into a messy stack just beside the syringe. The cubicle itself was relatively clean, bar from the man that was in the middle of it, looking so far from himself that Erwin would barely have recognised it was Levi.

He looked shattered; torn. His eyes now up-close had deep black bags around them, his lips chapped and dry, skin peeling slightly. His face was sore and patchy, unusually pale, and his limp body was flopped in an unnatural position. The arm hanging from the hoodie was nauseating for Erwin, as he scanned his eyes amidst the scarring from his childhood and the scarring from adulthood, fresher wounds looking as though they’d been picked at, scabs forming over them in an array of reds and browns.

The newest mark, evidently, had blood dripping from it suggesting that Levi had injected himself in an awkward position, with such force he’d pushed the needle in far too deep, too strong. Although it didn’t look like he cared all too much, not even recognising that Erwin was still stood before him despite speaking just moments before. The blonde man tried to not let absolute grief overwhelm him with the situation. He tried not to think too hard about Levi’s upbringing, willed his mind to move away from finding Kenny dead on the bed, the stench of the flat so strong it was still burned into his mind to this day.

Instead he levelled himself in a way that he only knew how; switching off all his emotions and realising that he had to get this man help somehow. Erwin tried to pull his attention back to all the tell-tale signs of an overdose that he’d learnt at school, or the right actions to take if someone had taken drugs. But everything was muddled into one, all he could think was that Levi might throw up; that he could be laying down, or at least be positioned in a more pleasant location.

Realising that if Levi was to throw up now, he’d be likely to choke on it due to the position of his neck, Erwin made that his first mission. He had to get him sat upright, no matter how reluctant Levi was to be touched by his ex-partner.

Erwin outstretched an arm, ready to assist with his plan of caring for Levi but revolted as he heard the boy’s bathroom door slam open and then lock behind them, entrapping whoever had entered in the room. He turned around to see the other barmaid, Petra so he’d learned, looking around with concern plastered on her face.

“Petyr, he’s not still here, right?” She almost yelled, “He’s left, yeah? It’s just you two?!”

Erwin frowned, “Yeah.” He said, “Just us. Who’s Petyr? And what the hell is going on? Why the hell is he using drugs, and why is he alone!? He could overdose for all we know, and you just let him run off in here!”

“Don’t yell at me, he wasn’t alone.” She spoke with a frustrated tone, “Look. None of this is my story to explain, okay? For now, we just need to get him help.” She led her body beside Erwin, crouching down on the floor so she could look up at Levi instead, “I’m sure at this point you’ve realised that his name isn’t really Josef.”

Erwin nodded, swallowing. Even though he knew it was Levi, just someone confirming that made his insides flush with relief, “Right. What can I do to help?” 

“I’m sure you’ve already done enough for the time-being,” Petra began, glancing across the floor and taking note of the needle, the blood. She followed the red up to the cook of Levi’s elbow, noting how it wasn’t too bad in comparison to some of the other left-over marks. She used a piece of tissue pulled from the pile to push the syringe to the side, so no one would accidentally stand on it as they prepared to move Levi.

“Hey, Levi?” Her voice was soft, calm and steady. Erwin assumed this must’ve been something she’d dealt with before, considering how panicked he was currently feeling about everything that was unfolding. Petra managed to hold herself together, keep her emotions stable. She nudged his knee subtly, “Levi, come on sleepy. Let us get you up and to the staff room, yeah? You can lay on the sofa then. I’m sure that’s better than the grubby customer toilets.”

“No, please.” Levi mumbled, his voice not sounding the way it used to do, willing his head from the tiles at the back to sit up forward, “Not today. I’ll stay here for a while, I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, Levi. I think you’d be much better having a lay down, don’t you agree? I can make you a cup of your favourite tea and some food, so you can come back to us. You’ll feel a little better then, I’m sure.” Petra extended an arm once again, this time gently placing it on his knee. “How does that sound?”

Erwin watched on, unsure of what he could do or say. But not having any power or authority in the situation caused his panic to brew once again, only now coming to terms with how truly bad Levi was. He looked so broken and weak, never how Erwin had remembered Kenny when he was high. That always seemed to be so angry and powerful, as though all his emotions had come and escaped. Instead Levi turned into himself, crumbling away a little bit more each second. It was like he was looking at a stranger.

Levi’s head lolled back again, landing harshly on the porcelain flusher, the drugs clearly coming into fruition at a stronger level than when Erwin first walked into the room. “I can’t. Leave me here, I feel better here.”

“You know I can’t leave you here. You need to lay down and you’ll feel even better then, I promise. I’ll just bring you across to the staffroom quickly, and then you can snuggle up with that big blanket.”

Levi forcefully shook his head, “No! No. I want to stay here. I don’t want to go out there. I can’t see Erwin and that fucking bitch he’s with. Petyr might be there too, still. I can’t see him yet ‘cos now I owe him, and I don’t want to fuck him now, I don’t want to.”

Erwin watched on with worry as he heard a subtle sniff sound from the man before them both. He was shocked that Levi was in such a state he didn’t even notice that he was with him in the room, even more concerned about how desperately he was trying to avoid seeing him, although Erwin did understand. It was a shock for everyone involved, and he could only imagine how Levi was feeling about all this, with the weight of owing his partner and dealer from helping him out. No matter how much Erwin wanted to make him feel better, though, he remained silent. Petra knew how to handle this, and it seemed to be working thus far.

Petra passed Erwin a troubled look as they listened to Levi speak, clearly torn about whether or not to let Levi know that Erwin was still in the room with them.

“You don’t have to fuck Petyr, Levi. He’s gone now, and you’re safe with me, you know that. You can even come home with me if you want. And Erwin’s bitch won’t come near you, I swear. I bet Oluo’s already trying to flirt with her by now, I’ve left them alone for a while-”

“Oluo loves you.” Levi smiled to himself, laughing almost, “He fucking loves you so much, Petra. Like I love Erwin, although Oluo wouldn’t fuck you over he’d just probably get you drunk.” At the mention of that name, Levi’s mood seemed to dip instantly again as he brought his hooded arm up high, stretching his fingers apart in the sky and looking through them. “I’m so fucked, Petra. I’m so messed up. I just want to hide in here.”

Erwin watched as Petra stood up to stand before Levi, carefully taking the hand in the sky down and lowering it, locking their fingers together. For the first time, Levi opened his eyes fully and looked at his best friend. His sclera’s of his eyes were bloodshot, but his gaze focussed only on Petra before him, as though he was trying to focus on something to snap out of how he was feeling.

“You’re not messed up, but I’m going to help you. How about I ask Erwin to come and help carry you back to the staff room for a while, so he’s away from that Marie girl, and the two of us can help you.”

Levi felt his head nod, “I don’t wanna be fucked anymore. I just want to sleep.”

“Let’s bring you round the back then, Levi. Let’s get you some sleep.”

Wordlessly, Petra lowered Levi’s hand back into his lap, before turning to face Erwin who was now standing up in the cubicle’s entrance. He nodded as though she was waiting for confirmation, as Petra turned once again to her best friend and helped his limp arm slip back into the sleeve gently, letting him sit for a few more minutes.

The syringe on the floor was wrapped tightly in the tissue that was piling on the floor, as Petra carefully placed it into the pocket of her pinny ready to dispose of secretly, to avoid any trouble coming to either of them. The blood was wiped from the floor, tissues placed in the toilet next to them and the flusher pressed, before Petra turned to Erwin and announced the plan of helping Levi head to the staffroom. A guiding arm around him at either side, the short-cut from the fire escape and through the kitchen rather than battling through the main bar area, and they’d be safely around the back without a sight from any customer.

“Right, we’re going to help you up now, Levi.” Petra announced, but before the man in question could respond, Levi’s entire body doubled over, his arms clinging tightly to his stomach as he did so. He gagged a few times, retching although nothing escaped his dry mouth, and as he finished and let his body collapse once more, Levi began to weep.

And it was at that point that Erwin felt himself crack, the tears he’d been holding back escaping quick. He couldn’t help but think this was all his fault, that he’d got Levi in this position, that he’d effectively ruined his life.

* * *

Carrying Levi to the staffroom proved extremely difficult. Despite the petite frame of the boy, he was stronger and heavier than expected, especially whilst he as so drugged up and not totally aware of his surroundings, almost forgetting how to move a few times. It took a lot of energy and encouragement from both Peta and Erwin to let the man haul himself from the toilet seat into a standing position, before an unusual burst of energy shot through Levi, inspiring him to walk quickly over to the fire escape at the edge of the boy’s toilets.

But as soon as that door was pushed open by Petra and that cool winter air brushed against the pale skin, Levi’s frame stalled. His skin was prickling with heat but cast against the harshness of a cooling season forced an inhumane reaction to spark inside him, almost collapsing in shivers, curling into a tight ball on the floor.

It soon became clear that the drugs which Petyr provided were stronger than what Levi had usually taken; of all the times Petra had seen her best friend high, she’d never seen him in this state before. His eyes constantly closing, eager to fall asleep into the distorted images which were surely playing in his mind. And Petra wanted him to fall asleep so badly, so he could sleep this nightmare off and go somewhere safe afterwards. But right now, they had on mission on their mind, and it was to get him some place warm and away from the mess of the bathrooms.

The three stepped outside, Erwin guiding Levi into a standing position so they could step out onto the pavement, hidden around the back of the building. As the fire doors were closed behind Petra, both friends took position at either side of Levi, ready to offer support to encourage him to walk over to the kitchen. The distance wasn’t far at all; the entrance only a mere twenty-or-so steps, but in the state Levi was in, that might as well have been a hike up a mountain.

“Come on, Levi.” Petra groaned again, as she hoisted her friends arm across her shoulders, clinging to it tightly. Her right arm snaked across Levi’s back, clinging to his jumper with a tight grip so he could lean on her as much as he needed. “Look, we’re so close, alright? Please just stop drifting off and walk over there.”

With no movement or replies, Erwin quickly understood that Petra would need help in guiding their friend. He rushed to Levi’s right-hand-side, placing his arm across Levi’s back in a very similar fashion to that of Petra, holding him upright. And with just a few more moments rest, Levi began to walk, directing the three of them towards the staff entrance of the kitchen.

It was a relief when Levi was sat down on a decorative rock outside, Petra heading through the kitchen first to inform the staff that help was needed out front. It was the only way she could think to clear the chefs from view, to save Levi’s respect and dignity at work, alongside asking if she could have the staff room in private for half an hour or so. The workers all nodded respectfully, and headed to the front of the venue, clearing out the kitchen entirely.

As Petra revealed herself outside again, Levi found himself with another surge of energy to help him push through to the staffroom, wanting nothing more than to lay down and let his worrisome head fall back asleep. He hauled his own body from the rock and let himself into the kitchen without any assistance, almost running through the silver surfaces to a door located in the back left-hand corner, leading through into the staff room.

Petra and Erwin followed behind him wordlessly, after ensuring the door was locked. On the way, Erwin was instructed to grab a towel and wet it with cold water, whilst Petra went to the staffroom with Levi.

“Here, Levi,” Petra began, taking the cook of his arm in hers, guiding him to the sofa. “Do you feel sick again?”

“No, I’m fine.” He mumbled, “Just want to sleep now.”

She smiled weakly at the unusual calmness of her friends, and the softness of his voice. Levi was always stern until he was high, when he willingly opened up to his more emotional side, letting his feeling shine through. “That’s fine then, have a lay down and I’ll fetch the blanket and some water.”

With a small nod, Levi laid his body limply on the sofa, almost crashing into the pillows and sighing with relief at the soft touch. He was unaware of the fact his body was shivering so intently, barely noticed how cool the touch of his fingers was, or how flaky the skin of his lips felt.

But, in all honesty, right now he didn’t care about that at all. All he wanted was to fall asleep, to let his mind wander into another place far from the reality he was stuck in. He didn’t want to be in a room with Erwin, with the worrying weight of Petyr pressed on his shoulders. He didn’t want to be seeing these flashing images of Kenny, Josef, Starr. He wanted nothing more than to stop reliving the deaths of Isabel and Farlan: and the high he was on was the only way to escape that.

As the warm blanket settled over his body, he finally let his eyes close entirely. He didn’t feel the cooling cloth placed on his forehead by Erwin, barely understood or could make sense of the chatter that was going on around him, or the worried tension in the room. All he could feel was that soft touch of Erwin’s hand on his cheek, the warmth of his fingers against his pale skin, the comforting press on his lips.

And as Petra watched over her best friend drifting off, she was sure she could see a subtle smile growing.

* * *

Petra and Erwin sat in silence in the cold staffroom long after Levi had fallen asleep. Erwin had almost forgotten about his girlfriend sat just outside, or the fact he was meant to be out celebrating his birthday. All he could think about right now was the fact he was in the same room as Levi, after all these years of looking for him. He actually had found him again, alive and somewhat safe.

And as he watched over Levi sleeping, occasionally passing the man a glance to make sure he was okay, he couldn’t stop the swell of emotions regarding everything coming to light. The familiar face sparked horrible memories from the night they fought, of the harsh things that Levi had yelled at him, of the guilt swallowing him up from letting Levi down in such a way they could no longer be together.

He couldn’t help that reliving the sight of Levi at the bar, so desperate to come across as anyone but himself in front of Erwin and Marie. The needle on the floor, the drugs, the skin that once was so soft, now so cool and dry under his touch. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he had Levi at his right-hand-side once again, their bodies pressed close together, almost in a hug. It was all too much.

Erwin was so wrapped up in his mind and memories that he didn’t notice Petra leave the room, nor did he notice her come back in, locking the staffroom shut behind her.

“Marie is okay,” Petra sounded into the silence, not looking over at Erwin as she perched on the edge of the sofa, “I told her that you just needed to help me out with something. I said Levi’s okay, assuming you’d have told her who he was anyway.”

Erwin looked up with a blank expression, “Thank you.”

It took a few more moments of silence, alongside a subtle stirring of Levi on the sofa for the ginger-haired girl to break the silence once again, eager to discuss whatever was on her mind, evidently. And when she spoke, Erwin found himself surprised at the crassness in her voice, of the sternness of it.

“Erwin, a word.”

She cocked her head to the side, directing Erwin’s gaze towards a door that clearly led to the stock room. Without waiting for a response, she stood from her seated position and headed over to the room, Erwin following from his seat on the floor, closing the door flush behind the two of them to mute their conversation from Levi. He might be high and asleep, but he was always a light sleeper. He’d definitely overhear whatever they were discussing, so keeping it private proved to be the best option.

“You really should go now.” She said as the door clicked shut, barely waiting for the two of them to grow accustomed to the new space, “Levi has it hard and he always has. I don’t think you being around right now is going to help him all that much.”

Erwin shook his head, frowning, “Please, Petra, you have to understand. I’ve been searching for this man for years, I’ve thought he was dead for the longest time. I can’t just leave him now. I just would like to stay until he wakes up, so I know he’s okay.”

“He’ll wake up, he’s almost come around now. He’ll be okay, he always is.” She snapped almost, clearly fervent to defend Levi from anything else that could upset him.

“He always is? How long as he been doing this?” Erwin calmed his tone, not wanting his emotions to become so obvious. “Let me stay, just a while longer. I really can’t leave him like this, I couldn’t live with it.”

She sighed, letting her body lean against the wall behind her. “Look, I do appreciate that you miss him and you want to see him, but right now it’s just a bad idea. I don’t want to sound harsh, and I don’t want to make you feel guilty. But he only became this way because he’d lost you. He’s got himself involved with some dodgy people, and I don’t think it’s safe for either of you to be around each other at the moment. I don’t think you understand the severity of Levi’s situation.”

Erwin tried hard not to scoff, “You _do_understand that I was friends with him all through high school, that we were dating? That I was the person there for him when his uncle overdosed, or that I was the one who went with him to face Starr and got shot for it, right? I was the one by his side at funerals, at court trials. I gave him a home. So, with all due respect, I do understand the severity of Levi’s situation. And I’m certain it can’t be worse than the situation when an old man was hunting him out to become a sex slave!”

“Right.” She smirked, baffled at Erwin’s responses. “You were the one who pulled him away from a life he knew, who forced him into a University he couldn’t keep up with, left him alone most days whilst you went out and getting drunk or high. You were the one who didn’t listen to him when he needed help, when he wanted to find something else to do whilst you were busy becoming a top-ass lawyer. You were the kid that ignored him at school until a project came up when you thought you could fix him. Erwin, I know _everything_. And you know nothing about the life he has now, or how his boyfriend would react if he saw you both together.”

“This is ridiculous,” Erwin said under his breath, before turning his attention to Petra once again, running a hand on his forehead as he spoke. “I never used Levi for a project, which clearly shows how little you know about his past or ours. I fancied him since he started at school and it was the only chance I had to get to know him.”

“Fine!” Petra retaliated, “What use is arguing about his history anyway?! I’m asking you to leave for Levi’s own safety, okay? His boyfriend would react so badly if he knew you were here.”

It was then that Erwin let his emotions settle once again, paying more attention to whatever Petra was saying. “Sorry, but what do you mean react badly? Who is Levi’s boyfriend?”

“I’ve said too much.” Petra turned to leave the small supply cupboard, eager to release herself from this conversation. She’d said too much about Levi’s private life: she hadn’t meant to reveal that much, she just meant to scare Erwin off. But it appeared the opposite had happened, a gentle hand placing on her shoulder to direct her back to the conversation.

As she turned, Petra locked eyes with the worrying man before her. She never had imagined Erwin showing any sympathy, considering what Levi had told her about him, but right now he was a different man. His blue eyes glistened with tears, his lip was quaking with worry, his brows knotted in concern. He wanted the best for Levi, that much was evident, which was why she felt the need to open up. “Please, Petra. Please. I need to know where Levi has been since I lost him. I’ve been so worried.”

She felt her tense shoulders relax slightly, looking down at the ground. “I’ll just say that Petyr isn’t the best person that Levi could’ve met. He’s controlling of him, there’s over a twenty-year age gap between them, too, and Petyr uses that to his advantage. It’s not right. But Levi won’t leave him because he gives him drugs and shelter, and right now, that’s all he cares about.”

“Oh, God.” Erwin felt the words slip from his mouth, “Is he safe, though? He’s never been physically hurt?”

Petra brought a hand to her forehead exasperatedly, pushing her ginger locks back as she raked fingers through her hair as she let her eyes lock with Erwin once again. “He knows I’m always around, he knows how to stand up for himself. As long as he gets out soon, it’ll be fine. I just watch over him as often as I can.”

“Oh my God, he _has _been hurt.” He tried hard not to imagine it, not to relive finding Levi curled in the living room after being burnt by Kenny. Levi was older now, able to escape anything, surely. Erwin couldn’t wrap his head around everything.

“Is he out of the house often, though? Does he come to work daily? Just to make sure he gets away from this Petyr fellow. He needs a safe space. When Kenny got seriously bad, he’d always go over to Farlan and Isabel’s flat, my home at a later date. Levi can cope with a lot, but he always needs to find that sanctuary to get away from things. He’s physically strong, don’t get me wrong. But emotionally? Not so much.”

She nodded, “Yeah, he comes to mine sometimes when he wants to get away. I honestly haven’t seen him much until today, he’s had the last few weeks off work ‘cos he was ill. But he normally would work quite often, sometimes stay around with me after. It’s rare that Petyr would follow him here, or that he’d come here. He was only here today ‘cos he was bringing Levi drugs.”

Erwin looked firm in resolve with a nod, “Right. Look, I know he won’t want to hear from me or even want me to help at all, but please take my number and address. Please keep me updated with everything. I can’t bare knowing that Levi could be back in my life more permanently, yet he’s getting abused by the man who’s meant to love him.”

Petra smiled weakly, “I will. I do look after him, you know. I really love Levi.”

“I know,” he responded, his voice filled with sadness, “I know you do. I do too.”

* * *

Not long after the discussion in the stock room, Erwin decided Petra was right and he needed to head off. They exchanged phone numbers and contacts details, explaining to one another where about they lived in the city. It turned out that Petra lived in a little flat just a few streets away from where Erwin worked, so they were located close should they ever need it.

An abnormal friendship formed between the two then; sharing a hug and thanks as Erwin gathered his things together once again, before saying goodbye to a sleeping Levi. It hurt him physically to pull himself away from the man sleeping on the sofa, his true love never dying from the day they met. But as the staffroom door closed behind him, it was yet another barrier obstructing the two of them, reminding Erwin of his new life, of the lady sat waiting at the bar for him, two empty glasses before her.

With a deep sigh, Erwin turned and headed towards Marie, not sure how to explain everything that had just happened, how to discuss why he was gone for so long, why he needed to be there for Levi after all these years, instead of with his current partner, celebrating his birthday. Bravely, he boxed his shoulders and wandered back to the bar, his head held high and a smile on his face.

Marie looked up at the sounding of footsteps, grinning at the man before her. “Erwin, darling,” she began, “Is everything okay? You get everything sorted? That barmaid came out to tell me you were just helping with Levi. I’m hoping that’s finished, now?”

Erwin nodded strongly, “Indeed it is. Everything is fine, sorted now. I just think it would be best for us both to head from this bar, I think I’ve had enough of this place. Perhaps next time we’ll find another location to drink in.”

“I agree,” Marie laughed, swinging her legs from the stool and standing. Erwin took her coat from where it was rested, holding it open as she slipped her arms into the sleeves. “Ex’s cause far too much trouble, especially Levi. He would never be someone who would have an easy life. I think it’s best you stay away from him, don’t you? Focus on me?”

At the tone, Erwin assumed she was teasing, yet as he looked on at his girlfriend, he could see the subtle worry in her eyes, clearly concerned at the fact she was going to lose Erwin to Levi after all this time. And as much as it pained Erwin to agree with what she was saying, he had to go along with it, although it would all be a lie. There was no way he’d be able to avoid this place, not now he was aware it was the place of Levi’s work. It was a direct spot for him to venture to ensure that Levi was doing okay, and that much could not be ignored.

“Of course,” Erwin lied, “I’ll give you my full attention once again.”

She leaned onto her toes to place a gentle kiss on her boyfriends’ lips, before the two of them headed from the bar without another word, leaving enough money to cover the drinks beside their glasses. But as the front door opened, and that cool air hit Erwin again, he couldn’t help but worry about how Levi was feeling. He couldn’t get rid of the images from his past in his mind; there was no way he’d be in the right frame of mind to celebrate his birthday now, wanting nothing more than time to himself.

The door closed behind them, and Erwin halted his footsteps.

“You head home, Marie. I’ll catch up with you.” Erwin leaned down to kiss his partner on the cheek, “I’m going to go and pick us something nice up for tea, give my mother a ring too whilst it’s still midday. She’ll get offended if I leave it any longer.”

“Of course, you can’t let Mrs Smith down!” Marie sang cheerfully, returning a small kiss. “Just make sure to get something tasty, then. And don’t be too long! An entire afternoon snuggled up with you sounds like just the right thing for us. Maybe I’ll have an extra little treat for you in mind too.” She winked teasingly, and Erwin feigned an excited little laugh at the sound of that.

Without waiting for a response from her partner, Marie set off in the opposite direction towards their home, leaving the man stood before the bar, unsure of where to walk or what to do. He just knew he needed to talk to someone who would understand, someone who would be able to help him get out of his own mind for a bit. Someone who had a place he could escape to for a while, without anything seeming too untoward or suspicious to Marie.

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, barely noticing as he dialled the familiar number into the phone and brought it to his hear. By the second ring, a comforting voice answered at the other end.

“_Hello_?”

“Mike. I need to come stay with you for a few days.” Erwin felt his voice wobble, finally letting everything come into vision properly.

“_Erwin? What’s wrong_?”

“Levi,” He breathed, barely understanding the reality of the situation, “I’ve found Levi.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you all enjoy this new chapter, and thank you once again for your lovely and supportive comments and kudos!
> 
> I added a new tag for this chapter, so be sure to read through them for trigger warnings. I hope you enjoy nonetheless!

Levi awoke cold, wrapped in a heavy blanket in the staffroom. The initial high was wearing off now, and he found himself less sleepy than before, but his heart felt heavier than ever. When he was high, Levi was aware of what was going on even if it didn’t seem that way. He could almost still feel Erwin close to him, pressed warmly against his side. The man he loved, who was still willing to help him despite everything they’d been through.

It was only when he first heard Erwin’s voice in real life that he couldn’t understand his previous actions. When that handsome, blonde man walked into the bar, Levi didn’t understand why he ran away. Why he was so quick to throw all their years together in the bin, rather than talking things through with Erwin to fix it up. They’d coped through so much and allowing something as small as a disagreement to split them up was so confusing to him now. But his actions were complete; there was no turning back.

Despite his positive thoughts about Erwin, Levi struggled to shake the guilt and worry that plagued his mind, surrounding the fact that Erwin had seen him in such a state. Their first official meeting of just the two of them included Levi being high, and Erwin unable to handle the situation. It wasn’t the situation that Levi had fallen asleep dreaming of for years; it was far from it.

Nor could Levi remove himself far from reality anymore. He was fully aware he was still at work, laying under that itchy staff blanket that was only brought out when someone was feeling poorly. He could sense that Petra was around, undoubtedly, and couldn’t bear the thought of the fact he’d have to go home soon. He still had hours of his shift left to work, but the prospect of a pissed off Petyr waiting for him at work made Levi wish he was there for longer. Anything to avoid that old man, who would inevitably be annoyed about how Levi acted with him in the bathroom earlier. At least he didn’t accidentally bump into Erwin for now; that was one relief.

Deciding it was best he got back on the shop floor, Levi arose from the position which he was laying in. The blanket was thrown to the side as he straightened his body, heavy feet falling flat on the floor. With a sigh, both hands were brought to Levi’s face as he rubbed his eyes, before following the touch through his hair in an attempt to scrape the sticky mess from his forehead. It was safe to say he felt grubby now, although he couldn’t say he regretted it. That high got him out of a terrible situation, brought him into a better place for enough time.

As he looked around the room, he could hear shuffling about in the supply cupboard alongside chefs shouting orders at one another in the kitchen. Judging by the lunch boxes discarded by the sink, it was clear that workers must’ve taken their breaks whilst he was passed out on the sofa. Levi immediately began to wonder how long he was actually out for, since it didn’t feel that long at all.

Not a moment later, a small ginger girl poked her head from the cupboard she was sorting out, replacing that concerned look with a beaming smile. Quickly, she placed the cardboard box back on the floor and left the room, opting to sit opposite Levi at the table, giving him the space he might’ve still needed on the sofa.

“How are you feeling?” She said, “You’ve been out of it for hours.”

Levi looked up at her, “I have? What time is it?”

Their gazes both glanced up to the clock on the wall. “Shit, it’s almost five? My shift is almost done. _Fuck_.” He panicked, “Fuck, shall I just start my shift now? God, I’m so sorry Petra. I really need to work today, though. I’ll get up now and get on with it.”

“Don’t be so silly,” She smiled, “I’d rather just know you’re okay. After everything happened anyway it wasn’t exactly busy here, only just picking up now its teatime. And I’m not letting you work in the state you’ve been in, anyway. You’d mess up everyone’s drinks and take twice as long to make them.”

“No, no I have to. I’ll stay and work.” Levi interrupted, “I’ve missed all fucking day and I owe Petyr a lot of money. So, I’ll stay for another eight hours. I don’t feel jittery anymore, I’m pretty damn sure I can understand when someone orders a pint or a glass of wine. I’m serious, I’ll work.”

Petra shook her head, “You can’t be serious, Levi. I’m not letting you do that. Look, you were technically in work and I’ve got you down on the timesheets as working, so you’ll get paid for today. Alright? So, you’ve worked eight hours today, and you’ll leave like normal in an hour, but only after you’ve had a rest now you’re awake again. There’s plenty of bar staff on right now, anyway.”

“Petra, please-”

“When do you have to get the money to Petyr for?”

“Petra-”

“No. I’m not listening to your excuses; this time is different.” Her face grew soft and gentle, “When would you need the money for, Levi? Did you need it today?”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair and resting it there, leaning against the side of the sofa. “I didn’t mean to get him to get me stuff without having money. I promise, it was a one-time thing, and I know we can’t get paid cash in hand normally, but I was hoping it would be an exception today.”

“You’re jittery as hell, Levi. Stop talking” Petra shook her head, half-jokingly, “Right, so you need it for today. I can’t pay cash in hand, but I’ll lend you the money for the time-being, okay? Just work tomorrow and pay me back on payday. I’m fine with that, and I’m not listening to anymore of your bullshit, alright? Drink your water and sober up. You finish soon.”

Not waiting for Levi to respond, Petra got up and left the room, ensuring the door was shut behind her to give Levi the privacy he needed. Although the second the door sounded, Levi felt himself collapse back into the cushions once again, relief weighting through his system. If he’d bring the cash home then, with any luck, Petyr wouldn’t expect any other form of payment, and Levi might be given a chance to thoroughly rest after such a hard day. That’s all he wanted right now: rest.

* * *

Walking up the stairs to the flat felt like a never-ending journey. They did have the option of a lift in their new property, but Levi never felt safe in them. Kenny’s old flat was stairs, and so that’s what he was used to. Plus, it gave him another few moments away from Petyr, which at this rate, was all Levi needed. He’d never admit out loud how much he despised the man he had to live with; he’d never run away from him though, either.

As he turned into the corridor and unlocked the door, the tension was already felt in the air. As he creaked the final wall between the two of them open, he braced himself for what was to come.

“What fucking time do you call this?!” Petyr yelled at the noise of the door creaking open, not looking up from the spilling beer in his hand. Levi rested his head on the frame for a second to help gather his thoughts, to prepare himself. As he opened his mouth to speak, Levi straightened his posture once again, closing the door firmly behind them.

“Sorry,” He began, trying hard to keep the level of cockiness which he’d developed over the years under wraps, “I had to finish my shift to get your money.”

Levi kept his attention firmly on the ground, but he couldn’t close his ears off. He heard the shuffle of heavy footsteps coming towards him, Levi finding himself quickly straightening his posture in an attempt to show his strength, though in the state he was still in, he wasn’t sure there was much left. He could almost smell the alcohol on his boyfriend’s breath from here; he could sense the drugs in the flat, the aftermath of another _hard_day.

No doubt that Petyr would then start going on about how stressful his job was, and how Levi was meant to be the thing to help him destress after walking the streets for a mere couple of hours. This was not something Levi could hack right now, feeling himself slipping down from the high he’d been floating on all day. He needed to get something and get to sleep, not go through with inevitable actions his boyfriend would expect.

“Well,” Petyr snapped, standing before Levi now, pulling him away from his thoughts. “Did you get it?”

“Yeah. I worked all fucking day for it.” He mumbled in response, reaching into his pocket and grabbing the wad of cash Petra had given him. They weren’t supposed to get paid cash-in-hand, nor after one shift. But Petra had given the money herself, agreeing with Levi to take some of his wage once pay day actually came about. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and she would always be willing to help Levi in whatever way she could; even more so when she’d seen the day he had.

Levi piled the money up into Petyr’s hand. An eight-hour shift equating to eighty pounds – easily enough to cover the drugs from that morning, or so Levi expected. Usually the money would cover a dosage and a half, which would normally keep Levi going for a few days, depending on the quality of the high. However, there was something off about the transaction now as Levi watched Petyr glaring at the money with a distasteful look in his eyes.

The room felt silent as the older man began to flick through the money, counting as he went. “Eighty quid?! Where’s the rest?” He laughed.

Levi felt his brows frown, “What? That’s twenty more than what it usually costs.”

“You’re joking,” Petyr shook his head, “This was a special measure. Or do you not recall waking me up at the fucking crack of dawn to fetch you some smack? Or the extra-large dose I brought you to work? Or the fact that I bought _your_shit with _my_money in the first place?” As he spoke, he pointed at Levi, emphasising who’s the drugs actually were, only irritating Levi more as he spoke.

“I didn’t ask for more than normal!” Levi snapped shaking his head in anger, “No wonder I was so shitting out of it at work. I could’ve got sacked! I could barely work for most of my shift! I only asked you to get the drugs as a one off, whilst I worked. All my other fucking money goes into this shithole of a house anyway!”

“Levi,” Petyr tutted, “If you’re gonna be so ungrateful, I’ll never get your shit in the future, you can sort yourself out.”

“Look, can’t you let it just be eighty, please? I have no more money. And you gave me more than what I wanted to pay for. I tried to get more money so I can buy us some food tonight but they wouldn’t let me work more hours today. Next time I’ll pay full, I promise. Just this time I’m so fucking hungry and it’ll leave us with nothing.”

“I’m willing to compromise.” Petyr teased, purring his words out harshly.

“Please, Petyr.” Levi shook his head, “Just this once, _please _let me off. I didn’t know it’d be so much money, I thought it’d be sixty and I’d buy us shopping or some shit. I never assumed it’d be more than eighty, _please_.”

Levi cringed at hearing himself cringing, wondering how life got so shit, where he became so reckless with the money he earnt. Old Levi would detest the man before him now, begging to a creep, asking to be let off dirty drug money. Wasting an entire days work on one high, when that money would cover rent, food, bills. He hated who he had become so much.

And that hatred grew as he felt the man who he cohabited with appear close before him, reaching a hand up and aggressively grabbing Levi’s cheeks in his palm, squeezing them tight. Levi felt his face grow contorted, his nose and mouth squished at uncomfortable angles: even speaking now would make him sound stupid, so he stood there and took it. If this is what it took to not owe that man money, then for now, it would be worth it.

He watched Petyr inspect his face, his lip upturning into a smirk as he admired Levi in his grasp: the small breath that escaped at that moment blew over Levi’s tired skin, infused with alcohol and dirt. He tried hard to ensure that his nose wouldn’t upturn in disgust, even more so as Petyr spoke. “Since you’re begging like a little bitch, I suppose I’ll let you off this once. But only if you do what I ask.”

Levi swallowed audibly; he knew where this was going. It’s what he expected. It was what he’d spent most of the day, when he was lucid, preparing for.

Without another word, Levi watched on as Petyr awkwardly shifted his grasp, removing the hand from Levi’s shoulder and bringing it to his trousers. The front zipper sounded, alongside a sharp intake of breath from the older man upon feeling the cool air of the flat. Levi didn’t look down; instead focussing on the uncomfortable clutch his partner had of his cheeks.

It was only when those stubble-surrounded lips crashed against his that he woke up to what was happening. Petyr began to kiss Levi enthusiastically, and Levi obliged. He opened his mouth in its awkward hold, allowing Petyr’s disgusting and prying tongue to be let in, feeling it stroking over his own; over his teeth, his lips. But Levi knew he had to do this, so he closed his eyes tightly and let it happen, letting his mind wander, trying to think of anything but those cold hands on his face, on his skin, exploring.

“You are so special, Levi.” Petyr groaned into the kiss, forcing the smaller man’s body flush against the wooden door behind him, slamming his head with a thud. “You’re a fucking pain in the arse, but _damn_, this makes up for it.”

Thankfully, Levi didn’t have to respond to the comments. Instead, he let the kiss continue as Petyr moved his hand away from his cheeks, leaving a bright red mark across the two of them. The hand with its dirty fingernails and its bloodied skin was brought around the back of Levi’s head, scraping those mangled fingers through his jet-black hair, pulling it down with force. The move separated their mouths and elicited an unwanted moan from Levi, of which Petyr revelled in.

“You like that, babe?” He groaned once again, before his hand moved from holding Levi’s side, instead yanking his trousers down aggressively, eagerly. His dick was freed as Petyr began to stroke it, smirking into the kiss he was forcing upon his partner. Levi closed his mind off, trying to pretend he was anywhere else. Focussing instead on how good he felt earlier, when he was flying somewhere far from this reality that he’d created for himself. Far away from Levi Ackerman.

He was only snapped out of any daydreams he could muster when he felt the hand of Petyr grab the crown of his hair, forcing him to his knees. Levi obeyed, grateful that locking their lips together had ended for the time-being; grateful that this was all Petyr wanted, rather than something more forceful, more aggressive. There was nothing he detested more than sex with Petyr, and that was what he’d expected the payment to be.

Levi opened his eyes again as he watched Petyr separating his legs slightly, preparing for the man before him. His soiled hand grabbed his length, directing the tip to Levi’s mouth. And without giving the man anytime to prepare, Petyr thrust himself into Levi with such force it caused the smaller man to gag aggressively, yet not giving him time to cough. Levi felt his eyes begin to water with the harsh movements, the uncomfortable plunging. But he knew what to do, he’d done it so many times before. He kept his hands steady at his sides, kept his cheeks hollow and his face still: Petyr didn’t deserve any more pleasure than he was receiving, and Levi would be sure to keep it that way. Hell, the man was so drunk, he probably wouldn’t even remember this come the morning.

Levi closed his eyes and rode the movements out, imaging he was somewhere else. He focussed on the man he saw today, how they’d always enjoy one another’s company in the bedroom. The way they’d help one another, embrace one another equally. The fact they had sex because they were in love and they wanted to, rather than aggressively sucking someone off for the sake of some drugs. Rather than rewarding the man that got him hooked in the first place.

Much to Levi’s relief, it appeared that Petyr was pent up enough already, rather than having to keep this going for all too long. He released deep in Levi’s throat after only a few heavy strokes, the slime-like liquid sliding down his gullet, leaving an unpleasant taste after it. And to keep Petyr happy for the rest of the evening, Levi pretended to enjoy that release with whatever little enthusiasm was left in his system, eliciting a small moan as Petyr pulled himself from his mouth, licking his lips animatedly.

Looking pleased with himself, Petyr smirked, his breath coming out in heavy pants. Patronisingly, the old man patted Levi on the head in reward. It took Levi everything he had not to turn around and punch the man in disgust, wanting nothing more now than to keep the peace, so he remained silent on the floor.

Understanding that nothing else was going to brew from this situation, Petyr wordlessly tucked his privacy back into his trousers, zipping the flyer up as he did so. Levi watched on as he turned his back to him, walking back over to the foul mattress as though nothing happened between them, snuggling down under the many layers of blankets which were located there.

Levi couldn’t look up, though. He couldn’t bear to see the fact of that man right now, feeling utterly repulsed by both Petyr and at himself. All he wanted to do was brush his teeth, wash his mouth out, have a clean. His mind kept wandering to his desire to be back at work, laying on that sofa, listening to the calmly hushed voice of Erwin Smith: anything was better than his home life right now. Although he knew it was all his fault; he was the one who ran away, he was the one who left Erwin. His home life would be an entirely different story if he’d just have talked things through with Erwin, rather than panicking and running.

But Kenny had always taught him to run and hide when he thought he was in danger. And whilst Levi knew Erwin would never be a danger, he knew he would. He thought he was the reason Erwin was messing around at University; that Levi was the sole reason he was going out and doing drugs, getting drunk. And Levi didn’t want to fuck that up for Erwin, nor did he want to risk being around drugs again. The thought of watching someone else he cared for overdosing was too traumatic to even think of; escaping Erwin was the only way to avoid that.

Little did Levi know he’d be the one who was more likely to overdose.

Feeling nothing but despise for himself, Levi found himself crawling up from his kneeling position on the floor, not looking back on the main living quarters as he made his way to the bathroom. The door was opened, but the light left off: he didn’t want to look at himself right now. As he closed the door behind him, Levi triple checked the bathroom door was locked so he could give himself some privacy for the time-being.

His eyes quickly grew accustomed to the darkness, used to not paying the electric bills and having the supply cut off caused him to become immune to such. He walked straight to the dirty sink, glaring down at the grime that was piling around the plughole, his hands braced on either side of the porcelain to hold himself upright. Levi’s body was gently swaying, not that he noticed it; his eyes wide in regret, disgust, hatred.

It was only after seeing Erwin that day that he realised how truly fucked up he was. It was only after hearing that voice again that he truly understood what he’d thrown away, and what he was left with. It was the first time he had properly felt regret.

It was the first time he ever wished he wasn’t hooked on drugs. All he could think of right now was Erwin, all he truly wanted was Erwin.

And for that, he’d give everything up.

* * *

Erwin barely had time to explain to Marie why he was going to Mike’s for the next few days, but for what it was worth, she seemed to understand the situation a little bit. Despite her reluctance to let her boyfriend leave on his birthday due to their planned evening together, and despite the fact she was aware that Erwin was so torn up about Levi, she still bid him a farewell at their front door, giving a subtle kiss to the distracted man before he climbed into the car.

He allowed himself a few moments to prepare for the drive ahead, taking in deep breaths to calm his nerves. The sight of Levi collapsed in that small cubicle hadn’t quite left his mind yet, and to be honest, he didn’t think it ever would. Seeing someone he loved so much, someone who still meant so much to him, struggling with something so hard – Erwin felt broken. But there was only one friend who always knew what to do in difficult situations, a friend who had been there for him no matter what. And the prospect of seeing Mike enabled Erwin to have that boost of energy he needed to drive him there, turning on his engine and speeding down the road.

Mike and Nanaba’s home was located in the same neighbourhood they all grew up in, and so the drive felt as though he was going home. Upon Erwin first moving away, the drive seemed to last forever, indicating the distance which he had put between himself and home. However, after such a stressful few years of searching for Levi, he’d grown used to the drive. And now it was welcomed as a pleasant hour or so, time to reflect and distract. An opportunity for Erwin to plan exactly what he wanted to say to his best friend.

However, his arrival came so much quicker than expected. The journey was smooth and quiet, the roads offering no distractions. And as he parked up outside, all Erwin’s plans of discussions flew out the window. Only now did he feel the severity of the situation creeping in; the fact he’d have to face his best friend who had also been searching for Levi all this time to tell him something terrible had happened. To be honest about how much Levi had changed: yet that didn’t sway Erwin’s opinions from wanting to be in Levi’s life again. At this point, that was all he wanted. He wanted Levi back.

Erwin switched the engine off, pulling the keys from the ignition and taking a deep breath to prepare himself. Slowly, the driver’s door was opened, and the tall man stepped from the car, stretching his back slightly from being hunched during the drive. Nanaba was already rushing down the driveway with a huge smile pinned on her face, running eagerly up to her friend.

Just as the door shut, Nanaba jumped onto Erwin, wrapping her arms around him tightly, pressing her face into his chest. Erwin laughed happily, now more than ever appreciating the love and support his friends had offered him regarding Levi over the years. Kindly, he wrapped his own arms tightly around her, spinning her slightly in the air before placing her footing steady on the ground.

“Erwin, I’m so glad you’re here. I can’t believe the news!” She exclaimed, giddy. Her smile was wide enough to light the entire street, her cheeks puffy from where she had evidently been crying. Erwin had almost forgot that Levi was their friends too, and how much they worried over the lost man.

“I know, I’m still shell-shocked myself.” He tried hard to keep that grin on his face, not wanting to dampen her enthusiasm just yet.

She let out a small excited squeal, “How did you manage to find him, after all this time?! I assume he was in the same city too?”

Erwin sighed, feeling his shoulders deflate slightly as he remembered how Levi looked when they first saw one another. “Yeah, it turned out he’s been living in the city the whole time. I do have to warn you, though, Nanaba. All isn’t what it seems just yet, I’ll explain it all to you both thoroughly.”

“Oh,” Nanaba hunched slightly, “Well, whatever it is, I’m just so relieved that you both found each other again.” She smiled, “How about I bring you inside, get you a drink? You must’ve been driving for hours.”

“That sounds wonderful, Nan. Thank you.”

Without another word, Erwin grabbed his bag from the back seat and flung it over his shoulder, ensuring his vehicle locked behind him. Nanaba guided her friend up the drive to the front door before letting the two of them in, slipping their shoulders off in the entrance and dropping bags. He was led through the house to the living room which was as cosy as Erwin had always remembered it. And such comforts helped Erwin relax; even more so as his best friend appeared in the room, setting down three drinks on the coffee table.

It was evident that Mike saw that tension melt away, standing up straight and walking directly to his best friend. They immediately embraced, Erwin clinging slightly tighter than he had anticipated to Mike. Mike just returned such a hold, patting his back slightly as they took a moment to breathe. “Good to see you again, buddy.”

“You too,” Erwin released, “Thank you so much for letting me come stay here for a while. I just needed to get out of that city, even for a little while. It’s all got a bit much and I need a break, to rewind back to my old life. Which, ironically considering how bad that last year was of school, was so much better than this.”

Mike pulled apart from the hug, leaving a sturdy arm stood on Erwin’s shoulder supportively. “You _never_need to thank us. Our home is yours, you know that much. Now come on, take a seat. You can explain what happened.”

Erwin nodded, grabbing a cup from the table and taking a perch in the armchair in the corner of the room. The corner seat was always the one Levi would opt for, noting he would be able to see everyone who comes in and leaves the room from that point. Such a habit had rubbed off on Erwin over the years, and it was only at this point he realised that he’d taken that from Levi. Now they’d seen each other once again, everything was reminding him of Levi. Even the way he grasped his cup, which Erwin quickly changed in favour of holding the handle.

He felt Mike’s eyes on him as Nanaba and he took a seat beside one another on the large sofa. They waited patiently, pretending to be engrossed by their drinks, not wanting to make Erwin uncomfortable. Although, after so many years of waiting, Erwin understood they had a right to learn where their friend had disappeared to: and so he didn’t wait in opening up, wanting to get the events of that day from his chest.

“Okay, so. Levi.” He coughed, clearing his throat. “God, I can’t believe I actually found him again. I can’t believe I got to see him, after all this time. Well, it was Marie, actually. She took me out this lunchtime for my birthday and we ended up in a local bar, where it turned out Levi was working. Although he wasn’t going as Levi anymore, instead using the pretence that his name was Josef, of all people.”

Uncharacteristically, Erwin found his speech coming out in small sentences, barely able to hold his story together, barely able to think straight. Thankfully, Mike and Nanaba didn’t seem to notice or mind, simply commenting to help aid his story along.

“Josef?” Mike frowned, “As in his ex?”

Erwin scoffed, “Yeah. Amazing, right? We questioned his name anyway, but he didn’t stay behind the bar long. He was with another girl there called Petra, who does seem lovely. She told him his partner was on his way and Levi ran off to the bathroom. I waited long enough, but then decided to go and see him myself. And -”

He paused. He had no idea how to word this, didn’t even think he’d ever have to explain something so truly horrendous. Mike was there with them the day they found Kenny overdosed, and out of the three of them, he took the sight of drugs and death the hardest, which wasn’t expected. Now, so many years on, Erwin coming back bearing something of a similar ilk was horrid; especially regarding someone they all cared for so much, someone they’d been searching for, for years.

“I didn’t really get a chance to ask him anything or talk to him about where the hell he’d ran off to. He was so drugged up, high as a kite. He’s on heroin, or so I can guess from the needle. Petra said his new boyfriend is his drug dealer. He’s twenty years older than Levi too. And he’s abusive. I have no idea what to do, or how to handle this. An uncle is different, but this time Levi ran away from me, and I can’t get him back. He ran away to this creep he’s with and I can’t even interfere. I’m not his boyfriend, I let him go.”

“Heroin?” Nanaba questioned first, “_Our_Levi is doing heroin? After everything he’d been through before? That doesn’t seem right. He was so against drugs, all his life. He always said he’d stay away from them.”

Erwin shrugged his shoulders, “That’s what I thought. But he was, there’s no denying it. Petra and I had to carry him from the cubicles to the staff room to get him laid down, he was so out of it. God, it was awful. Truly awful.”

“Jesus.” Mike breathed out. “We can’t leave him in that situation. You remember Kenny, we can’t let that happen to Levi, too. What do you know about his new boyfriend? Or that Petra girl? Do you know if he’s got involved with anyone dodgy again?”

Erwin took a sip of his drink, before leaning to put it on the centre of the coffee table. “I know he’s called Petyr, that’s all. He’s Petyr and he’s in his forties. Petra is Levi’s friend, she seems nice enough. Levi must trust her a lot, she knew so much about his past, she knew everything about High School and why Levi ran away, although she wouldn’t tell me much. I did get her number, though.”

“That’s it then.” Mike nodded in resolution. “You have to text her, get hold of Levi, find where he is. We’ll come and get him, or at least meet up with him. We’ll find out what the hell has been going on. I don’t care if he doesn’t want us contacting him, we’ve waited long enough to find him. Now it’s his turn to be honest with us.”

Erwin frowned, “Are you sure that’s the best idea? I don’t want to scare him away again, Mike. I can’t lose him again. These past few years have been so hard, I’m surprised we’ve all come out alright at the other end.”

“I’m sure.” Nanaba agreed with her partner, “You know how much Levi doted you, and he still will, I’m sure of it. Any contact after what you witnessed today will undoubtedly fill him with relief that you don’t want to shut him out. I think Mike’s right, contact that Petra girl, see if she can help.”

Erwin nodded in agreement, not really wanting to think more on this situation. Everyone in that room knew Levi inside out, and as such, they all would know what he’d want. Erwin felt he wasn’t in a right state to make any decisions properly regarding everything that had happened and was relying solely on the two before him. Even more so as he passed his phone to Mike to dial Petra’s number, putting the phone on speaker and locating it at the centre of the table.

All three pairs of eyes watched over the illuminated screen as it sounded loudly into the empty space. The phone rang three times, “_Erwin? Hello?”_

“Petra, sorry to call you so late on. But I desperately need a favour, and I know you’ll say no at first, but please understand how important it is. I need Levi’s number.”

A sigh sounded down the line. “_If he finds out it was me that gave you it, he’d kill me_.”

“No one gave me it,” Erwin quickly interrupted, “I found it online. On the online directory. I’m good at hunting things out like that, I’m normally good at finding people. Just Levi is a tricky one, that’s all.”

_"Right. And why do you need it so badly? I’m just not sure it’s a good idea. You two only just found each other again today, and it’s a lot for you both to take in. I just don’t want you making any rash decisions, you know?”_

“I just need him to know that I’m here when he needs me, and that he's okay. I need him to know that I don’t judge him for what happened today, or what I saw. I want him to know that, if he’d like, I’d love to be a part in his life again. That’s all, maybe a suggestion of coffee but nothing more. I won’t follow him, I won’t look for him unless he asks.”

There was a silence as Erwin looked up from the phone, connecting his eyes to Mike and Nanaba across the room. They both looked hopeful, and everyone felt their shoulders deflate in relief as the voice sounded again through the speaker.

“_Fine._” She agreed, “_It’s…_”

* * *

He wasn’t sure how long he’d laid in the bath for, but it was long enough for the water to be freezing and for darkness to have fallen from the main room, the light no longer illuminated under the frame. With a deep breath, Levi grasped onto either side of the tub and hauled his body upright, his shivers intense. At this point he wasn’t sure if it was his body starting to withdraw, or because he water was so cold. Levi hoped it was the latter, not wanting to be that reliant on drugs. Not only half a day after use, or just a bit longer.

He stepped onto the dirty towel on the floor, feeling no cleaner than he had before he got in the bath. The beach towel that was frayed and colourless was grabbed from the rack, as Levi dried over his body quickly, slipping into the pyjamas he always left in the bathroom. His clothes were piled neatly on the top of the sink, ready to put on first thing in the morning for work. With any luck, he’d awake before Petyr, the old man evidently asleep already. That would be over twelve hours avoiding seeing the man awake which is all he could wish for.

As silently as possible, Levi unlocked the door of the bathroom, scanning his eyes across the living area quickly. His assumptions were confirmed; Petyr fast asleep with all the blankets piled upon him. Sighing, Levi turned back in the bathroom and grabbed the now damp beach towel and his phone, before heading to take his position on the mattress.

He laid as close to the edge as he could, so as not to disturb the pig sleeping beside him. Knowing it wasn’t worth pulling a blanket off his partner, a damp beach towel was his only option of any warmth. The towel was pulled over his shivering body, as close to his face as possible, before his phone was brought to his attention. An unknown number illuminated the screen, indicating that there were three missed messages. He frowned, sliding to unlock the phone and read through them.

His heart almost stopped.

20:26: Hey, Levi. It’s Erwin. I hope you don’t mind me texting you, I found your phone number online and after today, I desperately wanted to check you’re doing okay. How are you? X

20:58: If it’s not too forward, and if you’re comfortable with it, I was going to ask if you’d also like to meet up for coffee, or tea? I just want a chance to explain what happened back then, and a chance to apologise. X

21:03: But mostly I just want to make sure you’re okay. Sorry if you didn’t want to hear from me, Levi. X

Levi couldn’t help but read over the messages a few times, feeling like a love-sick teenager. The fluttering feeling that he hadn’t felt for years arose in his throat, his crooked teeth forming into a little smile, his heart beating a little quicker than normal. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that Erwin would’ve messaged Petra to get his number, but honestly, he was totally fine with it. After such a terrible day, it felt good to hear from someone who knew him so much, who actually understood him. Who cared for him.

Although he couldn’t stop that negative pull clouding his mind again. The fact he had pushed Erwin away for so many years clearly indicated that he needed to be far apart from the man, although by this point, Levi wasn’t entirely sure why he’d ran away in the first place. Sure, he was mad about the fact that Erwin was doing drugs, albeit recreationally. But in reality, Levi knew that he ran away because he was scared. He’d lost everyone he loved over the years, and University put such a space between the two of them that he wanted to leave before Erwin could leave him. But that seemed to have fucked everything up. Although the more he thought about it, the more he just seemed to be making up excuses.

Without thinking rationally, Levi quickly saved the number in his phone under Erwin’s name, eager to never lose contact with the man again. He didn’t even think as he began to type the reply; forgetting that he had a boyfriend, had no money, lived in the place he did. Forgetting that he was the one who opted to run away in the first place, who had hidden for all these years. Forgetting what he looked like when he was found today, that Erwin had seen him in such a mess.

00:34: Erwin. Yeah, meet for coffee. Tuesday at 9? I work at 10.

Not long after sending the response, the heavy emotions of the day took their toll on Levi, and he found himself becoming drowsy quickly, falling into a pleasant slumber. He couldn’t force his eyes to stay awake for a response, accepting that Erwin would still be there in the morning, giving him something to look forward to. For once he didn’t sleep craving food or drugs, but instead could think of nothing but the face of the blonde man he’d loved all these years; his dreams filled with the image of their upcoming coffee date.

And such a peaceful slumber would’ve gone on for longer, until Levi awoke with a pain jolting through his jaw, up his cheekbone. His face crashed to the side, blood slipping into his mouth, over his teeth, and there was an unwelcomed weight upon his stomach. Quickly, he tried hard to look at the figure in the dark before him, although the illuminated screen on his phone posed who it was with little need to think.

“Erwin!? _The _fucking Erwin?! You’re fucking cheating on me!” Petyr yelled, jamming his fist against Levi’s face once again, knocking his face with such force Levi felt it crack slightly, “You fucking piece of scum! After everything I do for you!”

Quickly, Levi reacted. He wrapped his leg from under the beach towel around the man before him, forcefully making Petyr collapse onto his side. And just as swift, Levi was sat on his chest, a hand outstretched across his throat, pressing firmly into Petyr’s trachea. “Don’t go through my phone, you fucking freak.” Levi spat, blood trickling down from his nose. Red splotches landed on the man before his grasp, slipping down Petyr’s cheek who was evidently struggling at Levi’s hold, though the man didn’t care. He wanted nothing more than to kill the heavy-weight under him. Once Petyr was gone, Levi could escape this hell-ish life he’d made for himself.

“All I do is give you drugs, a place to live, a cock to fuck. And this is how you repay me?! By going behind my back, seeing that cunt from before who did nothing but cause you pain! Levi, I love you! I give you everything you need. Why can you not see that?!” Petyr spluttered, struggling to speak against the force on his chest, the hand squeezing his throat.

“You attacked me in the night,” Levi scoffed, squeezing tighter as he did, “You don’t give me drugs, you expect me to buy them from you! You fucking rape me, Petyr. I’d never want to have sex with you. You force me to do it for smack. Erwin would never force me to do that. All we were gonna do is meet up for a drink, anyway! I barely fucking know him anymore! At least he was there to help me when you drugged me today. Where the hell were you?!”

“Making deals to keep you alive! To keep us living here! I do it because I love you, Levi.” Petyr pleaded, “I just don’t want you running back to Erwin. He doesn’t get you like I do, he couldn’t pick you up when you need it. He can’t give you what you need.” The old man took a hand away from trying to pry Levi’s arm from his throat, bringing it to touch Levi’s cheek gently. “Babe, you know that. We need each other. You know we do, you just don’t realise it ‘cos you’re so high. But think, Levi, how the hell would you get by without me at your side?”

“No!” Levi yelled, not realising the emotion in his voice, “I don’t need you Petyr, stop saying that! I don’t fucking need you! I don’t!”

He was so infused in anger that Levi didn’t realising how tightly he was squeezing on Petyr’s throat, until the man’s face grew red and panicked. It was only when that awful rasping, choking noise filled the room that he snapped from the daze, panicking. Watching Petyr struggle forced Levi to understand how much he did need that creep. How much he relied on that old man; the old man he’d almost killed in a fit of rage.

Using the back of his hand, Levi wiped the blood from his nose, still sat pressed on Petyr’s chest. He reached over the mattress and retrieved his phone, sliding it into his pyjama pants pocket, listening to his partner below him spluttering and gasping, trying hard to suck any air possible back into his lungs.

Levi felt his skin bubble with goose bumps, his frame shivering. He was cold, and so fucking tired, and his nose hurt, and he was bleeding badly. All he could think about was how much he needed to zone out again; how Petyr was right. They did need each other, although for entirely different reasons. And whilst Levi was fully aware of how much he relied on that older man, he knew that right now, more than ever, he just needed another safe space to go to. Just a break, an opportunity to think things through properly.

And right now, he wanted out. He wanted somewhere to go.

He leaned forward, close to Petyr’s mouth, before brushing his skin close to his ear instead. He felt the body below him twitch in response, fearful of what Levi was going to do next. But he didn’t attack, instead leaning in close and whispering teasingly, “Attack me again and I’ll kill you.”

Without another word, Levi climbed from the chest of the spluttering man on the bed. As he escaped the mattress, Petyr moved quickly and grabbed Levi’s ankle, pulling it backwards with such force that Levi crashed backwards, grunting as he did so. But Petyr was weak from catching his breath again, and Levi was small and quick. He rolled from the crashing fist of his boyfriend, hitting the cold floor harshly. But he didn’t care about the pain right now; he had one place in mind, a sanctuary to escape from this.

Levi blocked out the incessant begging of the man on the mattress who was crying, begging Levi not to leave. His alcohol infused tears made Levi’s stomach churn, feeling no pity as he dashed from the door, not bothering to grab any clothing or his jacket. He just wanted to get away as quickly as he could, panicked that Petyr would get up and chase after him at any point. Levi didn’t want a fight right now; he just wanted a space where he could think things through properly, figure it all out.

He needed someone. He needed a safe place to go. There was no way he was risking sleeping there after being awoke by a fist in the face, and he had one true friend who he could always trust in times like this.

Without any acknowledgement of the time, he dialled Petra who answered almost immediately. “_Levi, what’s going on? It’s four in the morning!_”

“I need a place to go. I need to get out.”

“_Of course, Levi. I’ll be up waiting for you, whatever you need._”

And whilst Levi was infinitely grateful for his best friend, right now, he only wanted to be one other place. He wanted, more than anything, to be in the arms of Erwin Smith.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check tags before reading this chapter! I'd say it's quite graphic, and I'll put a little trigger warning out regarding everything that's in the tags!

The second her phone rang, Petra knew instantly who it would be. And as awful as it seemed, she had been awake expecting Levi to make the call; after he’d had such a hard day at work, she knew he wouldn’t want to be at home and would need that space. However, what she didn’t expect was Levi ringing her at such an unusual time with a voice laced with concern or panic even – it made her stomach churn wondering what could’ve happened.

Unsure what to do with her time as she awaited Levi’s arrival, Petra climbed out of her warm bed, letting her feet fall into fluffy slippers and wrapping a snuggly dressing gown around her body. She lived by herself, and as such, couldn’t afford a large property: instead settling for a one bedroom flat with beige walls and wooden floors, the only sparks of colour ignited from the blue decorations she’d lined across the home.

As she left the dark bedroom, the hallway light illuminated her way, guiding her through the small living room section of the house and into the kitchen, where she boiled the kettle and fetched both Levi’s favourite cup and tea. If he was to be staying here for a night or two, then the best way for him to feel at home was being provided his favourite drink, or so she assumed.

As the kettle poured, Petra made sure to check through the medicine box, ensuring there were bandages and plasters to prepare for the worst. Too many times Levi had come over with a slashed arm, a bruised stomach, an aching head. Too many times they’d been caught short with limited supplies to help tend for such wounds, even more so with Levi’s persistent refusals to go to the hospital. But Petra understood, and was patient, and would assist Levi in whatever way she could.

Thankfully it appeared as though she’d stocked up, standing up herself with relief flushing through her body. The kettle began to whistle as she removed the copper pot from the oven hob, pouring the boiling water into both a cup for herself, and Levi’s cup, before carefully placing the steaming kettle back down. The drinks were both carried over to the dining table, a subdue two-seater, with black leather seats and a shining glass topper, as Petra waited for Levi to arrive. Her hands wrapped around the mug, keeping her body warm, despite the cold air of the flat.

It didn’t take much longer until the door sounded with a raspy knock, Levi clearly managing to get through the front door of the building as no doorbell needed to be sounded first. Immediately, Petra stood from her seating place and practically ran over to the door, unlocking it instantly to reveal her best friend who looked nothing like the Levi she knew.

His body had practically turned blue in the cooling air of the night; upon his body was nothing but a thin, torn cotton pair of pyjamas. The t-shirt had holes dotted through it, and the bottoms appeared damp at the heels. His feet had his combat boots awkwardly pulled over them, and his arms were crossed, shivering aggressively over his body, as though being in such position would hug any heat left into him. Not that it appeared to be working.

Levi had nothing with him, either. No jacket, no clothing, no toiletries. It looked as though he must’ve left the flat in such a rush, which could be confirmed even more so as Petra got a good look at his face, which was a horror sight itself. There was blood _everywhere_. The drying liquid smeared up both his cheeks, with a heavy flow seeping from his left nostril. The Left side of his cheek appeared black and blue, bruising already developing rapidly, with a small circle growing around his eye socket. Petra felt her heart beat quicker with worry, concerned at whatever had happened.

“Levi, come in.” She requested, stepping aside to let the man into her flat. He rushed in, allowing her to close and lock the door quickly once again. Although, as he was inside, it was evident he wasn’t entirely sure what to do with himself. He began to pace a little, his teeth chattering loud in the empty flat.

“Levi, what the hell did he do to you? What the hell happened?” She demanded, leading the clueless man over to the dining chairs. He sat down, quickly taking the cup before him, attempting to push any heat from that cup through into his blood. Petra grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it gently over the man’s shoulders, eager to stop his shivering. “Please, tell me, Levi.”

His grey eyes watched Petra take a seat before him, as she too grabbed her mug, waiting patiently for Levi to start talking. It took him a while to even be warm enough to get his words out, but when he managed, he started to talk.

“_Fuck_,” he breathed out, bringing his knees close to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around them. “It all happened so quickly, I can barely even think what he did.”

He shifted awkwardly under Petra’s gaze, “Just whatever you can remember. Normally I’d let this go, however I don’t think that’s right anymore. If he’s abusing you Levi, we need to get you out of there. Look, you can come live with me for a bit. I’ll put all my things into the bedroom, this part of the house can be yours – I just want you safe.”

Levi scoffed, shaking his head as though disgusted by himself. “If only it was that easy, Petra. I would fucking leave that creep, you know that. But I can’t. I can’t survive without him, that much is clear. Even if he does force me to fuck him, or hit me, bloody me up. I don’t have a choice.”

“He forced you to sleep with him?” Petra’s eyes grew wide in horror upon hearing what was being said, never expecting Petyr to do something to vile. “What do you mean, Levi? That’s rape.”

“Okay, no.” Levi shook his head, “I have to sleep with him to pay for smack, he doesn’t give me another choice. The shit today was expensive, and I didn’t have enough money, but he let me off loads if I would suck him off. So, I did, then I just went to the bathroom to hide after. He’s aggressive about it but I had to do it, it was my choice.”

She frowned into the tea, “Levi, that doesn’t sound like a choice. That sounds like he’s manipulating you when you’re vulnerable to get you to do things for him. And for what it’s worth, that would still constitute as rape. You have to get out of there, please. I rarely would beg of you, you know that, but right now I am begging.”

“No, Petra. I’ve come away from him for the night but that’s all I can do. I’m already feeling shit, and he’ll force that to go away quick. That’s all I care about. Since Erwin’s come back it all feels more fucked up than ever, especially after he saw me today. It just made me realise how much I fucked it all up.”

“Whatever happened between the two of you, it’s always salvageable. You can always forgive yourself for what happened and see what comes after that. Drugging yourself up all the time isn’t going to erase your past.”

“Getting high is the only way to forget my past. You seem to forget how rough I fucking had it, Petra. It isn’t just Erwin I’m trying to forget. I’m trying to get over seeing my only family overdosed and stone-cold dead. I’m trying to forget my fucking best friends that were murdered, seeing my partner get fucking shot. Getting stalked by my ex. The times when I was almost fucking killed. I don’t think you get it, it’s not as fucking easy as you’re making it sound. I _need _drugs. I need them to forget my shitting life.”

It was evident that Levi was growing twitchy and angry about the situation, even more so as he listed off the things he hated and wanted rid of from his life. His body was still shivering aggressively, and his chapped lips were still blue, though he managed to find that fire and rage from somewhere within him. Petra felt lost, clueless, unsure of how to handle him when he was growing irritated and angry. Luckily for her, it seemed as though Levi realised how badly he’d reacted.

A shaking hand pushed against his forehead, which too, was covered in blood. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to kick off. It’s just like everything is too much right now. You didn’t even have to take me in, and here I am, fucking yelling at you as though this is your fault. It’s not, Petra. I’m sorry.”

She put her hands up as though in surrender, refusing the apology. “No, you have nothing to be sorry about. You’re right, I do forget how hard it has been for you sometimes. And without any pressure or judgement intended, have you thought about speaking to someone, a counsellor perhaps? There are people out there who will help you forget seeing the faces you’ve mentioned, people who would want to help you get away from Petyr and the drugs.”

He sighed, deep. “I’ve been to someone once, but it was shit. After Kenny was found dead and the ambulance staff came over, I told them loads of shit. Erwin’s family paid loads of money for me to see someone, but it didn’t do much. They just kept making me open up and I wasn’t fucking ready. Us Ackerman’s always deal with our own shit, rather than letting other people sort it out for us, and I intended to stay that way.”

“I understand,” Petra nodded, “Well. It might be something worth thinking about in the future, and there’s services where you’re able to get the help you need for free. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be around to help you. Just remember that. But for the time-being, I would like to know what actually happened, and why you have blood all over your face.”

“God,” Levi mumbled, almost forgetting the state he must look like. “It was weird. I remember having a bath and climbing out to find a text from Erwin, asking to meet up for coffee next week. I replied and fell asleep, only waking up again when Petyr planted a fist in my face. He was yelling at me, saying I was cheating on him.”

“Erwin got your number?” Petra pretended to be surprised, but Levi smirked, seeing through her cheeky little white lies.

“I know you gave him my number, Petra. I don’t mind, seriously. Petyr minded though, tried to hit me again. I flipped him over and strangled him to get him to stop coming after me. When I got up, he tried to grab my ankle, but I got out quick. That’s why I have no clothes or shit with me. I don’t even have anything to wear to work tomorrow.”

Petra shook her head in disbelief, “I can’t believe he did that to you, rather than just asking you about it. And I can’t believe he just went through your phone like that, either! I’ve said it a few times, but you really do need out soon, Levi. You can’t go on living like this. And you know you’re always welcome here, whenever you need it, alright? I’m serious. I could make this place a damn sight nicer than where you are now.”

“Thanks Petra, seriously.” He smiled a little, “Do you mind if I go clean myself up now? I’m fucking freezing and a hot shower will probably make me feel better.”

“Of course,” Petra stood from her chair, tucking it neatly under the table as Levi repeated the same action, “You know where the bathroom is. I’ll go on the hunt for some of my brothers’ clothes, he usually leaves a spare hoodie and pair of jeans here so hopefully they’ll fit you. You can borrow an old top for pyjamas, and I’ll give that filthy one a wash, just leave it outside the door.”

Levi nodded gratefully, before he abandoned the cup and blanket by the chair he was previously sat on. Petra watched as he wandered off to the bathroom, taking his top off as he did so, letting it fall into a pile on the floor. The lock sounded, and the shower began to run not moments after. Petra was certain she heard a contented sigh leave the closed off room, unmistakeably Levi enjoying the heat against his sore and cold skin.

Petra herself wandered back into the bedroom and eagerly attempted to make the bed appear as inviting as she could. The decision had been made to allow Levi the luxury of a few hours’ sleep in a proper bed, since she was aware that at home all he had was an old mattress and scraggly blankets. And as she fluffed up the pillows ready for him to rest his head, it was only when Levi’s true reality began to shock her.

The fact the man she cared for with so much love felt forced into sexual actions to pay for his drugs, the fact he took drugs to remove his memory from the horrendous sights he’d endured throughout his time made her feel guilty, saddened even. It was in that precise moment that she decided she’d do whatever was humanly possible to help get Levi out of his hideous relationship, to find him someone who cared about him properly.

Even if that only person was Erwin.

* * *

Erwin sat on the front of Mike’s porch at such an early time the sun was yet to rise. In his hand was his phone, grasped tightly between his long fingers. He still couldn’t believe that Levi had responded to his text, nor that such a response had indicated a time for them to meet. He never expected this to happen, and as such, hadn’t prepared as far as what to respond to that with. Of course, he wanted to meet up with Levi, but a minor few days seemed so soon. He hadn’t even planned out what to say to him yet.

Alongside the message from Levi was multiple texts from Marie asking if he’d made it to the house okay, asking where he was and wishing him a goodnight, hoping he had a good birthday. And honestly, it was the best birthday he’d ever had. He’d never have expected to wake up and find Levi that day; it was a gift, albeit one with a few confusing aspects. But nonetheless, Levi was back in his life, and this time he was determined to not let him go.

However, just the thought of such filled him with an intense guilt. The fact he was so willing to throw everything away just to be with Levi made him question his relationship with Marie and how legit it truly was. He couldn’t keep stringing her along for years waiting for Levi to accept him back into his life, nor could he just throw her away because he’d found the man he once loved knocked out in the toilets, drugged up on God-knows-what.

Sighing, Erwin found himself coming to the conclusion that there is only one person who would properly be able to offer advice that would simply be right for Erwin, rather than offering a bias viewpoint from a close friend, such as Mike. Mike was ideal for helping Erwin figure out what to do with Levi, how to speak to him and where to go from there. But as for relationship advice on his current situation, there was only one person who could lead him to the right answer quickly, and that was his mother.

Thus, Erwin made a mental note to schedule time in to go home that day. No one but Mike and Nanaba had been aware of Levi’s return at this point, and his parents had equal responsibility in hunting him out all that time ago; they would be thrilled to find out that Levi hadn’t actually died or left the country, although they’d be deeply saddened upon hearing he was on drugs once again. That last year of High School was hard, and they had taken Levi in as though he was their own son. Hearing him destroying his life would destroy them in equal measures.

Erwin sighed into the harsh air as the sun began to peek up from behind the cloud, preparing himself to get back up and go inside until he heard the front door open, and saw a tired and dishelved looking Mike appear through the entrance. He grunted a good morning, before wordlessly wandering over to perch beside Erwin, yawning as he did so.

“You’re up early.” Mike commented, stretching his arms above his head before allowing his entire body to flop, “Couldn’t sleep?”

“No,” Erwin smiled sadly, “Seems my mind has a lot to think about. I couldn’t stop reliving what I saw yesterday, thinking about where he is now and what he’s doing.”

“Same,” Mike nodded with understanding, “I can’t lie. Nan and I were up most of the night searching drug rehab centres, if he’s struggling that much. Levi means a hell of a lot to the two of us too, and we don’t want him to feel like drugs are his only option. Did you get any luck after messaging him yesterday?”

“Yeah,” Erwin handed his phone over to Mike, who took it and unlocked it in response. The two had known each other’s’ passwords for years, and as such Mike helped himself to Erwin’s messages. “He responded at almost one in the morning.”

“So he does want to see you? That’s a great start. And Tuesday gives you enough time away from the city to prepare for your meeting, although you can always come back here after you’ve seen him if you need.”

“I was actually going to ask if you and Nanaba would care to come back to the city with me for a day or two? I think it would be lovely to have you at my house for a while, and I can show you the bar where Levi is working. So long as he isn’t there, anyway. I don’t want to pile up all the pressures of us lot coming to find him just yet.”

Mike nodded, handing the phone back to Erwin. “We’d both love that. I’ll call work today and tell them I’m taking some holiday off. I’ll feel a lot better if we’re there to support you through this, anyway. And I’m certain Nan would too, she was so worried about you last night. Will Marie mind us coming?”

Erwin let out a breathless laugh, “I’m not sure Marie likes me doing anything to do with High School, so I’m certain having you and Nanaba rock up home with me won’t be welcomed by the most pleasant of greetings. However, it’s my house and I choose to invite you both over. I’m feeling all a little confused regarding Marie at the moment, anyway.”

The porch fell silent for a moment then, both men taking in the words that had been exchanged. It was the first time that Erwin had addressed out loud something distasteful about his relationship with Marie, ever. It was something he’d always sugar coat and make sound amazing for the simple fact it helped him feel happy, but now he didn’t feel he had to falsify such a lifestyle. It was time to address the truth and be honest with himself; he hadn’t been happy with Marie for a long time, way before Levi returned. And as such, the latter just inspired Erwin to look at his relationship with a stronger pair of glasses, giving him a chance to see it for what it really was.

“How are you holding up?” Mike questioned, snapping Erwin back from his distorted reality, where he was finding questions in everything that brought him comfort.

“As I said last night, I’m just slightly shell-shocked about it all. I wasn’t even aware how strong my feelings were still for Levi until I saw him again, and now I’m in this puddle of confusion as to what is the right thing to do.” Erwin sighed, running a hand up to his face, resting it on his forehead. “I just can’t believe he’s back.”

Mike nodded, outstretching an arm and placing it on Erwin’s back tenderly. Erwin felt into the touch, a rare sight where he felt the need to indulge in such comfort. “I love him, Mike. I still love him, and I always will.” Erwin spoke, his voice coming out a little weaker with each word. And Mike simply stayed there, kind and listening, as Erwin finally let the emotions come to light, the first few tears shedding onto the wooden floor before the two of them.

“I love him.” Erwin wept a little louder, turning his head to the side and burrowing it onto Mike’s lap.

Mike compassionately massaged small circles onto his best friends back in a way his mother used to when he was upset. He too was feeling overwhelmed by the entire thing, admittedly crying to his fiancé just the night before about how relieved he was to hear that Levi was still here, that he was still alive. He couldn’t even imagine how Erwin felt in that moment, never having an official break up, never understanding what the hell happened, and watching the love of his life just disappear one day.

Although right now, Mike could understand how Erwin felt. In all the years of being friends, he’d only ever seen Erwin break down three times. The first was after the three of them discovered the two dead bodies, and Erwin was having such a hard time dealing such a sight. The second was three days after Levi had first gone missing, when everyone was concerned for his safety and well-being. And the third was now; the man finding the one he loved.

And knowing what would be best for his friend, Mike responded with the only words he could muster. “Then Erwin, I think you know what you need to do.”

* * *

Walking up the drive to his old house always sparked a wave of nostalgia in Erwin. He never truly realised how much he missed home until he returned. His new home in the city, his fancy job and six-figure income was all pleasant and fun until he felt the soft gaze of his childhood home upon him, when he got the waft of scent from the flowers growing in the front gardens, or the sight of that loved entranceway where he’d stepped over that threshold with so many pleasant memories.

Since Levi’s disappearance, Erwin spent more time at home than he had since starting University. That safety blanket of his family was so necessary and important, it was the only thing keeping him sane when going through such a hard time. However, when he did go home, he’d never stay in his own bedroom anymore. Everywhere he looked he saw nothing but Levi, despite the fact they almost emptied it out when moving away to University. The presence of the man still loomed over him, and as such, Erwin’s new refuge at this house was located beside his parents in the other wing of the house.

As the cars came into view, Erwin felt his body shudder with relief. His mother’s car was parked up in the drive, suggesting that she was still at home rather than heading to work. The lack of his father’s vehicle saddened Erwin slightly, although he would wait around for his return. Working lecturing meant that he shouldn’t have a late finish, and as such could still attend the small meal that Nanaba had proposed to celebrate Erwin’s birthday from the day before.

Realising he’d forgot his house key, Erwin pressed the doorbell to alert his mother of his arrival. And not moments later, he heard those comforting footsteps plodding throughout the house, making their way to the front door. He felt himself grinning already, even more so as the door unlocked and that content, happy lady was displayed before him with open arms and a welcoming smile.

“Erwin, darling!” She squealed out, wrapping her son in a tight hold. He was taller than her now, finding himself tucking his own mother under his chin rather than the other way around. Nonetheless, he still felt secure and protected by his mother, “I didn’t realise you were coming home this weekend! Happy birthday for yesterday sweetheart. I hope you got your card and present in the mail!”

Erwin felt himself chuckle slightly, “I did, thank you mother. I actually come here with some news, but I feel I should give this inside, if you don’t mind. I’m just not feeling myself at all and would appreciate sitting down whilst I explain it all to you.”

“Oh,” Mrs Smith pulled away from the hold, a worried look on her face. “Well, of course, sweetie. You come on inside and go to the sitting room, I’ll just fetch us a glass of juice each.”

“Thank you, mother.” Erwin responded, stepping inside the doorframe, welcomed by that delicious scent of home-cooking and his natural homely scent. He breathed it in subtly, kicking his shoes off by the front door and letting himself into the sitting room. Nothing had changed since he had moved out, of which he was eternally grateful of. One thing he did notice, however, was that the pictures displayed previously of him and Levi were no longer on the mantlepiece, instead replaced with frames of him and Marie graduating. His heart sank slightly.

Erwin found himself distracted as his mother entered the room once again, a tray piled up with cake, biscuits, and home-made lemonade. Two glasses had already been poured, and Mrs Smith took it upon herself to take her cup in her hand, handing her son the other. He took it with a small smile, before taking a seat beside his mother on the loveseat under the window.

“Erwin, darling, please tell me what’s going on. I’m ever so worried.” Mrs Smith requested, as the two of them made themselves comfortable. Her bright blue eyes were intensely resting on Erwin as he settled down, making him feel uneasy beside her. Not because he didn’t want her to know the truth, he just was concerned at how she’d take it.

“I had an eventful birthday, I’ll say.” He began, “Marie and I attended a bar together for lunch when we were served by Levi. Levi who was pretending to be named Josef.”

She gasped softly, “Oh my gosh, you found Levi? After all this time?” Carol covered her mouth daintily with her free hand, her eyes quickly starting to water. “How is he?”

Erwin took a hand to his face and ran it over, before finding his body leaning forward, reality still not coming into play despite how many times he’d spoken of this story, despite the numerous times he’d replayed it in his mind. “He’s not good, mother. He’s not good and I have no idea what to do about it. I just – I just can’t leave him how he is, I feel terrible.”

“Now, Erwin.” She straightened her expression, replacing that saddened and worried look for one of determination; the brave face she always put on for Erwin taking place, the look he needed so much to understand that everything was going to be okay. “You’ve always been able to help people, and as such, I’m certain you’ll be able to help Levi. But before you tell me anything further, I need to know that you’re aware how he is now is not your fault. You might have broken up, and I can assume what it is that Levi is doing now, but you need to understand that he had an extremely hard upbringing which will too add to how he is today. Do you understand that?”

“Mum,” Erwin moaned, feeling his voice wobble again, feeling utterly pathetic, “It is my fault he ran, though. It’s my fault I scared him off, and now I found him drugged up in a toilet. He was so out of it, his skin looks so bad, and it wasn’t just small drugs. He had a needle in there with him, and track marks up his arms. It’s not something small.”

“Honey,” Carol kept her voice steady, wrapping an arm around her son, “He ran away because he had too much to deal with. He never got help for the things he had to go through that last year you were in school. He’d suffered abuse at home, abuse from his lover before you, he’d had an old man chasing after him to get him to perform inhumane acts for him. And none of those emotions or feelings were dealt with. From how I understand humans, he was using University as a way to run away and not deal with anything, and as such, it all became too intense.”

Erwin sniffed, “I should never have let him go though, mother. I should’ve been there for him if he was having a hard time-”

“You were having a hard time too, if I remember correctly.” Mrs Smith responded, her voice stern. “That first Christmas you two came home, you told me then how difficult you were finding your course. The course you’d wanted to study since being a tiny boy, and as such you put your attention on that. It’s only natural that you both found your own struggles at such an age, and it’s only normal you drifted slightly. I will repeat it as many times as it takes, but Levi running was not your fault. It wasn’t, darling. That was his own choice.”

Erwin took a hand to wipe his eyes, letting his body straighten up and sit up to look over at his mother, “Okay.” He finally agreed, “I’m just finding this entire situation so overwhelming, and I have no idea how to go about it, or what the right thing to do is.”

“I understand that,” She smiled kindly, “how about you tell me everything you found out about Levi, and what you’re thinking at the moment? And I’ll offer my motherly advice wherever you see it necessary. That’s what I’m here for, after all.” She smiled, leaning over to kiss her son’s cheek, “No matter how old you get, Erwin, I’ll always be here to help.”

“Thank you so much, mother. That’s why I came over, you always know the right thing to do.” Erwin took a deep breath to level his voice again, before opening up to the entire situation. “I found out he’s dating a man who’s twenty years older than him, who is abusive but supplies his drugs. I went over to Mike’s last night in a bit of a state, and he suggested that I message Levi to arrange meeting up with one another. As such, we’re meeting on Tuesday for a coffee, and to air our opinions regarding what happened.”

“And how is Marie about this whole thing?” Carol asked carefully.

“That’s where I’m stuck,” Erwin groaned loudly, “I do like her, mother. I really do, and I don’t want to mess her about, ever. But if there was ever a prospect of Levi and I getting back together, I’d take it, no matter what. I made that clear from the start, and everyone who knows me should be aware that I’d drop everything I had for that man, no matter when or where I was in life. If it meant giving up my house and career, I’d do it for Levi. I still love him, mother. I love him so much, that feeling never died.”

Mrs Smith nodded with understanding, always aware of this factor herself. Even since Levi had been away, Erwin had still spoken fondly of his memories with Levi, of what their plans for the future originally were. The name never left conversation, and even after all this time, he always managed to find a way to drop him into discussion. Many a time Carol had caught Erwin scrolling through old pictures they’d shared together, looking over social media that was no longer in use, leaving repeated voicemails at the number which evidently was now inactive. Levi was always a part of the Smith household, and forever would be.

“In which case, honey,” She began, “if you truly respect Marie, and if you honestly believe that being with Levi again would make you content, then I believe it’s best to make Marie aware of this as soon as possible. But as such, and as your mother, I must make you aware that there’s the possibility that Levi might not want this relationship again after everything that happened, even more so if he’s with someone new now, who is providing him everything that he clearly needs at the moment.”

“But mother, he’s abusive!” Erwin cried out in response, as though he was horrified by her proposal, although deep down he knew that was right. “I just don’t get any of it. Levi hated drugs, more than anything else in the world. The fact I once did a tiny bit of coke was the reason, he left me in the first place, yet now he’d with a man who injects heroin into him? Just none of it makes any sense!”

“Why Levi does drugs now will be explained in the future and is not for us to pass judgement on. As people who love him, all we can do right now is offer that support if he requests it and if he goes looking for it. It pains me to say, but he is a man now who is capable of making his own life choices. All I’m asking you, as my son, is to be careful. Do you want to throw your current life with Marie away with the risk that Levi might not be ready for such a relationship again?”

Erwin paused to think for a moment, planning it through in his mind. If Levi never wanted him back then he wasn’t sure what he’d do; honestly, he hadn’t planned that far. But Erwin knew himself enough to know he couldn’t falsify a relationship for the rest of his life. He couldn’t pretend to love someone whilst his heart was longing for another, he couldn’t fake happy families forever when Levi was struggling through addiction. And if Levi was to never want him again, Erwin was confident that he could live being single, just longing for the man who meant the world to him.

It was clear he’d already made his decision.

“I can’t string Marie along anymore, mother. I love Levi and I can’t pretend to love someone else in the meantime, I don’t think. I want all my attention to go on him now, and I want to help him through this, if he’ll let me.”

Carol smiled warmly, “Then you’ve made your decision, sweetheart. And for what it’s worth, I think you’ve made the right one. I think you and Levi belong.”

* * *

Levi awoke late in the afternoon, sitting bolt upright in the unfamiliar bed with sweat beading on his forehead and his breathing coming out so intense, he felt as though he’d just ran a marathon or held his breath underwater for hours upon end. His eyes scanned the room for any danger, the way he always woke up courtesy of his uncle Kenny. But as he looked around, he slowly gained consciousness and remembered where he was. It was Petra’s bedroom in her flat, in the bed she’d helped put him to sleep in the night before.

However, that felt like an eternity ago, and as such Levi began to panic further. Behind the curtains the sun was already growing dim, and it was evident that he’d been asleep for way longer than he originally intended. Quickly, he stretched over the side of the bed and retrieved his phone from the night-stand to check for the time: almost six in the evening, which would be the end of his shift. He’d missed his entire shift at work.

Such a thought inspired even more panic to grow inside him. That was another eighty-pounds he couldn’t afford to not collect. Not now he’d owe Petra that money too, and he was quickly realising how desperately he wanted to get high, resulting in yet more money he’d owe to his undesirable partner. He grabbed his phone once again, checking over the messages and missed calls he’d received through the day; most from Petyr, begging him to come home. One from Erwin confirming Tuesday, although Levi didn’t care about that at the minute. He could barely breathe and was quickly feeling nauseous.

He pressed dial and the device was forcefully brought to his ear, listening to that intense ringing sounding at the other side. Petra answered in just a few rings, much to Levi’s relief.

“_Morning, sleepy. Did you get enough rest?_” Her voice was joyful, and Levi scowled.

“Why didn’t you wake me for work? I have to go to work, Petra. I can’t afford to just fucking sleep all day!”

“_Hey, calm down, Levi.” He could hear her frown, “I woke you up this morning, but you were so out of it, you barely stirred when I shook you. I covered your shift for you today, I wasn’t meant to be in. You’re fine, you can just take one of mine next week in return, okay? I wrote you a note explaining this, but I assume you’re still in bed_.”

Levi fell silent, his heavy breathing sounding audibly down the line. “_Levi, are you okay? What are you doing?_”

“No, no I’m not okay. Thanks for my shift and for letting me stay, but I really have to go home now. I really need to go.”

“_Levi, no, please_.” Petra began, the worry in her voice clear to Levi, “_You can’t go home yet, okay? Can’t you wait for me to finish. I haven’t got long left, and we can talk about whether you should be heading back yet or not then_.”

“No, no, no.” Levi shook his head as though Petra would be able to see, “No, I’m going now. Thank you again for letting me stay.”

“_Levi, wait_-” Levi hung the phone up before Petra could finish her sentence, wanting nothing more than to be in his own bed, on that mattress with the beach towel and a needle in his arm. Sighing, he let the phone fall from his grasp and land on the bed weakly, before he inhaled deeply, mentally preparing himself to remove his body from the covers, which seemed to be unnaturally weighty, keeping him pinned against the mattress.

Panicked, he began to kick them away quickly, wanting to peel them off. He scratched at his skin, feeling irritated and trapped, as though he couldn’t escape from it all. The scratching grew more intense as the covers peeled away, scratching with such ferocity that he began to bleed in small patches, his face scrunched up in pain as he did so.

The scratching continued as Levi turned his body to the side, planting his feet firmly on the ground. At such, he immediately felt grounded and forced his body to make a plan to get himself out of the unfamiliar premises. He stopped itching at his skin, standing up straight and walking over to the dresser where Petra left her brothers’ clothes for Levi. Without even thinking, the black hoodie was pulled over his body forcefully, the hood remaining up to hide the mess of black hair that was sticking out in unusual directions.

He stepped his feet into the jeans, jumping up to pull them as high as they’d go, which was easy. They were far too big on his malnourished body, but right now, he didn’t care. All he cared about was getting home as quickly as he could, and if that meant he’d have to wear jeans that didn’t fit rather than waiting for his pyjamas to dry, then that’s what he’d do.

Quickly, Levi forced his bare feet into the combat boots that had holes at the toes and laces that were so broken they’d no longer tie in little bows; the same boots he’d had since High School. He didn’t grab his pyjamas as he left the bedroom but made sure to slip his phone into the pocket of his new clothing, understanding that people would maybe contact him later. He’d need his phone for work, and maybe for Erwin too, when he felt better anyway.

It was only when he left the house that he began to panic about walking around in public again. He hadn’t really thought about the prospect of bumping into someone, but as he stepped out into the street in the nice neighbourhood Petra found a flat in, he panicked. There was every chance of accidentally seeing Erwin or Marie wandering around the streets here, encouraging him to run home despite feeling hungry, empty, light-headed. But he put his best foot forward and walked down the streets quickly, keeping his head hooked low, not making eye contact with anyone. Nonetheless, he felt the eyes on him: but who wouldn’t look? A face black and blue, a nose crooked and saw, lips chapped and cold. He could only imagine how he looked, not that he cared anymore. Not when he felt like this.

The relief he felt upon seeing the flat block he now lived in with Petyr was indescribable. The prospect of being so close to something so good again filled Levi with excitement and gave him that last little burst of energy he needed to climb up the stairs to his front door. Although, as he approached, he realised he’d forgotten his house key. In the scuffle from the night before, he hadn’t thought practically about the possibility of returning until this moment. And there was no way into that building without alerting Petyr he was home.

Levi brought his knuckle to the door and harshly tapped on it until he heard footsteps approaching, steeling his expression into a false apology just so he could get what he wanted. He knew how to play the man before him at this point and pleading to him seemed to be the best way to deal with him. Levi took in a deep breath and the door peeled back, revealing a man in nothing but pyjama bottoms, holding curled silver foil and a lighter in his hand.

As he saw Levi, he closed the door to remove the chain and opened it fully, a disturbing smile plastered upon his stubbled face. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.” Petyr sneered at the door, glaring down at the man before him, “Did you get my messages, is that why you came back? Did you miss me? ”

Levi daren’t look up from the ground, keeping that hood covering his face. He began to let the speech he’d prepared blurt from his mouth, “I’m sorry Petyr. You were right, I can’t do this without you. We need each other. Please, have you got anything for me? I’ll do whatever you want. I mean it. I’m desperate. My skin is crawling.”

Levi could sense the man before him, the scent of alcohol and cigarettes turning his stomach in the most delicious way. He’d do anything for that now; anything that would give him a release. He didn’t care what it was at this point, his body was craving substance and he was utterly desperate.

“I knew you’d give in, you pathetic piece of shit.” Petyr laughed, “You’ll do whatever I want? You’ll damn have to. You owe me twice as much as normal if you’re expecting a hit after how you treated me last night. I still have bruises on my throat from when you tried to _strangle_me.”

Levi cringed upon hearing such violence be spoken aloud, looking up at the man and realising how badly damaged he was from the night before. The bruises were deep on his throat, arguably worse than those on Levi’s face. He didn’t realise he still had that kind of strength inside him. “I’m sorry Petyr, I panicked. I will do whatever you want, anything.”

Petyr brought the foil to his nose then, breathing in the substance that had heated on the silver surface. Levi felt himself lick his lips, wanting nothing more than a try at what his partner was doing before him. “A shitty fucking blow job won’t cut it this time, Levi. Do you understand?”

“I understand,” Levi begged, barely understanding where this desperate side of him had come from or noting when he actually changed to be such a desperate crack whore, “I’ll do whatever you want me to do. Please, all I’m asking for is one hit. I feel so weird, I’m desperate. I just want to escape for a bit.”

He watched on as Petyr threw his head back in a harsh cackle, revelling in the desperate nature Levi was showing of himself. Levi could barely pay attention to him though, feeling his skin burning up despite how cold he felt. He was growing feverish, the nauseous feeling from moments before not dissipating.

He only focused on reality once again when he felt Petyr shift awkwardly, leaning down to Levi’s height and burrowing his head into his neck so his lips were resting on Levi’s ear. Levi closed his eyes tightly as the whispered breath tickled through his lobe.

“Well,” Petyr murmured, “I’ll tell you what I want. I want to fuck you, Levi, hard and dry. I want to fuck you when you’re not high, so I can hear those moans properly, and I’ll keeping fucking you until you’re begging me to stop, Levi. But I won’t stop, no matter how long it takes. I’ll fuck you rough to teach you a fucking lesson. Do you understand? Will you give that to me, Levi?”

Inaudible, Levi nodded. He hated it, he hated this life, but he was desperate and knew he had to do it.

“And,” Petyr continued, “You try choke me again and I’ll fucking _kill _you. You got that, Levi?”

Not waiting for a response, Petyr stood up straight and lightly slapped Levi on the bruising cheek, laughing loudly as he did so, before turning back into the flat, leaving the door open for Levi to follow through. And the latter did, not knowing any other escape than this. He took a deep breath, closing the door behind him, when he felt it all start. Those hands on him instantly, peeling his clothes off aggressively, tugging those trousers down with no mercy, almost knocking Levi over as his hair was grabbed and pulled, forcing him to bend on all fours on the mattress. And Levi obliged, the only way he knew how.

As he felt Petyr’s calloused hands gripping his hips with such force they’d bruise, feeling him pounding harshly into his arse, looking down and seeing those small specs of blood trickling down his legs and onto the mattress, Levi felt his insides churn. Levi five years ago would’ve rather died than sell his body for sex; he’d risked both his life and his friends to avoid as much, and now here he was, willingly allowing a man to use him like a toy for the sake of a high. And he detested himself for it. But he didn’t know another escape, and so pretended to enjoy the pain that was shooting through his insides, pretending that he wasn’t bleeding from the force, that those hands on his body didn’t make him want to die.

And even though he detested himself for how he was acting, that feeling wasn’t enough to stop those false moans coming from his mouth to cover up the pain he felt. That wasn’t going to stop the faked squeals of joy escaping his body to cover up the tears that were seeping from pain more than anything else. It wasn’t going to stop him from disassociating with the entire situation, pretending he was with Erwin, though that man wouldn’t treat him with the brute force he was experiencing now. Maybe one day he could be with him, again.

Levi decided it was all worth it when that sharp needle inserted into his blood, feeling the sudden shock of heroin float through his system, snapping him to another world where he wasn’t left on that grubby mattress, bloody and cold.

* * *

Erwin stayed up later than everyone that night, Mike and Nanaba retiring early to bed since they were up so late the night before. Their evening was pleasant and enjoyable, filled with delicious food cooked by Nanaba herself, and joyful conversation of what the three of them had been up to recently. They tried hard not to bring Levi’s name back into the conversation, deciding that at such a celebration, they should be able to just have one easy going night before having to deal with the truths that come alongside adulthood.

As his friends bid him a goodnight, Erwin headed back into the living room, switching the television onto a low volume and letting his mind grow numb, watching some rubbish film that he found on the horror channel. He felt a little more content that night after speaking with both his mother and father, both his parents understanding how he was feeling, giving him the best advice, he could’ve asked for. It felt amazing to have people supporting his decisions, be them right or wrong. It felt incredible to be surrounded by people who loved Levi still, as much as himself.

Sighing contentedly, Erwin brought his phone to his attention once again, beginning to scroll aimlessly through social media. He looked over Marie’s page, at the picture of himself beside her as her profile picture, her cover photo of their house together, her posts constantly about him. And the first pang of guilt about his plan for returning home shot through his system, although he knew she’d understand and would be resilient enough to move on with her life. He felt a little more relieved upon seeing she was out with her friends that night, a picture of them all at a cocktail bar uploaded just moments ago.

He clicked away from Marie, and went back through his friend list, clicking on Isabel’s profile for the first time in what felt like years. It felt unusual, looking over a page of someone who had been gone for so long, yet it was weirdly comforting. He clicked through her pictures, laughing to himself at the ones where she’d caught Levi smiling accidentally, the group pictures of her, Farlan, and Levi out at their bus stop roof where they’d always hang out. And just as he was about to click on the link to Levi’s profile, an unusual number popped up on his screen.

Confused as to why that person would be phoning him so late in the evening, he quickly answered the call.

“Hello Petra, how are you?”

“_Erwin_,” She panted down the line, “_Are you home? Where do you live? I need to come over. Now_.”

Erwin sat up straight on the sofa, worry brewing inside him instantly. “No, no I’ve got home to my friends for the weekend. What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“_God, don’t worry, it’s okay_.” She paused, “_I didn’t know who else to phone, I’m so sorry. I’m just so worried about Levi. He came to mine last night, Petyr had hit him in the night, and now he’s not answering my calls__and I’m worried something terrible will have happened. I was hoping you’d be able to get through to him_.”

Erwin swallowed loudly, “What do you think has happened? Look, you hang on at your flat. I’ll drive to the city now, it shouldn’t take me more than an hour and a half. Can you keep trying him in the meantime?”

“_Thank you_,” Petra sighed out in relief, “_I’ll keep trying to get a hold of him. I’m so sorry to ring you, Erwin. There’s no one else who knows him anymore, I didn’t know what to do. I’m just so worried after how he was last night_.”

“Don’t apologise, Petra. I’d do anything to help Levi, and I’m glad you contacted me. Honestly.” He paused, trying to think how to word it, “What happened last night, Petra?”

“_He came over at four in the morning_,” she sniffed down the line, the sound changing so she’d clearly entered a building. “_He was shivering and shaken up, blood everywhere. Petyr had forced him to suck him off for drugs and started attacking him when he was asleep. And now I’m even more worried, ‘cos he was meant to be staying at mine for the next few days but he went home and I don’t know what Petyr would’ve done to him, and I’m so worried._”

Erwin’s eyes grew wide with horror, “He raped him?”

“_Just come quick, Erwin. I need you here to help_.”

What happened after that happened so quickly, no one was aware of what was going on. Mike and Nanaba piled into the backseats of Erwin’s cars, suitcases packed in a hurry, house locked up quickly, as they sped off down the motorway, panic laced in all their minds. They needed to get Levi out of that relationship, not for Erwin’s sake anymore, but for Levi’s own safety. They needed him to get help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this extra little chapter I managed to get up today! When life is shit, I seem to find so many words that I can write about, so I hope you all enjoy that I could put this other chapter up so quickly. Thank you again for all your support that's always offered, I appreciate all comments and kudos so much, I can barely explain how much they mean to me, especially at the minute. Thank you so much.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes a little while to get into, just because it has to set the scenes between Petra's flat and Levi's! I hope you all still enjoy it! 
> 
> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments, kudos, and support as well. You're all inspiring me so much to keep writing, hence the speedy updates at the moment! So, thank you, so, so much!

Petyr potted around the flat, making no effort to remain silent despite his partner sleeping on the mattress in the centre of the room. Even as he got up he made sure to pull one of the blankets off Levi’s shivering body, wrapping it around himself as he made his way over to where he discarded his clothing the night before. A stained t-shirt was slipped over his body, followed closely by boxers and some tight-fitting jeans, that had grown loose on him from lack of food.

The blanket was thrown once again onto the mattress, as Petyr tried to pay attention to the growling inside his stomach. The couple hadn’t eaten at home in a while; and should they eat, it was always cheap shit they found in bakeries or left-overs that people discarded on the street. Food wasn’t at the front of their mind – drugs got rid of the hunger, and they were far more important for survival, anyway.

Sighing, he wandered into the small kitchen area, pulling the fridge door open with force. As it opened, the light failed to come on, and the temperature inside the fridge was lukewarm, evidently not working at the moment. A deep growl resonated inside his body as Petyr scanned over whatever remains they had; expired milk, rotting bread, fruit that was so gone off it had turned into slush.

“Fucking Levi.” He blamed, slamming the door shut with such force, the white good began to wobble a little. Growing frustrated, he began to pull open cupboards, leaving the doors wide open in the search for any food whatsoever. However, as he reached the end cupboard, he noted there was no damned food in the house at all. That would mean when he left, he’d have to spend his own money on shit, Levi getting off easy again, avoiding having to pay.

Angry that it was coming out of his own funds, Petyr picked the trousers from the floor which he’d torn off Levi the night before. He reached into the pockets, pulling out whatever loose change he could find and transferring it into his own. At least it would be enough for even a sausage roll on the journey, he noted. Despite the fact he had money to eat, Petyr was still in a foul mood – still drunk, slightly high, and a hangover brewing.

Making his feelings known, the man stormed over to the one chest of drawers that was located in the whole room. He pulled each draw open, stuffing odd pairs of socks and dirty trousers into his bag, not caring how screwed up they were, nor the creases that would be made because of how they were shoved in. The last drawer was opened, of which he used a key to unlock, and the stashes of drugs were aggressively placed into the backpack before he fastened it up.

As Petyr made his way to the bathroom, he pressed on the light switch attempting to illuminate the room, but having no success of the bulb catching light, he left the bathroom door open instead. The toilet seat was propped up and he began to piss, not caring once again if the sordid noise awoke sleeping Levi in the other room, who, if he should wake up, would have perfect view of Petyr’s backside. But something about that made him feel gratified, and as such, he liked to leave the door open. Anything to piss that boy off.

There was something that was pissing him off more than normal about Levi. Even imagining the kid on the mattress sleeping made his skin crawl, anger boiling inside him. The cheek of Levi asking Petyr for drugs all the time was severely getting to him, and he wasn’t even making up for it anymore. He brought no money home, the sex was shit, and he showed Petyr no affection anymore. He even had the cheek to message his ex-boyfriend for coffee – that was the one thing that truly had pushed Petyr over the edge about it all.

Eager to not want to get too worked up before leaving, Petyr tried to turn his attention onto what he was doing. If he didn’t focus, he couldn’t piss; there was too much shit going on in his mind these days. Like the travel he was going to have to make for this stinky deal he’d got, or how he’d deal with Levi when he got home, should he disobey the rules that were set in place these days.

Sighing, Petyr closed his eyes and gathered himself. When he was emptied, he grabbed his bag and left the room, not bothering to flush the toilet nor wash his hands. Instead, he headed over to Levi, kneeling beside him on the mattress and poking his cheek antagonistically.

“Oi, Levi. Wake the fuck up.” He snapped, before reaching and grabbing the man’s shoulder, “I said wake the hell up, you piece of shit!”

The man curled on the mattress barely made a noise, as Petyr rolled him to lay on his back, climbing onto his body and straddling him. Nothing stirred in the man below him, clearly knocked out by the dosage Petyr had injected into his arm late that night. They’d spent most of the evening fucking, or so Petyr half-remembered, and the dirty remnants of such were displayed between Levi’s legs. He didn’t pay that any mind, not wanting to see such a disgusting aftermath.

Instead, he bent forward and placed a drunken and wet kiss on Levi’s cheek, ignoring once again the bruise that had formed from where he was hit the other night, ignoring the marks surrounding his neck from where Petyr had bit him the night before. Though seeing such injuries didn’t cause any guilt to stir in Petyr, he just didn’t like to see Levi unless he was absolutely perfect. Even the heroin marks were starting to grate on him.

The man above Levi was growing irritated with his lack of correspondence, but nonetheless, he still spoke to inform him of what was going on.

“I’ve got a deal out of the city and it’s a fucking tonne, so I’ll be gone for a day or two. Don’t make a fucking mess of this place or I’ll get you again. And don’t bother trying to find any smack, ‘cos I’ve taken the entire stash with me.” He was about to turn and shuffle off the body before he realised he hadn’t finished his little speech, “Oh, and thanks for last night, you little fuck-toy.”

Petyr cackled at his own joke, as he stood from the man below him and grabbed his bag once again. As he stood tall, his lanky body stumbled over Levi with a small kick to the man’s side, but Petyr didn’t care. All he could see in his mind was the promise of money from the deal he’d got himself; Levi didn’t matter to him at all anymore. If this deal paid off and he got all the money he was hoping to get, then he could fuck off and be out of there. He could leave Levi and find someone better.

Which is why he didn’t give a shit when the man laid down started making disturbing noises in his sleep. Which is why he didn’t turn back when he heard choking noises, subtle screams, coming from behind the door as he locked it, walking down the corridor without even a glance looking back.

* * *

Erwin, Mike, and Nanaba arrived at Petra’s flat not too late in the evening, only an hour and a half after she originally called. They didn’t even bother calling back at Erwin and Marie’s house to dump their things, eager to find out what was actually going on with Levi, and why Petra was so concerned. Erwin hadn’t bothered to tell Mike and Nanaba about what she announced on the phone call as of yet, barely able to deal with such a revelation himself. But the images of Petyr abusing Levi crept into his mind at any given moment, and it was getting harder to cope with.

Despite the fact he hadn’t physically seen this Petyr character as of yet, Erwin still had a pretty good mental image of what the man would look like. He imagined tall, since that was the kind of people Levi always seemed to be attracted to. But despite his height, the man would appear gaunt and weak, with undoubtedly dirty skin that had been battered and abused by drugs. He imagined his hair to be long and greasy, and a stubbled beard on his face which would, no doubt, irritate Levi if he ever tried to kiss him. Although, judging by how he’d acted in the bathroom, Erwin wasn’t sure whether dirt and grime bothered the man so much anymore. He’d never have expected to find Levi to relaxed on a toilet floor.

The GPS signal led the car down Petra’s street, and thankfully, there was a free parking space right in front of the entrance to the flats. The ignition was turned off as the three friends remained in silence for a moment, with an air of tension surrounding them all. The group had only found out Levi was still around yesterday, and that he had developed this new life for himself. Now they were been pulled into it, all incredibly anxious, not sure on how to deal with such.

“Right,” Erwin broke the silence, “What do you think? Are you both ready to go in? From what I know of her so far, I can assure you that Petra seems trusting and very kind.”

Mike and Nanaba exchanged a look to one another, “Yeah, we’re ready.” The female voice sounded, “We’re just incredibly worried, that’s all. We have no idea what’s going on.”

“I know.” Erwin sighed, unbuckling his seatbelt, “I’m just not sure I have the heart to tell you what Petra told me on the phone. I believe it would be better coming from her, and I’m certain she’ll reveal all once we get inside.”

“Sure.” Nanaba smiled weakly, trying hard to be understanding. It was difficult, because she obviously was concerned for Levi’s well-being as well and could only imagine horrors of what he was going through since Erwin wouldn’t vocalise it, either. Nonetheless, that didn’t stop the three from climbing out of the car quickly, ringing the doorbell, and heading up to find Petra in front of her door, awaiting their arrival.

She put on a brave smile as the three appeared down the corridor, her phone grasped tightly in her hand the whole time. As Mike and Nanaba looked over at her, they smiled in return, wanting to make her feel comfortable. It must be intimidating for anyone to welcome three strangers into their house under such grave circumstances, so the two she hadn’t met yet made a choice to appear as welcoming as they could, despite Mike’s traditional stoic expressions he always had on his face.

“Hi,” She smiled, extending an arm to formally shake everyone’s hand in turn. “I’m Petra. It’s nice to properly meet all of you, and you as well, Erwin. It’s nice to meet outside work.”

“Likewise,” He smiled, holding his composure. “May we come inside and find out what’s actually going on?”

“Oh, of course!” Petra responded, opening her front door once again, “I’ll apologise now for the size of the apartment. I’m used to only having myself and Levi here, so it always feels extremely small when I have more guests over than just the two of us. But make yourselves at home, help yourselves to drinks and chairs.”

“Thank you,” Mike commented, coming into the house last and closing the door behind him. He followed Nanaba over to the sofa, where they both took a seat beside one another, “So does Levi live here with you, then?”

Petra had headed to her small kitchenette, where the kettle was immediately put onto boil and four cups spread before it. “Oh no, no. He lives at the other end of town, the part we all consider the wrong side of the tracks. It’s not the best of areas, but on our wage, I’m not surprised. It’s not exactly an affordable city to live in.”

“How long have you and Levi worked together?” Nanaba questioned, her voice light and comforting.

The kettle whistled as Petra lifted the vessel from where it was being heated, pouring hot water into all three cups. The kettle was placed down as she used a teaspoon to stir in the coffee, serving it black. The first two cups were carried over to Mike and Nanaba on the couch, “A while, I’m not too sure how long. Long enough to have seen him before he got addicted, and long enough to see how he is these days.”

She sighed, returning to the kitchen and placing the remaining two cups on the dining table, where she perched beside Erwin. “I suppose I should explain to you all on why I called Erwin over to the city. Unless you already have told them most of it, Erwin?”

The tall blonde shook his head, “Not as of yet, Petra. I wasn’t sure on the best way to express what you told me, my own mind can barely comprehend it, honestly.”

“I understand,” Petra sighed a little, “I’ll fill you all in properly. Levi hasn’t had it easy since I first got to know him, he was always feeling pretty on edge, or if he stayed over, I’d wake up and hearing him screaming in the living room. It’s been super bad before, but since he started using more frequently, that kind of thing seemed to pass slightly. But what didn’t change with him was Petyr, which is the guy he calls his boyfriend, who I could argue is anything but a boyfriend. Levi found him when he was in the homeless shelter, and they both agreed to save up and get out of there as quickly as they could.”

“Levi lived in a homeless shelter?” Mike interrupted, “For how long?”

“I’m not sure how long,” Petra spoke, honestly, “I think it was when he first ran away from your lives and he blew his student loan. All he ever told me after that is that Petyr supplied him heroin whenever he needed it, and whenever he couldn’t afford to actually pay, the man expects sexual favours from Levi which he doesn’t actually want to participate in. However, because they’re together romantically in Levi’s eyes, I feel as though he thinks he has to. But when he showed up last night, it was bad. It was worse than I’ve seen him in a while.”

“Jesus,” Mike mumbled, “I just can’t believe that our Levi is hooked on heroin, after what we saw with Kenny that day. I’d never go near the stuff, that was terrifying. What happened last night?”

“It’s so sad, I agree.” Petra sadly responded, “Last night he came over at almost four in the morning, covered in blood. It wasn’t as bad after he washed it off, because he’d smeared it accidentally across his face. But Petyr had hit him when he was sleeping ‘cos he assumed Levi was cheating on him.”

“Why did he think that?” Nanaba frowned.

“He goes through Levi’s phone occasionally, found some messages from Erwin where Levi agreed to meet up for coffee on Tuesday. Petyr didn’t like it, and so he hit him. But Levi, as I’m sure you all know anyway, is tough and fought him off, then came over here. But Petyr always does stuff like that to him. Levi was telling me that he forced him to suck him off for drugs yesterday, too, since eighty pounds wasn’t enough to cover the costs.”

Mike sat forward then, frowning intently. “What? Surely that classifies as rape, forcing someone to do sexual favours for something, right?”

“I assume as much,” Petra added, “But Levi would never press charges against him. Without Petyr, he can’t get high, so he just goes along with it. That’s the worst he’s ever been forced to do though, from what he’s told me anyway. Normally they just fight all the time, he always shows up on my doorstep with things at God knows what hour. It just – it seemed so intense yesterday, I’ve not really seen him like that in a while.”

“Why didn’t he stay here for longer?” Nanaba questioned, keeping her voice soft. “Can he move in here, we can help cover his living costs, or even help you out with rent if it meant you two could be safe from this Petyr guy.”

“Thanks, Nanaba.” Petra smiled weakly, “I’m grateful for that, but honestly? Levi would never go for it. He doesn’t even like me covering lunch for him, never mind someone paying his living costs as well. He covers all his own costs at home too, Petyr never helps out. But believe me, if I could force him to move in here and be away from his horrid life, then I would.”

The room fell into a silence for a moment, clearly everyone pondering over what they could suggest, how they could help. Erwin knew fully well that he could stand up as Levi’s barrister in a court of law should it ever come to that, but he knew that Levi would hate it if he snuck around to get evidence. Plus, the second they bring the law in, the second they all get shut down for dealing with drugs. There was no two ways about it. And if Petra hadn’t managed to get hold of Levi since he went home that afternoon, then he probably didn’t want to be found.

After a few moments, discussion picked up once again: Petra informed everyone that he was due at work the following day and should be able to talk to him about everything then, even with a suggestion of just coming around for a night a week so he could get away. There was no chance he’d miss work, not with how much he depended on money for his horrid habit. At least he’d only be out of contact for one night, and so long as everyone was together, at least they could form a strategic plan to help get him out of his situation.

It felt good to sit with Petra and get to know more about the Levi which the original trio had missed out on for so long, although Erwin just wished that Hange could be there too. They were off working abroad for a few months, and only asked for contact in dire emergencies since they were in the middle of nowhere: having to use a special phone that cost a bomb to actually respond to people. And for the time-being, Erwin decided it wasn’t too much of an emergency: if shit got really bad, he’d contact Hange at the drop of a hat so they could learn what was going on too.

But he didn’t want to get their hopes up with phoning to say they’d all found Levi, after all this time. Hange was predictable and would bubble over with excitement on the next plane home. No one wanted to ruin this once-in-a-lifetime experience for them, and as such, on the drive up to the city, Mike, Nanaba, and Erwin agreed to not tell Hange yet. Not until Levi was turning back into his old self, at least.

As the night drew on, everyone decided to retire to their beds for the night, Petra insisting they stayed over rather than making their way back to Erwin’s home. It wasn’t the most comfortable of places to rest, however, since everyone was so eagerly awaiting a call from Levi, they decided it would be best to all stay together. Petra kindly gave Mike and Nanaba her bed, choosing to sleep on a blow-up mattress which she had set up in the living room. Erwin got the sofa, which he was grateful for, and fluffy blankets she kept stored in the airing cupboard.

As soon as his head hit the soft cushions, Erwin found himself drifting into a deep slumber, evidently exhausted from the days of travel and worry.

* * *

The following day, Erwin awoke mid-afternoon; the two days before that had been exhausting, and he didn’t realise how much his body craved sleep until he checked the time, noting it was far past midday. As he rubbed his eyes to force himself to drift from his sleep, his gaze caught attention to the dining table, where the other three were sat around with toast, each displaying an extremely worried looking expression.

Wanting to know what was going on, Erwin forced himself into a seating position on the sofa, interrupting the conversation that was already flowing. “What’s going on?” He mumbled, voice still half asleep.

At the noise, Petra immediately turned her gaze to look at Erwin, meanwhile Mike and Nanaba just sat, staring down at the plates full of food before them. “Hey, morning Erwin.” She spoke, trying to keep her voice steady to hide the fact she was clearly upset, “We’re just trying to get hold of Levi, that’s all.”

“Get hold? Isn’t he meant to be working today? Surely he’s there by now.” Erwin questioned.

“He didn’t show up to work, they just phoned me to come in now.” She spoke, softly. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him. Just, if I leave my phone with you today, will you keep calling him and trying to get through to him? It’s just weird he didn’t show up to work today. He already missed yesterday ‘cos he was sleeping all day, and I know for a fact he needs the money and he wouldn’t miss the shift unless there was a good reason.”

Erwin nodded understandably, “Of course, Petra. We’ll keep trying him on all our phones all day. One of us will get through to him, I’m sure.”

“Thank you.” She mouthed, voice barely audible. It was clear she wasn’t dealing well with this situation, and something was out of the ordinary regarding Levi’s actions. But Erwin knew that he had to do what she asked, climbing from his sleeping arrangement and heading to the dining table to sit beside his friends.

They began calling for Levi, sending texts and messages, even before Petra had left for work. As they heard the door close and the ginger girl disappeared from sight, that was when reality truly hit Erwin. It felt as it did those three years ago, when he was calling Levi with his friends for days on end with no chance of getting through to him.

All he could do is hope, more than anything in the world, that Levi hadn’t run away again. There was no way he could deal with that.

It was light outside when Levi finally awoke in the cold flat, laying naked on the mattress, blankets discarded by his feet. The whole living quarters were silent, alongside the bathroom, of which Petyr had evidently left the door wide open after visiting. Levi turned his head to lay back on his side, not wanting to move from the small fetal position he found himself laying in.

As a draft flew through the room, the small man used his feet to kick the blankets further up, covering himself tightly. He hadn’t felt this bad in a long time; his head was foggy and heavy, his stomach felt upset, growling with hunger. Each time he moved there was an aggressive panging pain shooting through his body, alongside the numb burning of his backside. It made him cringe to think of the dried blood down his thighs, not bothering to get up and wash when Petyr was done with him, terrified that if he was to move, the man would simply pounce on him again.

Trying to push the thoughts away of that creep grabbing at him, mauling him, torturing him, Levi reached over for his phone that lay discarded on the floor beside him. As he pressed the button to force the home screen to light up, he noted how it wasn’t switching on at all. Confused as to why it would run out of battery so quickly, he snapped it into the charger that lay by the sleeping arrangement on the floor. But nothing happened, no electric sparked.

A deep groan released from the man. Petyr hadn’t paid the electric bell yet again, and Levi hadn’t been at work to get enough money to pay for it yet, either. So that would mean another day or two without hot water, heat, or electric. Although by this point, he was pretty used to it. They’d gone almost a month before without any electricity flowing into their home, and a day or two was bearable, even more so without Petyr been in Levi’s vicinity.

The thought of work made Levi stir again, remembering that he agreed to cover Petra’s shift for her after she had his back the day before. Levi had no awareness of what time it was, so used to relying on his phone for things like that, and so just assumed that it was time to get up and dressed. At least today he’d have his own clothes to put on, rather than Petra’s brothers; jeans that fit would be nice. He had decided, however, that the new hoodie he’d acquired was better than his old one.

Braving himself for not only the cold, but the pain he would feel, Levi took in a deep breath before throwing the blankets off him once again. He took a moment to haul himself from his laying position, resting on his arm to regain balance, until that dizzy spell he so often got dissipated. He knew it was because he hadn’t eaten in a while; it always happened when he got up these days. But when life choices came between smack or food, he’d always choose the former. It made him forget food anyway.

He regained balance, forcing his feet onto the floor and lifting his body slowly. But the second he stood, the cramping of his stomach came into play again, as he quickly became nauseous. Such illnesses took over his body so quickly that he couldn’t even make it to the bathroom, dry-heaving onto the floor multiple times, huddled over with a hand grasped to his stomach. He couldn’t stop the gagging until a tiny amount of acid-like sick escaped from the pit of his belly, wrenching a further few times before he was stable enough to stand up straight.

The back of his hand was brought across his mouth to wipe away the residue before the man began to waddle over to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him just in case Petyr was to make an appearance. Finding a naked Levi was sure to result in abuse of some kind, and Levi wasn’t sure he could endure anymore for a while; not after the way he treated him last time.

Realising the light wouldn’t switch on, Levi simply let his eyes grow used to the dark, blinking a few times before he could properly make out shapes and reflections in the room. He reached for the shower handle, pulling it across to hot despite knowing that it would simply run freezing cold. But he was so desperate to wash, to remove any traces of what Petyr had done to him the night before.

Thinking back to it, he decided it might be best to just check over his wounds and make up stories for them. Petra was sure to see and ask, the girl ever-so nosy with Levi’s personal life. Although he was assured it was because she cared, Levi still couldn’t get used to that concept. No one had cared for him the way she did after Erwin had betrayed him. After he had run away.

He took a moment to assess his body, his hands slowly tracing down. There were aggressive bite-like marks across his neck, over his collarbones. They were growing a sickening purple, similar to those hand marks imprinted on his hipbones, the tips crescent moons of scabbing blood. His hair still hurt from where it was tugged harshly, where he was forced to move to how Petyr wanted him, even if that position was inhumane or degrading. But Levi knew it was worth it – if having sex with that old man meant getting free drugs, then so be it. He finally could understand Kenny’s relationship with Starr after all those years, why his mother coped with it all.

A breath was held as Levi let his hands wander further down, feeling firstly between his thighs. The mixture of Petyr’s release and blood that had trickled was stale on Levi’s skin, setting hard and crisp. As he moved his hands away, small flakes of red appeared on his fingers and he immediately began to panic. Not realising the severity of what Petyr had done until that moment, Levi perched himself on the cold tiles to fully inspect what had happened, although the movement hurt too much.

He could barely bend his body to sit up straight, bolts of pain burning through him as he moved. Even his hand appearing near his hole hurt too much, the pricks of tears spiking from his eyes as he tried to see what a mess his partner had made. As he felt over the small scab, it was evident that the man had fucked him so harshly with so little care, he’d managed to tear Levi. Just that thought made his stomach turn, and he quickly stood up ignoring the pain he felt, throwing himself under the cold waves of water, letting that icy fresh waterfall wash away any remnants of the night before.

He rinsed his body quickly, squirting so much shower gel from the tube that half of it washed down the drain. But he didn’t care; he hadn’t felt this dirty in years, and he was eager to clean those paws from his body, scrubbing harshly where marks were present, letting his eyes burn when he rinsed the lower half of his body.

When he left the shower, his skin was red-raw, and the scabbing wounds were bleeding again. But at least this time it was from his own hands, rather than caused by someone he detested. Not wanting to spend any more time in the flat than necessary, Levi threw the hoodie over his damp body, sliding on his underwear and jeans that were discarded there before the night he ran to Petra’s. Hiding his face in the hood, he grabbed his phone from the sink-top and keys from his pocket, before heading from the bathroom and out of the door.

Nervous Petyr would turn up at any time, he simply locked the door once, wanting nothing more than to get out of where he could be found. Although he knew Petyr could find him at work, there’s no way he’d bother Levi enough to force him to come home when he was bringing in so much money. Chances were if he was on a deal anyway, he’d be out for hours, probably staying around with his friends after to get some of his own enjoyment. Then he’d simply go home and pass out, meaning by the time he’d get home after work, Levi wouldn’t have to deal with that creep again.

Trying to distance his home life from work, Levi spent the entire walk there agonising over how he’d apologise should he be late. As Petra had said to him so many times before, he seriously was pushing his luck at that place. If he was late or missed a shift again, then his manager would have every right to sack him for not turning up to work. But he did always have a valid excuse, they just normally didn’t want to hear it.

He kept trying to guess the time; there weren’t too many people buzzing around on the streets, most of the shops were still closed, yet the sun was up and bright in comparison to the cold air that made his small nose turn pink. He frowned, assuming that he must be hours before they even opened. On Saturday’s they always opened at nine in the morning, and if he was ever unfortunate enough to get the early shift, other shops he passed would be opening up at eight; that’s how he always managed to get something from the bakery.

Feeling confident he was on time, Levi picked up his pace and rushed the rest of the way to work, eager to feel like himself once again. If Petra came in to see him, which he assumed she would, then she’d talk to him and help him feel sane. Not like a drugged-up man who had fucked everything up, and let his boyfriend abuse him. Not like the Levi he had become.

As he pushed the doors open to the building, eyes turned to glare at him from behind the bar, confusion laced on their faces. He simply held his scowl, walking passed everyone to get to the staffroom where he could finally put his phone on charge with the communal charger that was always there. Although he couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable as he passed staff in his usual place, watching his every move.

Thankfully there wasn’t anyone in the staffroom, so he took the time to get his phone some battery, before walking to the fridge and helping himself to some communal food. He had quickly grown ravenous, even more so after being sick that morning, and was desperate to get something inside him again. A boost of energy at this point would be greatly appreciated; as would some silence, if not for the interruption of a barmaid who he’d never actually bothered speaking to.

“Um, Levi?” She questioned, poking her head slightly around the doorframe, “How come you’ve come in today? Have you not heard from Petra?”

“What the fuck do you mean?” Levi snapped back, “I have a shift, I’m probably just early. I couldn’t charge my phone at home, so I have no shitting idea of the time. Why would I have heard from Petra?”

“She covered your shift yesterday that you originally swapped with her. Everyone’s been worried about you, you didn’t turn up yesterday. She was looking for you, but we didn’t have your home address stored anywhere.”

Levi looked up, confusion laced on his face. “What the hell do you mean, my shift yesterday? It’s Saturday, right?”

“No,” The barmaid shook her head apologetically, “It’s Sunday, Levi. It’s almost eleven on Sunday, you’re twenty-four hours late for your shift. Well, twenty-five, technically.”

Just at that point, life finally came back to Levi’s phone. He quickly picked it up to check whether his colleague was right or not, and his heart sunk as it evidentially displayed that it was in fact Sunday, and he was so fucked and drugged up he’d managed to miss an entire day of his life, laid bleeding on that mattress. Even the thought of being lifeless beside Petyr made his skin crawl, not wanting to imagine the kind of crude things the man would’ve joked about, or the stories he’d be telling his friends today.

As quickly as his phone came back to life, notifications started to buzz through his phone aggressively, at such a rate he couldn’t keep up with them. Over seventeen missed calls from Petra, twelve from Erwin, and a cascade of messages which he had no reason to reply to. Although he was certain he should reply to Petra at the very least, no matter how much he didn’t want to speak to anyone.

But he truly had fucked up that time, and so he stood up and left work as quickly as he had got there in the first place, leaving with one location on his mind. Petra. And he owed her a damned good apology.

* * *

Levi felt his heart rate increase as he looked over Petra’s shoulder, locking eyes with everyone sat in the flat. People he hadn’t expected to see again at all, or at least not for a very long time. It appeared as though they were shocked too, Nanaba’s eyes sparkling subtly, indicating she was about to cry. Mike’s eyes had grown wide under that long fringe he’d never learnt to cut, the gaze not leaving from Levi. And sat opposite them at the table was an Erwin, who looked panicked also. His leg was bobbing underneath the glass, originally his head resting in his hands, until he heard that familiar voice at the door and looked up at Levi again.

Levi looked over them all, before glancing back at Petra with his own exasperated expression. He couldn’t deal with all this right now; the day before yesterday was traumatic enough, he was still in pain, his head still foggy. He couldn’t deal with seeing these people once again. Not when he hadn’t washed properly or freshened up, not when he was still dealing with the aftermath of an excessive come-down.

“What the hell?” He mumbled to Petra, “Why the fuck are they all here?”

“I’m sorry, Levi, it was just you left after he hurt you that bad. You left and didn’t tell me when you’d come back, then that night you ignored all my calls and messages checking that you were okay. I was worried that he did something to you, that you were seriously hurt, so I phoned Erwin.”

“Why did you phone him? I don’t get it. I’ve done this before and it was fine, I don’t see why you needed him.”

“You didn’t come into work yesterday; do you realise how worried I was? I phoned Erwin ‘cos he’s the only person that knows you as well as I do, if not better. I thought he would be able to help you out. Why didn’t you come to work yesterday, Levi? Why didn’t you answer me? It would’ve only taken a quick message, so I knew you were okay.”

Levi’s voice rose from the whisper he was trying to control, evidently now making it so Mike, Nanaba, and Erwin could hear, although he didn’t intend that. He just intended to get Petra to understand things for once. “Maybe I was fucking okay! I fucking missed the whole of yesterday ‘cos I was out of it, and before that Petyr expected shit of me. It went on for so long I forgot to charge my phone, and then we had no electric in the flat so I couldn’t get my phone on. Stop fucking worrying about me all the damn time. I can _deal_with it, I won’t run away again.”

Petra felt her footing step back slightly in the threshold, “What did he expect of you, Levi? Has he hurt you again?”

Frustrated, Levi ran a hand through his hair, knocking the hood off his head accidentally. He sighed loudly, before running that same hand over his face, “I said I’m fine. Look, I’m not staying here when they’re over. Ring me when they’ve gone, and I’ll come back.”

“Where will you go? Please, Levi. Just come in.” Petra begged, panicking about where he’d go, worried he’d return to Petyr and get hurt again. She could tell that something serious had happened the last time, otherwise Levi would’ve just said what it was as he always did, but now she was growing anxious with every ticking second.

“I’m getting some air.” He responded, his face emotionless. Without waiting for another minute to pass by, he turned his attention from the flat and headed down the hall. He could barely believe that she had phoned Erwin for help after meeting him once. That the man then brought friends from home, thinking that would help: if anything, it pushed Levi away further. He didn’t want to see those people yet, he wasn’t ready for it. Seeing Erwin was hard enough at work – he didn’t want his old life to pile upon him that quickly.

As he reached the front door of the building, he was certain he heard Petra’s flat door open and close once again, and so he began to pick up his pace, eager to not be followed. His footing wasn’t entirely stable as he began to run, feeling the side-effects from the drugs a day or so later, but he had his own determination to help him push through. He reached the main pathway quickly and began to run at the quickest speed he could, dashing in between people on the pavement. And it was then he realised he was been followed, hearing his name called from behind.

When he put two-and-two together, determining who it was, he could never admit whether he just wasn’t able to run quick enough or whether he intentionally slowed down so he could be caught. Just hearing Erwin shouting after him like that sparked something inside, and he couldn’t fight it. That voice calling his name with such need was all he’d wanted for years, now. It was the call he’d always dreamed of – Erwin spotting him in public, chasing him down the pavement, meeting in an enthusiastic embrace. If only it was that simple.

But then he realised that he couldn’t let himself be caught by Erwin; he made this choice to run, and he was making it again. Erwin wouldn’t help him stock up when he needed, just the two of them being seen together would spark an anger in Petyr that Levi probably wouldn’t be able to tame, no matter how much he offered his body to him. Just the panic residing in him from Petyr attacking again encouraged Levi to speed up again, dashing around the corner at the end of the street.

However, he’d forgotten how tall Erwin was. How fast those legs moved, how he was still fit, healthy, strong. Levi was weak, he hadn’t eaten hardly anything for the past few weeks and his head was feeling light. He couldn’t run for much longer, his breath coming out in rasps, his heart beating so quickly it felt as though it could pump directly out of his chest. So, when that hand reached out and grabbed his bicep, a small sigh of relief escaped his lungs: he didn’t have to run anymore, just prepare himself for this conversation.

“Levi,” Erwin panted, his hand lightly wrapping around the man’s arm, “Please, please don’t run anymore.”

Levi stopped in his tracks, turning around to lock eyes with the man before him. “Fine.” He gasped out, letting his limp body collapse into the wall beside him. “Why follow me, Smith?”

“I’m sorry for coming back to Petra’s with Mike and Nanaba. I phoned you multiple times to leave messages and warn you that’s where we were going, just in case you weren’t ready to see any of us. I didn’t even think that your phone might be off, I assumed you must’ve got those texts until you actually appeared at that door.”

“Why come in the first place?” Levi snapped in retaliation, angry still. Petra’s had become Levi’s safe space from Petyr, but now he needed to find a new safe space from his old friends too. He didn’t want anyone prying into his life just yet, he wasn’t ready to answer the hard questions.

Erwin shuffled to the side to let a citizen pass by. “Petra phoned me. She sounded very concerned, and so I wanted to be there to help. Can you tell me what’s going on, Levi? What has Petyr done to you?”

“Nothing.” Levi spat, through gritted teeth.

Erwin tried hard not to sigh, “We’ve known each other for long enough to know when one of us is lying. Petra advised me otherwise, anyway. Look, I’m just wanting to find out if you’re safe at home?”

The smaller man tried not to scoff, yet he couldn’t help his face curling into a harsh smirk at the reality of all this shit. He couldn’t believe that Petra was spilling out all his problems to Erwin. After everything he’d told her about him, after just meeting him a mere one time, she seemed to open up to him immensely. Who the hell could Levi actually trust anymore?

“I’m _fine_. I’m a big boy, I can look after myself.”

“I hate to be so direct, but injecting drugs into yourself isn’t exactly how to care for oneself, Levi.”

“What the fuck do you know?” Levi argued back, standing up from the wall. His arm was still in the grasp of Erwin, indicating the taller of the two was still worried he’d run away again. “Maybe that’s the only way to look after myself.”

“Levi, please tell me why. After everything you used to stand by, after everything you coped through, why would you turn to drugs? That was the reason you left me, and yet you let yourself be consumed by them entirely. I just – I just don’t understand.” Levi watched on as Erwin tried to not let his steady composure crumble, although Levi could tell he was trying hard not to break; he knew that those glistening eyes meant he wanted to cry, they somehow managed to lose their sparkle.

“It’s the only way I can get out of this shit life. You wouldn’t understand.” Levi shook his head.

“Then make me, Levi. Make me understand,” Erwin begged, “Tell me what I can do to help. Anything at all, you know I’ll be there.”

Levi felt himself growing frustrated, snatching his arm from the hold which Erwin had on him. “Nothing! You don’t fucking get it, Erwin. You never fucking got it!” His voice rose, attracting the attention from passers-by, yet he didn’t care who looked. “It’s been like this from the start, I can’t do anything about it.”

Erwin withdrew his arm, knowing better than to try and console Levi when he was like this. Although he was slightly fearful now, not knowing the man enough anymore to see how he’d react when he was high. “Levi, there’s always a way to get help. But please, please tell me what you mean. Please explain.”

The smaller man growled in frustration, not wanting to put all his thoughts into words. But Erwin had that magic about him that made him open up, encouraged him to talk. “Everything has been shit from the start! Farlan and Isabel were murdered ‘cos of fucking drug money. Kenny overdosed from it, Starr tried to kidnap me for it. My own fucking mother died for it. You were doing them at school, now Petyr’s a fucking dealer. It was like I was always meant to get stuck in this shitting world and now I’m in so deep I don’t know how the fuck to get out.”

Shaking, Levi rose his hands to his head, scraping them through his hair and pulling at the black locks. “I’m fucking stuck, Erwin. You don’t want to get involved with me again. Seeing you the other day was a huge mistake and you should get the hell away from me whilst you can.”

“I’m not leaving you, Levi.” Erwin frowned in determination, pretending to be undeterred by those words that were just yelled at him. “I mean it. I’m here for you, like I said I always would be. And I know I let you down before, but that won’t happen again. I won’t allow it to.”

“Right,” Levi brought those hands to his side again, looking at Erwin with a pained expression. “And what the fuck are you gonna do when Petyr finds you and beats you up? He’s not a good guy, Erwin. Even I can’t always fight him off.”

“You don’t need to worry about that kind of thing. Like you, I too am a big boy, and I’m capable of caring for myself.” He paused, calculating his words, “What happened all those years ago was a mistake I’ve never forgiven myself for. I should’ve come after you, I should’ve brought you home. I’d very much like to make it up to you for what happened.”

Levi remained silent for a minute, trying to understand what was actually going on in his clouded mind. None of this felt real yet: the fact that Erwin was stood beside him on the street, talking to him with such careful words, with that look of adoration on his face. The touch of Erwin’s hand on his arm ignited something that Levi didn’t realise he still could feel; like a flame rising from the pit of his stomach. And although he knew that Erwin could never help, and although he knew that these were all just empty words, he couldn’t focus on that right now.

All he could think about was how safe he used to feel in Erwin’s hold, and how much he needed to feel that way again. That he was desperate to feel that level of love again; the kind of love he hadn’t felt after Farlan and Isabel passed away. It was hard to describe, and the only word that Levi could put to it, was it felt like he was home.

In his dazed state, and not thinking things through rationally, Levi peeled his body from the wall and aimed for Erwin. Intentions lit with passion, his extended onto his tiptoes and locked those lips with Erwin’s, not thinking of anything apart from his love for the man. His battered and bruised arms wrapped around Erwin’s neck as he encouraged the taller man to bend down, to kiss at such a comforting and familiar angle that Levi felt as though he was back in High School.

And Erwin had welcomed the kiss gratefully and openly. Levi could feel the man’s smile between their lips, his arms respectfully sitting in the centre of Levi’s back, rather than wandering elsewhere. He waited for Levi’s guide, not prying his mouth open until Levi led it, not moving closer together until Levi’s own body suggested it. And for the first time in years, Levi felt respected. He felt attracted to someone, and he wanted him for other reasons that weren’t simply drugs.

However, they both knew their kiss couldn’t last too long. Levi had a man at home who would kill him if he found him kissing another in the street, and Erwin had a girlfriend who, despite not being in love with her, he still had enough respect to break their relationship off with respect.

Reluctantly, the two pulled apart, yet kept those eyes locked with one another. Levi could read it on Erwin’s face: he felt confused, saddened, yet excited. It was something neither man would’ve expected to happen again, after everything that went down between the two of them. Yet they were both so elated that such a thing did occur, and they both wanted to relive it almost instantly. But reality came crashing down on Levi then; he had to be honest, and he knew he had to face his past in order to move on and get any closure he wanted.

He sighed loudly, “I need to apologise to Petra.” He confirmed.

“Okay,” Erwin carefully peeled his hand away from Levi’s back, “Should we head back to the flat together, or would you prefer myself, Mike, and Nanaba to go elsewhere? They’d all understand.”

A breath was let out through Levi’s nose. “I think it’s time I be fucking honest with all of you. If you’re all in the room together, it’ll make it easier than having to say it over and over again. But as a warning, it isn’t fucking pretty.”

Erwin swallowed audibly, yet kept his expression steeled. Would anyone ever be ready to hear what their love had gone through, why they’d gone through it, what was going on in their personal life? Judging by the marks across Levi’s neck, it certainly wasn’t going to be pretty. But he knew he had to be there for him, now more than ever. And so, Erwin nodded.

“I’ll always be here for you, Levi. No matter how ugly it gets.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this update! It's a lot and it's a big chapter, but it's mainly talking and conversation which feels a little different from the rest. Nonetheless, I hope you all love it!

The tension in Petra’s flat was unbearable. When Erwin returned with Levi, the whole room fell to a deathly silence. Mike and Nanaba weren’t sure what to say, whether to move and hug their friend, or whether to be angry that he’d ran away, hidden his identity for years. Petra on the other hand looked utterly relieved to have her best friend home, albeit intensely worried. Something serious was up with Levi; she knew him well enough to tell when he was avoiding something, or when there was something deeper playing on his mind. He’d been like this before when he promised he was going to get better.

Levi sat alone at the dining table, whilst Erwin leaned against the wall by the sofa, Petra perched on the arm of the seat which Nanaba and Mike were sharing. It almost felt like an interview, all those intense eyes resting on Levi, waiting for him to explain things, answer questions, talk everything through. And for what it was worth, Levi did want to open up and be honest with them all. He just wasn’t sure he was ready to hear it all himself.

It was Nanaba who dared to break the silence first, “Levi, it’s so wonderful to see you again after so long!”

“Yeah,” Mike quickly added, “It’s nice to see you here, buddy. I don’t wanna put any pressure on you at all, but I’d like you to know that we did miss you. A lot.”

Levi scanned between the two of them, “Thanks. Um,” he thought about what he was planning to say, “I’m sorry I ran then. I just was expecting only Petra here, that’s all.”

His eyes scanned over to the girl who simply smiled back apologetically. But Levi didn’t want to keep his gaze on her for too long; Petra had grown too close to him, would be able to read him and sense that something was seriously up. So instead, Levi looked around the room again, planning in his mind the best way to approach the topic which everyone was waiting to hear about. He took in a deep breath, preparing for the overflow of truths that were about to come from his mouth.

“I guess you wanna know where I’ve been for the last three years,” he began.

“No pressure again, Levi. But we’d love to know what you’ve been up to, how you’ve been, what you’re doing now.” Nanaba smiled kindly.

“Right.” He scoffed a little, “I know you all know what the fuck I’ve been doing, otherwise why the hell would you drag to the city? I’m sure someone’s gobbed out that I’m a druggie now. So at least you can guess that much. And I’m more than sure that you all know what I do now, since you’re literally at Petra’s house.”

“Okay, well.” Mike frowned, a little irritated at the bluntness of everything, “Could you tell us what we don’t know then? Maybe why you ran away in the first place is a good place to start.”

“Mike!” Nanaba yelled, horrified at how he was speaking to Levi. “You watch your mouth, let Levi speak. As if this isn’t traumatic enough without you speaking like an arse. Sorry, Levi. carry on. What actually happened when you started University?”

“That first term was fine, you all know it was. When we came home that Christmas I was buzzing, well content that I’d actually started to do something with my shitty life. But of course, it got shitter quick. They don’t design Uni course so you can pass easily, and the workload was too much, I wasn’t smart enough for a degree like that. Farlan was, but who the hell was I kidding when I thought I could be like him?

But ‘cos I was failing I felt crap. I’d gone in the first place for Farlan, so he could kind of live it through me, since that was his only goal. I constantly felt like I was letting him down when the reads were too hard, or when I didn’t understand a lecture. I started giving up just ‘cos I was going nowhere. It was too much for me to handle. And at home Erwin was barely there, and when he was, we fought a lot. I think it’s ‘cos of the stress of Uni lifestyles but still, we weren’t getting on like we used to. And that was just another thing piling on top of me.”

Mike looked at Erwin with a questioning glance. The disagreements between Levi and Erwin had clearly never been discussed as to his disappearance, judging by the expression Mike was handing Erwin. Nonetheless, Levi tried to ignore it, continuing with his storytelling.

“And then it all turned to shit. Uni was fucking hard after Christmas, and no one was helping me out with it. I think you all forgot that the only reason I actually managed to graduate school was ‘cos you all forced me to work, helped me with coursework and exams. At Uni I was left to fend for myself, and it wasn’t for me. I’ve never been academic, that last year of school was a fluke. Hell, I didn’t even go to school until I was fifteen. I can barely read my own fucking writing, never mind a top ass lecturer who thinks I’m a piece of dirt.”

“Why didn’t you ask us for help, Levi?” Nanaba questioned, her voice sad. “We’d happily have helped. You know that.”

“Right. Okay, so I’ll ring you up to come over to the city and help me do my essays? Great idea when you two live fucking hours away and are busy making home with each other. You didn’t even study English so how the hell would you know what I needed to do? Hange was off in another country, Erwin too busy fucking his law friends or arguing with me. I had no family to turn to, no other friends. What did you all expect me to do?”

“Don’t shout at Nanaba,” Mike frowned, “It’s not her fault you weren’t cut out for University.”

Levi scoffed sarcastically at the words escaping his friends’ mouth. This was precisely why he didn’t talk to anyone in the first place; he knew he wasn’t cut out for University, and no one else would’ve found the time to help him out with it by that point. But just saying it to him so bluntly knocked Levi back a little, shocked by his tone of voice.

“We’d have made something work, we always did. And even if we couldn’t have helped with the course as we weren’t studying it, we could’ve helped you out as a friend. We’d have helped you and Erwin smooth things out, or we’d have helped you switch onto a more appropriate course, if not job hunt with you. You know we’d never have left you in the lurch.” Nanaba kept her voice civil and calm, despite the growing anguish in the room.

Erwin interjected quickly, “That can’t be the only reason you ran, Levi. Were our disagreements the thing that led you to it, alongside the guilt from Farlan? Or was there more to it?”

Levi shrugged, “There’s other things. Like you all just threw me into your world where you’re all rich and have everything you want. Erwin’s parents bought him a damn flat, then gave me money to go to University and buy shit. I didn’t have to ask for anything and that’s fucking hard to deal with, knocked my pride. Ackerman’s always work for their own, even if it isn’t always legal. I like to fend for myself and none of you would let me do that! I wouldn’t even have got here without your money. Farlan would’ve killed for this opportunity and I’ve just fucked it all up for him.”

“Levi,” Erwin tried to remain composed, despite the irritation that was growing inside. “If you’d have said any of these points at the time, then we’d have worked around them. None of us were aware that you felt this way. We’ve never known any different, and as such, aren’t always aware how things like that have effects on others.”

Levi ignored the comment, clearly brewing with the truths all spilling from the top. “It was so hard. And as sick as it is, I missed Kenny. I didn’t give a shit that he hurt me so much, or that he had me doing all his dirty work since I was a kid, I missed him. I couldn’t help but wish Farlan and Isabel were there at my side, that the year before could just have not happened. I focussed most of my life on getting them out of their shit, and then they were fucking killed, and I had to move my aim onto getting Starr back, and then he killed himself.”

“It’s not sick to miss a family member,” Petra added, “Please never think you’re in the wrong for that. I get that he was a dick to you, but you don’t need to feel bad or guilty about missing him ‘cos of that. He was still your family. That year you had sounded horrendous, and it’s no surprise you were feeling that way.”

“Right.” Levi frowned, brushing the comment off, “Just when Starr died, and Kenny, and my friends and everyone that had been in my life for so long, I felt lost. I went off to Uni with you, Erwin, and thought that just being with you was enough. I was so fucking happy with you, but then you started to create this amazing life and you had so many friends, you were going to become a rich fucking lawyer, and I was still just this scrawny street rat. I was fucking jealous of you. That’s probably why we fought so much, you can’t even deny that.”

“Levi-”

“No. Fucking listen to me!” He snapped, “That’s the problem! None of you were watching or listening to me or you’d have seen how bad I felt. I felt so fucking lonely, okay? I didn’t give that much of a shit you did coke, Erwin, well definitely not enough to leave you. I was pissed, obviously, but that was a good enough excuse to go back to my old life that I needed! When I was alone for days in that flat, that’s all I thought of. How fucking big it seemed compared to what I was used to, how it just didn’t feel like my home at all. I put nothing into it.

“I got so desperate to feel like my old self. I even tried to get hold of Josef when I was at Uni ‘cos he was the only person from my old life who knew me properly before you all entered it, but he didn’t want me anymore either. It was like no one wanted me. I just felt so shit.

“After that I decided I didn’t have a choice but to go back to my old life, even if just for a little bit. That way I’d figure out what the hell I actually wanted to do for myself, rather than for everyone else. I originally only planned to run away for a month and come back, but then I met Petyr in the homeless shelter, and he had so many fucking good ideas for us: saving up, getting a flat, making our new life together. I went as Josef and became someone new and that felt so good. Eventually I told him the truth and it was fine, ‘cos we’d already moulded this little life for ourselves and I felt like I was actually worth something, for the first time in God knows how long.

“Obviously it turned shit after a while. He forced me to do drugs, and I lived a life surrounding them ‘cos he was a dealer. We quickly started to use all the time, and now he’s fucked me up. Well and truly fucked me up.”

Mike scowled as Levi spoke, growing irritated at how the blame was been passed around constantly, rather than just taking it for himself. He couldn’t stand to hear Levi using his fights with Erwin as an excuse for running away, nor could he bear to hear about no one was there for him. They all said they would be, should he call, and he never did. In Mike’s eyes, Levi had no one to blame but himself. He got himself into the mess, he was the one who chose to run away, who chose to inject himself. After thinking it through for a moment, he couldn’t hold his tongue for much longer.

“If you hated drugs so much and knew he forced them into you, why the hell did you stay with him? Why the fuck would you date a dealer, Levi?! Don’t you remember your Uncle? I don’t think you realise the shit you put Erwin through, Levi! You disappeared without a trace. We were terrified.” Mike yelled back, growing frustrated. “Running away ‘cos you felt lonely is a damned shit excuse. We thought you were _dead_!”

Levi scraped the chair he was sat on across the floor, causing it to screech at an uncomfortable pitch. He stood, slamming his hands on the glass table before him with such force it wobbled slightly, however he wasn’t sure where he managed to get that burst of energy from.

Those piercing grey eyes stared at Mike, threatening and aggravated. If Mike wanted a fight, he could have one. “’Cos nothing has ever felt as fucking amazing as being high is! Nothing gave me that escape from my shitty life, nothing has ever given me a chance to life in euphoria like heroin. I didn’t know he was a dealer when we first started fucking, alright?! I didn’t get with him for the drugs. But at least now he makes me feel anything but the loneliness I felt at Uni.”

“Bullshit.” Mike collared back, “I can’t actually believe this. We spent years looking for you just to find out you’re some junkie who thinks we never cared?! I can’t listen to this anymore.”

“You can’t have looked hard! I was here this entire time, I was still in the city. All you’d have to do is scour the homeless shelters and you’d have found me. Shows how much you actually fucking cared.”

At that, Mike found himself standing in retaliation, taking strides to stand before Levi, trying to tower over him in a hostile manner. “You’re joking, right?! Surely, just surely, you’re fucking joking. Did you forget how much drugs ruined your life, or our lives for that matter? You said it before yourself, drugs took your best friends, so why the fuck would you turn back to them?! I was seeing a counsellor for months ‘cos of _your_uncle! You fucked your life up, Levi, more than I could’ve imagined. And you fucked Erwin’s up too; he was distraught, trying to find you. And for what it’s worth, we did scour the homeless shelters.”

“That’s not my fault! If you were pathetic enough to need to talk to someone about it, then maybe you should never have got involved with me in the first place!” His hands were shivering, and his voice was shaking, “I never asked you to get involved with Kenny, you fucking chose to come over that day when I’d only asked for Erwin! In case neither of you remember, me and Farlan were your guinea pigs to get an A in that class, not the other way around!” He paused to take a breath, “If Erwin was so fucking distraught, why the hell didn’t he come looking for me?! Why didn’t you look further than homeless shelters?!”

“He did. God, are you _this_dumb?!” Mike laughed sarcastically, running a hand onto his forehead whilst the other rested on his hip. He had to turn away from Levi for a moment to steady himself, shocked by what was coming out of the smaller man’s mouth. “Jesus, he did. All he did was look for you. We filed you as a missing person and, for months, your face was on national news and everything. We paid so much into the investigation to find you. All of us. We wanted you back, but now that was clearly a mistake. If I’d have known you’d turned into a junkie, then I’d never have bothered looking for so long.”

Erwin stood, not wanting to hear such vile words coming from two of the people he loved the most, “Mike. Watch what you’re saying.”

“No, Erwin. Are you serious?” Mike turned to his friend, “You can’t be so damned soft on him. Yeah, he’s having a shit time, but you’ve been having a shit time for the past three years and that’s all his fault. We’ve all been having a shit time dealing with the aftermath of his selfish decisions, and he needs to know the hell you went through to find him.”

“Fuck off.” Levi spat, “You have no idea what the hell I’ve been through. At least you can fucking afford to live your cushy lives where mummy and daddy will pay for everything.”

Mike growled in anger, “You just said you wanted nothing to do with our money!”

Sensing it was getting heavy, Petra stood from her own chair to stand beside Levi instead, in a protective manner. To her, Levi was a big brother now: someone who would always be there for her, and as such, she vowed to always be there for him. She truly understood the horrid life Levi had coped through for the past three years, and how hard he still found that now. Walking out on Erwin had broken Levi in more ways than one, and his old best friends yelling at him for it wasn’t going to fix anything between them. Yelling at an addict and calling them names also wasn’t going to stop him doing drugs; if anything, it would encourage it, so he could get away from those people for longer.

However, as she stood up beside Levi closely, she felt a small shudder run through his body, further indicating that what she presumed must’ve been the case. It was evident to her that something happened between Petyr and him over the last few days, considering how twitchy Levi seemed, how uncomfortable he appeared before them, how he was choosing to fight verbally rather than physically, which was abnormal for him. And the marks on his neck were so red and prominent now up close; she didn’t want him to bolt again, not without checking his home life was going to be okay.

“If we could all stop yelling at each other,” Petra interrupted the men before they could argue back, “Then maybe we’d actually get somewhere. Why don’t you sit down again Mike, so you can hear Levi out properly if he has more to say, or Erwin, you take a seat and explain what happened when Levi disappeared? Shouting at one another isn’t helping anything. You’re just all going to get upset with each other.”

“I agree,” Nanaba added, a tone of anger present in her voice. She was clearly growing irritated at her partner’s response to what was going on. She’d expected Mike to be supportive, not shame Levi for what happened. “Mike, you’re going to end up in a fight if you don’t watch your tone. Yeah, I get you blame Levi for how Erwin has felt for the past few years, but didn’t you hear him? We _did_abandon him, I don’t care what anyone says otherwise. We got to Uni and everyone forgot their old lives. We barely even saw Erwin after that first Christmas when everyone came home. I’ve not seen Hange in over a year, if not longer.”

“Doesn’t give him any reason to excuse what he did.” Mike whispered at his wife, before exhaling loudly. Not wanting to cause a further scene, Mike did as was asked, turning to take a seat beside Nanaba on the sofa. All whilst doing so, his glare wouldn’t leave Levi’s: he wanted to ensure the man knew how pissed off he was at what happened, how annoyed he felt with the abandonment of Erwin.

Levi watched on as Erwin took a seat on the couch as well, perching on the arm rather than on the soft cushions; he was trying hard to calm his rapidly beating heart that was threatening to escape from his body, panicked as to what was unfolding before him. The thought of Levi just getting up now and running made his head pound, so he took a moment or two to close his eyes and brace himself, controlling that anxiety that he’d grown so used to in recent years.

As he looked up after feeling steady, he noticed Petra draping a thick blanket over Levi’s shoulders, only realising now how much he was shivering: and that kind of shiver definitely wasn’t just from anger that he evidently felt. The small man rested his forehead in his hand, massaging his temples as Petra handed him over a sugary biscuit, which he took and began to slowly take bites of and chew.

Levi hadn’t eaten properly in days now, and as such, the side-effects of hunger were quickly creeping up on him. Those black dots weren’t shifting from his vision, nor was the spinning sensation he felt in his head, and so he needed to eat. Something sugary that would keep him steady until they all ate dinner later; or just himself and Petra ate dinner. With any luck, Mike would disappear for a while.

Gaining an understanding that the yelling match had finally come to a close, Erwin decided it would be best for him to say his piece now, so they could at least clear the air and move forward. If he and Levi were to have any future together, they had to open up about all their past: and that included talking about the missing person files and the pleads to the public to help find Levi.

He inhaled deeply before approaching the silent room, “Mike is right, though, Levi. I must admit, we did hunt for you and I was having an extremely difficult time. I almost failed my entire second year of University, missing more than half my lectures and seminars looking for you. You were put on posters, pictures shown in the news, investigations done with private police. But it was just as though you disappeared from the face of the earth, which is evidently because you changed your name to Josef. But at the time, we all just assumed the worst. Whenever there was a new report of a body being recovered, we always thought it was going to be you.

“But we never gave up hope. Even long after we thought you might have passed away, he continued to search. We even went so far as to hunt Josef down and query him, but he said he hadn’t heard from you in an extremely long time. It was only at the start we thought to look in homeless shelters, and they never signed in anyone under the name of Levi Ackerman, so that search came to a halt pretty quick.

“I think it’s important for you to be aware, though, that everyone cared. Mother, father, Mike’s entire family, Hange and their new group of friends: we all set out in search for you, attempting to track anything through social media, retracing all the places you once enjoyed. Clearly, we didn’t do a very good job, since you’d been in the city the whole time. But the effort was put in, and you were everyone’s focus up until we found you again.”

Levi dare not look up at the expression he was sure would be on Erwin’s face, but he listened intently, feeling his brows furrow closer together as Erwin continued his speech. He never assumed that people cared about him that much to continue looking after such a long time; of course, he expected a small search, hence why he changed his name, but he didn’t expect them to continue for more than a month or so. He’d always thought of himself as someone who could slip away without being seen or wanted.

Erwin continued, feeling the eyes of everyone else in the room on him. But his gaze was focussed on one person alone, “Eventually we weren’t able to put you on the news anymore, and the police began to let the case fizzle down slightly. Not as much attention is put on missing person cases when the individual is an adult, and the investigators came to the conclusion you simply had moved away, hidden yourself. It was only the professional investigation that ended, though. Like I said to you, we continued to search religiously, up until the point where I saw you in the bar the other day. That moment still feels so surreal to me; I never expected to find you in that way, and because of that, I wasn’t exactly sure how to handle it, or how to approach you or the situation. I appreciate I must’ve made you uncomfortable, being with Marie, and as such, I do apologise for that.

“I also have to say that it breaks my heart to think that you’ve been dealing with all this for such a long time. When I found you in the bathroom, I utterly panicked. I’ve never dealt with something like that before and am eternally grateful that you’ve found yourself such a good, amazing friend in Petra. I just wish, and I know right now, this isn’t my place to say, but I wish you weren’t involved with this Petyr fellow. May I ask why you’re truly staying with him? I assume he is the reason behind your bruises.”

It was the question that was playing on everyone’s mind, even Levi’s. Not sure on how best to answer such a deep problem, he took a few more seconds than normal to chew on his last mouthful of biscuit, drinking in the sugar as though that itself was the drug he was addicted to, feeling better as it settled in the pit of his stomach. However, as he took his seconds do to that, it quickly became apparent that no one else was going to comment further until Levi answered. Everyone wanted the truth, and no one wanted Levi to be able to avoid this conversation.

So he thought of the most pathetic reason he could think of as to why he’d stay with Petyr.

“He gets me shit for free.”

But the room weren’t taking that as an answer, especially not Mike, who still felt wound up about how they’d shouted just moments ago. “it’s not free though, is it, Levi? And don’t act like we don’t know on this one, either. Petra filled us in. If you have to give something back, then it’s not free. I’m surprised you don’t know how that concept works, considering your involvement with petty theft.”

“Mike.” Nanaba responded, her voice stern. “If I have to tell you to watch your mouth again then you’re out of this flat and on your way home, without me. Okay?”

Honestly, though, Levi barely heard her response to her husband, paying more attention to the subtle crumbs on the table which had broken from his biscuit. He couldn’t bring his eyes to lock gazes with anyone, nor could he find that energy to argue back at Mike. He’d had enough of this entire situation already; it was still too soon for everyone to come back into one another’s lives, clearly.

His mind kept reeling with other reasons why he’d be with Petyr still. He wasn’t attractive, he wasn’t clean, he wasn’t exactly good in bed. The more he thought about it all, the more he felt shame. The shame of letting someone so utterly disgusting fuck him the way he did, just for the sake of a small fix: and speaking it out loud filled him with more disgrace than he realised he was holding onto. Levi just didn’t understand; he’d never been this person before. He’d always been strong, tough, the man people _feared_. Not someone they pitied.

There was only one answer though, and it was the one he just spoke. As such, he decided to speak that in light humour again. “I give him sex, he gives me smack. What more do I actually need in a relationship?” He laughed sarcastically, before realising no one was laughing along with him. “Look. I don’t wanna give all the details of my personal life right now. We barely even know each other anymore. But Petyr expects shit of me by this point, and so I let him do it. But if Petra has already told you, I don’t need to explain any more than that.”

The air of the room suddenly grew more uncomfortable than it had all evening. It was the most heart-breaking truth that had been admitted that day; especially when it was Levi involved. The man that everyone in the room admired for his strength, looked up to him for standing up for himself. It was as though the drugs had evolved him into a completely new person of which no one truly understood, no matter how much they wanted to. But hearing that a friend and loved one is continuously been sexually abused forced everyone to take a moment to think.

It was Erwin who tried to maintain composure, address the situation head on first. He knew that everyone was feeling sympathetic right now, and he knew for a fact that Levi would hate that. So instead, he approached it the cold, hard-truths kind of way. “Levi, if you wanted to press charges against this man then you legally can. I don’t want to scare you, but it literally does count as a sexual assault, what he did. And the kind of person who abuses someone when they’re vulnerable is the worst kind of person.”

Not knowing how to respond, the man in focus remained silent for a moment. He took a hand to his forehead again and rubbed at it, before bringing it down and interlocking his fingers around the back of his neck. Just the thought of getting that man thrown up in jail filled him with joy and excitement, but at the same time, he was relying on that man currently to provide him with a life-style his body was accustomed to. If he could just get off the drugs, then maybe he could take Petyr to caught and get him shut away.

As his brain began to tick away, so did Petra’s. She kept her gaze resting on Levi intently, trying to gain any understanding as to why he wasn’t acting like his normal self. It was obvious by this point there was something which he wasn’t being honest about, and it was eating him alive. Being high would get rid of whatever he was thinking, but without the drugs, he became more visible to Petra and she could read him like a book. It was only when Erwin finished his sentence that she had time to think it through properly, connecting the dots.

As she understood what Petyr had done, or at least she assumed, her eyes grew wide in shock and horror. If it really was what she was thinking, then everything was worse than she could ever have imagined, and she’d need to somehow persuade Levi to get out now, whilst he could. Whilst he had so many people willing to support him around him.

Conscious she had to find out the truth, Petra approached the topic with caution. She didn’t know whether he’d want to say it in front of everyone, or whether he’d even say it at all. But if she could help him admit to the truths, she would, no matter how hideous it was going to be to hear.

Carefully, she pulled the chair out beside Levi and perched on it, looking closely at him. Her voice was lowered to a wary pitch, “Levi, what are you not telling me? What has he done that you’re not saying? I know he’s done something else. You’re not acting yourself, and I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Erwin leaned forward, “What do you mean, Petra? What’s going on?”

He ran a hand over his face. He knew he had to open up, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to properly face something like that. He could still feel the blood on his legs that morning, the ache still present through his body. It was all still too real. “I owed him, alright? He didn’t do anything, because _I_owed him.”

“Oh_ God,_” Petra felt her heart sink not able to contain the words any longer, “He raped you, didn’t he? You don’t even have to say anything. I can tell; those bruises around your neck aren’t the only marks he’s left, are they? Please, Levi. Please, _please_talk to me. I don’t want you going back there. You can’t go back there, not if he’s hurting you so badly. You can move in here. Please don’t go back to him.”

“it’s not that fucking bad, don’t be dramatic.” The begging of his best friend made his heart jump, as did the look of concern that was coming from the three on the sofa again. No matter how much he pushed the thought away, he knew it was as bad as Petra had made it sound. He’d never been forced into sex the way Petyr had the other night; normally he’d accept it after a bit of whining, but Petyr had _forced_him that night. He didn’t want to do it, but he had to go through with it. Suddenly feeling dirtier than before, Levi stood quickly, almost knocking the chair over. “Can I just go have a bath or something? I’m fucking freezing and there’s no hot water at home. I know I stink.”

Petra tried hard to blink those tears threatening to escape from her eyes, turning that saddened expression into the strongest smile she could put on. “Yeah, of course. I’ll go start it running for you now.”

“I’ll do it.” Levi interrupted, clinging to the blanket placed on his shoulders as he walked by everyone in the room, the guests all remaining wordless. He ensured the door was shut behind him as he started the taps, listening quietly to the conversation that continued in the living room.

“How about me, Mike, and Nan run out and get take away for our dinner this evening? You hang around here, Erwin. Just in case Levi needs anything. I just really feel like fresh air would help to clear my head. It’s a lot to take in, and we need to think of the best way to handle it all.”

“Sounds good,” Nanaba stood, outstretching a hand for Mike to take. He slipped his large hand in her grasp as she hauled him up from the sofa, standing on her tip toes to place a small kiss on his cheek.

“I’m so stupid,” Mike began, “I feel terrible. I shouldn’t have spoken to him like that. Damn, I love that kid. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s okay, Mike.” Petra sounded, further in the distance this time. “He’ll understand. He loves you too, trust me. He used to talk about you two all the time.”

The quiet conversation faded into the distance as Levi heard the front door sound closed once again, leaving him and Erwin alone in the flat. Alone properly for the first time in so long, yet the presence of that strong blonde somehow made Levi feel more relaxed than he’d felt in such a long time as well.

* * *

As the three left the flat, Levi didn’t bother getting up from his position in the bathroom to talk to Erwin. Right now, there was nothing he craved for more than some alone time to himself to properly zone out, to think things through, and to decide what to do next. It was the first time he’d properly been alone since that morning when he left for work, and even then, he was still out of it from sleeping for so long. It felt weird to be alone now without drugs or Petyr in the other room.

He made a mental plan as he watched the water flowing into the tub: when the three returned, he would apologise for fighting with Mike. It was just pent up anger that they both needed to realise after such a long time apart, and he didn’t mean anything personal by it. He’d apologise to Petra and Nanaba for arguing too, understanding that they were both there just to care for Levi, not for any other malicious reasons. With Erwin, he planned to talk to him before everyone got home. But that would be after he had chance to clean himself, feeling dirtier by the minute whenever Petyr crept back into his thoughts.

The one thing he couldn’t push away was that nagging call which his body automatically made for heroin. He was on day two without it by now, which wasn’t that long in the grand scheme of things. There were times when he’d cope for around three weeks without a fix, although he usually used other substances in that rate to keep his mind occupied. It made him feel unsettled, not knowing when Petyr was actually due to return home, giving him no indication of when he’d next be able to get a release.

If anything, now was going to be the best time to try and remove that part of his life for good. If he didn’t have anyone supplying him, then there was no easy way to get his hands back on drugs. Maybe staying here with Petra for a while would help him shut off from the addiction; although, considering how desperate he was craving it now, highlighted by the anxious beating of his heart, would he ever be able to pull himself off drugs? He had tried once before, ending up in a worse state than he was before. And with everything going on right now, Levi wasn’t certain that was something he could change so quickly as well, no matter how much he longed to.

Sighing quietly, he stripped off the clothing he put on that morning, taking a minute to properly assess the marks on his body. Slightly reluctantly at first, Levi brought himself over to the bathroom mirror hung on the wall. He paid attention first to his eyes, noting how tired they seemed, before he let his gaze wander slightly. His neck marks seemed to have calmed a little in comparison to the morning, but the hold of his hips was prominent against his pale skin. The bruises that were smaller that morning seemed to have doubled in size, marking out clearly where the older man he was with gripped him intensely.

Just seeing Petyr’s hand-print burned onto his skin made him shudder in disgust. That was the one person of which he didn’t want a mark from forever, although there were plenty already. The small dots tracing up his arms were enough to link back to Petyr at this point.

Not wanting to think about what happened again, Levi turned his attention back to the tub. The taps were turned in opposite directions to halt the water, with only the small trip of a droplet of water sounded in the empty room. Sighing, he outstretched his leg and tested the temperature, before letting his entire body follow through into the depths. The heat was so intense that it burned his body cold as he lowered into the porcelain.

And he craved so much for the feeling to be relaxing, but it just wasn’t. With the burn in his crack ignited by the heat, he couldn’t help but let out a small squeak of agony. He squeezed his eyes closed, leaning slightly onto his left side in the tub before finding a comfortable position. As soon as his body became adjusted to the heat, everything got a little more comfortable.

It only took him a few further moments to get his entire body lower into the scorching water, letting those droplets cover his face and hair, embracing the heat that was such a luxury at home these days. He still wasn’t quite used to having baths, never having a tub in his homes when he was growing up. Although they never made him feel clean after, right now, a soak seemed to be the only thing stopping that irritating incessant shivering, warming him through to his bones. And for that, he didn’t care about the dirt he was laying in, barely noting how mucky his skin truly was, or the dried blood that was flaking into the water from his thighs that didn’t come off in the cold water that morning.

Levi wasn’t aware how long he was in the bath for until he heard a gentle tapping at the unlocked door, with a very calm and comforting voice sounding behind the white wood. “How are you doing in there, Levi?” Erwin asked, soft enough to not disturb Levi if he was sleeping, but loud enough to hear over the splashing of the water.

“I’m fine.” He responded, because he was. He truly did feel okay for the time-being, and weirdly a lot lighter now he’d got things off his chest and also had the time to think it all through properly. It felt good to be able to talk to Erwin about what had happened, as though that secret no longer separated them as intensely. Feeling slightly euphoric about everything that was going on, Levi wasn’t too sure what came over him as he passed out an invitation for the man to join him. “You can come sit in here if you want. It’s not like I have anything you’ve not seen before.”

He heard Erwin clear his throat, “Wouldn’t you rather your privacy, Levi? I don’t want to intrude if you’re relaxing.”

“I’m not forcing you.” Levi called back, “I just thought I’d tell you that I don’t mind if you want to come in.”

At that response, he saw the door handle bending down and the tall man appearing in the entrance with a small smile on his face, turning and closing the door behind him. Levi noted how the man remained respectful, not letting his gaze wander lower than Levi’s eyes, no matter how much he probably wanted to look. And Levi had to admit he quite liked the idea of Erwin taking a peak, although not when he was covered in wounds like he was. He didn’t want him to be shocked by it or made to feel uncomfortable.

As Erwin did pay attention to Levi once he was fully in the room, his gaze moved from Levi’s face to the water, seeing how it was turning a deep shade of red, with evidence suggesting it was most likely from blood. He kept his gaze stoic as normal, not wanting to cause panic should Levi have hurt himself. Levi followed Erwin’s eyes to the colour of the water, frowning as he noted how red it was turning.

“Are you bleeding, Levi? I’m sure I can find the first aid kit if you need a plaster or anything.”

Levi grimaced, just thinking about how dirty the water had grown, and how he was literally bathing in both his and Petyr’s mixed bodily fluids. If the blood hadn’t washed off that morning, there was absolutely no chance that Petyr’s release would’ve rinsed away, either. He kept his expression cool, not wanting to cause himself any panic, focussing on just heating up instead. “Oh, no it’s just dried blood. Don’t panic. I said I’m fine and I mean it.”

“Good,” Erwin smiled back trying to ignore the fact that the man he loved was covered in dried blood, shutting the toilet seat and perching on top of the plastic. “This all feels slightly dreamlike to me. I apologise if I don’t exactly know what to say, right now.”

“Me too, don’t worry.” Levi agreed, “I feel good now I’ve got all that shit off my chest, I’ve been holding onto it all for too long and it seemed more dramatic to me than it probably was. Everything feels worse when you hold it in for longer.”

“Well, I for one am glad that you felt comfortable enough to admit such hard truths to us all. For what it’s worth, I sincerely do apologise for not seeing how hard you had it at University, and for not helping where I should’ve. I was a terrible, selfish, and self-involved partner during University; looking back I feel terrible. My actions led to our disagreements nearly all of the time, and I never bothered to resolve them, always assuming that I was lucky enough to always have you around. I should never have taken your affection for granted. So, I am truly, truly sorry Levi.”

Levi just nodded along, knowing he was the one who should be saying those words. He was the one who ran away without any inkling of where he was going, no evidence left behind. He didn’t even realise that people cared, or people might’ve thought he was dead, and that was a lot to handle. “I’m sorry, too.” He began, “I put you through hell, I didn’t realise I meant that much to you still. I’m sorry for running away. But I am slightly pissed at how Mike blamed me for everything then. He didn’t need to go in at me like that.”

“I think Mike just feels protective over me, at the moment. It was a hard time and he took the brunt of it all, coming up to police meetings, searching until the dead of night. Alongside the fact he couldn’t deal well with that scene in your flat, I think it’s all just been a bit intense for him lately, not that he’d admit to it all. He was forced to grow up extremely quickly.”

Levi shook his head, “Well he should think how I felt, it was my fucking uncle. It’s me with the fucked-up life and the crackhead partner, who isn’t properly even a partner.”

“I understand that Levi. I just feel like no one had been in such a situation before, and no one was certain on what to do with it. For the most part of our group, dealing with Farlan and Isabel was their first experiences of death, even. Drugs was something they never thought they’d come close to. Mike is understanding, and he is incredibly sympathetic regarding your situation. You know that he’ll want to help you.”

Levi looked down at the water. He knew that Erwin was right, and he was aware that he was being slightly childish about everything; Mike had only shouted because he didn’t want his friendship group getting hurt again. In the year they were all close, Levi had already damaged that group in more ways than one, and he now understood that he should be sympathetic to that. Not everyone is forced to have a hell-like upbringing in the way Levi was, and in fact, he was the odd one out. It was more common than not to have a pleasant childhood, like Mike was fortunate enough to experience.

“I know,” Levi finally continued, “I heard him saying he felt bad on the way out. I’ll make sure to apologise when he gets home with the food.”

“That sounds like a good plan. And I’ll be there, if you needed any help that is. Although I think you’ve proven how strong you truly are, and how you can stand up for yourself. Just know that we’ll all be here to support whatever decision you choose to make next.”

Levi forced a smile, not really sure on what else to add to that. He was grateful to have that support, but he felt as though everyone expected something of him now. There was no damned way he was going to rehab, if that’s what everyone thought he’d do. He wouldn’t go to rehab, and he certainly wouldn’t go on methadone to try and get off smack. If he was doing it, he was going cold turkey and there was no other way about it. But that was something he needed to think more of for the time-being. He didn’t want to make any rash decisions, and he needed to experience at least one final, good high before that point, anyway.

Just one, he told himself.

“Listen, Levi” Erwin suddenly pulled him away from his thoughts again, snapping him back into reality. “About that kiss today, I hope you didn’t mind it. I really would like you to know that -”

Less than a second later, the front door sounded, carried along by the giggles and chatters of the three new-formed friends returning to the flat. Erwin quickly stood from the toilet seat, sneaking from the bathroom to greet everyone on their return home, leaving Levi in his own privacy to get changed and ponder through whatever it was that Erwin was about to say.

* * *

The scent of take out flooded the flat quickly, stirring Erwin's stomach to a growl as he left the room. Thankfully, everyone was too distracted in their conversation to see the man sneak out of the bathroom, barely noting that his cheeks were a little red from the heat rising from the bath water. Mike smiled at him as he made his way with boxes towards the kitchen, Petra behind him carrying a white carrier bag full of fizzy pop. It was clear that the air had made everyone feel a little lighter after such an intense conversation, much to Erwin's relief. Perhaps the rest of the evening could be around enjoying one another's company, rather than forcing Levi to talk about things he wasn't ready to.

As Nanaba finished taking her boot off, she made a direct line for Erwin, half fussing inside her bag as she walked towards him. The taller man eagerly awaited, expecting something from her due to the way she was acting. And of course his assumptions were right, Nanaba holding an outstretched phone in her hand towards Erwin. He looked down with a confused gaze, taking the device in his grasp.

"Sorry, Erwin." Nanaba began, "I picked you phone up instead of mine earlier, only realising at the take-away when it wouldn't stop ringing. Since then it's been buzzing none stop; I assume it's Marie calling? I didn't answer or read the messages anyway, but I'd get back to her quickly. It might be an emergency, judging by how much she wants to get a hold of you."

"Thanks, Nan." He smiled politely, "I'll just go and check what it is she wants. "

"Sure." The blonde girl responded, before bouncing off to join her husband and friend in the kitchen. Erwin watched for a moment as they removed plates from cupboards, dishing up everyone's meals. Mike pulled a cupcake out of a separate bag, of which everyone assumed it was an apology cake for Levi, placing that onto its own little plate. Erwin found himself smiling at how homely it all seemed, wanting nothing more than to be distracted by this scene, rather than the reality of why his girlfriend was ringing him so incessantly when she assumed he was still at home.

As he looked at the lock screen, it was confirmed that Marie had tried calling Erwin seven times, and had sent three messages alongside that. He sighed inwardly, not wanting to be disrespectful to her, but finding himself slipping out of her love more and more each second. That was amplified as a small Levi left the steaming bathroom, wrapping. up tightly in a white robe which must've been Petra's, judging by some of the make up surrounding the collar. Erwin couldn't help but think how amazing he looked wearing just that, watching him more as he walked over to Mike and the two talked.

In less than a minute, both the men were embracing one another, clearly moving past any disagreements they had just earlier that day. Erwin felt his heart flutter slightly as Levi looked over to him stood by the entrance with a small smile on his face, and so the tall man returned the look with even more enthusiasm. But as Levi was distracted by Petra thrusting a plate of food in his face, Erwin took to the issue at hand. If he didn't deal with this now, he'd just have to deal with it later, when he was enjoying the company of his friends even more.

The phone as unlocked as Erwin began to scroll through the three messages, before dealing with any voicemails. He felt that panic begin to boil over as he read through the first two, feeling slightly disturbed that someone had seem him in town and reported it back to his partner.

13:28: So you’re back in the city? When were you thinking of telling me you were coming back two days early?

14:42: Why are you even back, anyway? With Mike and Nan too? I thought you weren't back until Tuesday. Apparently someone saw you here yesterday, too? Where did you all spend the night?

It was only as he scrolled down that that pit of guilt doubled, never feeling as truly horrendous as he did at that point. In his whole life, Erwin prided himself on self-respect and the respect of others, always treating one another fairly. That's the whole reason he studied Law, why he was a practicing barrister. He did it because he cared about a just society, and prided himself on his honesty. But right now, he'd never felt so dishonest, reading over that last message.

The text came alongside an attached image, which he chose to look at first. He didn't even need to study it to make out his own shape covering Levi's, their arms wrapped around one another, kissing on the street he worked on. Someone was obviously going to notice him there, and he had vast competition in the city. Anything to ruin him a little would be done, so it was clear that someone with similar career motivations had passed the imagine onto Marie to confirm he was kissing another man whilst being with her. And he felt terrible. 

15:57: Want to explain to me why the hell you’re kissing Levi?

Just as he was about to respond, the device vibrated in his hand once again. Marie's name was sprawled across the screen. Erwin knew he couldn't ignore her, not now.

"Hi, Marie."


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience, and I'm so sorry this took so long to upload! We were evacuated from our home temporarily due to a fire, and thankfully are back now. That, alongside graduating and applications for a PhD, this has been the most stressful four weeks of my life but I'm so happy to be back in this story. I have this chapter and another lined up, so that one should be up after this one super quickly!
> 
> Thank you for sticking around and comments and kudos, as always. You're all so amazing!

The café was quiet at this hour; the crowds of customers returning home after a busy day in the office, the café employees gently wiping tables, putting food in sealed cases, cleaning out the coffee machines. Normally, this would be Erwin’s favourite time to visit the café. A prime time for solitude, a place to think things through and question normality. It was his saving grace for when he needed some alone time, or a pleasant mid-day break to meet up with Marie for coffee.

However, this time their meeting wouldn’t be under pleasant circumstances, despite how hard Erwin was trying to think otherwise. In his whole life, he’d always sworn by himself as an open and honest person. In his career, it was his integrity and honesty that had got him in such a successful position so quick; his personable character that was greeted by a variety of clients from all different backgrounds. Yet, for the first time in his life, that honesty had slipped, and he’d evidently hurt someone extremely close to him.

No matter how much Erwin had longed for Levi over the years, no matter how much he’d always love that man, he loved Marie too. And that woman was the one person who’d stood by him throughout everything; who’d supported him in his break downs through the end of University, who was beside him to buy his first house, through his promotions and interviews. More importantly, she was there for Erwin when he found nights hard without Levi, when everything had got too much for him and he needed real help. Marie was always there.

And that guilt piled on Erwin’s shoulders with a heavier burden than he’d care to admit. He’d cheated on her; he’d broken their promise to one another, and for that he felt shameful. He loved Marie, no matter how it may seem, and Erwin never wanted to do anything that could break her heart or upset her. Yet he’d seemed to have let all those emotions slide just because Levi was back in the picture. And this was a Levi he didn’t really know anymore.

He linked his hands together, resting his elbows on the table. The cappuccino beneath him was still steaming hot and untouched, his knee bobbing at an uncertain pace as he awaited his partner to appear at the door. Her own drink sat opposite Erwin; a gingerbread latte, Marie’s all-time favourite at this time of year. She always said she loved it for the simple gingerbread man biscuit displayed on the top, so he made sure to ask for two of those when ordering.

Whenever the bell at the top of the door sounded, Erwin felt his entire body sit upright, his glance narrowing towards the customers. Assuming that Marie was travelling from home, she would still a while before she’d get to the café; but even with that knowledge, Erwin still couldn’t halt the trepidation he felt whenever he heard a female voice over the counter, the door opening and closing. He let a small breath escape his mouth, trying not to linger on the thought that he could be in Petra’s flat right now, talking to the man he’d longed for.

The table Erwin chose was displayed right in the window of the coffee shop. It was his usual lunch spot, so he could stare out aimlessly for distractions from work, or if he was awaiting a meeting, he would see them approaching and prepare himself. However, since it was a cool evening out and hot inside, the window had become steamed and so he couldn’t glimpse outside. He was unable to see when Marie was approaching the door, or when the door opened.

It was only when the café bell sounded and Erwin looked over that he saw his girlfriend, with a messy ponytail and extremely flushed cheeks. And even from this distance, Erwin could sense that her eyes looked sad.

He took a deep breath to compose himself, before standing up and waving Marie over to his direction. As she noticed him, the girl headed in her partners direction as he pulled the chair out for her to sit on. Gratefully, she smiled weakly at Erwin, before perching on the seat and beginning to remove her outerwear. Erwin didn’t say anything until he was back in his usual seat and waited in silence until Marie had removed her coat and scarf.

Not knowing how to start such a conversation, Erwin decided it would be best to start something light-hearted to gain an understanding of how the girl before him was feeling. Gently, he pushed the cup still placed in the centre of the table in Marie’s direction.

“Here,” He began, “I ordered you a latte, with a shot of gingerbread in there for you as well. The barista must have been feeling extra friendly, putting two gingerbread men in there for you too!” He smiled the brightest grin he could muster, not that there was much life behind it.

"Thanks, Erwin.” Marie mumbled, “I know you asked for the extra gingerbread man though. It’s a clear sign you’re feeling guilty.”

Erwin looked down at his drink, swilling it slightly in the porcelain cup. “Look, Marie. I am genuinely so, so sorry about what happened. I would never intend to hurt you in such a way.”

The lady ran a hand over her forehead, massaging it slightly. An evidential note that she was feeling stressed about the situation. “I know, Erwin. I know you’re sorry and that you regret it, but I don’t want to hear any apology until you explain to me what happened and answer my questions.”

Erwin felt his shoulders grow tense as he straightened them across, bracing for this conversation. There was only one way it could end, and only one way he truly needed it to end. But no matter what, it was going to be hard to go through. As much as he had longed for Levi over the years, he’d loved Marie equally throughout. She had been there for him through such a difficult time, and as such, he owed her a lot right now. “Of course, Marie. I’ll answer anything that you need to know about.”

She nodded weakly, distancing her gaze from her boyfriend, opting to look at the gingerbread man displayed in the whipped cream instead. He heard her take a small breath before the questioning began. “Right,” her voice was quiet, “When did you get back to the city? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I came back with Mike and Nanaba the day after I arrived there. Petra phoned me in a panic about Levi, and so we decided it was best to journey back to the city quickly. I didn’t inform you as I didn’t want you to get involved, we had no idea what was going on with him and you didn’t know him the same way we did, so I thought it would be more appropriate to leave you out of it.”

“I wouldn’t have come over, I don’t rely on you that much.” Marie frowned, “But whatever. What was going on with him? Have you been with him the entire weekend too, then?”

“No,” Erwin shook his head, honestly. “Levi didn’t turn up when he was expected to, nor did he go into work when his shift was due, which was why Petra was so concerned. We hung around her flat until he turned up. I don’t think it’s my place to tell you what’s going on with him, despite my promising to answer questions. He’s just not having a good time at home, we can say. And he needs people now more than ever.”

Marie nodded understandingly. “I appreciate you can’t tell me his personal business, and if you say it’s something serious, then I’d believe you. But did you really need to go and kiss him, Erwin? How am I supposed to believe that the two of you haven’t slept together since meeting again, if you spent yesterday with him or whatever?”

“Marie,” Erwin frowned, looking at her intently. “I have more respect for you than to go and sleep with someone. The kiss that happened was completely accidental and unintentional. I would never sleep with someone else whilst dating someone. I would have assumed you knew me well enough at this point to understand that.”

“How the hell do you expect me to believe that? Am I really accusing you of something so outlandish, considering you were caught kissing him in the middle of the street where we both work?” Marie tried to contain her annoyance yet couldn’t stop her voice snapping slightly. Erwin ignored the tone as best he could, not wanting to aggravate the situation any more than it already was.

“I suppose not,” Erwin agreed, wanting to keep the peace. “I know I have no room to ask questions right now, however I am deeply interested in finding out how you discovered Levi and I kissed?”

“You’re right. You have no room to ask questions.” Marie retorted, before letting her voice calm again with a small sigh, “My friend from work was walking down the street when she saw you chasing after someone and was going to approach you until you both started arguing. It was then she told me about the kiss. I haven’t had someone spying on you or following you, if that’s what you’re implying.”

“Of course I’m not implying that, Marie.” Erwin frowned, keeping his shoulders broad and chest strong. “I am just grateful that you didn’t witness it yourself. It was something I regretted immediately after, and I would never want to upset you in such a way.”

Marie opted to not respond just then, trying to take in everything that was happening. Instead Erwin watched her put attention into the drink before her, scooping a gingerbread man out with whipped cream on and eating it delicately. When she finished chewing, those worrisome eyes turned to look directly at Erwin once again. He met the gaze back, his own blue eyes slightly watering at this point. He knew what he was going to have to do before the two of them left the café but thinking of the best way to word it proved difficult.

“You still love him, right? You’ve always loved him Erwin, there’s no point lying to me. Levi was always on another level to you.”

As Erwin opened his mouth to answer, Marie put her hands up to stop him from speaker, “Actually no, I don’t need to hear it now. I know the answers. You’ve always loved him, and I’ve always known that should be have appeared again, then you’d leave me for him. I’ve always known that, and if it was anyone but Levi right now, I’d be so much madder than I actually am. I know what he means to you, and to keep you from him would make me selfish. I know we’d have an unhappy life together.”

“You’re right, Marie.” Erwin lowered his voice to a softer tone, “I have always loved Levi, and I can’t lie to you about that. But I want you to know that I love you too. You have such a special place in my heart, and you will always have that place. I just can’t go on in this relationship knowing my soul mate is struggling so much.”

Erwin watched as a small tear escaped Marie’s eyes. She took a hand to wipe it away quickly, before straightening her expression to stop her true emotions showing through. A small cough cleared her voice so she could speak, “I assume you were chasing after him because he needs that help then?”

Erwin nodded. “It’s so much worse than I could’ve imagined.”

Marie passed an empty, sympathetic smile. “I could guess, I’m sure. He looks a mess, destroyed, even. I can’t even begin to think about what he’s been through since you two parted ways, as if his life in school wasn’t bad enough. We all heard what went on at the time, even if none of you guys told us about it. Levi is a good person, he doesn’t deserve the shit that he’s gone through. And I know he won’t have anyone right now, other than that Petra girl. He doesn’t even have family anymore, does he?”

“No,” Erwin agreed, “He has no family or friends left, so I’m not overly surprised he’s ended up in such a horrid situation. But right now, he needs help to get out of it, and leaving him struggling would be the worst decision in my life. Even worse than letting him go in the first place.”

"Well,” Marie smiled, “There has only ever been one man who can help Levi. You’re the only person who was ever able to get through to him, and so you need to go and help him with this, Erwin. You helped him so much before, and I know you can help him through this. So, you need to go, right now, and ensure that man gets the love he deserves.”

Erwin watched as Marie fought hard to stop those tears escaping.

“Marie,” Erwin stretched a hand across the table, enveloping Marie’s. She looked at the hold with a saddened expression, “Please know that I would never have wanted to hurt you in this way, I would never have intended to kiss him whilst being with you, and I honestly was looking forward to our future being spent together.”

Marie smiled weakly, “It’s okay, Erwin. I’ve always seen this coming, like I said. Levi is someone different, and I would’ve been even more devastated about our relationship coming to an end if it was with anyone else. But Levi’s special. Just tell me one thing?”

“Anything.”

“Would you have broken up with me if not for Levi coming back? Do you truly mean that we would’ve been forever?”

Erwin let his gaze drop slightly. “Marie, I’m not sure that’s appropriate to talk about right now-”

“No.” Marie interrupted, “No, please Erwin. I need to know for myself, just before we part ways. I need to know how much you truly loved me.”

Erwin looked back at her, “Marie, I would’ve married you if Levi hadn’t come back. But you’ll find someone so much more loyal, and amazing than me. I’m certain for that. You’re such a strong woman and I admire you so much for everything you’ve achieved in life, okay? Please don’t think me leaving you means I think anything less of you. I just need to be somewhere else, that’s all.”

She nodded, sympathetically. “Thanks, Erwin. If you and Levi need a place to go to get through things, have the house. I’m moving to my father’s spare town house, it’s just ten-minutes from the centre. I’ll go home tonight and pack my belongings, and tomorrow I’ll give you a text when the coast is clear.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind buying another cheap property for us to go to. I don’t want to force you out of your home.”

Marie retracted her hand gently from the hold, choosing to wrap it around the latte instead now, eager to get away from the situation now all was done and said. “I don’t want to reside in a place filled with so much of you, Erwin. I think you need to leave now anyway, you need to get back to Levi and make sure he’s okay. I’ve texted my friend and she’ll be here any moment anyway, so don’t worry about leaving me alone.”

Erwin pulled his hand away from where it was positioned, “Marie. For what it is worth, I am truly sorry this relationship had to come to an end, and I had such an amazing time with you. I really do wish you the best.”

“Go,” Marie whispered, “Please, go now Erwin. I just need some time and Levi is waiting for you.”

Without another word, the man stood from his chair and grabbed his belongings from where they were hanging over the back. He looked at Marie one last time who didn’t look up from her latte, as he walked past quickly to escape the building. As soon as the door bell sounded, Marie put her coffee down and rested her face in her hands, letting out a large sob.

But Erwin didn’t dare look; he didn’t want to see how much he’d hurt the person who’d been there for him. Instead he began walking back to Petra’s flat, willing the tears to stop escaping from his eyes. He knew he’d made the right decision, but it didn’t stop the other option from hurting so much. Before facing the flat again, Erwin took a moment to pick up his phone and give his mother a call. He needed her right now; everything was piling up so quickly again, and if Levi didn’t want his help or his love, he’d be alone again.

He couldn’t stop his mind willing him back to that dreadful time at University, and the only person who could help him through that was Mrs Smith. The second she answered the call, Erwin let everything escape, and all those tears came flooding out.

* * *

Erwin didn’t tell anyone where he was going as he left the flat; Levi simply watched the tall man dash from the door, only grabbing a jacket and shoving his feet into his shoes quickly. He looked troubled as the door slammed; panicked, even. Levi just frowned, questioning whether he’d done something wrong, said something inappropriate. It was only when Mike sat by him on the sofa with their teas on their laps that he explained where Erwin had dashed off to.

“Marie had been calling him the whole time we were going for food,” the man began, his voice stern still. “I overheard them planning to meet at the café on the corner just then, so I assume that’s where he’s run off to. But don’t worry, he’ll be back soon.”

“Right.” Levi frowned a little, picking up his fork and shoving it into the mound of rice aggressively. He wasn’t really hungry; the adrenaline of the day taking its toll on him, still feeling a small buzz inside. But he knew that Petra would nag at him until he ate at least something, so at this point he’d just shove food into his system to keep everyone quiet.

He didn’t particularly want to be here without Erwin right now. Erwin was the one who convinced him to come back and be honest about what was going on; the one who persuaded Levi to open up about his history and what was going on. Now the man had left, Levi felt uncomfortable and exposed in front of these people despite how well he knew them. He was one to suffer in silence, and the looks of people checking he was okay regularly was making him grow uncomfortable. However, he quickly zoned out and just focussed on what people were saying instead, putting less attention on people’s expressions and more on their words.

The conversation began to flow nicely as food began to be consumed. It started out with general chat to Petra; how long she’d lived in the city, who she was seeing if anyone, what she liked to do in her free time. Levi didn’t mind that chatter, because he had nothing to miss out on: he’d been in Petra’s life for years now, and he was the closest person to her in the entire room. Conversely, when the conversation switched up to the past, Levi began to feel distorted.

He didn’t realise how much he’d truly missed out on until Nanaba started talking excitedly about the wedding she and Mike shared; about all the people who had come along to the special day. Even just hearing of Erwin’s parents created a dull ache in his heart that couldn’t be removed easily, much to Levi’s dismay. Petra excitedly responded to all the small details – they spoke of the dress in detail, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, the excitement of the day, the fact that Erwin cried throughout the whole ordeal because he was so happy for them.

And just when Levi thought he’d built up an emotional barrier to stop him feeling saddened about things he’d missed out on, Mike got his phone from his pocket and began scrolling through photos of the day. He looked over at the crowds of people there; families he’d come to know so well, friends from school, Nanaba in her beautiful dress. Levi couldn’t help but feel guilty about walking out on Erwin and missing such a special event, not that he usually cared about things like that. But now he was feeling regret at all his terrible life decisions.

Not wanting to be caught up in this conversation anymore, the man simply stood wordlessly from the sofa and made his way into Petra’s bedroom, slamming the door shut as he went. He was fully aware of the eyes that were resting on his back as he left the room, but right now, he didn’t care. He wanted space and to get changed into something other than Petra’s old dressing gown, and so he began to root around the drawer where Petra normally stored her brother’s spare clothes, or larger hoodies that she bought to wear around the house.

It didn’t take much searching for Levi to find a spare pair of jeans that Petra bought him ages ago in case of emergencies, alongside a black hoodie she must’ve bought from the man’s section in a cheap shop. The second the clothing slipped on his frail frame, Levi felt a spurge of relief flood through him. To just be wearing something different than what he turned up in felt amazing; to not have something smelling of his damp flat was a luxury. Nothing to make him think of Petyr or the way he was touched not long ago.

Despite feeling slightly better now he was properly clothed, Levi still chose to not pay his reflection attention in the mirror. He knew how terrible he’d look right now, and he didn’t want to face that. It would make him want to do something he was trying so hard to not think about; and he knew he needed a distraction.

Leaving the dressing gown in a pile on the bedroom floor, Levi opened the door once again and made his way into the small kitchen area. No one paid him much attention, understanding when their friend would want to have a few moments alone. Instead, he grabbed the cupcake and the plate from the side, bringing it back over to his seat beside Mike and plonking his body down. If anything would distract him, chocolate would be a good bet. Even after all these years he still wasn’t used to indulging in sweet treats, never having experienced them as a kid.

However, Levi couldn’t stop the feeling of disappointment his body posed as he bit into the treat. The cake was spongy, the chocolate rich, but it wasn’t that tasty. Nothing like this ever tasted as good as it did when he was high; and then his mind was trapped back on that thought. Just one small shot right now would fix all that was going on in his head, he’d be able to join in the small talk and not feel awkward, or sad, or like he’d missed too much. And this cake would taste so damn amazing if it had a side of heroin.

As he got trapped inside his addicted mind, Levi barely noticed that the conversation had suddenly been directed to him. Not until Mike gently poked his arm and Nanaba was looking directly at him, “Levi, are you there?” She joked, light-heartedly.

However, Levi didn’t see the joke as light-hearted. Instead he was irritated that someone would take him away from his thoughts. “What?!” He snapped, dropping the plate onto the floor, leaving half the cupcake uneaten. It didn’t taste how he wanted.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Nanaba said, “We were just checking you were still alright, talking about our hobbies and things. What do you get up to these days other than work, anyway?”

“You fucking know what I do.” He frowned, aggravated that they were still talking about his addiction when he was been so deprived at the moment.

“I don’t think Nanaba meant it like that, Levi.” Petra frowned, keeping her voice kind. “I think she meant what hobbies do you like?”

Nanaba smiled appreciatively at Petra, before looking back to Levi. “Yeah. I remember you used to love climbing on that old bus station and drinking, or just lying and watching the sky. Do you still like to do that?”

“I’ve not done that since I was in school, with Isabel and Farlan. You know that.” Levi frowned, irritated. He let his gaze wander around the room, rather than looking at the people he was talking to. He just wanted to find a distraction, eager to pull his thoughts far away from his school life, from his friends. The second they came back into the picture then he’d need that escape so quickly. Even just dates bothered him, never mind happy memories. “Look. I don’t wanna talk about me. Let’s talk about something else. Where’s Hange?”

“Oh!” Nanaba perked up, excited to talk about their missing friend, desperate to pull the conversation from a place Levi didn’t want it to go. “Hange is in France at the moment, I believe. They’re working on a PhD in biology. How amazing is that? They said they’d come home for a few weeks next month, so it won’t be too long until the pair of you are reunited.”

“_And _Hange has a boyfriend now,” Mike added with a smirk, “We’ve only met him once, but he seems very dedicated to them. He’s called Moblit and studies something in science too, always following Hange around to help with experiments. The pair of them seem very smitten, although I just worry about how he handles an excited Hange.”

Nanaba let out a laugh, “Yeah, he’s quite quiet really. They’re funny together, I think you’d really like them. You’ll have to come and meet them too when they come home for a bit, Petra! I think you’d really like them as well.”

Petra smiled, “I’d love to meet more of Levi’s friends. You’ll have to meet mine too! Levi has met them once but not for long. Do you remember that night, Levi? You got so drunk. You and Eld were stuck together like glue for the entire evening, I think he was quite taken by you.” She laughed fondly at the memory of her best friends, before the newest member of the group snapped.

“Right.” Levi added, “Let’s not talk about that.”

“You embarrassed about it?” Mike teased, leaning his shoulder to nudge Levi gently, “Now you’ve made us want to know what happened with this Eld guy. What does he look like? What did you two do?”

“He’s tall, blonde, his hair in a pony tail.” Petra began, “I’ve known him since I was a kid. We were going out for my birthday a while back, just in town.”

“Sounds like your type, Levi.” Mike joked with a laugh, not seeing how he was bothering Levi, “Please tell us what happened next. I mean, I can assume but still -” 

“I said I don’t wanna fucking talk about it, Mike. What don’t you understand?” Levi snapped. It was only at that point that he properly looked up into the room at his friends, noting how they’d all turned silent quickly. The conversation came to an abrupt halt as all pairs of eyes were settled on Levi himself.

It was evident that everyone was taken aback, feeling slightly shocked at Levi’s outbreak. He didn’t even know where it had come from, but he was feeling so damn irritated with everything. So instead of sitting and waiting for everything to become normal again, Levi quickly stood up and made way for the kitchen, filling the sink with scorching hot water to wash up.

As he watched the bubbles grown in the water, the conversation behind him picked up once again, not that he was paying any attention to what they were saying. All he could think about was how much he wanted a quick shot to distract him, or how much he wanted Erwin to come back and distract him. He was so out of it he barely realised the water filled the sink, turning the tap off just in time to stop the flat flooding.

As pots sunk into the water, Levi found that washing up seemed to help soothe his mind for a little while, the same way cleaning used to do for him. He was certain that he’d still clean so much if he wasn’t so drugged up all the time, but the latter was priority at the moment, so he didn’t let his mind think on that thought for too long. Instead, he focussed on making the pots spotless before letting the water sink from the plug, leaning against the side of the sink to support himself whilst he tried to calm his nerves.

He knew why he was feeling so anxious and agitated, and he was certain that the other three could assume why he was feeling as such. He could feel them looking over every once in a while, could hear his name been whispered between the group. But he didn’t care; he needed to focus on breathing and calming himself. This had happened enough times in the past that he knew how to handle it by now.

And he was right.

After only a little while longer, Levi could feel himself calm down enough to return to the room properly. He dried his hands on a tea towel, before turning and walking to sit beside Mike on the sofa once again. His limp body collapsed into the soft, plush cushions, and he allowed his eyes a moment of rest as he embraced the comfort. A sofa wasn’t something he enjoyed that often; the old mattress of his home was nowhere near as comfortable.

However, his body didn’t cooperate. He wasn’t allowed to feel such tranquillity for long, as his mind began to wander to the reality of the situation. The fact that Erwin had run away without saying him scared Levi; what if he came back and did the same to him again? What if they couldn’t be together anymore? Erwin must care for Marie deeply for him to run off after sharing the moment that had today. But when he was with Erwin, Levi found himself not worrying about Petyr, or drugs, or his life at all. Erwin was a welcomed distraction, and he didn’t have that right now.

His heart felt weighted as he listened to the conversations in the room. He began to feel anxious that Erwin wouldn’t return to him, worried about how Petyr would react when he had to go home. He was panicked that he’d not be able to get heroin again; that he’d be stuck in his sad, confused state for the rest of the night. His skin began to itch inside, as he began to scratch slightly at his forearms, ignoring the scabs from track marks, allowing them to be knocked off.

It was then that his leg began to bounce unremittingly; impatiently. Though he wasn’t sure what he was feeling so agitated for. He tried hard to stop the bouncing, but no matter how much attention he put on it, it just wouldn’t stop bouncing. Alongside that came the itching: there was one small patch on his arm that just wouldn’t stop itching, even as he scratched it harshly. His eyes lolled shut a few times despite all these actions going on; feeling uncontrollably tired, heavy-lidded.

He scratched harshly, using his broken nails to dig deep into his skin. The itch wasn’t passing, and it was incessant, unbearable. He didn’t even notice that he’d caused his skin to break and bleed until Mike reached over and grabbed his hand to stop the movement, eyes wide and worried as he looked on at Levi.

“Levi, stop buddy, you’re bleeding.” He pulled his hand away from the wounded arm, not letting it magnetise back into its original position. “Are you alright?”

Mike kept his voice soft enough to not draw the attention of the girls in the room, however, Levi’s yelling response stopped all conversations as they looked over to him. Levi stood up instantly, forcing Mike’s hand away from his own, looking around the room in mild panic.

“I fucking need some air,” He snapped, running a hand through his hair. “I need a smoke. I need to calm down. Have any of you got cigarettes? I really need a cigarette.” His voice was erratic and quick. Petra immediately responded by standing herself.

“Sure Levi. They’ll be where you always keep them in the bathroom cupboard. Just open my window and smoke there, you don’t have to go outside in the cold. My landlord won’t even notice.” Petra passed off the suggestion in an attempt to keep Levi in sight after what he’d been through, and how weirdly he’d been acting.

“No, no. I don’t want to be here. I can’t be inside. I need air, I need to get the fuck out of here. I need to get out.”

His sentences were rushed and panicked. He knew what he had to do; not noting how concerned glances were exchanged between friends, not thanking Petra for offering cigarettes. He didn’t give a shit; he just ran to the bathroom, tugging the cupboard open quickly in search of the packet. Frantically, bottles of toiletries were slung from the shelves as he pushed them aside without a care, reaching his desired object not seconds later. The cigarettes were grabbed and opened, ensuring there was a lighter inside. He didn’t even wait to pull one from the packet and hang it from his mouth.

“Levi, you need a hand?” Petra called from the door, but he didn’t hear. Instead his mind was focussing on something to get him high; searching through the bottle labels for anything that would offer him an escape, yet all she seemed to have were medication for headaches or period cramps. Nothing that would even touch Levi now.

Leaving the bathroom in a mess, Levi quickly left the room and grabbed his phone from the arm of the chair, before dashing straight to the door and slamming it closed behind him. He didn’t say a word to anyone as he vacated the flat and made his way down the stairs, running at such a fast rate he skipped multiple steps at once, eager to feel cool air on his itching skin. He’d not felt withdrawal like this in such a long time, never realising how reliant he was on the drug until he didn’t have it anymore.

The second that cool night air hit Levi’s face, he instantly felt slightly more grounded. It was something about not feeling trapped that helped his symptoms, yet it wasn’t enough to calm the need down. Levi allowed his body to collapse against the wall of the building, his head lolling slightly as he reached back in the packet for the lighter. After a few flights, the cigarette caught flame and he inhaled the smoke quickly.

When the smoke touched his lungs, a light relief flooded through him. It wasn’t quite a high that he was craving so desperately, but it was something to calm his nerves whilst he waited for Erwin to come back.

_If _he was coming back.

Levi knew he was being paranoid, but part of his mind was threatening that Erwin wasn’t actually planning on coming back. Now he’d seen what as mess Levi was after all these years, he didn’t want him anymore. Not now he’d got a girlfriend who treated him properly, who worked a good job and had the knowledge to graduate from a University. A girlfriend who had an extremely good upbringing, who came from money and had a supportive family. Marie was a million times better than Levi; it was no wonder the man had run off so quickly to see her, rather than spending time with him.

His anxious brain could barely remove the idea that Erwin was repulsed by Levi after they kissed. He most likely tasted of stale alcohol and cigarettes; not in the endearing way he tasted in high school, but a grimy version of someone who couldn’t afford tooth paste. There was no way that Erwin was running off to break up with Marie over one kiss, that would be insane.

Levi took another drag of the cigarette, but his nerves didn’t calm. His mind wouldn’t shut up, and he couldn’t stop thinking that Erwin must really hate him. The drugs had messed his thought process up so much he could no longer think logically about anything. Even if his hopes and dreams were right, and Erwin did want to be with Levi again, he understood that there was no way he could get out of his current situation anyway.

There was no way that Levi could break up with Petyr just out of the blue that quickly. The man would kill him, or he’d kill Erwin, and Levi wouldn’t be able to get that last fix he promised himself. Erwin wanting to be back with Levi seemed so rushed and panicked that Levi began to feel trapped inside that thought: even outside, he was stuck.

Panicking, he pulled his phone from his pocket and pressed his emergency contact. Right now, there was only one person who’d be able to help him through this, no matter how much he wished there were more. Or at least someone else. But he knew it’d fix everything, and he’d go back to feeling normal and not like this.

The phone picked up after five rings.

“_Levi? Where the fuck are you_?” The voice roared down the phone, irritated and fed up. “_I’ve been home for fucking hours waiting for you_.”

Levi swallowed, he didn’t want to regret phoning Petyr. He needed to, he needed drugs and he couldn’t cope without them. He’d missed so much of his friends lives, it was almost pointless to try and weave his way back in. At least Petyr knew him properly, could understand him and help him in ways he needed it. “Please come get me. I’m on that street where all the banks and law firms are.”

“_Why the hell are you there?! Are you with that Erwin?! ‘Cos I swear to God, if you are -_”

Levi kept his voice steady. “No, dickface. I’m by myself. I just finished work and was walking around, but I need to get home. Desperately. You have some gear, right? Yeah?”

“_You sound desperate, Levi. How long since you last used?_” There was a small pause, before an unusual question came down the line, “_Look, you okay?_”

He tried not to be too taken aback that the man was questioning his wellbeing. Levi couldn’t think about that properly right now, he just needed to focus on ending this conversation so he could get home and feel better again. “No, no, you need to get here. Fuck.” Levi brought the hand holding the cigarette to his forehead, “Just rush. I’m _desperate_.”

“_Fine. Stay put, I’ll come pick you up outside that café down there, it’s the only place I know. I’ll be in a cab though so look out for me, got it?_”

Levi spoke breathlessly into the call, “I’ll be outside.”

“_See you in five._” Petyr responded, before the phone line came to a steady beep indicating the end of the call.

Taking a moment to catch his breath, Levi brought his phone back to his pocket and finished the last few drags of his cigarette, before pocketing the bud and setting off down the road. He tried hard to keep his gaze focussed on the one streetlamp outside the café so he wouldn’t feel overstimulated, not wanting to fall dizzy out in the streets. Not wanting anyone to stop and check in on him; he knew he looked a mess, that he wasn’t walking straight or thinking straight. Trying to convince a stranger he was okay would inevitably result in a phone call to the hospital, or worse, the police.

Thankfully it was relatively late, and the streets were quieter than normal, so the walk was quick enough. The café wasn’t far from Petra’s flat at all, just across the road and down the street a bit. Levi didn’t even put two-and-two together in his anxious state that it was the café Erwin was located at. He didn’t even think nor expect to see Erwin again that day; that was until he had to stop outside and lean against the lamppost, his gaze directly into the steamy window of the café.

With the condensation, it was almost impossible to see anyone inside that building. But Levi knew Erwin anywhere; he could make the outline of his figure, his blonde hair, his small smile. He could follow that figure down and across the table, tracing the outline of Erwin until it reached a halt: a hand wrapped over another’s; Marie’s.

Levi felt his eyes grow wide with shock, that his thoughts were right, and Erwin had left him with Petra for Marie. His limp body faltered as he stepped backwards, wanting to get out of there quickly. Wanting anything but for Erwin to see him lurking around. He spun, looking into the road eagerly, wishing for Petyr to show quickly. He just wanted that man back right now: he wanted to get out of here and pretend that day never happened.

Much to Levi’s relief, a black cab pulled right outside the café less than a minute later. He didn’t even think to check it was Petyr inside, didn’t even bother to look at the driver or say a word. Instead he swung the door wide open, forcing his shaking body into the back seat, slamming the door closed behind him. He collapsed against the leather seats at an unsteady angle as Petyr instructed the driver to set off. Just hearing that husky voice was like a soft high for Levi; hearing Petyr meant drugs weren’t far behind.

“Jesus, you’re a wreck.” Petyr commented, looking over Levi.

The smaller man didn’t bother to respond as Petyr reached into his pocket, retrieving a small baggy and a five-pound note. The powder was tipped onto the money as the old man straightened it into a line, using his free hand to help Levi lean forward slightly. He moved the product, so it was held directly under Levi’s nose. “Sniff it in then, Levi. It’ll make you feel better. I promise.”

Levi did as he was instructed, lowering his nose and holding one nostril closed, letting the powder shoot up inside him. He breathed in deeply, finishing the white line and collapsing against the back of the car once again. He felt Petyr looking over and smiling, “there’s plenty of that at home for you, Levi. I said I’d always be here for you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.” Levi responded, not paying any attention to the words. Instead, he focussed on that feeling that flooded through his system. Happiness. Euphoria. There was no way he could give this up for anyone, not even Erwin. The horrific come down was well worth the illegal high, and he wouldn’t trade that in. Even if he promised.

And suddenly, he felt better.

* * *

Erwin got back to the flat about an hour and a half after he left; he didn’t intend for the whole event to take so long, nor the conversation with his mother, but after he’d managed to clear the air and talk things through, he felt so much better about approaching everything front-on. He had plans to help Levi, ways to support him to get out of his abusive relationship and get off the drugs. His mother even offered coming up to the city to help Levi find somewhere to help him, paying for the cost of rehab themselves. But Erwin decided he’d be best talking to Levi first; after all, the man said he’d definitely be coming off the drugs, and that was the hardest step.

Despite how saddening the break up was, Erwin was also relieved and excited to inform his best friends that they could stay in the city for as long as they wanted now the house was his own. He’d need them to help with Levi in more ways than one, and he was certain the two of them would want to stay with him too. Their job roles were transferrable; all they’d have to do is ask to swap offices for a while, and they definitely would. They’d already spoken about it on the drive up to the city.

And, honestly, Erwin would be lying if he said he wasn’t relieved now he could focus his full attention on Levi. it was the only thing he ever wanted to do in his life, and the opportunity had been given back to him once again. His heart was still feeling weighted about the fact he’d split up from his long-term girlfriend, but he knew it was necessary and needed to be done. Mrs Smith made him realise that; Levi was the love of his life, and at this point, he’d do absolutely anything for him.

As he let himself back in the front door, his eyes quickly scanned across the small flat to take a note of who was still present; Mike, Nanaba, Petra. There was no Levi to be seen, although the dressing gown he was wearing before Erwin left was still in a pile on the bedroom floor. He frowned for a moment, assuming that the man might simply be behind the closed bathroom door, before his friends interrupted his small thought process.

“How you doing, buddy?” Mike asked first, taking note of the red around Erwin’s eyes. “You and Marie okay?”

Erwin nodded, walking over to the sofa to sit beside his best friend. “We’ve called things off. Marie’s at home tonight, but tomorrow she’s moving into a house her father owns. I’m keeping the house. We both decided it was for the best, especially with everything going on and all the changes that are happening.”

“Oh Erwin,” Nanaba spoke kindly, “I’m so sorry. You were together for such a long time. Are you okay?”

Erwin shrugged, “I’m as fine as I can be. It wasn’t meant to be, and as I explained to her, I need to focus on my own life at the moment. Levi needs my help, evidently, and so I want to be there for him. It’s going to be a full-on job, and so I don’t want to date alongside that. After all, Levi is the love of my life and he always has been. Dating someone else just complicates everything. I want to get him the help he needs.”

“For what it’s worth,” Petra added, “You’re definitely the love of Levi’s life too. I think everything just got too much for him before, but he definitely wants you back in his life from what I can tell. When I first became friends with him, he spoke of you often. Not that you can ever say that to him, of course.”

“Thanks, Petra. That’s nice to hear.” He smiled at her, “Where is Levi anyway? I thought he’d still be sat here.”

Mike frowned, “He wasn’t outside the flat block? He went down for a cigarette about forty-five minutes ago. Thought he was just getting some air too.”

“No. He wasn’t outside. I’ve been down there for half an hour, on the phone to my mother. He didn’t pass me once.” Erwin felt his heart began to beat faster, “What did he say to you? Where else would he go around here? Has he got his phone?”

“Whoa, bud. Don’t panic.” Mike sat forward slightly, “We’ll just give him a call. I’m sure he’s somewhere about.”

Erwin nodded wordlessly as Mike began dialling the number, putting the call on loud speaker. The three in the flat sat around in silence as they listened to the endless ringing of the mobile with no response. Immediately the call was dialled again, and again, until it began to reach voicemail instantly. His phone was switched off.

Erwin began to panic more at that point. There was no way he’d just run off after everything they’d spoken about that day; they’d made such progress on him, Levi opening up to everyone, wanting to actually talk about getting better and improving himself. Erwin surely thought that meeting Marie for an hour wouldn’t have upset him that much, but he began to doubt that as Petra ended the phone call with her work, explaining that he wasn’t there either.

“Where else would he go?” Nanaba asked into the room, trying to think of further ideas of where to find him. “Where does he live, Petra? Have you been before?”

The ginger girl shook her head, “No, I’ve never been. He won’t let me visit him at home, ever. But I assume that’s where he’s gone off to. He was acting weirdly earlier; all agitated, scratching until he bled. He’s never acted like that in front of me before, but I assume he was withdrawing, maybe? I know nothing about drugs, I’m sorry.”

Erwin frowned, “You don’t store his address at work in case of emergencies?”

Petra shrugged, “No. Well, he has an emergency address but that’s my house. He doesn’t want people to know where he lives with Petyr, especially after what he told us yesterday. He’s done this before: he opens up, says he’ll get better, and then he panics and bolts back home. He just normally doesn’t switch his phone off, that’s the only issue.”

Erwin stood up quickly, running a hand through his hair and holding it there, exasperated. He could barely believe that his friends watched the man withdraw without saying anything or helping at all; simply letting him go downstairs alone for a cigarette. It was clear where’d he’d gone, and considering where Levi had been all day, that made Erwin panic even more.

“He’s gone back to Petyr. After everything that freak did to him, he’s gone back there. We have to find out where he lives and get him back, quickly. If he finds out he’s been with us all day, who knows what Petyr will do to him then? You do all remember what Levi told us earlier, right?”

“Oh God,” Petra groaned, rubbing her forehead. “How the hell do we find out where he lives?!”

“I think I can help with that.” Mike concluded, “I have access to personal files with work. I’ll search his name or Petyr’s and find it. It won’t take me long, a few hours longest. Just everyone sit tight whilst I search, we’ll have Levi back by the morning latest.” The man stood and placed a hand on Erwin's shoulder to ground him, "It'll be okay. He'll be okay. I promise."


	9. Chapter Nine

Petyr had spent the weekend away dealing thinking over what he’d done to Levi. He couldn’t help but feel disgust for his actions; hating himself for hurting the man he claimed to love so badly. It was something he had never done to the man before; he knew he’d abused Levi in other ways, but his actions pushed a boundary and he immediately panicked. The thought of Levi leaving him filled him with such dread; he wouldn’t be able to cope with the man who helped him get to where he was.

But the images from the night kept crawling back to him. Even thinking about it made his skin crawl, creating a sickened feeling in the pit of his stomach. And on that trip, he made it his resolution to ensure that Levi got the life he deserved; that he would be treated fairer, get drugs when he wanted them, and worked less hours. Though it was obvious Petyr wouldn’t stick to these resolutions, he assumed he would at that moment.

However, one thing that Petyr liked to do was ensure there was something else to blame that wasn’t himself. Thus, the abuse he put Levi through wasn’t just his fault, but the fault of drugs and being high. There was no way he’d rape someone without being on another realm, and that was why he’d hurt Levi in such a way. Which is what Petyr kept telling himself, over and over whilst he was away. Having such an excuse was sure to play into Levi’s hands, and the smaller man wouldn’t leave him. Well, an apology and a bucket full of drugs anyway. That was Petyr’s masterplan for persuading Levi to stay in their relationship.

The first thing Petyr did when he arrived home from his weekend away was putting money into the accounts, providing the small flat with hot water and electric. The huge profit he’d made from his deals whilst being away ensured they could have this luxury for a week or two. It would be for longer, but Petyr put his money back into the business as a treat for both himself and Levi.

He paid top bucks for heroin. A pure form of it, rather than the shit that comes mixed with rat poison and other dodgy ingredients found on the streets, that he’d usually trade for on street corners. This would be an immense high, and so he assured he had enough to keep them going for a few days. Petyr had bought it off some swanky business man whilst being on his yacht, spending over two thirds of the money he’d earnt for it. But in his eyes, it was worth it.

When he first arrived home, Petyr started by sorting the flat out a bit; not that there was much to do. He placed a few tins of alcohol on the bed after making it, putting extra effort into covering up the blood that had left Levi the last time they were together. He organised the heroin ready for later; heating it to put it in old syringes they shared, putting powdered forms into bags for them to have small dosages to keep them going. He wanted to enjoy this high with Levi, feeling as though that would fix all their problems.

It was an hour or two later that Levi actually phoned him, desperate to come home for a high. Because of everything that happened, Petyr obliged to Levi’s requests almost immediately, even bothering to check in on how Levi was feeling. He didn’t want the man to leave – acting like they were in a proper relationship was the only way to make him stay. And Levi seemed to agree into the chat, setting a meeting point

With the luxury of some extra pounds in the bank, Petyr phoned for a private cab to take him to collect Levi. And the second that Levi joined him in the car in a shared high, it was almost as though everything from the past week had been forgotten. Within minutes of getting his fix, Levi was all over Petyr again, showing how grateful he was for the heroin. And Petyr wasn’t exactly going to push the man off him when they were embraced in the back of the car, revelling in the fact that Levi was the one showing him attention rather than the other way around.

He was surprised, however, that Levi didn’t seem that tired. After all, the latter had said he’d been at work all day. Normally, an after-work Levi was groggy and grumpy. This Levi was relatively chirpy after his high, not collapsing straight into a slumber. He would usually drift straight into his drowsy twilight state; yet the drugs seemed to be having the opposite effect.

When the car pulled outside their flat block, the men stumbled out together, crashing bodies as they walked up the stairs to the flat. The door was unlocked, and Levi was greeted by florescent lights in the air, hot water in the sink. And Petyr watched as the man ran his hands under the heated water with a joyful expression, before turning to lay on the mattress.

“You fancy some more?” Petyr questioned, taking a seat beside his partner and pulling a back pack into his lap. It only took him a few seconds to locate the needles he’d prepared earlier.

“Fuck, yeah.” Levi slurred, “This shit is so strong. I feel incredible, Petyr, I want it all.”

Petyr smirked, pulling Levi’s arm onto his lap and rolling up the sleeve of the hoodie. He scanned and felt around for a booming vein, before forcing the needle deep inside. Within seconds, the rush spread through Levi’s body. He could feel it swimming in his blood, highlighting his already euphoric state. It was how he always wanted to feel.

Petyr took the needle out of the arm and refilled it, injecting himself just moments later. And damn, it felt as good as Levi made it look. The pair could barely keep themselves upright as they collapsed back into the mattress together, laughing at nothing, giggling breathlessly.

Levi always got clingy when he was high from something good, and so Petyr embraced that as the man sloppily climbed on top of him, starting the movements off with a few small kisses, leading into touching, exploring, embracing. It was the first time in years that Levi had initiated sex; the first time in years that Petyr felt wanted by the man before him. And whilst he knew it wasn’t Levi talking or acting, he didn’t care. If drugs of high quality turned Levi into the man he first met, then he’d be sure to save up for it more often than not.

Sex always felt so much more worthwhile when high, despite in reality it being so much less enjoyable. The two men felt incredible inside one another, Levi letting his mind wander to his daydreams, imagining the man below him now was the one person he’d want it to be. Imagining Petyr as Erwin made the fantasy that much more astonishing, and Levi never wanted it to end.

Hence why, less than an hour after the first injection, Levi began to nag for more. He never wanted that intense high to go away; he wanted to feel that incredible at all times. And since Petyr was so out of it himself, he obliged. The needle sunk into Levi’s pale skin again, hitting him just as quickly. Although this time the hit wasn’t as pleasant as the first, and Levi collapsed back unwantedly into the mattress.

At first, Petyr thought that the man was simply putting on a show, pretending to be dramatic. And as such, he laughed along with the action at first. But when Levi didn’t sit up after that, nor respond to his name, that’s why Petyr began to panic.

“Levi?” He called again, “Fucking wake up! Can you hear me?! I’m talking to you!” Petyr frantically moved his body to listen to Levi’s heartbeat, which was dull and slow. He moved his hand to feel for breaths from Levi’s mouth, but nothing escaped. And then he panicked.

“Fuck, _fuck!_” Petyr shouted out, standing up so quickly that he knocked an open can of beer onto the floor. He didn’t know what he was doing, rushing to the kitchen and pulling cupboards open, checking through drawers for any medication that would help Levi. He had to bring him back round, and quick. But the man wasn’t breathing, his chest barely moving.

Instantly, Petyr grabbed his phone from the floor and dialled nine-nine-nine. He could barely speak as an operator answered the phone at the other end.

“_Emergency services. How may I help_?”

“I need a fucking ambulance, quickly! My friend – no, wait. This person in my flat block, I just came over to check he was okay, and he’s done it. He’s overdosing on heroin!”

“_Sir, please try your best to remain calm. You said your neighbour has overdosed on heroin? What are his symptoms? Are you certain it’s that drug?_”

“He’s not breathing! I can’t even feel his heart, oh, shit. He left the needle – a needle by his arm. He’s always getting fucked up, but he’s never done this. I think he’s dying.”

“_What’s his name_?” The operator asked, “_What’s his address_?”

“Levi. He’s called Levi Ackerman, he lives in Flat 23 on Clarendon Road. Are you coming? Can you come and save him? He needs saving. Oh, god. He can’t die. He can’t.” Petyr felt the tears well up in his eyes as he began to sob down the phone to the lady, “Please help.”

“_Thank you, I’ve sent an emergency ambulance. They’re on their way to you now. Can you stay on the line and keep talking to Levi, inform me of any changes to his body, his breathing? We’re going to save your friend. Don’t worry_.”

Petyr paused for a minute, thinking it through properly. If he was to stay on the phone and hang around, they were sure to arrest him for injecting Levi. The evidence would be everywhere, and police would certainly examine the flat for fingerprints on needles if they assumed someone else was with Levi. No, he had to pack quickly. He needed to leave the flat until Levi got out of hospital, to cover his tracks. That was the only way to avoid getting himself in shit too.

“No. No I can’t, I have to go. I hope you save him. Please, save him.” Petyr rushed to end the call, pressing the button without waiting for a response. Immediately he grabbed his backpack and most of the drugs remaining, shoving clothes quickly into his bag without a care of whether they were his own or Levi’s. Drawers were left pulled open, the floor and flat emptied of anything that could’ve been his. All that remained was the dirty needle, the blankets and mattress, and Levi. A Levi he wasn’t sure was still alive.

And without even a glimpse back into the room, Petyr ran out, slamming the door closed behind him. He’d come back for Levi when he was out of hospital, but right now, he needed to hide.

* * *

It took Mike longer than anticipated, but they managed to track down an address for Levi’s flat. It turned out he hadn’t signed for the property with his real name, but instead used the old alias of Josef. Thankfully, Petra had the idea to search that before they started physically searching, considering that’s the name he was down for at work too. And the address popped on the screen just seconds later, indicating where to pursue.

Alongside Levi’s own flat, evidence also emerged showing that Petyr hadn’t put his name on the flat agreement whatsoever. So that meant that, should they fail to pay rent, he’d always avoid trouble and instead it would be placed on Levi’s shoulders. It was definitely something that Erwin was going to look into changing for the two of them if Levi was adamant he’d want to stay there, however that was the last of their concerns at the minute. All they wanted to do was ensure that Levi was safe, wherever he was. And get answers as to why he simply disappeared again.

It was the early hours of the morning by this point, but none of the friendship group cared. Instead, Nanaba phoned for a taxi as they packed up and got their coats on to leave Petra’s flat, driving straight into the area where Levi was said to reside. A part of town that none of the group dared to enter due to rumours of gangs, violence, drugs. It had a worse reputation than where Levi was originally from, and it played up to expectations as the taxi began to roll down the streets.

The only word Erwin could think to describe the place was derelict. It was clear that the government put no concern into this part of town, indicated by the homeless lining the streets, no charities supporting them by providing free food and accommodation. Shops were boarded up with wooden bars or spray-painted shutters; abandoned locations had smashed windows, damaged doors. Old tatty pairs of shoes hung from wires crossing the streets, piles of rubbish dumped before front doors.

Homes weren’t properly cared for. The flat block high rises were dirty and dampened, the town houses converted into small living quarters for numerous people had dead ivy hanging from the walls, graffiti on the windows, smashed walls and crumbling bricks. Some homes even had grates boarding their windows to protect belongings from robbers.

It felt like something from a horror movie, and Erwin was trying so hard to block out the fact that Levi had chosen, voluntarily, to live somewhere as disgusting as this rather than the flat they shared together. He ran away and gave everything they had together up for this rough town, and that broke his heart even more than just losing Levi. it was as though the man was simply a shell of the person they’d grown to know in school; eighteen-year-old Levi would never have settled for this much grime and dirt.

He couldn’t help but feel the guilt for the entire situation that everyone was in. It was him who brought Levi into their lives in the first place, who never stopped to check in on how he was doing, whether he wanted everything the Smith’s threw his way. And now, years on, he was just beginning to see how involved he was with Levi’s first disappearance, and he couldn’t help but let his shoulders sag in regret and sorrow. He’d forcefully changed Levi so much despite never intending to.

As the taxi pulled to a halt, Erwin snapped out of his thoughts quickly. The four paid the driver before climbing from the seats onto the streets that should’ve been quiet at this time of the day, but instead, they were alive with people. Corners had those offering services waiting patiently for their next customer, gangs of people were huddled in parts of the streets, flashing weapons and drugs with no cares at all.

Not wanting to linger in case they were too easy to target, Petra led them over to the door to the building which Levi was said to live. The entryway didn’t need a buzzer or a key; it was simply a free for all, giving strangers from the street permission to enter. It was dangerous and unsafe; just thinking of the risks of living there sent shivers up everyone’s spines. But not as much as when they entered, and the stench hit them.

The politest way to put it was that it stunk of piss. Stale alcohol was stained on the walls, piles of people’s rubbish dumped in the entry, drug paraphernalia discarded with no care. Petra took in a deep breath, ignoring the option of a lift and taking the stairs. The three behind her followed wordlessly; no one was entirely sure what to say about everything they’d seen so far. Silence seemed the best option, the safest option.

The walk to Levi’s flat didn’t seem to take long; the four piling on the landing after less than two minutes. As they looked around for any indication of which flat it was, they noted how one door had been broken in, forced open. Upon closer inspection, it was evidently Levi’s flat. The numbers were fallen on the floor before the wood, chippings of the door itself displayed across the landing. All the other flats seemed silent still; and so they understood they needed to remain quiet, so as not to disturb anyone.

Erwin swallowed deeply before going in first. As much as he was dreading what he was going to see, there was a promise of Levi behind that broken door. His mind told him that it was always that way, that it had been broken a long time ago and was simply left rather than paying to get it fixed, that way he didn’t need to worry too badly. And anyway, the prospect of seeing Levi was enough to motivate Erwin into pushing past his worries and looking for him. However, one foot into the main living area of the flat and he immediately regretted that decision.

The mattress was the first thing he saw, causing him to pause in his tracks. It was piled up with ratted blankets with holes in, pushed off the so-called bed to reveal patches of blood located beneath. Blood that had simply dried, rather than simply a stain. Pillows were cast to the side, one with a large damp patch on the cover. Half the blankets were on the floor rather than the mattress itself, and cigarette buds were even piled up in that. A can of spilled alcohol lay on the opposite side of the mattress, leaking onto the corner of a blanket, with an abandoned lighter beside it.

Erwin tried to move his gaze away from the needle that was pride of place in the centre of the bed, emptied and dirty. He cringed just thinking about something so vile touching the man he deemed perfect; not wanting to consider its source, or how Levi managed to get hold of something so destructive.

Quickly directing his gaze away, Erwin was next brought to the small kitchen. The worktops hadn’t been washed in such a long time they had a layer of greasy dust atop them, and the cupboard doors were all swung open at weird and uncomfortable angles. He noted how everything was completely empty; as though no one actually lived here anymore. As though someone left in a hurry.

Such suspicions were confirmed when Erwin met his gaze on the one piece of solid furniture in the whole flat: a chest of drawers. The drawers themselves were pulled out fully, discarded in a pile on the floor, and the frame housed nothing inside. He tried hard to fight the panic down that was threatening to rise in his throat, eager to not let his body betray him. Erwin looked around a little more and noticed a further door to explore, whilst his friends stood in the doorway and looked on still.

As he scanned around the room again his heart rate increased dramatically, feeling himself go into a state of panic. The place was trashed and there was no Levi to be seen – evidently someone had been there recently and had turned the place upside down, but why would Levi then vanish? Erwin forgot that other people were in the building with him as he wordlessly walked around, focussing solely on putting one foot in front of the other. He couldn’t help but remember the day that Levi had first left; when he came home to an empty house, eager to find the man of his dreams simply hiding in a wardrobe ready to jokingly apologise for their fight.

But that never happened. He’d lost Levi. And it was happening again, just a few days after reuniting.

Erwin furrowed his brows, trying hard to rid himself from those thoughts. There must be a valid reason Levi had disappeared again. It was when he looked around once more that he noticed a shut door, and as such he aimed for it. With a deep breath, Erwin pushed open the closed door to the bathroom, greeted yet again by stale blood staining the sinks and bath, black patches of mould on the walls, needles abandoned in the sink. And the smell. Oh God, _the smell_.

He couldn’t contain himself anymore as the man wretched, unable to be in the property for much longer. He was utterly shocked about the state of it; panicked that Levi was here for so long, that this was the place he’d let himself call home. Concerned about the blood, the needles, the vomit in the corner of the bath. The fact that he’d driven Levi into this lifestyle, with no idea of how to get out of it. No matter how much internet research he could do, dealing with an addict was always so much more complicated than it seemed.

Bending over the porcelain toilet, Erwin emptied his stomach. It was then that he remembered other people were with him: a gentle hand touching his back lightly, rubbing soothing circles through his coat. It felt homely and safe; just what he needed, though that feeling of shame wouldn’t go. When he was certain there was nothing else needing to escape his body, Erwin let his head hang for a moment longer, before he forced his body to sit up slightly to pay attention to the bathroom presence.

“I can’t believe he lives here.” Erwin mumbled, resting his forehead on his arm. “I can’t believe this is Levi now.”

“This isn’t the Levi you know, Erwin.” Petra spoke kindly, “This is a different Levi who is struggling and needs our help. And we need to do whatever we can to help him. Try not to think of this as his living quarters, because he doesn’t want to spend time here. He just doesn’t have a choice.”

“It’s just hard, as I’m sure you understand.” Erwin sighed, moving his large body so it could collapse against the tiles beside the toilet, flushing as he moved. “I apologise, I’m usually strong in situations such as these. I deal with them all the time at work, it’s just when it’s someone you care about so much, it seems to hurt that much more. I just can’t believe he’d want to be here. Even more so after growing up around Kenny.”

“I know.” Petra straightened her voice. “But you need to stop thinking like that. We’ve come to his house, and he’s not here. Neither are his things, or anyone else’s for that matter. We need to focus on finding out where the hell Levi has disappeared to. We need to make sure he’s safe. We can worry about where he’s living after we’ve found him. Okay?”

“Oh God,” Erwin groaned, “You’re right. I’m sorry, I feel so pathetic. I just feel like this is all my fault, everything is. If I never brought him into my lifestyle, he’d never have ended up here. If I’d have left him alone during school, then perhaps he’d still be living with Farlan and Isabel, the three of them would’ve undoubtedly graduated University. They wouldn’t have failed him.”

“Perhaps so.” Petra agreed, “But Erwin, this isn’t like you. Not the you I’ve heard so much about. So you need to put on your brave face again and help us find Levi and ensure that he’s okay. Alright? There’s no point in dwelling on the past because it can’t be changed. But right now, as his friends, we have an opportunity to help his future and get him away from this life style.”

Erwin nodded in agreement. “You’re right. I’ll pull myself together.”

“Good.” She smiled, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “We’re just going to sit in the living room for a while, go through my contacts to see if anyone’s seen him, think of a plan if not. I’m going to try get hold of Petyr too, he must be about somewhere. Mike and Nanaba are already contacting families back home to see if decided to head back. Just come and join us when you’re ready.”

“Thanks, Petra. For this, and for been there for Levi all this time. I genuinely think he’d be in a much more difficult place if he didn’t have you as his support network and his friend.”

She poked him jokingly, “Hey. Don’t be saying things like that, you’ll make me blush. Now come on: we have to find your future boyfriend, Erwin.”

The ginger girl stood then, laughing to herself lightly as she joined Mike and Nanaba in the living room. Erwin took a moment to gather himself again, listening to their conversation, ticking off people mentally as they contacted them. Erwin couldn’t help but feel incredibly grateful that those people were still there for him and Levi after all this time: spending their evenings searching for him, risking their lives to save him.

And for the first time since Levi disappeared the first time around, he felt hope. Enough hope to pull him from the bathroom floor and venture into the living room to help the search party.

* * *

Sitting on the floor in the centre of the flat they’d found; all friends began by calling anyone they thought Levi might know or could’ve had contact with. They didn’t care about the time, ringing people until they answered their phones, messaging until the responses came through. It was essentially a missing persons case in their eyes, and so they’d pursue their chase until anything came back. At all.

Petra read out a list of names and numbers, letting people sign into her social media pages to contact others, whilst the rest of the group occupied the phones. They contacted anyone possible – the old homeless shelter where Levi once lived, employees at work alongside Petra. Their old school was contacted, alongside family members in case he’d been spotted around their home town. Erwin even phoned Josef to see if he’d heard from Levi after all these years, but alas, nothing. No one had seen anything, nor heard anything.

It was then that Petra braved the call to Petyr in a desperate plea to find out where either of them had gone. However, after speaking to him for an extremely brief moment, it became evident that the man wasn’t in town, informing Petra that he was still out of the city for work and wouldn’t be returning until that evening. At least that explained the lack of items in the flat, she assumed. And at least that confirmed that Levi was somewhat safe, if the man wasn’t in the picture.

However, Erwin didn’t find this admission as comforting as the rest. It was obviously a relief that Levi wasn’t attacked again by his so-called partner, but it wasn’t a good sign that he was nowhere to be found. Even worse that Levi had returned here alone the evening before, alongside the fact the flat was destroyed, and the door bashed in. The only plausible conclusion for Erwin to jump to was that he’d bolted again. That the man he loved had run away from the fear of being enclosed in their relationship again.

“He’s gone again.” Erwin groaned out, letting his almost-dead phone drop on the floor before him after hours and hours of searching. “I can’t believe I wasn’t there for him when he needed me. Again.”

“Hey,” Nanaba spoke kindly, draping an arm across her friends’ shoulder. She’d heard this conversation so much over the years with Erwin, and so knew how to support him through this. “Don’t give up hope yet! That’s not like you, Erwin. Now come on, let’s think logically. We’ve contacted all his acquaintances as both Levi and Josef, he has no family that he’d be able to get hold of. Where else would someone go if they were in that situation?”

Mike shrugged, “Maybe he’s just gone for a walk, needing some fresh air or to think things through. If he wasn’t feeling with it, he could’ve easily fallen asleep in a park. Or maybe he has friends we don’t know about, too.”

“True.” Petra agreed, “But he isn’t the type to go on cold walks at this time on a night.”

“It’s been a pretty full on few days for all of us, but even more for Levi. Admitting everything must’ve taken its toll on him. I would assume he just would’ve enjoyed some space for the time-being.” Erwin suggested, trying hard to let his mind wander from where he was truly thinking he’d gone.

Petra frowned, “Maybe. But that doesn’t explain the state of the flat or the fact his door was burst open. And it doesn’t explain why the pillow is still soaking, the beer is fresh, and why there’s a needle on the bed. He’s clearly been here recently. I don’t want to scare you all, but it’s clear he’s drugged up, wherever he’s gone. Which leads me to question where he got the drugs from when Petyr’s out of town.”

Erwin turned his attention to Levi’s new best friend. “Could he be in trouble? Why else would someone break into his flat? Perhaps someone spoke of his addiction to the police, caught him with drugs in his flat. Or maybe someone else dealt to him and he couldn’t afford to pay up, that’s why all his stuff was taken?”

“No,” Mike shook his head. “We’re already so understaffed that we barely do drug raids in the city anymore unless it’s for a dealer themselves, and we’re all certain Levi isn’t that. From what I know, there are four main people they’re searching for at the moment, and Petyr and Levi definitely aren’t those people. But the only reason the door would be smashed in, other than gang wars or whatever he could be involved in, is emergency services. What’s the local hospital around here?”

“Oh my God, Mike! You genius! I’ll phone them now.” Petra squealed, typing into her phone quickly and putting the ringer to her ear.

Everyone fell silent as they watched Petra speak to the emergency services on the line, eyes wide and eager. It was the most worrying yet promising suggestion of the evening, and if Levi was there, at least he would be in safe hands for now. Then they could go to him and get him help; that’s all Erwin wanted.

“Hello,” Petra began, “I’m just calling to check whether my brother has been admitted into this hospital today. His name is Levi Ackerman. I believe he could be in trouble.”

Wanting to focus solely on the conversation with the hospital, Petra stood and turned to the entryway of the flat, standing in the corridor. It left Mike, Nanaba, and Erwin sitting around anxiously, awaiting the news. The latter could barely believe that he didn’t come to the conclusion of hospital sooner, considering how everyone described Levi’s actions whilst he was with Marie. Nonetheless, Erwin was just thankful that Mike put the suggestion out there. Even more so when Petra came back into the room with a smile on her face indicating a little hope.

“Levi is in the local hospital. Someone called up the emergency services earlier to bring him in. But,” She paused, looking around before locking eyes with Erwin. “He overdosed. On heroin. They’re treating him now. We have to go.”

* * *

As they arrived at the hospital, Erwin was the first to dash out of the taxi and go up to the front desk. The receptionist informed him that Levi was still here, much to his relief, and she called down for a nurse to direct them in the location of the ward. It was a relatively quiet night for A&E, which was incredibly lucky these days. Normally a patient would have to wait hours to be treated or even to be moved to a ward; Erwin was so grateful that Levi was already getting the help he so desperately needed.

As soon as the nurse appeared, she brought the group to another floor, before inviting them to sit in the waiting area. Levi wasn’t ready to be seen yet, and a doctor wanted to talk things through with the friendship group before they could visit anyway. They needed to understand the severity of what happened to him and needed to discuss family or next of kin’s in order to receive treatment permission for the future.

Thus, a doctor appeared not too long after: a long white jacket on his body, a clipboard in his hands. Hearing his voice echoing into the waiting room, Erwin immediately looked up, standing and shaking the man’s hand. The doctor returned the gesture, before simply smiling at the rest of the group. No one really knew what to say; they were all so shocked and confused about the news they’d received. As such, everyone felt thankful that someone could explain the situation in proper to them now, to ensure that Levi would be safe. That he’d live.

“Hello, I’m Doctor Jones. Are you all here regarding Mr Ackerman?” His voice was comforting and steady, unlike the nerves shattering through everyone.

“Yes, yes we are.” Erwin nodded firmly, taking his seat once again. “Is he safe? Is he okay?”

“He’s received the treatment and is sleeping currently. Thankfully, whoever called the hospital when they did, essentially saved his life. He had injected an awful amount of heroin into his system, and we’ve had to give him naloxone to help slow the rate that the heroin was flooding around his body. We seemed to have reached him in time, so the outcome is, so far, looking extremely positive. However, the reason he was admitted to our hospital is deeply concerning. A drug addiction is an incredibly serious illness, especially regarding Class A substances; an overdose is commonly fatal.”

“What does it mean if he had an overdose?” Nanaba questioned next, her voice still as soft and calming as it always was despite how panicked she was truly feeling. “I mean I know what an overdose is, of course. I just mean what did it to do his body? Will he fully recover?”

Doctor Jones looked down at his notes once again to confirm what Levi had suffered, before putting his attention on the group. “He suffered respiratory depression. His heart rate slowed down to an extremely dangerous rate, and his breathing wasn’t stable enough to provide his body with the oxygen he needs.” He doctor paused, before turning to look back at Erwin, “I believe he needs serious help to overcome this. From our readings and the markings on his skin, we would conclude that he has a serious addiction problem and needs to attend rehab immediately.”

Erwin nodded in understanding. He had assumed as much since they first locked eyes again; it was what his mother had suggested when he visited her, and again on the phone just earlier that evening. Rehab seemed the only viable option for Levi right now, but Erwin could just sense that the man wouldn’t want to go. If he’d already promised once that night, he’d give up the drugs, yet crawled back to them just hours later, then there seemed to be no hope.

He sighed saddened thinking over the costings of local places he’d discovered through research, closing his mind off to the awful side-effects of a heroin withdrawal. It would practically destroy Levi before he could build himself back up again. It would take almost everything to convince Levi to take his money and go through something so traumatic.

Petra, sensing that Erwin was struggling to think what to say, chipped in. “We were already thinking that was the best option for him. He’s been using for a long time, and he’s never managed to get any help for it. Drugs have always been around him, and I think time away would really help him. Show him normality.”

“I’m glad you support the hospitals decision.” The doctor smiled kindly, “I must inform you that an investigator for the police will be attending soon once Levi awakens. Since it was a drug case with such an intense amount in his system, they’re eager to discover where he’s receiving the substances from. There’s a severe drug problem in the city and they’re wanting to tackle it. However, I will leave the questioning up to them. I just would like to emphasise that if you know anything, please come forward. I’ve seen too many people die in this ward over the years.”

“Thank you, Doctor Jones.” Erwin nodded, joining the conversation once again, “We’ll have a think of any information that might help. Do you have an indication of when we might be able to see Levi, though?”

The doctor looked back over his clipboard. “Perhaps in the next hour. I’ll send a nurse your way when he’s awake.”

“Thank you.” Petra smiled, before the doctor turned and set off from the small group of friends. They all exchanged a small glance at one another before settling down into their seats a little more, relaxing as much as they could now, they knew that Levi was going to be safe. That the overdose hadn’t killed him. Although too many things were niggling in Erwin’s mind to think everything through properly, and to enjoy the fact that Levi was going to be okay.

Firstly, he couldn’t help but wonder who had called the hospital. Petyr was out of town, meaning that Levi must get high with someone who they didn’t know about yet. Was that person using too? Why didn’t they come to hospital with Levi to ensure he was okay? And secondly, why the hell did Levi go home and shoot up after everything he’d said to Erwin that day. He said he wanted to get better, so why did he force so many drugs into his system that he almost killed himself. Unless he _wanted_to kill himself. And that thought pained Erwin so deeply.

Such an intrusive thought caused Erwin’s eyes to widen slightly, before he looked directly at Mike with a concerned expression. The taller man shot a puzzled look back at Erwin, “You okay buddy?”

Erwin shook his head, placing a hand on his forehead. “I’m just confused.” He paused, thinking of the best way to explain his thought process. “Just. He spoke to me about wanting to get better, to quit it all and help himself. But in the same day he ran back home and got high. Supposedly alone. And it wasn’t just one load by the sounds of things – I’m just struggling to piece it all together. Nothing sounds like him, at all.”

“He does it all the time.” Petra sighed, her voice hollow. “He’s told me time and time again that he wants to get better, that he’ll quit and move in with me. Yet in a few hours sometimes, he’s back home shooting up. It’s just the way an addict’s brain works. Like I keep saying, the man you met the other day isn’t Levi anymore, not properly. It’s a distorted version of himself. But he’s going to come back. And as awful as this situation is, all we can do is hope it’s a huge wake up call to him. That he’ll start properly looking after himself.”

“Right.” Erwin nodded, “I’m also concerned though about the level of drugs he’d put in his body, too. I would assume at this point that he knows what a sensible and reasonable level of substance is, to avoid overdoses. I don’t want to jump to conclusions or worry you all more than you already are, but do you think he could’ve been trying to take his own life? Has he ever used so much he’s ended up in hospital before with an overdose?”

Petra looked at Erwin with a shocked glare at first, before she paused to think it through thoroughly. She wanted so badly to believe that Erwin was simply fearful and jumping to conclusions quickly: however, he had a point. Whilst he wasn’t exactly _sensible_with his drug use, if that could even be a thing, Levi had never done so many drugs when alone that he needed medical attention. The fact he wasn’t with Petyr when he overdosed filled her with more concern; other than the person calling the ambulance, perhaps he was alone the entire time. And getting high alone wasn’t something Levi was known to do regularly; it was always shared with Petyr.

And those thoughts let a whine escape Petra, “Oh God,” she began, “No. No he’s never got so dangerously high before. What if he was trying to end it all?”

“I think Erwin is panicking and jumping to conclusions.” Mike snapped, wanting to affirm himself to calm the situation and thought processes down, “Working yourself up like this never helps, Erwin. Have you forgotten what happened to you when you first went looking for Levi and you thought he’d been kidnapped or murdered? It never ends well. For either of us. So, I propose we wait to hear it from Levi himself.”

“I agree,” Nanaba added, “Speculating won’t ease any of our worries. All we need to focus on now is the fact that Levi is safe, in a hospital, getting the medical help he needs. And we’re all here for the next step. In due time I’m sure he’ll explain his drug usage to us all.”

Before anyone could suggest anything regarding Levi’s condition, footsteps sounded in the empty corridor and a nurse appeared, heading straight to the group of four. A kind smile was plastered on her face as she announced that Levi was awake, if they wanted to check in on him and inform them, they were here, although he might still be feeling groggy from everything that was flushed through his system. Desperate to check the man he loved, Erwin was stood first, followed closely by the other three.

He was doing okay. He had come out of his overdose. And now it was time to get him help.

The nurse led Levi’s friends down the corridor and into a ward with six beds displayed around. Some of the patients had a similar look to Levi; the gaunt cheeks, the scarred skin, the pale face. It was evidently where they brought those who’d overdosed on drugs to come back around. However, as heartless as it was, Erwin didn’t care for the other people in the beds. He only cared for Levi, and he was so eager to ensure the man he loved was still okay. He wanted to let Levi know how much he meant to him, and how they were all there to help. There was no way he’d lose him again.

Levi was on the bed nearest the window, the dividing curtain pulled the full way around to give him privacy from the other patients. The nurse called his name out first, before following through behind the curtain. Erwin waited alongside the group of friends as she spoke to him, listening for a few disgruntling responses from the man in the bed. Only moments later she appeared again, pulling the curtain slightly to allow Erwin, Mike, Nanaba, and Petra to follow on through.

Erwin wasn’t expecting to see Levi looking so weak. He’d never seen Levi look so weak before. Or so ill. Pale.

He was laid in the bed, with wires and tubes plugged into his system from different angles. On the floor beside him was a sick bowl, filled to the brim. His body was wrapped under the thin, white cover, pulled close to his neck, though his left arm was hanging out of the cover to stop the wires tangling. It was only now that Erwin could truly see the aftermath of drug use; the entire thing had holes scabbing on it, with a severe looking one just at the cook of his elbow. He tried to draw his attention away from it by looking up at Levi’s eyes; though they were dark and hollow. Lifeless, even.

“I’ll leave you to it for now.” The nurse smiled kindly, before turning from the curtain and pulling it closed again. The second the curtain was simply the friendship group, Levi took the opportunity to speak up at the room.

“What the fuck are you all doing here?” Levi grunted out, his voice hoarse. “I want to be alone.”

“We were concerned when you didn’t come back up to mine last night, Levi.” Petra responded first, perching on the window ledge as a make-shift seat. “As soon as we found out you were here, we wanted to make sure you were okay. Which you weren’t, so I’m relieved we’re visiting you. Even if you’re not.”

Mike interrupted, not giving anyone else an opportunity to say their piece. He was feeling defensive of everyone, especially Erwin, and struggled to keep those emotions hidden. “So much for just getting some air. Do you have any idea how worried we’ve all been?! You can’t just tell us someone _raped_you and then go back to the place you share together! We didn’t even know he was out of town. We had to hunt your address down and everything, God damn it, Levi.”

“A curtain isn’t private, Mike. Lower your voice.” Nanaba grabbed Mike’s arm, her voice and expression stern. “And if you’re going to kick off, I’ll take you outside. Let Levi say what he needs to, this isn’t his fault.”

A snort came from the bed. “It is my fault. And ‘cos I’ve ended up in hospital, they’re gonna force me to go to rehab or some shit.” All eyes drew to Levi, “I didn’t ask for any of you to track me down, to find my house. You chose to do that on your own.”

“Of course we were going to search for you, Levi. We care about you so much and we just want what’s best for you.” Petra smiled weakly. “How is it you’re feeling?”

“I feel shit. I don’t want to be here, but I’m too tired to move anything properly.” He sunk a little further into the covers, “I didn’t mean to bolt from you. I’m just in a weird fucking headspace right now. Why the hell are you here anyway, Erwin? Not off fucking Marie?”

Erwin looked up at the man in the bed with a confused expression. “I’m here because I care about you, Levi. Why would I be off with Marie?”

Levi shrugged, “You two were all over each other in the café last night. What did you expect me to think? You left me to go and see her, all holding hands and shit in the window. And don’t bullshit, I knew it was you.”

Erwin shook his head exasperatedly, “I would hardly refer to hand holding as all over her, but if you’d like to know, I was breaking up with her so I could focus on you. Focus on helping you overcome this addiction, get to know one another again. Besides, why were you outside the café at that time?”

Levi fell silent for a moment, evidentially feeling slightly embarrassed about his sudden outburst. But Erwin didn’t mind; at least he’d been honest and open, getting everything off his chest before they proceeded further in the recovery process, or so he hoped. Though the second bit of knowledge didn’t come as pleasantly.

“Petyr was coming to pick me up. I was withdrawing bad, I needed something. Just for the last time, I promise. I just needed it.”

Petra frowned then, “Sorry, did you say Petyr picked you up? He told us earlier that he was out of town until later today. Is he the reason you overdosed then, did he force that much into your system?”

“Course he lied.” Levi scoffed, “He probably bolted when I OD’d in case he’d get in shit for it. But it wasn’t his fault, it was mine. It was stronger than usual, and it felt so good, I just kept begging him to give me more. I didn’t realise how much I’d taken until I woke up here. I assume he phoned for an ambulance as well.”

Petra let her feet carry her to the end of the bed, taking a seat directly opposite Levi. He turned his attention to her as she continued to question Levi, “But why would you take so much? You know what your body can handle normally.”

He shrugged. “I felt shit, I was struggling. Didn’t you see me at your flat? I had just had enough, and I wanted an escape. So I kept injecting myself ‘cos it felt good, there’s nothing more to it.”

“But,” Petra paused to word the sentence correctly, “What do you mean by an escape? Did you try to kill yourself, Levi? Because if you did, we can help you through it. Please don’t die on us.”

Levi couldn’t help but force a small laugh out. “No? Why would I want to kill myself? I’ve just got you all back in my life. I just wanted a good high, there’s seriously nothing more to it. I got carried away, and now ‘cos I fucked up so badly, I’m forced into going to rehab.”

"Oh, thank God." Petra breathed, "See, Erwin? I told you we were overthinking everything."

Erwin smiled supportively at Petra. At least there was some bit of relief in the new information coming out, although the amount of drugs used was still concerning. As was the fact that Petyr had left the scene so quickly, rather than waiting around with Levi to ensure that he'd be okay, that the ambulance staff would arrive on time. Although there wasn't much he could do about that now; at least Levi was okay. 

Nanaba chipped in then, “I think rehab will be good for you, Levi. And we want to support you all through it too, as much as we can! Is the facility included in free healthcare?” She smiled.

“No.” Erwin commented with a sigh, “No. It’s anything but free, sadly. Rehab is hundreds of pounds a week, which is what we’d like to talk to you about if you don’t mind, Levi.”

He groaned in the bed, “You are not paying for my stupid addiction. I don’t need help, I’ll figure it out.”

“I’m sorry Levi, and I do hear what you’re saying, especially regarding why you ran away before, but we just can’t settle for that this time. Your health is so much more important than pride and honest upbringings. My family and I are fortunate enough to have the money, and we’d like to put that into getting you back to old Levi. You deserve this help, more than anything. You’re not a charity case to us, Levi. Not at all. We just all love you so immensely that we want to see you get better.” Erwin took a deep breath, looking Levi in those dull silver eyes. “Please, please let us help.”

“We want to help, too. Wherever we can.” Mike added, “And when you’re better and working again, you can pay us all back if you want. Think of it as a loan, not a free gift, alright?”

Before Levi could discuss his options any further, before he could talk things through thoroughly with Erwin, before he could even come around properly after undergoing treatment, the curtain twitched again. He used the button on the side of his bed to force his body into a seating position, fully expecting what was about to occur. He’d already planned this through many times before, just in case a situation like this happened. And he’d always promised to keep Petyr out of it; to avoid harm in the future, and to always have someone to fall back on.

“Ah, Mr Ackerman.” The nurse peeked her head around the corner, with another man in tow with her. Levi couldn’t help the small amount of panic he felt upon seeing a police badge in his presence, considering the amount of illegal activities he’d undergone in his life. Kenny had instilled it in him from a young age that police were bad for Ackerman’s. “Investigator Johnson is here to ask a few questions regarding your overdose. It’s done practice when a patient has used illegal substances.”

“Right.” He mumbled, looking panicked at his friends in the room. None of them moved as the investigator pulled a chair up beside the bed, getting his notebook out. The older man cleared his throat, looking around Levi’s friends as though to get them involved, to search their vacant gazes for answers.

“Do you all know about the drugs too?” He asked, bluntly, without need for formal introduction. All the group nodded in response, “And do any of you use as well?”

“No.” Petra answered for them all, “We all steer way away from them. But we want to be here to help Levi through whatever his next steps are, and we don’t want to leave him alone when he’s vulnerable.”

“Right,” he sighed loudly, “You can all stay. How did you get hold of the drugs then, Mr Ackerman? If your friends here don’t use like you do, how did you get involved in the first place? Is there other people involved in this?”

Levi kept his voice steady as he repositioned himself in the bed, trying to find any comfort he could. “I can’t remember. All I remember is shooting myself up and waking up here. I did it alone, though.”

The investigator frowned, clearly used to drug addicts pushing the answers away from the truth. “Believable.” He muttered under his breath. “Okay then, tell me how you got the drugs in the first place. You can’t tell me you don’t remember that either: the doctors have informed me about how frequently you use.”

“We just buy them off the street.” Levi frowned, “I never had a set dealer. It’s just whoever has them for cheap.”

“Who’s we, Levi?” The investigator poked immediately, jotting everything down as he spoke. “What street in particular are we talking about, perhaps Clarendon Road where you live?”

Erwin watched on as Levi’s eyes wandered over to him with a concerned look on his face, but the blonde man simply nodded in encouragement to continue talking. Opening up at least was the first part; it was showing he was ready to move on and prepare himself to get away from this lifestyle, or so Erwin hoped. Prayed, even.

“Petyr. He was my boyfriend, stayed over sometimes. He does use too, probably not as much as me. He prefers drinking.” He paused, “Look, is that all for now? I feel like shit and I need sleep.”

“Right.” The investigator stood from his chair, “That should be enough for now. But if you do happen to remember your dealers name, please come back to us. We’re simply trying to help people like you get away from drugs, make it a safer town to live in for all of us. Alright?”

Levi simply nodded in response as he watched the old man leave the room, instantly letting a breath of relief escape his system. He couldn’t give Petyr in just yet; there was a chance he’d still need to use him. If rehab didn’t work, then who would be his back up?

However, when Erwin started speaking again into that small curtained off section, Levi instantly knew who’d be there for him. He knew who would be his back up; and that was going to be enough to motivate him to get better. If he could do it for anyone other than himself, he could do it for Erwin.

* * *

Levi was released from hospital four hours after everyone else had got there. In that time, Erwin had managed to convince Levi to accept the money offered to him to go through rehab, and Mike had convinced him to pay for a counsellor as well, to help him overcome his addiction to drugs and the things that had shaken him so much in the past. It was a change for the group of friends to have a supportive and fresh start together now, to put their troublesome pasts behind them and place their best foot forward.

As soon as Levi was released from the hospital, the taxi came to take him to rehab. He didn’t want time to go home and pack, not that he had anything left. He didn’t want to risk running into Petyr and immediately falling back into his old habits; right now, was the best chance to go. And beside him he had a group of friends who would supportive him through whatever he did, who would pull him through what was going to be a long, tiresome recovery. But these people were his family now; getting better to be with them was enough to force him over the threshold of the facility.

Erwin was the one who brought him inside; the remaining three standing in the front garden, waving and cheering Levi on as the automatic doors closed behind him. As they made their way to the front desk to take payment details and Levi’s signatures on forms, the taller man wrapped an arm around Levi to pull him close. A symbol of support that felt as welcoming as it always had; Levi knew that Erwin was going to stick by him through this, no matter what.

And just before the nurse could lead Levi into his private room, the smaller man couldn’t resist turning around one last time and placing a passionate kiss on Erwin’s lips; holding on so tight, forcing his weak body onto his tiptoes.

If those kisses were going to be around for the rest of Levi’s life, then he was sure to make it through withdrawal and recovery. Erwin felt more amazing than any drug.


	10. Chapter Ten

Addiction is a funny thing. It can alter someone’s life entirely, change the way they think and feel, alter their personalities: cause them to manipulate others into giving them what they need. It takes over someone’s life entirely, the same way a prison would entrap a convict. At first, it feels as though without the addiction, there would be no life behind it. However, the whole point of rehab is to change that view. And it was still hard to believe that he’d made it through.

All Levi could think as he signed the release papers was that he wasn’t tied down by drugs to the extent he was before, nowhere near. Of course, moving out of a care facility was going to be an entirely different experience, but he knew he could do it. He’d never felt so focussed on something; so determined to come out the other side stronger. And he swore to himself that he’d never end up back in a place like that again.

He was finally feeling awake for the first time in years.

It was a gruelling experience. The first week was almost impossible to fight through; the cold sweats, the panic attacks, the itching skin, the constant craving. But he found distractions in cleaning – the nurses even joked that his room was the cleanest addicts’ room they’d ever seen, and they’d want to hire him to be their permanent cleaner if something like that was possible. Whilst at the time he didn’t appreciate humour, it felt good to be coming back into his old self. It felt good to feel clean in more way than one.

During his three-month rehab program, Erwin and his family had been to visit multiple times. Whenever Mr and Mrs Smith came over, they made sure to bring sweet treats and new clothing, so Levi had something to wear on coming out, and had something to help with his cravings, if only a little. Slowly chocolate started to taste properly like chocolate again, and after the second month, he started to look forward to the little cupcakes made by Mrs Smith more than the prospect of shooting up again.

There were some, however, incredibly tough days. Days where he’d scream and cry; where he’d not want to be around anymore. Days where he’d beg for something, just anything to pull him through. Days where he’d sit and plan escape routes from the facility; but on those tough days, he’d always come around again. He’d sit and take a few moments to breathe; he’d go to the counsellor who would talk his feelings through with him. He’d find reasons to live and write them down, reasons to never use again. And there was always one consistent name on those lists. The one reason he was pulling through something so traumatic.

Erwin Smith.

_Erwin fucking Smith_.

Erwin who had brought Levi back into his life whole-heartedly, just like when they first met, as though they never had the past they had. As though Levi had never ran away and abandoned him; as though everything was normal once again. He came almost every day he was allowed to visit Levi, to sit and talk, to read to him, to watch films together. He talked things through with Levi when it was all heavy on his shoulders, he’d help him exercise in the small garden to build his strength up again. He even helped with the cleaning, when Levi allowed it, that was.

After just the first month, the pair fell back into their old ways quicker than either thought they would. They treated one another as though they’d never been apart; Petyr became a distant memory for Levi, barely able to remember the face of the old man who left him for dead in the flat, covered in his own bodily fluids with a heart barely beating.

The old man hadn’t bothered to contact Levi once. Erwin and his friends had heard nothing of him; Petra hadn’t even seen him lurking around work, which surprised her. She expected Petyr to at least go looking for Levi to check he was still alive: but all they were greeted by was deadly silence. Not that Levi cared – he knew what he meant to Petyr by this point, and honestly the man disappearing was a hell of a lot easier than Levi having to officially end things when he got home.

So he assumed that was the last he’d see of Petyr. Much to his relief.

And as such, Erwin was the first person waiting for Levi when he handed that form over and took the methadone pills he was prescribed; the man waiting for the other with open arms and a proud smile on his face. And Levi had never been so happy to have gone through with something so difficult; just seeing Erwin there with so much love forced a smile from the smaller man, embracing the other despite how many people were watching.

“Levi,” Erwin breathed into the top of his head, holding him tight. “You’ve done it. I’m so proud.”

Levi nodded into the chest he was held against, “Bring me home, blondie. I’m so fucking ready to come home.”

Erwin squeezed tight. “We’ll go straight there. You’ve done so, so well. Everyone is so pleased for you.”

“Wasn’t that bad.” Levi pulled out of the hug and shrugged. “I’m just so ready to go home and sort my life out. I’ve had enough of hospitals.”

“Of course.” Erwin smiled kindly, before the two led their way out of the rehabilitation centre. Even breathing the air felt freer now; Levi felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. And that high-like feeling didn’t subside as the couple got into Erwin’s car, driving off to the home that Erwin had secretly prepared for Levi’s return – full of friends who they both loved, tables full of his favourite food, clean and fresh clothing hung in the wardrobe. And whilst Erwin was completely aware that Levi grew uncomfortable with being bought things, everything there was a necessity to help get his footing back on the ground. He had been out of society for three months, after all.

Erwin also didn’t want to think that Levi would have to go back to wearing the clothes which he wore during those awful years apart. Half of them were stained or had holes in; the others he wore the day of the overdose, and just imagining Levi wearing those clothes again sent shivers up Erwin’s spine. Whilst he wasn’t there to witness Levi’s collapsed body on that mattress, his mind had played enough tricks on him that he could fully envisage it now. And anything to move away from that thought helped Erwin more than he’d ever admit.

Driving down the back roads into the city, Levi opened the passenger window and allowed his limp arm to hang out. It was still scarred from his childhood, marked from his past, but it looked fresh and clean in a way it had never appeared before. And just looking down at the track marks didn’t turn Levi’s stomach: he no longer wished to dose himself up. Instead he looked at them with accomplishment and a sort of disgust at himself, not that he’d ever openly express that now. Now he was bad to his old self and he was determined to keep it that way.

Thinking back on his past, however, sparked pleasant memories of his friends. He couldn’t help but wish they were with him now to tell him how proud they were, to shout at him for getting hooked in the first place when he promised to get out of that life. But everyone has blips; and this semi-large one was enough to inspire Levi to get his life back on track. Starting with regular shifts in the bar he worked at with Petra – shifts that he’d actually turn up for and work hard at. Not where he’d spend most of the time laying in the stock room.

The car pulled up onto Erwin’s drive after an hour or so of travelling, the two pausing on backroads to just relax and breathe; to embrace one another in a way they hadn’t been able to in years. Upon pulling up home, a shot of anticipation ran through Levi’s body. He and Erwin had yet to discuss their living arrangements, their relationship. He knew they were together; but were they to just put everything behind them or start a fresh?

The smile on Erwin’s beaming face confirmed that Levi didn’t have much to worry about, however. The blonde man climbed from the driver’s seat first and retrieved a bag from the back seat of Levi’s belongings, throwing it onto his shoulder. Levi climbed out next, slamming the door closed behind him and following his partner to the front door.

And although he’d never lived in this building before, it felt more like home already than anywhere else ever did.

* * *

Petra, Mike, and Nanaba eagerly awaited Levi’s return in Erwin’s kitchen. They’d baked cakes, cooked pizzas, prepared a non-alcoholic punch for their mini home-coming for their best friend. They weren’t sure whether Levi was supposed to drink after an ordeal such as his, so Petra simply put a bottle of rum on the side ready to pour in if he wanted a proper drink. She bounced impatiently on the balls of her feet; desperate to see her best friend again.

No one had seen Levi properly since he first went into rehab. He didn’t allow any of his friends to visit really, not wanting to showcase himself in such a state. Erwin, he decided, was obviously different. Alongside his family, who had definitely seen him in worse states before, who had been there for him through the worst years of his life. But now he was doing better, he was more than happy to see everyone. He spoke like he did before, he looked healthier than he ever had, and he was happier than he’d ever been.

As soon as they heard the front door sound, their party streamers were prepared and released as soon as Erwin brought Levi into the room, with an array of shouts and congratulations to follow. And whilst Levi was trying hard to keep his expression stern, there was definitely a twitch in the corner of his mouth indicating he was trying hard not to smile. Erwin, on the other hand, couldn’t contain his grin, wrapping a proud and protective arm around his partner.

His partner. _Levi_. Not that he could quite believe the reality of that statement yet.

“Levi!” Petra yelled first, who ran over to her best friend and wrapped him in a tight hug, “I’m so glad you’re back home! These three months have gone so slow. I’ve missed you so much!”

“Thanks, Petra.” He responded, allowing himself to hug her back, keeping quiet on how good it felt to have her near again. “It’s good to be home. That place was fucking awful.”

“I can imagine.” Nanaba replied, gently prying Petra away in a joking fashion so she could embrace her friend herself. “I’m sure Erwin’s said it a million times by now, but we’re really proud of you Levi. It must’ve been so hard to battle something like that.”

Levi nodded, standing back up after Nanaba released the hold. It was hard, especially considering his entire family had died due to drugs in one way or another. He could barely believe that he was still around, considering everything drugs had put the Ackerman’s through. He could scarcely believe he allowed himself to be taken so willingly and easily by drugs. But here he was: standing tall and healthy, not a single trace of dope in his body.

“I’m sure Levi doesn’t want to talk about the hell he’s just been through.” Mike commented next, stepping up to Levi and holding his hand out. The two connect their fingers and gave a stern shake. “Well done though, buddy. Seriously.”

“Thanks Mike.” Levi nodded. “You’re right, though. I seriously do not want to talk about that damn place anymore please. I’m fucking hungry, and tired, and I just wanna sit around on a comfy sofa and act normal.”

“I’m sure we can arrange that.” Erwin beamed, his grin bright and shining. Levi swore he’d never seen the man look so happy, but it was a good sight to behold. It was a face he never expected to enjoy the company of again; yet here they were. Acting as though nothing ever changed. “Although, I do have a surprise for you first.”

“What? I hate surprises.” Levi groaned, as his boyfriend covered Levi’s eyes with his hands. The smaller man heard some awkward shuffling and a cupboard opening, before a familiar voice screeched loudly into the kitchen.

“Levi!” They yelled, “Oh my god, look everyone! It’s my darling Levi! My little Levi is home and safe, and oh my god, I’m so happy!”

“Hi, Hange.” Levi responded, as the air was knocked out of him in the tightest embrace of the day yet.

* * *

The party went on as pleasantly as Erwin had hoped for. The food and drinks flowed; Levi adding the rum himself to the punch, deciding that a little treat was in order since it was the first time he’d been home in months; the first time he was sober around his group of friends. And no one pressured him to talk about anything, even now he was doing better. Instead they acted as though he’d been there all along, as though he’d just been away on a break and they filled him in on everything that happened.

Hange was practically glued to Levi, since they hadn’t seen him since the original disappearance all those years ago. They made sure that Levi scrolled through every photo of their work on their phone; Hange showed Levi their new partner, Moblit, alongside photos of their small flat together. And it appeared that Hange was doing amazingly for themselves; of which he was incredibly relieved. They’d worked damn hard to get to where they were now.

Erwin sat on the other side of Levi, snuggled up close to him. And the more punch he drank, the closer he crawled. Not that Levi minded; he liked being this close to his boyfriend. After all, he had waited enough years for them to be entwined like this once again. And as the night progressed, as did their closeness. It wasn’t too long until Erwin had almost pulled Levi onto his knees, just so he could wrap his arms around Levi’s stomach and pull his back flush against his own.

And whilst this would normally humiliate Levi, right now, he didn’t care. It felt so damn good to be in the lap of the man he’d always loved. And everyone else in the room was clearly feeling a little drunk and loved up as well; Nanaba had her arms wrapped around the neck of Mike, who sat on the floor before her. Petra kept slyly texting someone, of which Levi was certain to be Oluo from the bar. But he wouldn’t tease her or ask her about it, not until she was comfortable enough to come forward and tell him.

As everyone began to laugh and joke around, their cheeks rosy-red from the alcohol and their laughs loud and jolly, it only really began to sink into Levi what he had really missed out on, even more so now he was fully sober. Hange had so many wild stories to tell, and he couldn’t help but kick himself over the fact he’d missed them getting into their first relationship. He could scarcely imagine a loved up, crush obsessed Hange but he wished he could’ve seen it. At least when Moblit comes over one day he’ll be able to see how they are together and have something to tease them about in the future.

Even in the last three months, Petra had seemed to change so much. She was so confidently joking around with Levi’s old school friends, as though she’d always been a part of their group. And each time she passed a joke or teased, he couldn’t help but draw her likeness to Isabel. Which was both saddening yet comforting. He was certain that Isa would’ve loved Petra, and Farlan as well. But he quickly snapped his mind away from those thoughts; if he kept dwelling on the past, he’d never be able to move forward with this group of friends. He’d never be able to recreate a fresh life with Erwin.

And so he let himself be swept into the conversation, listening the funny stories from the nights out they’d enjoyed over the past few months, including humiliating stories about Erwin’s mother getting drunk with Mike, crying about how they’d all grown up so quickly. And Levi couldn’t help but smile; it felt good to hear that everyone had been enjoying themselves, getting on with their lives. And now he’d be able to too.

When Erwin pushed him off his knee to run to the bathroom, Levi stood up and took refuge beside Petra on the bean bags, wanting to ask the one question he’d been desperate to find out about. For his own safety, more than anything. The petite ginger girl looked up as Levi flopped on the chair beside her, leaning in close.

“Have you seen anything of Petyr?” He slurred slightly, not realising how much punch he’d actually had to drink.

Petra shook her head, “No, actually. I haven’t at all. He hasn’t even called into the bar to see where you are or anything. I think you should’ve got him out of your life for good now.”

“Good.” Levi nodded, a firm resolve on his face. “I don’t wanna see that fucker ever again.”

Petra smiled warmly, “I don’t think anyone will be seeing anything of him. Either way, we’ve put a ban on him at work anyway, so when you’re ready to come back, he won’t be able to come in at all.”

“Thanks Petra.” Levi smiled, “So, what’ve you been doing on your phone all night?”

“Oh God,” she blushed quickly, “I have so much to tell you Levi.”

The rest of the evening, Petra spent her time gushing over her new-found romance as Erwin stood and guided the guests to their bedrooms. Everyone was staying the night, since taxis and hotels were expensive, and Erwin’s house had enough spare bedrooms for everybody. Mike and Nanaba were the first to disappear from the living room, both of them giving Levi an overly friendly hug before going to bed. Hange followed not long after, too drunk to even walk up the stairs properly, wrapping an arm around Erwin’s neck to help guide them up the two flights.

The last person to head up was Petra, of whom was walked to their room by both Erwin and Levi, since it was on the way to their bedroom anyway. She turned and thanked them both for a lovely evening, before wrapping the pair in a loving hold.

“I’m so glad you two found each other again.” She gushed, the alcohol clearly speaking for her. “Levi is so moody when you’re not here, Erwin. I hope you two get married and live together forever!”

“Right.” Levi rolled his eyes, pulling himself out of the hold. “How about you get sleep, and then we might just promise that? You’re so shitting drunk right now.”

“Bed sounds delicious.” Petra giggled, as she disappeared behind the door, leaving the two men to walk up the next flight of stairs to reach the top of the townhouse, creeping into their bedroom together quietly.

The second the bedroom door was closed, Levi found himself pressed up close against it, the man he loved before him, his hands crawling: exploring. And Levi couldn’t help but melt into the touch almost immediately; he’d been craving Erwin’s hands all over him from the day he left, and now he could have him: totally, only his.

Erwin bent his neck down as Levi reached on his toes, their lips connecting in a rush of eagerness and desire. And just as before, their mouths entwined perfectly, both knowing the exact way to pull and tease moans from the other, biting, kissing, squeezing. Just as they always had done. Yet now, it felt different – more important, somehow. It was the first time they’d be able to connect like this properly. Both men in the right frame of mind, both single, both ready to enter their lives together again.

And damn, Levi had forgotten the taste of Erwin. The feel of him. The way he kissed with so much intense passion, the way his large hands wrapped carefully around his waist, teasing the hem of his hoodie up his stomach. Levi kissed back with just as much ferocity, guiding Erwin’s hands to the base of the material as the two men separated briefly to remove the barrier of clothing.

Levi made quick work of Erwin’s shirt buttons, unfastening them hastily, as Erwin began to help starting at the bottom. The thin, cotton shirt was discarded on the floor as Levi began to push Erwin backwards towards the bed. The later collapse onto the soft mattress with a slight laugh, as Levi quickly undid his jeans, kicking them off his ankles as he crawled above his boyfriend.

Their lips met again, as Erwin ran a hand through Levi’s dark locks, giving them a subtle tug, eliciting a moan from the smaller man. It felt so good to be with someone who knew him so well; who treated him the right way. Who wanted sex for the pure fact that he loved him, rather than forcefully having it for the sake of money or drugs, or just to keep a roof over their head.

As Erwin ran his hands down Levi’s back, he slid beneath his boxers, giving Levi’s ass a squeeze, a finger teasing him slowly. And Levi tried so hard to focus on the fact that he was the one on top of Erwin; _Erwin_. That he didn’t have to do this if he didn’t want to, it wasn’t like the times before. But his mind couldn’t stop wandering, the unwelcoming face wouldn’t creep out of his mind. The last time this happened, fingers were forced inside him brutally, and that feeling wasn’t just going to go away.

He didn’t even realise that he’d stopped kissing back until Erwin removed both his hands quickly, putting them on the bed, flat away from Levi. He looked over at the man above him with concern laced in his eyes. “Everything okay, Levi?”

“Yeah, just.” He paused, sitting upright instead. He couldn’t meet Erwin’s gaze; feeling guilty that he brought Petyr into all this. “Just remembered something. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Erwin smiled comfortably, reaching a hand up to place it gently on Levi’s cheek. The man subconsciously felt his head turn into the touch. “If you don’t want to, we don’t have to do this, Levi. We have all the time in the world now. I’m afraid I just got a little excited, and I apologise.”

Levi shook his head slightly. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just my brain fucking everything up again. Can we just pretend that never happened? Please?”

Erwin nodded. “If you’re sure, but if you need to stop at any point, please just say so. It’s completely normal for someone to not be comfortable with sex straight away after the things you went through.”

“I know.” Levi sighed, “But you’re Erwin Smith and I’ve always been fine with it.”

The man beneath him chucked slightly at the somewhat compliment. “I’ll always be Erwin Smith, and it’s completely okay if you’re not fine with that tonight.”

Levi reached out his hand and joined his fingers in Erwin’s grasp, which still lay on the bed. He gave the large hand a squeeze, thinking things through. “I think you’re right.” He sighed loudly, changing his voice to a teasing tone “Damn. I really wanted you to fuck me though, blondie.”

“Well,” Erwin smiled, shuffling onto his side as Levi climbed off his body. “I’ll take you up on that as soon as you’re ready. How about tonight we just cuddle instead? We couldn’t exactly let ourselves go properly anyway, not with so many people in the house.”

Levi smiled, grabbing the throw from the end of the bed and wrapping the pair of them up in it. They were laying the wrong way on the bed, their feet hanging off the side. But Levi didn’t want the hassle of getting under the covers properly: he just wanted to be in Erwin’s hold, something tight and protective.

“We’ll christen the house when everyone’s gone then. All I’ll say is prepare yourself for it, Erwin.”

The blonde man chuckled loudly, leaning forward to place a small kiss on Levi’s nose. “I love you, Levi.”

* * *

It felt weird working again, but so good at the same time. Just pouring those drinks, refamiliarizing himself with products, learning how to talk to customers again: it felt like a new job entirely, but that’s what he needed ideally. Something fresh and new. Levi could barely believe that his manager let him keep his job after all the trouble he put them through. But it turned out their son had suffered with addiction once before, and so they sympathised and offered support for Levi alongside his job role, not that he took them up on that.

Nonetheless, he felt safe to be back in a routine he was used to. This is what he’d craved for so long; stability, knowing where he was and having a place to go to and from each day. Petra requested to be on the same shifts with Levi, and when they couldn’t be on the exact same hours, they’d at least spend most of their shift together. Not openly expressing it, but Levi was grateful to have a friend at work in case he struggled. In case he couldn’t shake them thoughts quickly enough.

His sponsor, a man named Stephan, recommend that Levi didn’t work alongside alcohol or in a place that his past dealer was aware of. But Levi had assured the man that he’d be fine, that it was the kind of situation he’d be able to handle, that it was better to be somewhere with friends than alone. It took a lot of convincing and a handing out of the address in case of emergencies, but Stephan agreed with Levi after a very long phone call.

After the first three or so weeks of working back at the bar, Levi fell into a comfortable routine. He no longer needed Petra to lean on all the time, remembering how to serve efficiently, falling back into the job role easily. The manager had pulled him aside to inform Levi that she was impressed with how he’d taken care of himself and how hard he was working – going home that evening with the full tip jar as a small congratulations.

And whilst he knew that bar work wasn’t his life goal, and that someday he’d leave and find a job that was more fulfilling or something he’d prefer to do, for now it filled that hole. It threw him back into society and helped him feel like normal, old-school Levi rather than druggie Levi who had a distorted view on reality. He still, however, wasn’t a fan of the socialising aspect of the job – choosing to stick to the few customers that didn’t annoy him, barely making small talk when serving. But it was a job he didn’t expect to still have after everything that happened, so he stuck to trying his best at customer service.

It was early summer when Levi was left to shut up shop alone by himself after an extremely busy and hot day of serving rude students and rich businessmen. He found himself incredibly relieved that he was left alone; needing time to himself to cool down after such a hectic day, needing a moment to actually allow himself to breathe. No one expected it to be as hot or busy as it was; hence the day drinking and the shortness of staff. But if he could cope through a busy day, then Levi was certain he’d be able to handle anything else in the future.

The entire shift, no urges came through his mind. He stayed strong; not giving into cravings despite the flowing alcohol throughout the building, the discussions between customers about enjoying an illegal high as a treat to themselves. Even when he was certain that someone had definitely just snorted some coke in the toilets, nothing pressed in his mind. He didn’t crave anything: he just knew he wanted to rush through this shift and go home to Erwin. A huge milestone.

Wanting to enjoy his time to himself, Levi made sure to be slow and steady with how he cleaned and polished the glasses, stacking them neatly on the rows above the back of the bar. It was soothing to wipe counters down, replace the lids of bottles, empty and load dishwashers. Fruit was prepared for the drinks for the following day, and old glass bottles were taken out the back to be recycled. He was really getting in the flow of everything, sinking into the quietness of the building, focussing intently on the cleanliness of his work place.

What he didn’t expect that evening, however, was his quiet time to be disrupted by the sound of the front door that was distinctive and familiar. Levi frowned, certain he locked it although he must’ve been confused. With no one creeping around the entrance right away, he decided to shout out into the empty bar.

“We’re closed.” Levi’s voice was stern, the furrowed brows on his face frustrated. Even more so when he didn’t get a response.

Assuming the unwanted customer must have left, Levi turned back to focus on chopping up the last few limes when he looked up again; a man before him. His face had aged years, his beard scraggly, long, and grey. The clothes on his body hung awkwardly from bones that were poking through, stains over t-shirts, shoes dirty with holes in the front. Levi tried so hard to keep his expression steady and stern, but he couldn’t stop the subtle wobble of concern.

“Petyr.” He snapped, dropping the lime onto the counter, but keeping hold of the knife for extra security. If there was one thing Levi had learnt in his youth, it was how to use a knife in defence. And he was afraid he’d need it right now, judging by the expression on the man before him. “What the hell are you doing here?!”

The man before him crept over to the front, leaning heavily against the bar. “Where the _fuck_have you been, Levi?! I thought you were dead. I went back to the flat and you were gone, I’ve been looking for you for months now!”

Levi stepped backwards slightly, “You left me for dead, you piece of shit. Look, you’re high as a fucking kite and I can’t deal with this right now. Please, just leave.”

Petyr looked up at Levi with watering eyes, “What?” He questioned. “No, no I can’t leave, Levi. I can’t just leave. You see, I’ve been looking for you for so long, and you’ve not been anywhere. I haven’t even seen you here, so where have you actually been? Where have you been hiding? Hm?”

A harsh, dirty hand snapped forward to grab the back of the bar, Petyr hauling himself up onto the stool to look at Levi from a higher angle, not that it bothered the latter. He simply glared back, trying hard to not focus on that irritating twitch that had grown since Petyr walked in; a feeling that he’d managed to push away for so long now.

Deciding talking things through was probably the safest way to deal with this, Levi opted to answer the questions directed at him. “I got help, Petyr. I got help from hospital after you almost _killed _me, and now I’m better. I’ve been working here since I got back a few months ago so I have no idea how the fuck you missed me.”

“You’re lying!” Petyr yelled loudly, his expression breaking into a wail. “You’re fucking lying to me! Don’t fucking lie to me, Levi! I know where you’ve been! I know what you’ve been fucking doing!”

Levi snatched the knife from the counter and flipped it behind his back, glaring at the man the entire time. “I’m not lying.” He gritted his teeth, “I’m fucking fine now, and I don’t need you anymore. Please, just go now. We’re closed.”

Petyr shook his head erratically, “No, no, no.” He kept repeating the word over and over, his hand reaching inside his jacket the entire time. Levi assumed he was simply feeling around in an attempt to find something to snort, smoke, inject. Even just thinking that made Levi’s mind crawl with desire; angry that one person had changed his ability to ignore drugs. “No! Stop it. Just stop it! I know you, I know where you’ve been! Stop it!”

“Where the hell have I been then?!” Levi retaliated, letting his emotions get the better of him. He knew that arguing back was bound to spark something big; most likely a fight. But he was stronger now; he was better. He needed to get rid of that part of his past to move on properly anyway and falling out with the man who’d given him his addiction seemed the best way to do that.

“Fucking cheating on me, damnit!” Petyr yelled, “You were fucking that blonde the entire time we were together. You must think I’m stupid. You never broke up with each other, you just used me to get drugs. You used me to get them and now I’m addicted, and I can’t get help and it’s all your fault! You owe me!” Petyr began to cry hysterically as he spoke as Levi watched on, unsure of how to handle the entire situation. He held one hand up in a small surrender, trying to diffuse the man before him.

Levi shook his head, “You’ve got it wrong, again, Petyr. You left me for dead and Erwin found me, and fucking saved me. I didn’t cheat on you, I hadn’t spoken to him in years. You left me to die and at that point we broke up. And you were the one who got me fucking addicted, not the other way around.”

At that point Petyr began to grow twitchy, awkwardly shifting his limbs. “Is he a good fuck?!” He snarled, not listening to a word Levi was saying. It was evident he was wrapped up inside this theory, and Levi knew better than anyone that being high would trap you in a thought process you were unable to escape. “Bet he isn’t as fucking good as me, right?! Do you remember all those good things I did to you? Don’t you remember how good being high together felt?!”

Levi breathed in deeply, trying not to let the words affect him too much, not wanting to mould into his own memories. “Oh yeah, sure. I remember the times you forced me to suck you off for drugs, or the time you fucking _raped me_. Such good times.” He snapped sarcastically. “Now can you fucking leave, I want to go home, and we’re closed.”

Petyr shook his head, “I can’t leave, Levi. I can’t leave unless you leave with me.”

“I’m not fucking going anywhere with you, dickhead.” Levi spat.

“No, no. You see, you don’t understand, do you? I can’t leave. I can’t leave this building until you’re with me again. I need you, Levi. You need me. Who’s been dosing you up? Bet no one has got you such a good high like I do. That last dose we shared together, you loved. You know you loved it.”

Levi scraped his teeth together, trying hard to keep his composure, eagerly forcing his mind away from remembering how good it did feel to be high. He shook his head firmly. “I didn’t love it, Petyr. I almost died because of it, okay? I’m better now. I don’t know how many times I have to explain that to you, but I’m better. So, I’m not going to leave with you.”

Levi watched on as Petyr’s expression turned quickly from anger, to heartbreak. At that point he started to sob. Properly. The unwanted guest wiped at his eyes viciously as the tears flowed down his cheeks, and for the first time since meeting the man, Levi felt pity. Pity that he’d got himself in such a mess. He’d never seen Petyr break down like this before, not in all those years of knowing each other. And whilst he knew that the best thing for himself was to walk away, he couldn’t control the sympathy he felt toward the man at the bar, despite everything he’d put him through.

Levi sighed, putting the knife down on the counter behind him. Just seeing the man so broken ensured him that Petyr wasn’t actually a danger to his physical form; and as such, he wanted to show he wasn’t afraid or a threat back. He leaned forward slightly and balanced both hands on the lower decking of the bar.

“Petyr,” He spoke calmly. “I can’t leave with you now, and you know that. Please, please just go before I have to phone someone to remove you. I don’t want to get the police involved. I said it once and I’ll say it once more: I’m better now. And I’m not risking getting hooked again, it almost cost me my life.”

The man before looked deflated, letting his shoulders droop, pausing those sobs almost instantly upon hearing Levi speak. “So, you won’t come back with me? You won’t come back? It’s ‘cos of the flat, isn’t it? Look, we could go find another flat, right? We could go on our adventures again. You could feel normal again, feel so good.”

Levi adamantly shook his head, “No. I’m not going with you. I don’t care about the flat, it was repossessed when I was in rehab. You could leave now and go on your own adventures instead. You don’t need me.”

“I do.” Petyr wailed, “I need you, Levi.”

The smaller man sighed loudly, evidently not getting anywhere with this conversation. “Look, I’ll get you a drink so you can sort yourself out before you have to leave. Alright?”

“Yes. A drink. Whisky.” Petyr spoke calmly additionally, responding and reacting in a similar way to Levi, mirroring his disposition. Levi was grateful he’d managed to calm the situation, knowing the only way to remove the man from the building was with some kindness, no matter how much it made his skin crawl to offer the man who had done so much to him a free drink.

Nonetheless, he went through with the promise, turning around only briefly to reach the whisky from the back of the bar. As he turned back, however, he heard the noise of a harsh clicking. Unsure of what it was, he looked up to Petyr to check he was okay but wasn’t greeted by the man he’d known all those years. He was greeted by a tube of thick, black metal pointing directly between his eyes.

His silver eyes that grew twice their size in shock; panic. The bottle of whisky that was grasped in his hands fell to the floor, smashing with furiousity, brown liquid spilling across the floor, across his feet. He looked at Petyr with anger, then with pleading eyes. He didn’t expect this; not now. Not when everything was going so well.

A bang.

A harsh bang that escaped in the empty bar, hitting the glass mirrors behind the serving table with a force that caused them to smash into tiny pieces, piercing skin, drawing speckles of blood.

A second bang.

The body fell to the floor behind the bar, sinking into the pooling spirit, splintering the skin with cracked glass, broken mirror. Horror-full eyes glancing down in panic, shock at what was before them.

The body didn’t move. It didn’t even twitch as that red began to puddle on the floor. Hair grew slick and wet within seconds, the eyes of the body lifeless, staring at nothing. He looked small; smaller than he’d ever looked before. And so weak, as though the power had been drained from the frame with a simple bullet. As if something could cut a life up so quickly.

The man took a step back, horrified at what had happened, reality dawning on him quickly now. The weapon crashed against the tiled floor, the sound of metal echoing throughout the empty building. He took a minute to gather himself, his body swaying slightly, a hand clinging tightly to the front of his long hair, pushing it from his face. There was blood on his hands. Blood of someone he was supposed to love, once upon a time.

Had he really done it?

Had he really just killed someone?


	11. Chapter Eleven

The doorbell chimed incessantly. There was nowhere else to turn; no one else he could trust to go to. There was only one person who would be able to help him know what to do: who wouldn’t give advice based solely on love, but reality. And that reality was that he had just killed someone; that he’d just shot someone dead. In a bar. In the City. He had terminated someone’s ability to breathe and that was something he was finding hard to handle now, four hours on after it had happened.

At first, he handled it just fine. He looked on with disgust at the man who lay on the floor before him. That man had ruined his life and got him caught up in things he promised he’d never go near. He’d hurt him countless times and let him almost die alone. But after a few minutes, reality dawned on him quickly. And he hated himself. He hated himself for ending another life. It was something he promised to never do; not after Kenny, not after the numerous run-ins with death he’d felt already. And when he looked back on that body, he still felt disgust. But this time it was only to himself.

The shock to his system shook him to the core.

He had only just managed to leave the bar now. The last four hours were spent panicking; walking around, thinking through what Kenny had taught him, how he’d helped his uncle before. Hide the body. Clean the blood. That much seemed obvious; but the bar had CCTV, and there was an entire smashed bottle of whisky on the floor. And blood that wasn’t coming out of the granite in between the tiles. Blood that was evidence of the fact he’d just killed someone. Shot them dead.

He also didn’t want to risk taking the body out of the building. Anyone could’ve seen Petyr walk in before. That means the same person could maybe see him leave, but this time wrapped up in old blankets from the staff room with fresh blood leaking through. It wasn’t a risk worth taking.

Through all the years, Levi was never the one to pull the trigger. Sure, he’d been involved in gang fights from a young age, and he’d been close to killing Starr so many times before the man did it to himself; but he never could come through with it. The thought of ending something so permanently stressed him out – he wasn’t the kind of man who’d kill unless it was to defend a loved one. But he did have to defend himself, Levi thought. The first bullet scraped the side of his neck and had been bleeding since the injury, not that he felt it with everything else going on in his mind.

Looking down at his hand, he couldn’t see past the blood. He’d washed them, sure. But bullet wounds apparently don’t stop bleeding, no matter how much material you shove in the hole to stop it seeping out. And scrubbing blood from the floor simply spreads it around, coats your clothing in it. It’s impossible to avoid the red staining skin. And as such, he couldn’t stop the shaking of his hands, his knees wobbling in worry. He knew he’d have missed calls from Erwin considering he wasn’t home from work yet, but his mind was elsewhere. He didn’t want to think about that amazing, clean human alongside the mess he’d got himself into.

He knew how disappointed his old friends would be in him now. Farlan and Isabel hated anything to do with drugs, anything that would involve hurting another person physically. Imagining them looking on him now forced his nose to upturn; he wasn’t even sure who he was anymore. Everything was going so well since rehab; and now _this_. Just thinking over that encouraged Levi to bash harder on the door, ring the doorbell with more force. He needed to be inside where he was safe: not out here where people could see him.

Levi continuously pressed the buzzer until he saw a light switch on, much to his relief. Though that didn’t stop him pressing; not until he saw Petra coming to the front door in nothing but her pyjamas, looking slightly frustrated but equally as concerned. Levi wasn’t even aware of how he looked as his best friend opened the door, stepping to the side to allow him space to enter. And he did, wordlessly walking up the stairs to her flat, ignoring as the girl chased off behind him.

He let himself into her small home, not taking his jacket and shoes off at the entrance like he normally would. He didn’t even pay the blood on his clothing any mind as he walked directly to the sofa, perching his body upright on it, staring off into the vast space before him. He couldn’t get the image of Petyr’s still eyes from his mind: that gaze just drying, looking out into nothingness. It was only when Petra spoke up that he pulled his mind away from that thought.

“Levi?” Petra dared to question, pulling up a chair from the dining table to sit opposite him after locking the door. “Levi, what the hell is going on? You’re covered in blood.”

It was only then that Levi looked down over his clothing, over his body. She was right. His shaking hands were still utterly covered in red, splashes on his work clothes, specks on his face, streaks on his forehead, and through his hair. He looked up in absolute horror, searching Petra for anything, not wanting to say anything. Thankfully she understood immediately. “Petyr. Oh God.”

She shuffled towards the edge of her chair, trying to scan Levi’s face for any sign of a clue. Her gaze was immediately drawn to the injury on her friends’ neck, and she snapped her eyes right back to Levi. “What the hell has he done to you, Levi? I’ll get the first aid kit. Should we phone the police?”

“No!” Levi snapped, reaching a desperate hand from his lap and putting it on Petra’s knee, gripping tight. “No, no. You can’t get the police yet, please. Please, don’t. Oh God, _please_.”

“Okay, okay. I won’t.” Petra’s voice was still concerned, “Look. Whatever it is, we’ll fix it, okay? Just answer me this. Is this blood yours or his? Are you injured?”

Levi looked on at Petra, eyes so wide he looked utterly lost, concerned. He hadn’t felt like this since the day he lost Farlan and Isabel, and at least they truly meant something to him. Petyr was nothing to him at this point, just his dealer that fucked him over. But that sound of dead muscles hitting the floor echoed through his mind. The way he could feel them squelch beneath his fingers as he tore parts of the man’s t-shirt up to stuff the wound. How quickly he saw the material coat itself fully in blood; the red seeping through his clothing. The trail following under his legs, the body dragged into the supply cupboard. And those eyes. Those dead eyes staring at him as he turned to leave.

“He got my neck. It skimmed my neck.”

He could feel it now; the burn. The harsh slice that cut his skin from his body as it ricocheted from the glass mirror behind the bar, smashing it into a thousand pieces, piercing Levi’s back as he panicked and jumped forward. How he missed the first bullet, he’ll never understand. The silencing bang and the screech of glass shook him to the core; glancing up and seeing Petyr climbing into the bar, the gun aimed at Levi’s head. And that look in his eyes: he intended to kill Levi. He’d seen that look before on Starr’s face, on enemies faces. He never expected to see it on someone who claimed to love him.

“What did, Levi?” Petra asked, her gaze not leaving Levi’s despite the fact he was clearly in another place. “What skimmed your neck?”

He snatched the gun from Petyr then, just as the older man’s finger pressed into the trigger. He turned the barrel quickly at Petyr’s chest and let him release the trigger; the thick bullet sinking deep into his skin, piercing through his clothing, settling inside him. The bullet didn’t come straight through; Levi checked. The body fell quickly after, the last bit of life Petyr had was spent looking forward at his murderer, feeling his blood pouring through his fingers, letting the gun slip from his hands. Levi grabbed it quickly as he guided Petyr’s body to the floor, dropping the gun soon with him.

“The bullet. The bullet skimmed my neck.”

Levi looked on at Petyr, at the spilt alcohol, at the murder weapon. No matter how many times he stared death in the face, he could never quite believe how final it was. How final it was when Kenny didn’t react to Levi entering the room; how Farlan’s monitor switched to a hollow beep, how Isabel’s eyes had the life disappear from them, the sparkle. He couldn’t believe how final it was when he saw Starr’s skull cracked open; the blood seeping on his couch, the mushed organs against the smoke-dyed wall. He couldn’t believe how final it was when he saw Petyr laid at an awkward angle, letting the blood melt from his body.

Petra remained calm, simply waiting to see if Levi had more to add. And when he didn’t, she calculated her sentences carefully, not wanting to use any words to scare Levi off, to make him more disturbed than he was clearly feeling already. She sighed lightly, preparing herself for the answer she knew was coming.

“So, where is Petyr now, Levi?”

Levi looked down at his bloodied, shaking hands. “Dead. He’s in the supply closet.”

“You’ve left him at work?” Petra frowned, concern peaking. They’d open to serve breakfast early in the morning; the chefs would normally arrive at six to start preparing food. It was already two, and there was no doubt that they’d have to clean everything up properly, discard any evidence. She wasn’t letting Levi go down for this. Not after the hell Petyr had already put him through. Her brain began to assess possible ways to get Levi out of the situation, to keep him away from jail time.

“What the fuck was I supposed to do?!” Levi shouted out, “I didn’t know what to fucking do! He pointed the gun at me and fired. I had to react, I didn’t even press the fucking trigger! I just aimed the barrel at him to avoid it going through my own skull! I didn’t want to kill him. I didn’t mean to.”

Petra tried hard not to flinch as her best friend shouted in her face. “I didn’t mean to! I didn’t know where to put him after, I didn’t even know if he was dead right away. I just looked at him and god, oh god. His eyes. _Glaring_at me.”

“Look, Levi.” Petra lowered her voice to a soothing tone. “I know you didn’t mean to. It was self-defence. But you shouldn’t be thinking of that right now. Instead, we need to think of what the hell we’re supposed to do with his body, and how to clean up the bar quickly. I know you’ve come here in confidence to tell me, Levi. But I can’t move his body, and you can’t do it alone. Not without it looking suspicious.”

Levi ran a hand over his face, before remembering the blood there and snapping it away instantly, glaring at his skin as though it were burning. “You think we need to move him again?”

She shrugged slightly. “We can’t leave him at work. There must be another place we could hide him whilst we think this through properly. All we need is a car and someone strong. Is there anyone who would come looking for him if his death isn’t reported?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. Druggies, I’d assume. Oh fuck, I can’t believe I’ve done this just months after coming out of rehab. I was never meant to live a normal life.” He scoffed slightly, not looking up at the home-owner, but instead down at his own hands again. His bloody hands where the red still wasn’t washing away, no matter how much he’d already scrubbed them at work.

Petra watched on, sensing how uncomfortable he was growing. And she wasn’t surprised; his entire outfit was soaking in a mixture of bloodied water, and blood itself. The graze on his neck was dribbling into his collar bone, and his hands were visibly shaking from either adrenaline or shock. “Why don’t you go and get cleaned? I’ll get someone over to help.”

“Who?” Levi snapped his eyes up to his best friend, pleading slightly. But Petra looked on with a saddened smile. There realistically was only one person they’d be able to contact, who was both strong enough to move a body and smart enough to know the best way to deal with it. Knowing he wasn’t going to get a response, Levi shook his head slowly – regretfully. If Erwin hadn’t left him before, he was sure to leave him now. There was no way a top barrister would want to stay with a criminal, a murderer. There was just no way.

“Don’t worry.” Petra added, sensing Levi’s distress. “He’ll help us. He’ll sort this out, okay?”

Knowing there was no point in arguing against Petra’s plan, Levi stood from his seat on the sofa with a heavy sigh, making his way to the bathroom. He felt far too disgusting to even strip the clothing off his body, instead turning the taps on and climbing in with a fully-clothed frame. The heat of the scorching water through his clothes burned; but it felt good. He felt alive. Alive. The exact way he shouldn’t be right now and wouldn’t be right now if Kenny hadn’t trained him defence when he was a kid.

As he looked down into the porcelain tub, he watched the pink swirls dissipate into nothing, washing the blood away. Rinsing Petyr away as if nothing happened. He found his mind wandering to Kenny; did his uncle ever feel the same way when he killed someone? Maybe Kenny had this level of hatred and regret after his first kill? And even if he did, that didn’t stop Kenny going out and killing over and over after the first death. Levi closed his eyes, trying not to dawn into the fact that he was slowly evolving into Kenny. It was something he couldn’t bear to think about. Surely it was nurture over nature; surely, he’d become his own person enough to separate from Kenny.

But as he thought back to Petyr’s face, he didn’t feel as repulsed. The blood was off his body for now. And maybe he was more like Kenny than he cared to admit.

The loud ringing of his phone woke Erwin from where he’d drifted asleep on the sofa, waiting for Levi to return home from work. He frowned at the noise, thinking it might simply be his alarm and he’d managed to sleep through until the morning. However, as he sat up and awkwardly reached onto the side table to grab his phone, he noted the name flashing up on the screen.

He tried hard not to let that worry him too much. It was perfectly normal for Petra to call him in the middle of the night when they both had work the next day; right?

Trying to shake the sleep from his voice, he pressed to answer the call and brought the phone to his ear, croaking “Hello?”

“Erwin, it’s Petra.” The voice down the phone sounded. She sounded flustered, a little rushed. If Erwin listened closely, he could hear the shower running in the background: she wasn’t alone, and his heart rate increased rapidly. “Please don’t freak. But you need to come over, now. I’ve got Levi here with me.”

“Oh God,” Erwin began to panic, “Is he okay? What’s happened? I was worried earlier when he didn’t come home from work, but I assumed he’d be grabbing a few drinks.” He paused for a moment, thinking of all the different things that could’ve happened. But his mind jumped solely to one conclusion. “Oh God, has he shot up?”

Immediately, Erwin found his body responding before his brain even told him to. His body was no longer laid down; but stood up, making its way out of the living room and into the entrance hall. All the while, the phone stayed tightly pressed to his ear in a plea to encourage Petra to carry on talking despite her long pauses.

“No. No, not that I’m aware of.” Petra rushed to answer. “Please just get here as quickly as you can. We need to sort something out, desperately. You’re the only person who’ll know what to do.”

“I’m on my way.” Erwin responded, stepping out of his slippers and into his trainers, not bothering with the fact he was dressed in pyjamas still. His car keys were grabbed from the sideboard, as he reached his coat down from the hook. “But please, Petra. Please tell me what’s going on, or I’ll just be worrying until I get there. I just need to know that he’s okay.”

There was a deadly silence down the line. A long enough pause for Erwin to slip his arms into the jacket, fastening it up tightly. He felt over the small wound caused by Starr when he helped Levi out in their teens; his mind trying not to flash to such an awful situation again. Even the thought that Levi had got himself involved in gangs again filled Erwin with an intense level of dread. He loved that man, he couldn’t lose him again. Not again.

But as he stepped outside and locked the front door, that’s when he heard the voice rasp down the phone and nothing more than a whisper. And the second he heard Petra respond, Erwin froze in his position. The words uttered were ones he’d not want to hear. Words that forced him into his car and made him speed the whole way to Petra’s flat.

“He’s.” She paused, taking in a deep breath. “He’s killed Petyr, Erwin.”

* * *

When Erwin arrived at Petra’s flat, he didn’t expect to see Levi in the state he was in. It was so uncharacteristic, and so unexpected. He’d been with Levi when he’d stared death in the eyes before: he’d seen his uncles dead, overdosed body together. They’d found Starr’s brain shot open with a bullet wound, blood decorating the walls of the old flat. He’d heard about the crash when he was with Levi; he’d been there when he’d arrived home from the hospital. And each of those times, Levi was strong. He held himself together and was stable enough to act normal

But right now. Right now, he was a mess. He was in the kitchen, his arms deep in the boiling water of the washing up bowl, a toothbrush scrubbing his nails with such force they were bleeding viciously. The side of his neck was bandaged up as well as it could’ve been with a home first aid kit, but there was still blood seeping through the white. Levi was wearing Petra’s hoodie instead of his own, and some joggers that looked as though they were Petra’s as well. But it didn’t appear as though Levi cared what he was wearing now.

He was clearly focussing solely on his hands, as though they weren’t clean enough already. Petra just looked on with a concerned expression, nibbling the corner of her own nail bed. Everyone was anxious; no one knew how to deal with the situations in front of them. And neither did Erwin: but he knew he had to be the one to pull them all together. And so, that’s what he did. Putting on his bravest face, not letting the heartbreak shine through his expression.

He marched into the flat, carefully to Levi first, wrapping the smaller body before him in his own. Levi elbowed him aggressively to shrug him off, but Erwin knew he had to stay. He’d helped Levi when he’d got like this before: he just needed bringing back to reality, rather than in his own head.

"Hey, Levi. I think they’re clean enough now – don’t you?” Erwin spoke softly, kindly. He tried to show Levi that he was close to him and was there for him, but he felt Levi’s small frame shuffle closer to the worktop, further away from Erwin.

“No. No they’re fucking not! Don’t lie to me!” He spat back, picking up the aggression of the scrub. Dunking his hands repeatedly into the water to remove the blood, before lifting them back out and continuing the scrubbing.

“You’re going to hurt yourself, Levi.” Erwin kept his tone calm and soothing, not that it appeared to be helping immediately. “How about you put that toothbrush down and we can talk things through instead? That normally helps.”

Levi scoffed, a sarcastic smile on is face. “Oh yes, talking always helps. How are you always right, Erwin? You’re just _so smart_. Go eat shit”

Erwin frowned. He knew Levi didn’t intend to be so harsh when he was struggling, but still, his words cut through. “I just want you to be okay. And I’m here to help you get out of this, but I can’t help if you’re going to be scrubbing your hands the entire time.”

“I’m just trying to get him off me. I don’t want to be like him, Erwin. I don’t.” He dunked his hands in the soapy bubbles again, the red of his own body staining the top.

“Who?” Erwin questioned, carefully. “Petyr? You’re nothing like him, Levi. You never would be.”

“No.” Levi spoke back, his voice a little calmer now. “No, I don’t give a shit about him. I just don’t wanna be like Kenny. And I’m turning into him. I don’t wanna be fucking _Levi the Ripper_.”

Erwin felt his heart sink slightly; that uncomfortable heavy feeling in his chest that he first got finding out about Levi’s life all those years ago. “You know that’s not true, Levi.” Carefully, sensing Levi had calmed slightly, Erwin reached his own hands into the sink, wrapping his body around Levi as he moved. The smaller man didn’t flinch this time, letting himself be enveloped by Erwin. Cautiously, Erwin took Levi’s hands into his own, stopping the incessant scrubbing immediately.

Levi let his hands stop moving with such force, feeling the toothbrush drop from his grasp into the sink below him. Erwin sensed his eyes glaring on the cuts he’d caused on his nails, before he pulled them from his partners grasp and ran them through his hair. “Jesus.” Levi mumbled, “I’m a fucking mess.”

“No, no you’re not.” Erwin replied, peeling himself apart. “You’re handling this better than I ever could. Better than most people I’ve seen in the courts. How about we go sit down for a bit? We’ll make a plan and we’ll get this all fixed.” He glanced back at Petra who was nodding along in agreement, looking slightly more relieved now Levi was acting like he normally did.

“Okay. Okay.” Levi breathed out. Turning and looking up at Erwin with a small smile, before making his way back over to the sofa, sitting at a slightly more relaxed position compared to how he was when he turned up earlier that night. Petra took a seat beside him, whereas Erwin remained stood up in the kitchen. He reached into the sink and pulled the plug out, letting the blood melt away with the bubbles down the drain.

As he drew his attention back to the two on the sofa, it was evident that Petra was beginning to increase her worry. And Erwin wasn’t surprised; time was ticking on, and they needed a solution to the mess quick.

“Okay. So, what happened? And what needs doing?” Erwin kept his tone steady, firm and cutting straight to the point. It was the way he always handled situations when the law was involved; the way he spoke to his clients. There was no need to dance around the truth considering the time restrictions they had; they needed to move quickly, think of a plan quickly, to keep Levi safe from other consequences that usually came out of a murder.

Erwin knew fully well that the courts would take one look at Levi and throw him in a cell. A kid who avoided going to school until he was fifteen, the nephew of a gang-leader, son of a prostitute. He’d been to rehab, been involved in drugs and crimes from a young age. There was no way they’d let him leave freely, even if this wasn’t at all his fault. Erwin would always be the first to hold his hands up at how corrupt the legal system was; the entire reason he wanted to work in it in the first place was to turn it around.

“We need to move his body.” Petra spoke up first, though her voice was timid. “The chefs get to work at six. He’s in the supply room at work now. But we need to clean that up and get him out before anyone gets there. And wipe the cameras, just in case.”

“Was it in the supply room that he died?” Erwin furrowed his brows, concern reeking through him. He knew it wasn’t likely; he knew what the reality of the situation was more likely to be. But he didn’t want to believe that Levi was stupid enough to move a body that he killed, disturbing evidence. Something that suspicious was sure to be used against him in a court of Law; Erwin had been that too many times.

“No.” Levi shook his head, “Fuck. I moved him there. I shouldn’t have moved him, should I? Now I just look dodgy, right?”

Erwin tried hard to make his face look confident. “No, it’s okay. We’ll figure out a reason you had to move it. Perhaps you panicked, not sure what to do. Perhaps the footage on the camera cut out after he actually died. Do you mind explaining to me what actually happened? I know it’s hard, but I need to know so I can make a plan around this.”

“Fine.” Levi sighed, the shaking of his hands had stopped, and his expression had settled down to his regular face. At least he was coming back into himself; handling it all with a straight mind would be far easier. “He came into the bar after we were closed. Said the only way he’d leave was if I left with him. I didn’t realise he meant he was gonna kill me to get me to leave, otherwise I’d have done something way before. I turned to get him a drink and the gun was pointing at me. I moved quick enough for the first bullet to graze my skin. I had to grab the gun then though, and he pulled the trigger when it was pointing at himself.”

Erwin looked on, feeling a wave of relief. “So you didn’t actually pull the trigger?”

“Fuck, no. I don’t have it in my heart to kill anyone. Not after all the damned sights I’ve lived through.”

“Well,” he continued, confidently. “That’ll play in your favour. I suggest we all head back to the bar together now and Petra, if you can go and cut the footage from the cameras a few minutes after the shot. Give it time to play through Levi’s reaction, if he looks shocked at what happened. Make sure to get angles from Petyr walking in and if anything looked untoward with him, keep it there. We need to emphasize how dodgy the man appeared upon entering.”

“Right.” She nodded, “But what are you going to do with Petyr?”

“We’re going to leave him where he is. Tampering with the body disrupts further evidence. Once you’ve altered the cameras, we’re going to call the police. We’ll explain it as it happened: the man came in threatening to attack Levi, who simply acted in self-defence. If there’s a shot on the security tapes indicating how Levi turned the weapon, but didn’t shoot, that’ll play in our favour too. With any luck, the case won’t be taken to court, and it’ll simply be concluded with the police.”

Levi looked over at Erwin. Sure, the plan sounded good. If it would work. But Levi knew the police; he knew how shifty he looked in this situation. He’d been in the bar for four hours after Petyr had died, and they were only coming back to the bar five hours later. How the hell would they explain that? Why would he go and get friends to help him out if the wasn’t guilty of anything?”

“What if it doesn’t work?” Levi found himself questioning aloud.

“Then we’ll deal with that if the time comes. It’s a good job your boyfriend is a lawyer, though. I’ll get you out of this, don’t worry Levi. You just have to go along with whatever I say, and you’ll have nothing to worry about. You didn’t kill this man: he killed himself. You didn’t pull the trigger.” Erwin paused for a moment, “But I must add, there is a possibility they’ll expect you to reveal your past together. You have to tell them everything, Levi. Even the bits you don’t want to talk about.”

Levi sighed; he knew what Erwin was referring to, although he wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with that fact himself yet. Admitting he wasn’t strong enough to fight Petyr off when he was high made him cringe; Ackerman’s should never appear weak, and never give into the cops: that’s what Kenny had always taught him. But he knew he’d have to be honest about it all, and so as the three prepared to make their way back to the bar, Levi found his mind running through all the things he’d have to be honest about. And he couldn’t help but feel daunted by it all.

* * *

The three went about their plan as planned back at Petra’s flat. To Levi, it almost reminded him of his high school days with Isa and Farlan; when they’d plan where they could go and steal food just to survive, how they’d plan to pick up drugs for Kenny. And whilst looking back Levi realised how bad those things were, he still had a fond place in his heart for plans like this. Although he just wished it didn’t involve a dead body. At least when he was younger, there wasn’t as much on the line as his entire life being spent in jail.

The drive over in Erwin’s car was wordless. Petra sat in the back seat, anxiously glancing out of the windows, seeing who was still up and about at that time. With it being past three in the morning, the streets were almost dead. No one was about, even most of the city’s main bars had closed by this point. It set an ease in her stomach knowing that no one was going to about to see them, at least. Driving almost seemed unnecessary considering how close they lived to the bar, but it was calming knowing they had the shield of metal around them.

Levi could feel Erwin’s subtle glances the whole way there; he was clearly checking Levi over, making sure he was okay. However, Levi assumed the worst. He had guessed that Erwin was simply looking over him, thinking whether their relationship was worth sticking around considering how much trouble Levi had brought back into his life. And as such, Levi didn’t dare return the glances, instead focussing on the wingmirror at the side of the car, as though it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

The car pulled up into the staff car park around the back of the bar, close to the kitchen entryway. Petra suggested to go in the back way so it didn’t look as odd as three people sneaking in through the front; if anyone was to see that, there was a risk they’d phone the police before Erwin and that would mess up the whole plan. The engine ground to a halt and Petra unbuckled her seatbelt first, dashing from the vehicle to the kitchen side-door as she began to type in the security code, ready to unlock the door. Erwin and Levi remained in the car for a moment longer, Erwin glancing over at Levi yet again.

“Are you doing okay?” He asked, his voice gentle. Levi frowned at the softness around the tone. He didn’t need to be spoken to that way, not now. Not when he assumed Erwin was going to leave him after all this; the gentleness would make it worse.

“I’m fine.” Levi snapped back. “I just wanna get this over with.”

Without waiting for a reply, he undid his own belt and opened the door, slamming it shut behind him. Erwin took a deep breath in, assuming that Levi was a little ratty because he was so stressed about what was going on. And he didn’t blame him, instead not snapping back at the rough tone and understanding how Levi felt instead. Sighing, he let himself out of the car just as Petra opened the entryway to their work place, guiding the three of them inside.

The entire back of house seemed normal, as though they were stepping into work on a normal day. But Petra knew otherwise, wordlessly leaving the two behind as she made her way to the management office. Whilst she wasn’t supposed to know the code to get inside, she’d seen others type it in often enough that she managed to unlock the door, letting herself into the secret room and taking a seat at the desk.

The cameras were all operating as normal, and so she logged into the database, assuming the password was the date the shop opened. And it was, predictably. It only took her minutes to find the footage starting when the shop closed that night. She was intently as Levi began cleaning around the bar like normal, as he began to prepare fruit for the drinks for the following day. However, as she saw Levi turn around at the sound of the door, her breath caught in her throat. She wasn’t sure she wanted to watch this; not prepared to see someone dying before her eyes. But Petra knew it’s what she had to do: so, she watched on with wide eyes, noting how twitchy Petyr had seemed the entire time, how he was constantly reaching into his pocket and grabbing something.

And then the gun pulled out, and Petra let out a small screech as she saw it pointed at Levi, despite knowing what happened. She watched the mirror shatter, the blood seeping from Levi’s neck. She watched Levi jump onto the bar and forcefully aim the gun at Petyr’s chest, and she saw the other man pressing the trigger when the camera was zoomed in slightly. Then blood; and she couldn’t watch anymore.

As the door closed shut to the office, however, Levi and Erwin were left to deal with the actual bloody mess. Levi wasn’t sure he wanted to face it again just yet; but he knew better than to avoid his mistakes. So, he led Erwin through the kitchen, into the staff room, and to the front of the supply room. The door was still shut: Levi had made sure not to leave the man looking at him as he left the building earlier. But what he forgot to do was close the man’s eyes: as soon as they opened the closet entrance, they were going to be greeted by that, and he wanted to warn Erwin.

“His eyes.” Levi muttered, turning his gaze to finally look at his partner after all this time.

“What about them?” Erwin questioned back, hand on the door handle, ready to pull.

“They’re still open.” Levi responded, voice monotone. “I just thought I should warn you.”

Erwin simply nodded in understanding. He understood it as Levi not wanting to go in first; not wanting to see him. So instead, Erwin simply pulled on the unlocked door and switched the light on inside the cupboard, greeted by a bloody mess far worse than what he was expecting.

Petyr’s limp body was bent over in an uncomfortable way; his hips rotated to the left, his head hanging loosely on the right. There were streaks of blood dragged down from his feet, and his hands had already slowly began to turn a deadly shade of blue. On his gaunt face, his mouth was drooping open, his eyes half-lidded. From his lips hung a string of bloodied salvia, dripping down onto his tatty clothing. Erwin let his eyes wander lower than the man’s face, hovering over the wound itself.

And the wound looked horrendous itself. Just beneath where it had shot through his stomach, half his shirt was ripped off in awkward angles and evidently stuffed inside the bullet hole, which had in turn forced it to gape open even more. The material had turned a deep shade of red, looking heavy to touch even from this far away from his frame. The blood had oozed down to the belt of Petyr’s jeans, where a slight amount of blood had dried in wobbling lines, pooling on the buckle of the belt. Whilst Erwin worked with criminal law, and had seen images of shot and wounded bodies, he’d never seen one up close: and it was as horrifying as witnesses explained in the court rooms.

However, he didn’t want to show Levi how shocked or horrified he was. He needed to remain stern, keep his head screwed on tight ready to phone the police when Petra gave the heads up. As he turned around to show Levi he was doing okay, the man wasn’t stood there anymore. Instead, he’d made his way over to the sofa of the staff room, his forehead resting in his hands, elbows perched on his knees. Erwin took in a saddened breath, making his way from the supply cupboard to sit beside his partner, a calming hand placed gently on the base of Levi’s back.

“I don’t get it.” Levi spoke suddenly, sitting up from the position he was originally displayed in.

Erwin frowned slightly, confused, “What don’t you get?”

“I should feel sad. But I don’t. I don’t feel anything about it.”

“You’re probably still in shock, Levi. It’s a hard thing to go through, especially with someone you shared your life with for so long.” Erwin suggested, trying to bring reason to his boyfriend. Although it became clear that Levi didn’t really care what Erwin had to say on it all.

But Levi disagreed, shaking his head. “No. I’m not shocked now, and even seeing him then, I felt nothing. I killed a man and felt nothing.”

“Levi…” Erwin began, but his words simply trailed, unsure on what to say to just a comment. There must be a valid reason he was feeling that way; perhaps all the pent-up hatred Levi had stored for Petyr over the years. Damn, Erwin was sure he had his own hatred for the man who stole Levi from him for three years. But Levi seemed to think it was something more.

Not wanting Erwin to suggest anything else as to his feelings, Levi found himself standing up, walking over to the supply closet to check on Petyr one more time. With a glance, he simply switched the light off, closing the door tight behind him, before turning his attention towards Erwin once again. “I’ll show you the bar area then.”

Unsure of what to say, Erwin nodded and stood as well, following Levi through the threshold of the door, leading him into the main location. And it was as trashed as he’d expected when Levi had explained it to him, although it was evident some level of cleaning had gone underway. There was a pile of broken mirrors and glass at the entryway of the bar, swept into a neat huddle. The strong stench of blood and whisky blended together, though none was left on the floor in sight.

A discarded mop and bucket were beside the glass, with a slight tinge of pink to the water still. Erwin felt his heart sink a little deeper; if the cameras didn’t show Petyr attacking or acting uncomfortable, there was no chance he’d be able to get Levi off with this. Everything about it screamed murder scene; everything about it screamed _murderer_. No one cleaned bodies up after: no one ever tried to stuff a wound unless they felt guilty. There was a chance Erwin could use Kenny to his advantage, saying that Levi had been brought up in such a bad place that he assumed that was the normal reaction. However, knowing how the courts work, that would simply make them want to lock Levi up even more.

And it was clearly that Levi was thinking the exact same thing, mumbling under his breath. “I shouldn’t have fucking cleaned.”

“It will perhaps make it slightly more difficult, but we’ll think of a way around it.” Erwin posed. But Levi simply scoffed in response.

“I guess I’m just destined for a criminal life. You might as well just leave me now and get it fucking over with, Erwin. A barrister dating a criminal doesn’t exactly sound right, does it?”

Erwin felt taken aback, looking at Levi with shocked eyes. He tensed his shoulders, assuming that Levi was simply making a joke. Surely he wouldn’t want to leave him over this, right? “What? I’m not leaving you.”

Levi’s pleading eyes looked up to Erwin, laced with confusion and hurt. Erwin could sense within seconds Levi didn’t want to be saying this, but he simply felt as though he had to. He didn’t want to put Erwin in an uncomfortable position. “You have to. There’s no way I’m gonna let you see me in jail. At least Marie was good for something. I’m just a piece of dirty shit. Always around drugs, and gangs, and death. The kind of things you should steer the fuck away from.”

“Stop it, Levi.” Erwin commanded, bearing no sympathy to the rubbish coming out of his partners mouth. “I don’t think you’re the only person who gets to call the shots on our relationship. Marie was good for something, of course. But she wasn’t good for me. Not in the way you are. I don’t know how many times I’d have to inform you this, but I’m with you because I love you just the way you come. I don’t care about your past, or what hindrances you’ve gone through. I love you for you.”

Levi scoffed again, shaking his head, kicking a piece of glass that wasn’t yet swept into the neat pile. “I just know you deserve better than me. I was born to live this shitty life style. You were born to be rich and have a nice house.”

“Wow.” Erwin felt taken aback, annoyed even. “Nice to see that you think so highly of me.”

Levi paused. “You know what I’m trying to say, Erwin.”

“Yes,” Erwin agreed, “I understand what you’re trying to say. And I’m trying to tell you back that I won’t leave you, simply because your ex tried to kill you. I’m sticking with you through this, and chances are it’ll all be over in an hour or two after the body has been taken away. So please, let us stop been so melodramatic. Let’s screw our heads back on the right way and focus on the tasks at hand.”

A shot of breath escaped Levi’s nose. He knew Erwin was been reasonable, he knew he was being intentionally awkward. But he didn’t want to drag Erwin into his mess again. Last time that had ended in the man receiving a bullet wound to his arm; what if Petyr had people that would come after him? That would come after Erwin simply to dig at Levi? The small man tried to shake that thought out of his head, understanding now more than ever Erwin was right. They had to focus on the actual situation.

“So,” Erwin interrupted his thoughts, “I propose we have the exact same story to tell the police. That you were the one who phoned Petra first, as she works with you and is your best friend. She suggested getting me involved as I understand law a lot better than she does, and thus knew to get the police involved.”

“Okay.” Levi sighed, feeling utterly deflated at the whole situation. “Wouldn’t that make you a witness though? You can’t be a witness in court if you’re my lawyer.”

“We’re hoping it doesn’t get to court.” Erwin said, confidently. “I will phone the police and will be the one to deal with them when they arrive. But they’ll want to question you here first, just to gain an understanding of what went down. Make sure to emphasise it was self-defence. Depending on what the camera shows, say you had no reason to believe Petyr brought a weapon into the store until he got it out, otherwise you’d have alerted them immediately. Explain how you simply moved the barrel of the weapon to face away from you, and it was in fact him that let the trigger release. Okay?”

“Fine.” Levi agreed, “But what the hell happens when the camera shows shit all and I just look like someone who shot his ex-boyfriend? Or his ex-dealer? That doesn’t sound like self-defence to me.”

“Your abusive ex-partner visited you at your work place, when the entire bar was closed off to the public. He threatened to not leave without you, and since you experienced such drastic levels of abuse during your time together, you panicked when he pulled the gun to you. The first bullet aimed at you was dodged, and so you acted upon reflex and forced the gun at him with the intention of simply harming, not causing death. It still shows self-defence. That would still pass in court.”

Levi barely allowed himself to calculate the answer his boyfriend provided him, thinking of more worrying questions and evidence that put him in a bad light. “And why did I clean and scrub the floors for four hours? Why has it taken me five to even contact the police?”

“You were fearful and panicked. With your history within the law, from your uncle to your drug addiction, you were concerned that the police wouldn’t immediately believe you. In your panic, your OCD levels spiked, and you knew you had to clean before you did anything else. But seeing your abuser sparked something worse inside you, so you simply moved his body away from the scene so you could ensure your work place was safe with no shattered glass or mirrors. In your fit of worry, you contacted your best friend, thinking they’d know the best solution to the case. As she didn’t, she phoned me due to my work within the law.”

It took a moment of silence, but Levi found his head nodding along carefully in agreement. It sounded solid, and it looked as though Erwin would have an answer for everything when the cops got there. It gave Levi a slight boost of confidence. If Erwin could simply explain this to the police, then chances are he wouldn’t be convicted of anything. He wouldn’t end up behind bars: the exact life he was always trying to move away from.

A moment later, Petra barrelled into the bar area with a smile on her face. The sombre attitude of the workplace was pushed aside as she grinned at Erwin, evidently finding something that wouldn’t paint Levi as a criminal. “I did it. I got the footage all sorted out.”

“Amazing.” Erwin smiled back, although it was clearly forced. “And what does it show? Something good I hope, judging by your smile.”

“Yes!” She looked at Levi, “It shows everything. It shows Petyr being twitchy when he walked in, him pulling the gun from his pocket, holding it the entire time. And you can clearly see it was him who pulled the trigger; the angling of the camera is displayed that way to check cash handed over the bar. But there is something else you might need to think of an excuse for.”

Erwin frowned. “What?”

Her expression dropped suddenly. “Did you remember you were holding a knife the entire time, Levi? It’s just you can see it behind your back, not simply when you were cutting the fruit. I’m sure you can think of a reason as to why you still held it, but I thought I’d give you the heads up.”

Levi brought a hand to his face and rubbed it against his forehead. Everything was piling up, looking worse by the second. A knife wasn’t exactly reasonable when Petyr didn’t have a weapon clearly on him when he first walked in, but he hoped that the fact he’d attacked Levi before would be enough of an excuse.

“Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out as we go.” Erwin said, confidently. He placed a steady hand on Levi’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. “I’ll make the call now.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

It didn’t take the police long to arrive at the crime scene after Erwin originally contacted them. However, what did take a long time was the phone call itself – the officers at the station opting to not believe that there was simply a death and not a murder, especially when more details about what happened were released. It played into their favour, though, that Erwin was so well known in the legal scene. Being a highly successful barrister at such a young age was sure to go down well in all groups of the criminal spectrum, and as such, the police listened immediately when he finally announced who he was.

Moments after the call sounded to an end, emergency vehicles were sent out to their location. Ambulances, police cars, and trained specialists to deal with the situation. Erwin spent his time confidently announcing that it was the right thing to get the police involved, to treat it as though there wasn’t a crime committed. But all Levi could think was how much Kenny would kill him right now, if he could see himself handing over to the police. Kenny taught Levi that if he killed someone, he’d clean up the mess. That’s all he’d ever known.

Despite it not taking an unnatural amount of time for the emergency vehicles to arrive, Erwin couldn’t control his need to pace around the building. He’d seen crimes like this before; accidents. He knew it could go one of two ways, depending on if the police were nice on the day, or if the judge was more understanding of those from a worse background. In Levi’s situation, he’d have to land lucky – if the cameras weren’t investigated, then it looked highly suspicious.

And Levi knew that, he wasn’t stupid when it came to the law. He might not know the books, but he was clued up on how people get off crimes and how they get wrapped up in them. He knew rookie mistakes; had heard Kenny talking about them throughout his entire childhood, which is why not much promise was posed regarding the case now. He looked guilty as sin, and that was constantly playing on his mind.

The entire group found their levels of anxiousness growing, awaiting the fate of Levi. The latter wanted so desperately to believe in Erwin, he really did. He trusted that man with his life. But something was screaming out at him; that it was finally his time, after all the years of avoiding criminal punishment despite everything he’d done. All it would take is for someone to target Levi and he could be deemed guilty within a heartbeat: at the end of the day, he was the one who aimed the gun. Pulling the trigger didn’t feel important to him.

He ran a hand through his hair, forcing the side part to become tousled, messed. Levi couldn’t stop thinking that he could’ve aimed the gun in another direction, he just wanted to point it at the stomach of the man who’d ruined his life. He wanted Petyr dead. He couldn’t shake that feeling, not now.

Petra kept a keen eye on her best friend, watching his nerving twitches, hearing his pained sighs. It didn’t help that Erwin was walking around pacing either, a thoughtful expression on his face. Sensing Levi was uncomfortable with everything, she instead beckoned Levi to follow her into the staff room to both get him away from the uneasy Erwin, and to make him a hot drink to try and calm his nerves. Tea always seemed to help.

He followed her wordlessly, letting his limp body collapse heavily onto the overused sofa. She smiled weakly, turning her back to the kitchen work tops to boil the kettle and make them all a hot drink. Petra wanted nothing more than to assure Levi that everything was going to be okay, that they had enough evidence to prove he wasn’t guilty, but right now it seemed pointless to try. The man was wrapped up in his own thoughts, and the words would mean nothing – they’d spoken them enough times that evening.

Just as the hot water was poured into the large mugs, Petra heard Erwin walk over to the door and unlock it, welcoming the influx of emergency service guests to the premises. Wanting to give Levi a few more seconds of peace to prepare themselves and needing a small break to think of how to go about approaching the entire situation, Petra closed the door to the staff room quietly, shutting off the muffled conversation at the entrance of the store.

* * *

“Good morning.” Erwin commented with a smile, trying to maintain composure. He outstretched his hand to each person, giving them a firm shake. “My name is Erwin Smith, QC. Thank you all for attending the scene so quickly. If you have any questions, I’m here to answer them.”

The ambulance staff walked past first, shaking his hand briefly before allowing their entry into the building, glancing around at the aftermath of the attack. Two younger officers followed through next, shaking Erwin’s hand and introducing themselves additionally, although Erwin didn’t focus enough to catch their names. If there was one thing he learnt throughout his working career, it was to only remember the names of those in charge, so it didn’t get confusing when in the courts. He’d seen enough barristers stumble over names.

The final, leading officer walked through next, shutting and locking the door behind himself, before turning to face Erwin with a kind smile on his face. Erwin almost felt his insides melt a little, recognising the man and judging by the kind expression, it was to be someone who would be sympathetic to the case.

“Pleasure again, Mr. Smith. I didn’t expect to be seeing you again so soon after your previous case, I must admit. Although it’s always a pleasure. Schmidt, remember?” The older gentleman smiled as he firmly shook Erwin’s hand.

“How could I forget?” Erwin charmed, “It’s always nice to have a familiar face in these situations. How have things been? Again, I’m sorry to call you out in such early hours about the event. I’m hoping it will all be resolved with haste.”

The older gentleman batted his arm in the air, almost pushing away the statement. “Nonsense, I was at the station anyway, but we’ll get it all sorted as soon as we can. Lead me through.”

Erwin nodded understandingly, leading the way into the main area of the bar where the four other members of the services were located. Everyone was already examining the mess behind the bar, the blood that had almost been washed away, the dark sponges in the deep red bucket. All the staff looked between one another at the confusion as to why the crime scene didn’t look like one anymore, clearly not used to dealing with phone-ins when the evidence was no longer there.

With a confused expression, Schmidt turned to look back at Erwin. “What was the victim’s name?”

Erwin squared his shoulders, trying to keep his composure nice and steady. “Petyr, Sir.”

“And may you please lead us to him?” The hospital staff interrupted, standing up straight from where they’d been crouched on the floor. Instantly, Erwin opened his mouth to speak, before the detective interrupted him.

“Can you bring us to the body?” Schmidt questioned Erwin. He tried to hold his tongue, not commenting on the fact that was what he was just about to do. Maintaining a steady smile, Erwin obliged; it was always the best way to handle these things. Be confident, do as you’re requested, and appear kind. That way they might have more understanding regarding what actually happened – perhaps some more sympathy for Levi, considering his entire background as well.

It was somewhat a relief as well, that no one had asked to see the man who shot the bullet as of yet. Levi was still safely tucked away in the staff room, nursing a hot drink. And Erwin intended for him to remain there until the investigation was over with, until Petyr was carried away. It seemed promising thus far: having a good relationship with the lead policing officer of the case surely would play in Erwin’s favour, and the entire thing would be gone within an hour.

Erwin led everyone through into the staff room; the only way to get into the supply closet. Upon seeing men in uniform come into the room, Levi felt himself stiffen his spine, eagerly watching on from his seat on the sofa. But no one seemed to pay him mind as Erwin quickly opened the supply closet door at an angle that limited vision into the staff room.

It was the hospital staff who tried to sit beside the body first to check over wounds, but they were pushed aside by Schmidt who was evidently eager to assess the evidence of the case. The old man groaned subtly as he crouched before the dead frame, barely affected by what he was seeing before him despite the trauma of it all. He looked over the body from slightly afar at first, before lowering his gaze to the location of the wound.

With a deep, inset frown he looked over the torn pieces of clothing that were harshly shoved into the hole, seeping through with blood now. Erwin cringed as he noticed it, barely able to pull his mind away from how damned guilty it was all making Levi look. “Any idea why there’s bits of his shirt shoved in the wound?”

Thankfully for Erwin, he knew this question would come, and as such had all his answers prepared.

“Yes.” Erwin replied, assertive, confident. “It was an attempt made by Levi to stop the bleeding in his mild panic. As I discussed with you on the phone, Petyr had come into the bar with the threat of killing Levi. Not the other way around. Levi would never have wanted to kill someone, and as such, panicked the moment he saw the bullet go through Petyr. But Levi wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger, I have to emphasize. He simply pointed the barrel away. That bullet was intended for Levi at first, and if he hadn’t have moved it, then he would surely have been killed.”

Listening intently to Erwin, the man nodded along as he spoke. “Okay, I understand.” He replied, before falling back onto the soles of his feet and standing back up straight. “You two,” he directed the other officers, “Go and fetch the tape to corner this area off for the time-being. I just need to investigate further for the books, so the body can’t be moved just yet.”

“Sir,” one of the ambulance staff spoke up slightly, “We were just wondering how long it would be before we can access the body? We’re simply here for removal.”

“When we’re done with it.” Schmidt commented, bluntly. “I have to see if I want the forensics to come in first. I only imagine it to be a half-hour or so before you can move it though.”

The hospital staff glanced towards one another with raised eyebrows, clearly used to the officer they were working alongside and his difficult-to-work-with attitude. Knowing they had no work to do, they both left the supply closet where Petra greeted them with a smile, offering them a seat in the staff room. They obliged, whilst Petra made them both drinks leaving Erwin and the police to deal with whatever else was left to go through.

Still in the closet, Schmidt let out a heavy smokers’ cough, before patting Erwin on the shoulder in an instruction to follow him, leading the pair out of the closet and into the bar area. As they reached the bloodied bucket, both men paused to take a scan of the room again, looking over the neatly swept broken glass, a puzzled expression a permanent feature of the detective’s face. “Look, Smith. I believe you about what happened, but some things just seem weird – why is it so clean in here? I’ve seen this kind of thing plenty in my career, and nine times out of ten, it looks as though someone wanted to get rid of evidence.”

“Ah,” Erwin nodded, “I agree, it does look unusual, however it is because of the individual involved. Levi has some level of OCD regarding cleanliness, diagnosed when he was eighteen. When things get stressful, he has to clean and so he cleaned this place up because he needed to think things through straight, and he wasn’t able to do so when there was such a mess in here. As you can see from the indication in the wall, the first bullet shot by Petyr hit the mirror at the back, scraping Levi’s neck where you can visibly see the injury.”

The officer scribbled things down in his note pad, as Erwin watched him write eagerly. “You seem to know your client quite well, wouldn’t you say?” Schmidt teased. Erwin just laughed it off slightly.

“I suppose you could say that, yes. I wouldn’t exactly call him a client. I wasn’t exactly phoned because I was a respectable barrister, anyway.”

The man laughed out through his nose, “Well, I would propose we have enough evidence really to get your so-called client off the hook with this one. The station will ask if I checked footage on security cameras though. I don’t suppose you could show me to that, could you Erwin?”

Erwin tried hard to remove the smile that was threatening to escape across his face upon hearing the words. He was at least expecting the investigation to go on for a while longer, but it was clear the detective trusted him and wanted done with this case. And Levi would be _safe_.

“Of course. It is in the management office, however, and both workers present are unable to receive access to the locked room. Should I request one of them phone a manager in order to get into the room?” Erwin kept his voice light, promising. As though he wasn’t lying through his teeth; as though they hadn’t crept in and altered the footage entirely.

“That will take a while at this time, right?” Schmidt questioned.

Erwin nodded slightly. “I imagine so. It’s still in the extremely early hours of the morning, and with the place being predominately a bar, the management team usually do the later shift in order to cash up.”

“Perhaps, to save time, we’ll meet the workers first, just to see if they know anything else that would be useful to us before we need to get other people involved. I’d rather not do that, especially since I don’t want this to go further than in this room. You’re a trusty man, Erwin, and if you say he didn’t do it then I’ll just go with it. Now, who was the one who was here when the shot went off?”

“That would be Levi.” Erwin nodded, “If you follow me, he’s through here in the staff room with Petra, his colleague.”

Erwin led the police officer through the door back into the staffroom, the supply closet now cornered off with police tape. Petra and Levi were nursing cups of tea, keeping their hands warm, opposite the nurses at the other sofa who were minding their own business, either scrolling through their phones or flicking through the old magazines on the coffee table.

However, the second the officer entered the room, both Levi and Petra sat upright on the sofa, placing their drinks on the coffee table before them: they knew it was time for the questions to begin, and now Petra couldn’t even hold down the nervous bubbles floating in her throat. Nonetheless, she kept a straight face and greeted the detective with a smile, eager for this to go right.

Levi, on the other hand, couldn’t force his face to smile in the same warm way that Petra was able to do so; the task even harder when he was feeling so anxious about the possibility of being locked up. He immediately let his eyes lock with Erwin’s, who smiled back at him with a grin that looked as though everything was going well. At least that eased his worry, if only a little.

“So, this here is Petra Ral. She’s a bar supervisor but has no access to management offices, as I’ve already requested she look over the footage but was unable to do so.” She waved politely upon her name being recalled, “And this is Levi Ackerman, the server who had to deal with Petyr almost attacking him in his workplace after years of their abusive relationship.”

Suddenly, the feel of the room twisted, and Levi watched on and noted it. He could almost see the switch go off in Schmidt’s mind as he lowered his brows intently, glaring at Levi with a burn he’d become accustomed to throughout his life. “Sorry, what did you say his name was? Ackerman?”

He knew what was coming.

Levi panicked. His eyes shot up to Erwin, who’s face seemed to have slightly drained in colour. He shouldn’t have introduced him as his full name; after everything that Levi had gone through, he was sure to be on their records somewhere regarding his uncle. There was no two-ways about it. It wasn’t as though Ackerman was a common name where they were from, and if there was an available description of Kenny’s nephew, there weren’t many people who met the physical requirements of Levi.

Erwin cleared his throat. He couldn’t lie, not if he wanted this to be passed under quickly, not if he wanted the officers to trust him. “Yes, that’s his name.”

The pad in Schmidt’s hand was suddenly closed shut, wrapping the elastic around the base and slipping it into his pocket. He looked at the other officers in the room with an expression suggesting that something was about to happen; which became clearer as the others began to walk nearer Levi. Petra, the hospital staff, and Erwin watched on. Everyone had watched enough cop shows to know what to expect next. Everyone knew what was coming.

Erwin tried hard to think on the spot, and quick. He somehow had to convince the detective that Levi wasn’t like Kenny. That he wasn’t guilty – that everything they’d spoken of so far was truthful. But it was a common thing in the legal system: when a name was heard linked to a criminal, even more so when it was a familial connection, they’d get put under quick.

“I’m sorry, Erwin. But he’s gonna have to come with us. There’s no way my boss would let me let an Ackerman walk away without questioning in the station. Wherever there’s an Ackerman, there’s trouble.” He sighed loudly. “I assume you’re Levi, as in the Levi who is the nephew of Kenny the Ripper? And don’t bother lying. We have your picture on file, I can just look it up.”

“Officer,” Erwin interrupted, before Levi could say anything. “I have to assure you that Levi is nothing like his uncle at all. He wouldn’t hurt another person unless he had to defend himself, which he clearly did. He didn’t intend to cause any trouble. The man who was shot was abusive, aggressive.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Erwin.” Schmidt shook his head, scoffing, his opinion of the case changing in a second. “From what I know about the family, Levi got himself involved in burglaries and theft during his childhood. Apparently a few gang members in the city have been him skulking around heroin too. Doesn’t sound far from how Kenny was really, does it?”

“Please, listen.” Erwin tried to keep his voice from turning to a beg, though it was hard when the love of his life was about to be arrested. “Please understand what happened. I’ve told you nothing but the truth.”

Schmidt shook his head at the fact Erwin was defending him. “I can’t believe a respectable barrister like yourself has got involved with druggies and gang members, Erwin. We all thought better of you than that. Look at the boy, I can even see track marks, for crying out loud!”

“Track marks forced into him, next to cigarette burns his uncle forced onto him! Have you no sympathy? Petyr was abusive, Schmidt. Locking Levi up isn’t going to help the crime in the city, because he isn’t a part of that world anymore.”

“Stop whining, Erwin.” Schmidt frowned, before leaning towards his police radio on his shoulder. “I’m making an arrest, get a cell ready for me. It’s an Ackerman.”

Levi found himself tugging the sleeves of his hoodie down which he’d so carelessly rolled up, suddenly feeling very exposed. He didn’t want to look around the room at the expressions on people’s faces, he could almost sense the watering of Petra’s eyes beside him. It just all felt so dystopian, as though it shouldn’t be happening. He just couldn’t believe it actually was. He was so close to being set free, so close for a police officer giving him respect for the first time in his life. So close to starting his life properly again, the way it should always have been.

He found himself zoning out to what Erwin was saying to the police now, not wanting to hear his past again. Because it all felt so, so pointless to go through with it. No one cared if he was abused or forced into doing shit – he shared the name of a gang leader, and apparently that was enough. Evidently the past can’t be erased though, no matter how hard you work for it to disappear. There was no chance, not at all. Not even with Erwin’s pleading beside the police. He was going to jail.

Erwin tried to stop his voice from letting out a nervous wobble. “Please understand that he has changed from those days. He went to a top University; he passed all his schooling exams with flying colours. He’s worked here for years, and he was involved in drugs for a while, but he’s come out of rehab stronger than ever. And those drugs were against his will, his own choice. I don’t think that arresting him will do anything: you’re making an innocent man guilty by doing that. Making him guilty by association of a dead man!”

The officer frowned at the tone that Erwin was using against him, getting agitated by the begging in his voice. “Whilst I’d love to let you keep your boyfriend, I just can’t. It all makes sense now. Why else would a crime scene be totally cleaned up? Levi clearly had intended to kill the man. And I seriously doubt he’s nothing like his uncle, considering the old man brought Levi up himself. We all know how Kenny loved a good murder, that kind of shit runs in the blood. You’ve confirmed the motive was drugs, too. It’s all so obvious.”

“Could you not assess the footage on the cameras before you take Levi? Surely you can’t arrest him with nothing to stand on yet. There’s no evidence that he was even here, considering you haven’t looked at the footage at all. Please, please don’t arrest him.” Petra interrupted, wanting to defend Levi in whatever way possible.

But he was set firm in his ways. Schmidt wasn’t going to budge, and in fact he seemed to be growing more distasteful at the situation as time progressed. “Sorry. I don’t have a choice. My boss won’t give two shits whether there’s footage or not. A cleared-up crime scene and an Ackerman to boot? It’ll be better to get another of them off the streets. A danger to society, if you ask me.”

“This is a fucking joke.” Levi snapped, suddenly finding his voice in the conversation. “That cunt attacked me! I was cleaning the bar for tomorrow and he got his gun out and aimed it at me. I didn’t kill him intentionally; he pulled the damned trigger. I was trying to aim it away from him.”

“Use that language with me and I’ll get you locked up for even longer.” Schmidt snapped, before taking a step forward; unfastening the handcuffs attached to his belt. Levi looked at Erwin with pleading eyes, wanting his partner to get him out of this the way he promised he could. He wasn’t going to speak again, knowing it’d just put him in shit. But he trusted Erwin to speak on his behalf.

Petra watched on with her mouth slightly agape, eyes fluttering between the two men. But Erwin knew there was nothing he could do now, no standing a barrister had regarding the arrest of someone. The only thing he could do was help Levi when he was at the station, and cross everything that someone would bother to listen to him during the interviews. He began to mentally note all the things that would help get Levi off, or at least a reduced sentence. His medical records, his counselling sessions, his schooling records.

Erwin let his eyes close as he heard the handcuffs being unlocked, opening wide to wrap his boyfriends’ hands in. He couldn’t bear to watch it happen: he couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d let Levi down, how fuming Isabel and Farlan would be with him right now. What Erwin’s childhood friends would say about it all, after just getting Levi back.

“Levi Ackerman,” Schmidt began. “I’m arresting you on the suspicion of the murder of Petyr Johnson. You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.”

Levi looked down as the metal clasped around his wrists, painfully tight, tugging and nipping his skin, so much so he let out a small noise as the detective forced the metal to close so tight it pressed Levi’s skin into small mounds at either side of the handcuffs. Not that Levi was going to say anything now, there was no point. He knew it’d just get him in more bother.

“Please.” Erwin found his voice, opening his eyes when Schmidt stopped speaking, “Please don’t arrest him. He was acting in self-defence. If you knew anything that happened to Levi, you’d think again. If you even just saw the cameras, I’m certain you’d change your mind.”

“I’m sorry, Erwin. You’ve left me no choice. I’m just shocked you’d involve yourself with an Ackerman. I’m certain the courts wouldn’t like to hear of that, would they?” The officer grabbed the metal between the hand cuffs and yanked Levi into a standing position with no warning of the movement. It caused the smaller man to almost trip over his feet as he did so. Erwin shook his head in anger.

“They already know. And they don’t care, because the whole point of a justice system is to assist people in reformation. You’re taking an innocent man from his home when there are so many other criminals on the street, who would use a helping hand to get their lives back together. Just wait. I have all the evidence already for this case, and I’ll ensure he’s released the second you put him in the cells.”

Schmidt shook his head, “We’ll be getting him a new lawyer, don’t worry about that. We wouldn’t want a conflict of interest letting Levi get off the hook. And besides, I’d argue you’re a witness now – wouldn’t you?” He smirked a little, “You tried to cover up a crime scene, Smith. It’s oddly suspicious now I think about it, you trying to prove his innocence. Maybe the jealous new lover wanted the ex-lover dead?”

Erwin stood tall, not letting the words get to him. He knew this tactic; the man was trying to get Erwin to admit to something that didn’t happen, so the case would be filed quicker, and Levi taken out of police holding with more pace. But Erwin was intelligent and knew better than to give into him, simply keeping confident and keeping hopes high, despite the dire scene before him.

“I’ll be at the station in the next twenty minutes, alongside a lawyer of who I will select for my partner. We’ll bring further evidence that needs to be assessed as well, which you have failed to get.”

Schmidt scowled at Erwin, not knowing what to say in response. So instead, he forcefully pushed Levi in front of him and forced him to walk forward, kicking at his shins whenever he failed to move. Erwin watched on, trying to look positive for Levi. But the smaller man didn’t even make eye contact as he passed, his head bent low at all times. Erwin tried to not think on it, not to think of how much it was shattering his heart.

They followed the police to the vehicle before the building, the two officers rushing ahead to unlock the car and open the back door. Thankfully it was still relatively early, so the streets were silent as they pushed Levi into the back of the car, lowering his head and slamming the door in his face. Levi just looked out onto his friends who stood at the front of the bar. No one knew what to do, what to say. So instead, they remained silent, and watched as Levi was driven off in the back of the police car, his hands firmly cuffed together as though he was an animal.

* * *

The police station was as dreadful as Levi had always imagined. Cold, damp, and grey. He wasn’t treated with an ounce of respect as he arrived, which he assumed would be the case. Instead, he was forcefully passed around and searched, checking through his pockets for anything that could be used in harm – which there obviously wasn’t. He was still wearing the clothing that Petra had lent to him, his own clothes covered in blood back at her flat.

After his body was searched, they decided it was best to take samples: swabs were put in Levi’s mouth and recorded, followed by fingerprints, and teeth moulds. The entire experience was uncomfortable and dismal: cold hands feeling over his body, poking at him. If he tried to speak, he was told to shut up. And when the mould was put over his teeth, no one cared as he gagged incessantly. No one cared as bent over, coughing aggressively. He wanted to be sick. He couldn’t believe this was his life now.

About thirty minutes after arrival, he was finally taken into a room where he assumed questioning would begin instead of to his cell first. By this point he was already exhausted having been up half the night, alongside his neck wound throbbing in pain. He really needed to get that looked over as soon as it was possible, just in case it was infected or needed stitches. He could feel the odd trickle of blood escaping from underneath the plaster, but his hands were cuffed to the table and he couldn’t even reach up to pat it away.

Sitting in a secluded room where he could literally do nothing, he was confused as to why he was cuffed to tightly to the table. The officers at the station were obviously intimidated by him being an Ackerman, which he did feel a pulse of power about. But he didn’t want that kind of reputation right now: he wanted a reputation that would get him out of here, rather than one that would lead to a conviction. Even if that meant opening up about his shitty past, if it would play to his advantage, he wouldn’t even care about who knew.

Levi sat in silence, alone, for nearly two hours before Erwin appeared at the door – another man beside him. By this point he was desperate for something to eat or drink. He’d not been offered anything, and no one had even been to check on him the entire time he was in here, presumably waiting for his legal representation to arrive. The flush of relief that spread through Levi’s body was so relaxing he felt his shoulders slump: knowing he wasn’t going to have to give evidence alone made him feel so much better.

“We’d like a few minutes.” Erwin spoke to the officer, who simply nodded in response and closed the door behind them.

Within less than a second, Erwin headed straight beside Levi and crouched down, so they were eye level. The blonde man searched Levi’s face for any clues of wrongdoings or abuse in the station, though he quickly learned that nothing untoward had happened just yet. That was a slight relief, although he wanted to go through with the treatment of Levi in their custody to make sure procedures were being followed correctly.

The first thing that escaped Erwin’s mouth was simply, “Have you had anything to drink?”

Levi shook his head. “I got dumped in here hours ago and no one’s been back since. They took loads of samples and teeth moulds and stuff.”

Erwin and the new man looked at each other with shocked faces. “Right.” Erwin continued, “We’ll get that sorted for you now then. Have you been cuffed to the table since you arrived?”

Levi nodded. “They’re so shitting tight too. I can barely move my fingers anymore.”

With concern, Erwin glanced down at the hands where fingertips were turning a subtle shade of purple, the metal making harsh indentations in Levi’s skin. Erwin took a deep breath in. “Has anyone assessed your wound? Was it cleaned whilst your samples were being taken?”

“No.” Levi scoffed, “It keeps dribbling, and it’s fucking hurting now too.”

“Unbelievable.” The man spoke before Erwin could continue questions, before turning his own attention towards Levi. “Sorry, I should introduce myself. My name is Keith Shadis, I’m Erwin’s boss at work. He explained the entire situation to me, showed me the security footage. You’ll be out of here in the next few hours, latest. Even more so now I know how they’re treating you here.”

“Thank you.” Levi mumbled, relieved. He looked at Erwin a little, before turning his gaze back up to the new visitor.

“Not a problem. I’m going to go and sort some medical treatment out for you, alongside a drink. I’ll give you two a few minutes to talk: especially since it’s evident I need to have a bit of a chat with the head of the station regarding treatment of arrestees.”

Erwin nodded at Shadis, before the man bashed on the door of the interrogation room to be let out. An officer unlocked the door to allow the man to exit, before reconfirming it was firmly closed once again, leading Levi and Erwin alone for a chance to chat in private. Within less than second, Erwin’s arms were tightly wrapped around Levi, the man pressing his face close to Levi, giving him all the love he could muster.

“I’m so sorry Levi,” Erwin began, not wasting a minute. “I’m so sorry I introduced you with your full name. It’s my fault you’re stuck in here, but Shadis is the best barrister in town and he said he’d be able to get you out quickly and would go to court for free for you if not. We’ll get this sorted.”

Erwin pulled away, assuming the position would be slightly uncomfortable for Levi considering his hands cuffs. The latter looked down to Erwin with a small smile, trying hard to make light of the situation wherever they could.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Levi shrugged his shoulders, “I didn’t realise people still gave a shit about my uncle. He’s been gone for five years almost and nothing has happened with the Ackerman name since. So why the hell do people still care?”

Erwin sighed. “I don’t think they do care; I just think they like to lock people up for the sake of it. I assume they have a quota of infamous names in the criminal sector, and if they can find one, they will lock them up even without a crime intact. But don’t worry, as soon as the tapes are watched, I’m certain you’ll be cleared and allowed back home.”

Levi shook his head, scoffing slightly. “Right. Just like you were certain that this entire situation wouldn’t happen.” The man held his cuffed hands up as though to emphasize what he meant, but Erwin didn’t need an explanation. He completely understood and felt as though he’d immensely let Levi down as well.

“Sorry. It’s not your fault, I shouldn’t be a dick to you.” Levi grumbled, “But these are so fucking tight, and they’ve been fastened for ages. I’m so uncomfortable. I can’t even scratch itches, it’s a fucking joke. They’d already searched me inside and out for weapons, what the hell do they think I’m gonna do in this empty room?”

“I’ll have a word with Shadis, see if we can do something about getting them taken off then. You shouldn’t even be wearing them anymore, not now you’re alone in a room. They’ve not created you correctly at all, but that’s something we’ll pursue. I’m sure Shadis is already on it now.”

Before Levi could respond, the door opened and Shadis appeared with a nurse, alongside a cup of tea in his hand. He smiled at Levi, placing it on the table before him as the nurse entered, the door closing beside them.

“I’ve just come to assess your injuries, Levi.” She spoke, her kind soft and pleasant in a comparison to the surroundings. “Where is it you need me to check?”

“It’s his neck.” Erwin intruded, standing up from his seating position on the floor to allow the nurse some room. “A bullet skimmed past his skin and has torn some of it off. The bandage hasn’t been replaced in hours, so we don’t even know if it’s still bleeding.”

She nodded understandingly, before kneeling down so she had a better reach of the wound. Carefully, the old bandage was peeled away revealing a deep, bleeding wound: far too deep to have been left unattended for hours. Even the nurse let out a small hiss as she removed the wrap completely, placing it on the table, revealing puddles of blood on the cotton material. “How long since this injury occurred?”

Levi lifted his shoulders. “I don’t know, maybe half ten last night?”

“You’re joking. And no one has looked at it for you yet?” She shook her head disapprovingly. “I’m going to get them to rush through your interview in that case. You should go straight to accident and emergency after, ensure they stitch it up. For now, a bandage will be okay for an hour or so, but strict instructions to go to hospital immediately after.”

Shadis scowled, irritated. “Should he not be allowed access to medical care prior to the interview?”

“It’s fine.” Levi snapped, “I just want this shitting over with. If sitting with it bleeding for longer means I’ll be out of here sooner, then whatever. I’m fucking fine with it.”

Shadis simply embraced the comment, instead of choosing to respond. The room fell silent as the nurse cleansed what she could, wrapped the bloodied wound back up tightly, taping it flush to Levi’s skin. It was obvious the man was growing uncomfortable as the procedure took place, his skin draining in colour slightly as he caught a glimpse of the old bandage on the floor. But as soon as the nurse stood and he had some tea, Levi felt himself come back around.

The nurse left the room with two painkillers to keep Levi going, before the detective from the case and another officer let themselves back in. The free-men all glanced at each other, eyeing each other up. It was evident that the questioning was about to begin, and as such, Erwin was requested to leave the room since he was now claimed to be a personal visitor. With a small squeeze to Levi’s shoulder, the officer led him from the room and onto the seats just outside, leaving Levi alone.

Erwin took a deep breath as he let his head lean against the back wall, willing his mind to push away from the thoughts of how small Levi looked in those handcuffs; how much he had fought to keep Levi away from the wrong side of the law since they first met. But he couldn’t change that now; now it was all in the hands of the people who would detest someone like Levi, and that terrified him.

But he had Shadis. And therefore, Erwin put all his hope in that man instead. If anyone would be able to save the man he loved, it would be him. There wasn’t a better leader going.

* * *

Erwin paced outside the room, irritated that he wasn’t able to hear what was going on: wasn’t able to see what was happening. A conflict of interest was something seriously looked upon by the legal community, and if Erwin was in the room, all Levi’s evidence could simply be pushed away in case his representative was bias. The only comfort he could find in waiting was the small glances he could pass through the one-sided window, where nothing seemed to be heated and things seemed to be going smoothly.

Levi looked down, patiently, as Shadis was speaking confidently. His hands flying in all angles, the police officer duly noting down everything that was said, nodding occasionally in agreement, the detective grimacing but nodding, nonetheless. There were a few small points where the officer looked at Levi with shocked expressions, then sympathetic. Shadis evidently was going into everything – not just this one crime, which Erwin was thankful for. That was the one thing he asked his boss to focus on.

Thankfully the handcuffs were released from Levi as soon as the interview began, which proved important as the officer and detective viewed his arms, of which Erwin assumed they were asking about his home relationship with Kenny, or perhaps his drug abuse. Either way, they seemed to be somewhat understanding and considerate, even listening when Levi was the one to speak up, rather than letting Shadis do all the talking.

However, no matter how successful the interviewing process seemed to be going, Erwin couldn’t stop the worrying that was going on. He couldn’t help but wonder if this was the point in which he’d lose Levi again – only instead of running away, he’d be taken away and locked up some place where they couldn’t see each other properly. Even the thought of that forced his eyes to water slightly, and as such, he tried hard to close them as he leaned his head back against the wall, willing his body to catch even a few hours of rest before the outcome.

Just as he let his body grow sleepy, his phone began to aggressively vibrate in his pocket. Sighing slightly, he reached into his jacket and took the device out, bringing it directly to his ear without acknowledging who it was who was calling him.

“Hello?” His voice answered, sleepy.

“Erwin!” The voice spoke down the phone, “Thank god I’ve got hold of you. Petra’s just called over to say what’s going on. Is everything okay? Is he gonna be alright? What’s happening now?”

“Nanaba,” Erwin answered, “Shadis is in there with him now. It seems to be going okay, the interview’s been going on for over an hour. I don’t want to tempt fate, but it looks as though it might be going okay. Well, better than it could have been. They took the handcuffs off at least.”

“Oh, what a relief.” She breathed down the line, “Mike’s been shitting himself. We didn’t want to phone you in case you were in there with him or anything, that’s why it’s taken so long to get hold of you. I can’t. I just can’t believe he killed someone.”

“It was self-defence.” Erwin almost snapped, before realising she simply meant it in as a statement, rather than an accusation. “Sorry, it’s just all stressful. He didn’t technically kill Petyr – the man pulled the trigger himself. Levi was just directing the barrel away from himself. If he hadn’t moved the body, none of this would’ve happened. If I hadn’t of said his real name, he wouldn’t have been arrested.”

Nanaba let out a puff of breath down the line, “Erwin, you’ve got to stop blaming yourself for others’ mistakes. They’d have to have taken Levi’s name at some point, you just got it over with sooner. He was the one who moved Petyr, not you. It’s not your fault, and Levi is going to be okay, I’m certain of that. Petra told us everything, and it seems as though Levi has an incredible defence. Even more so with your boss helping him.”

“I suppose.” Erwin paused a moment. “It’s just typical, the second we are comfortable and happy again. The world does not want us to enjoy our lives together.”

“Well, we all do. You’ve got all your friends and family to support you through this. Have you had a chance to let your mother and father know what’s happening yet?”

“I was going to give them a call, but it’s still far too early to let them know. You know for a fact they’d just worry too much, probably march down to the station and demand he be released instantly.” He forced a fake laugh, “It’ll be okay. I’m sure. I just need to find something to take my mind off everything whilst Levi is in there – I just keep watching through the glass, but not hearing what’s being said is so hard.”

“Well,” Nanaba continued, “Mike is on his way to you now, with a bag of food and hot drinks. We assumed that you’ve not managed to have anything to eat or drink since Levi first called you, Petra hadn’t anyway. So at least you’ll have him to keep you company for a while, he’s taken the day off work if you need anything at all.”

“Thanks, Nan.” He smiled down the line, “I really appreciate that. Thank you so much.”

“He’s going to get out of there, he will not be taken to jail. I promise you that, Erwin. He’s been toying with the law since school, and so far, he’s been alright. Why would this time be any different?” She kept her voice light and confident, almost reassuring Erwin.

“Thanks Nan. I hope you’re right.”

“I always am!” She joked, happily. “Look, I’ll let you get off now. Just give me a call the second you hear anything at all, Petra’s going to stay with me, so ring either of us. I hope it’ll be okay.”

Erwin nodded, “I will do. Thanks again, see you later.”

Without waiting for a response, Erwin pressed to end the call and take a moment to himself. Even just talking it through with someone else filled his heart with a little more confidence; his friends were rooting for Levi, of course, but they’d always say the truth to him. They’d tell him to prepare himself if Levi was going to be locked up, yet Nanaba seemed infinitely confident that his lover would be fine. And so, Erwin stuck with that too. Thinking makes it so.

Only ten minutes after he ended the conversation with Nanaba, Mike appeared with hot croissants and coffees all around, greeting Erwin with a protective hug and encouraging pat on the back, not questioning what was going on, but letting Erwin have the moment he so desperately needed.

It felt so much better to have his best friend there; he didn’t feel so much dread.

* * *

Levi felt himself growing tired with the conversation, though he knew he needed to stay awake and alert. There was so much being discussed, it was all flying over his head: so many terms used that he didn’t really understand, so much about his past he wanted desperately to forget, far too many sympathetic looks from the police for his liking. He was tough; he wanted people to know that. But Shadis was adamant that he needed to appear somewhat weak with a troubled past – or so it seemed, since he continuously emphasized where Levi was from.

“You’ve got to understand that my client is nothing like the Ackerman you’re used to. He was brought up by the man with a growing distaste for that culture, eager to find an escape from it. He has been dating Erwin Smith for years now, only with a few years apart. Erwin had kept him on the right path throughout it all and will continue to do so.”

The officer sighed, “I appreciate what you’re saying, Shadis. But you’ve also got to understand that your client killed the man, as well as attempting to discard all the evidence. Surely you can understand how our hands are tied in this situation.”

“I appreciate that, but you haven’t taken time to watch the footage in the bar yet. Are you certain my client killed him? I have seen what happened, and Petyr came into the bar with an intention to kill, that much is evident and proven with the first shot aimed at Levi himself. I would argue that my client worked in self-defence; it was either aim the gun or be killed.”

Levi looked up at the detective who was sat beside the man performing the questioning. The officer looked puzzled over what was meant to be his boss, who simply shrugged in response. He was meant to have assessed all possible evidence that was deemed reasonable prior to this interview yet pushed that away because Levi was an Ackerman. Even the officer was shocked.

“It looks as though it hasn’t been watched yet.” The questioner frowned, “Though it certainly should’ve been. Please, bear with us a few moments whilst we look over this footage. Have you brought the film with you?”

“Ah!” Shadis smiled confidently, pulling his phone from his pocket and placing it on the table before the police. They both leaned forward to look at the screen as the video was brought to their attention. “I cut the footage down to the section that was actually required, to say time searching through it again. Please, press play and watch what happened.”

Shadis looked at Levi with a subtle smile, before turning to face the police again with a stern expression. Though now they were staring at the screen; at Petyr shifting uncomfortably, of him leaning over the bar with the gun, pointing the barrel at Levi, turning it towards his stomach. Though there was no sound, both officers visibly cringed when the bullet exploded in Petyr’s gut, pulling back to sit up right, not looking at one another.

Shadis silently reached across the metal table and retrieved his device, turning the video off and sliding it back in his pocket. Levi looked up between the two men before him, waiting for one to say anything – waiting to be incriminated, somehow. Maybe the knife behind his back could be seen, maybe it wasn’t obvious that he didn’t actually pull the trigger.

The detective was the first to break the silence with a small cough, clearing his throat. “It appears as though this film is enough evidence that the entire thing could arguably be deemed a suicide, of some kind."

“I agree.” The officer chipped in quickly, looking over Levi and Shadis. “I apologise on behalf of the entire force that this evidence wasn’t regarded before, and that Mr. Ackerman has been held in here, questioned for so long. In my own opinion, that seems highly unnecessary, especially after an ordeal such as his own.”

“Right.” Shadis continued the conversation, “I would like to add how inappropriate it was to arrest Levi without proper investigation, and to hold him in this interrogation room without even a drink or any medical attention. He could be entitled for a claim against the leader of the case, considering how appallingly it was handled.”

Schmidt ran a hand over his face, breathing out heavily. “I genuinely am sorry for how I handled it all. We are under strict guidelines regarding certain names or affiliations sometimes, and Ackerman here was held under that reason. I think there’s enough evidence to have this entire case wiped, though.”

Levi sighed loudly. He was so relieved, but still didn’t want to say a thing until it was over, just in case that was used against him just to keep him there. Instead, he let his glare rise to the detectives with a scowl, annoyance that he wasn’t believed in the first place. But the old man looked genuinely broken about the fact Levi wasn’t guilty, that he hadn’t fulfilled his job correctly. He looked back to Levi with an apologetic smile.

“You’re free to leave, Levi. Sorry for the hell we put you through, I never considered it could’ve been a suicide. Please be sure we won’t be bothering you about this case again, and maybe we’ll be able to look into a form of compensation for you for your troubles. Shadis,” he turned his attention to the lawyer, “I am aware it is unreasonable for myself to ask this of you, but please don’t discuss what happened with anyone. I ran this so badly and I could lose my job over this. I don’t want to beg, I know it’s unprofessional, but I just panicked in the moment.”

Shadis shut his book on the table and began to pack up, letting the words hang silently in the air for a moment, letting the detective worry in his own mistakes. And Levi was glad he was worrying – he almost fucked his entire life up again, if that was even possible. Shadis was fully aware of this, “I’ll have to speak to my client about whether this should be pursued further. I assume myself and Levi are free to leave now?”

Schmidt stood quickly. “Of course, I’ll come let you out. Thank you for your time.”

Levi stood from his chair, eager to get out; but he was quickly met by a heavy wave of nausea from the lack of sleep, mixed with the adrenaline from the entire day and night on an empty stomach. He let his body be lowered onto the seat once again, closing his eyes and catching his breath. "I feel like I'm gonna fucking collapse." He mumbled out, blackened spots grazing the rims of his gaze as his eyes opened. A firm hand ran through his hair, pushing the sweat from his forehead as it brushed through.

"When did you last eat?" Shadis questioned, concern pasting on his face. The police staff looked at one another as well, worried. They knew they hadn't looked after Levi from the second he'd arrived, so this was likely to be their fault.

"Not since my lunch break yesterday, at five." He mumbled in response, before groaning and burrowing his forehead in the bed of folded arms.

"I'll go fetch you something sugary. It won't help with the amount of blood lost due to your wound. I'll be back in a moment for you." Shadis looked at Schmidt again, as the man opened the door, leading the questioning officer beside Levi in the interrogation room.

* * *

Erwin bolted upright as he heard the door slam shut, with a tired looking Shadis appear in front of it. Mike had dozed off beside Erwin waiting for the outcome, however Erwin’s own thoughts were far from slumber. The second his eyes closed, his mind simply portrayed photos of Levi in jail, in rooms full of other criminals, in those awful prison outfits. And he couldn’t do it: Levi was never destined to be locked up.

He forced his body to stand from the uncomfortable plastic chairs as Shadis paused before him, his eyes pleading with questions. “Well? What’s going on? Is it a break now or something?”

“He’s got off.” Shadis spoke, his voice tired. “He’s not getting charged.”

“Oh God,” Erwin felt his voice fall weak, his knees buckle at the relief. “Oh my God, thank you so much Shadis. Jesus, thank you so much. What happened? What did they say? Where is he?”

Shadis placed a hand on Erwin’s shoulder to guide him over to the spare seats, slightly away from where Mike was resting. “He’s currently in the room still, feeling slightly faint. I’m just going to grab him some chocolate to give him a boost and he’ll be able to go home straight after. I assume you’ll be staying with him for the day? He’ll definitely need someone to watch over him. And he’ll need someone to take him to hospital, get his wound tended to.”

Erwin shook his head a little, “Mike’s managed to take the day off work. I have a court hearing this afternoon, and I’m in the middle of running four large cases. I doubt my clients would be happy if I just didn’t show up.”

Shadis sighed. “Erwin, I admire your desire to work hard, but have some care for yourself. I’ve already sorted cover for all your cases and the court appearance, I did it the second you told me about Levi. Whatever the result, I know you wouldn’t be in the right headspace, and those clients are primarily mine, so I wasn’t letting you mess that up due to lack of sleep. So, let me rephrase my request. You are going to take the rest of the week off, get Levi to the hospital, and you’re going to make sure he’s looked after. Seeing a death is never easy, no matter how much you detested the person who died.”

Erwin nodded, though he hated being forced to take time off. He knew how much Levi needed it, and how much he needed it himself. Not that Erwin would admit it to himself, but the thought of almost losing Levi again had sent his mind spiralling the way it had in college. “Thank you.” He mumbled, not sure how to express his gratitude.

“Right.” Shadis nodded. “I won’t tell you how he got off it all now, I’m sure he’ll want to discuss that with you, and I need to go and get him some food so he can actually leave this place. Why don’t you go to the desk and retrieve all his belongings and clothing? And wake your sleeping dog up. This isn’t a hotel.”

He laughed slightly, “Of course.”

Before Shadis stood, he turned his attention back to Erwin once again. “He’s a good one, Levi. He’s had a shit start to life, but he’s doing well compared to others who have suffered a similar fate. Make sure you properly watch out for him, though I imagine he’s far stronger than he physically appears.”

“I will.” Erwin nodded, letting his gaze lower to his lap whilst he tried to think of the best way to respond to his boss. “I’ll always be there. I love him.”

“I know Erwin.” Shadis smiled weakly, “I know you do.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Levi barely remembered anything from the point of leaving the police station. Hell, he didn’t even remember leaving that cell to get his belongings back. He was just so exhausted; emotionally and physically, that he simply followed whatever Erwin was suggesting they do. Even the visit to the Accident and Emergency ward was completed in autopilot, Levi not even answering the questions posed by the nurses. Thankfully, Erwin was still awake enough to deal with everything, his veins infused with a level of caffeine he’d never felt in his system before.

Such level of exhaustion in his mind had numbed the craving he was expecting to feel through everything, much to his own relief. That thought was the one that kept pumping through his mind – how if he still relied on it, everything would’ve been easier. Somehow. But he had to also keep reminding himself that if he still used, he wouldn’t have Erwin back. He probably wouldn’t even be here right now. And though the entire experience was wounding in a way he’d never understood, he was grateful to be alive.

And whilst everything was traumatic in a new way, Levi had always expected murder, drugs, and police to creep up on him sooner or later. It was things he’d been surrounded by throughout his entire life, and that wasn’t going to go just because he’d grown up a bit. It was ingrained in the Ackerman bloodline; to get in bother with the police, to get caught up with problematic people, to be surrounded by death. And though it was officially over now: he was safe, about to be going home with the man he loved, he couldn’t help but replay everything repeatedly in his mind.

Of course, that was to be expected. He’d almost been killed, having to kill an ex-lover in self-defence just so the bullet wouldn’t rip through his skin. Even the sights seen before with his uncle weren’t as bad as that had felt, maybe because back then his life was still a mess. But he was getting better – finally. And now nothing about this city, that second life he’d forced upon himself, felt right. He just couldn’t feel anything other than regret for what happened. Not regret that Petyr had died but regret that he’d let himself get caught up in something like that.

So much so that he didn’t even feel the needle sinking into his skin, performing a neat row of stitches on that bloodied wound. He could barely feel the grasp of Erwin’s hand, tightly around his own. That deep, soothing voice just swam through his mind, not lapping in the words at all. Although Levi was certain the words weren’t important. Just hearing Erwin beside him helped, somehow.

Meanwhile, Mike had returned home from the police station as Erwin and Levi attended hospital. He had insisted to come with the two men, but Erwin was persistent in allowing the man some time at home to rest after a hectic night, and also asking him to go and inform the rest of their friendship group that Levi was going to be okay. The plan was for everyone to drive back to their hometown anyway, and there was no way Mike would manage to drive all that way without some rest. Erwin was beginning to wonder how he could – though, the thought of getting Levi someplace safe was enough to spur energy and awareness in him.

And now, as Erwin felt that man’s hand in his grasp, watching him wince slightly whenever that needle threaded through him, he felt infinite love and determination set within him. All those years ago, Erwin had promised he’d help people like Levi get out of trouble with the law, when they would normally be enveloped up in prejudice and slander. And, albeit needing the assistance of someone with more career history than himself, he’d been able to help Levi. He’d started the moves he wanted to make, and that passion had once again flared within him.

The main feeling within him though, other than love and warmth, was utter relief. Relief that he was still able to sit beside Levi in the hospital, relief that he was out of that awful cell, those handcuffs taken from his frame. Relief that they would be able to hug once again. For a few moments, he felt like he might be deprived of that forever – and now, thinking on it, there was nothing that would stop him from protecting Levi for the rest of his life. Even if the smaller man would argue he didn’t need protecting.

The stitches and check-up at hospital didn’t take an overly long time, and Levi found his feet carrying him out the front door an hour or so after he’d first walked through. Whilst they hadn’t discussed the plan of what they were to do next, it was obvious they weren’t staying in the city for a while. They both needed time at home to recuperate, to separate this life from their future. They needed to make a new normal, back in the comfort of childhood.

Back where they didn’t have responsibilities.

Thankfully, Erwin and Mike had discussed this plan whilst waiting in the police station. The latter was going to take his wife back to their hometown, with Petra as well, and settle into their home. Erwin and Levi were to follow later that day, moving back into the Smith’s household for a while. A place to ground themselves. But of course, they needed to get some things together before the long journey.

The car pulled into the drive of the townhouse, as Erwin turned the engine off and hopped from the car with a warm smile at Levi. And he tried hard to reciprocate the grin, but he was too tired to even move. His head was already starting to loll on the back of the headrest, his eyes falling closed every other second.

“Rest, Levi.” Erwin whispered into the quiet car, “Get some sleep. I’ll go get our bags together.”

“Mmm.” Levi grunted in response, barely noticing his boyfriend climb from the driver’s seat and hop out into the driveway. He only managed to catch Erwin’s tall figure disappearing into the hallway before he drifted off into a quiet rest. One that he didn’t realise he needed so badly; but one that was warmly welcomed with open arms.

There was something strangely comforting about the steady rumbling of a car down the motorway, hearing the other vehicles zoom past. Even in a heavy slumber, Levi was still aware of his surroundings. He was perfectly aware that his partner beside him was keeping deadly silent, no doubt his brows furrowed in concentration, not even listening to the radio. And for the first time since the incident, Levi actually felt safe. A weird feeling, he still wasn’t quite accustomed to, after all the years he’d lived.

By the time the car was once again was drawing to a halt, Levi was fully asleep. His mouth slightly hanging open, neck craned gently to the side, leaning heavily on the seatbelt. Erwin couldn’t help but smile to himself, walking around to the other side of the car, helping unfasten the seatbelt wrapped around his waist, wrapping those long limbs under Levi’s resting body, lifting him up.

And as he did so, he knew he had to revel in that moment. There was no way in hell Levi would let him do this if he was awake, no chance. So Erwin made sure to bask in the glory of carrying the man he loved over the threshold; no doubt a once in a life time chance, at least this way round anyway. Though the true meaning of carrying him over the threshold sparked a small bubble in the pit of Erwin’s stomach at what it truly symbolised. A change he’d love to have one day.

Quietly, as the evening drew later, Erwin carried Levi up the stairs to the old bedroom they shared, carefully using one arm to fold back the plush linen covers, placing Levi on that soft mattress, enveloping him once again. A faint kiss was placed on his temple, as Erwin quietly turned away from the room and headed down the stairs for a drink, and a quick call to his friends to make sure they’d got home okay.

Petra answered in the first ring.

“_Erwin_!” She exclaimed, loudly despite the relatively unsocial hour, “_I’m so happy to hear from you! Mike told us everything. How is he? Where is he?_”

“It’s good to hear from you as well, Petra. I hope you, Nanaba, and Mike made it here okay? We’ve just arrived. Levi’s resting in bed. He seems to be doing okay, just exhausted from everything as you can imagine.”

Erwin heard a heavy sigh down the phone. “_Thank you, Erwin_.” She barely whispered.

“You don’t need to thank me for anything. Thank _you_ for calling me to help you out with it all. Thank you for trusting me to look after Levi.” Erwin ran a hand through his hair, balancing his elbow on the kitchen counter to rest his weary head. It had been the most tiresome thing he’d ever been through; even more than when he first went searching for Levi.

“_I don’t want to get all soppy_,” Petra continued, “_But seriously. This whole thing has put everything into perspective I think if you didn’t come back into his life, Levi would probably be dead now. Just seeing Petyr’s body again all shrivelled up reminded me of how bad Levi had got. It’s all I’ve been thinking about all day, all night. You two were made for each other, and I’m so glad you came back into his life despite everything_.”

“Petra,” Erwin spoke down the phone, trying to hold himself together. The mixture of lack of sleep, too much adrenaline from caffeine, and flashbacks to what happened was taking its toll on the man now. “Thank you for actually looking out for him when I was useless and unable to. All we have to focus on now is the future, though. We’ve all aided in some way over the past twenty-four hours, and I think we all deserve some rest.”

“_I agree_.”

“How about we all meet up tomorrow evening? It would be lovely for you to come over and meet my parents. I can easily host a small barbeque if the weather is nice enough. We can show you around where we grew up.”

“_I’d love that_!” Petra almost grinned down the phone, before turning her mouth slightly away from the receiver to tell Nanaba, who Erwin had just discovered was sitting beside her. “_Nan says yes to that too. Something to look forward to then_!”

“Great. Let’s say come over at five.” Erwin took the hand holding his head, resting it on the counter. “I’m going to get off now, though. Now I know you’re all home safe. I need to get a quick snack and head up to bed too, sleep is calling my name.”

“_Oh! Of course_,” Petra smiled, “_See you tomorrow, Erwin_.”

With a final goodbye, the man hung up his phone, dropping it on the counter. The proposition of sleep sounded great right now; the phone call unusually making him understand how tired he truly was. Instead of bothering to grab a real snack, Erwin simply grabbed a slice of bread and ate it on the way up the stairs, before joining his boyfriend in that welcoming, warm, and comforting bed he’d missed so much.

Finally. Something that felt like home.

* * *

Whilst he was sleeping for a while, Levi woke numerous times during the night. A state that hadn’t happened to him much before, but one that he remembered regularly from sleeping over at Isabel’s flat. Nightmares that shook you awake they were so horrendous, leaving your body dotted with sweat, breathing heavy and hard. Images of faces from his past plastered around the room despite the heavy darkness – and each time, Levi could swear he could feel those hands on his body. That knife pressed to his neck.

Each time, Erwin had awoken beside him, calming him back carefully. Though when the images had disrupted Levi to the point he wanted to sit awake for a while, Erwin slipped from the comfort of bed and made his way to the en-suite, running a bath so deep and bubbly, he hoped he could wash all those nightmares away.

And damn, did that bath look welcoming to Levi. He wandered over from the bed, scattering clothing as he did so, and lowered his limp body into that soapy water. The hot water against his fresh wound burned in a soothing way. A way that reminded Levi that he was here. He was still alive, and he was right where he needed to be.

Levi found himself outstretching an arm and beckoning Erwin into the liquid with him, the two laying against one another in the tub wordlessly, just enjoying the peace. The quiet. Enjoying one another. And as Erwin gently brushed that bubbly water over Levi’s skin, he felt the nightmares rinse away. Returning to bed, he was certain that those criminal faces would no longer dare to make an appearance.

The smaller man awoke mid-morning the following day, having slept properly for an uncharacteristic twelve hours; not counting the several disturbances. But it was the best feeling of waking up he’d had in a long time, letting that homely scent of the Smith’s washing powder flutter through his nose. The dimly glowing sun battered under the half-closed curtains, creeping out in such a way it perfectly highlighted the man sleeping soundly beside him, emphasising the neat cut of his jawline, the sharpness of his nose.

And Levi couldn’t help but let that smile escape from his lips. The fact that he felt so content and warm, that he’d actually got Erwin back, that an entire chapter of his life was closed off with the loss of Petyr. It just felt like he was been given a fresh start again, and one that he so desperately needed and deserved. 

It took a moment or two for that smile to melt away, trying hard to keep his lips locked between his teeth so he would not be teased for it, before he shuffled around in the bed slightly, rolling a-top of Erwin. He burrowed his chin in the back of his crossed hands, resting neatly on Erwin’s large chest. The movement immediately awoke Erwin, to no surprise, who grinned at the slim figure now squishing him.

And Levi once again found himself getting lost in those familiar blue eyes. The blue eyes of a man who had just saved him from a life sentence, who so willingly welcomed him back into his life despite everything he’d done. Who didn’t care about the drugs. Who had supported him through intense times in rehab, taking him to hospitals to clean his wounds. The man who awoke in the middle of the night just to make sure Levi was okay. The one who never gave up looking for Levi, even after all those years they were apart.

Only one man would do that for him. Only one.

And Levi was laid on him.

“How are you feeling?” Erwin murmured through a stretch; his voice still heavy with sleep. His muscular arms fell from their stretch, engulfing Levi in a tight hold.

Levi took a moment to think on it. “I feel good.”

At the response, Erwin felt his face light up with a warm smile, reaching down slightly and placing a loving kiss on the top of Levi’s nose. “It’s good to be home, isn’t it?”

Levi nodded. “Anything’s better than that shitty prison. My wrists still hurt from the cuffs.”

“I’m not surprised,” Erwin sighed gently, letting his eyes wander to the faint red marks that still hadn’t left Levi’s arms yet. “But you’ll never have to go there again, and you’re safe here now. With my mother’s cooking and my father’s stories. What could be better?” He laughed, a slightly sarcastic tone to his voice.

“Nothing.” Levi mumbled, too embarrassed to say it any louder. Erwin might tease and joke about mundane things like father’s lengthy life-lessons, but secretly, Levi loved hearing those. Life lessons about behaving politely were a damn sight better than life lessons about how to clean blood and inject a needle properly.

Distracted, Levi didn’t notice as Erwin shuffled his body up the bed a little more, “Whilst I would love nothing more than to lay in bed with you all day, I’m sure my mother and father will be eager to see us both properly. I only waved at them a little last night, since I had to carry you to bed.”

Levi’s eyes grew wider, “You did what?”

The blonde began to chuckle, “I couldn’t wake you, Levi. You were sound asleep like a little angel baby; I didn’t want to force you to get up to get to bed. So, I got to carry you over the threshold, and it was wonderful.”

“Fuck you.” Levi teased, turning his expression into a mock grump as Erwin began to laugh loudly, all the while he was slightly tipping Levi off his body. “And don’t you dare call me a fucking angel baby ever again.”

Reluctantly, Levi sat up from his laying position, swinging his legs from under the covers and standing. Whilst he wasn’t going to say it aloud, he was nervous about seeing Erwin’s parents again after everything that happened. He hadn’t seen them since before the couple broke up, and as such, the thought of trying to act normal around them was concerning. Despite the fact he knew they’d be nothing but loving towards him.

But those marks on his arm made him feel humiliated. And that fresh wound on his neck didn’t exactly look flattering, covered in bloodied stitching and a harsh darkened bruise around it. Sighing inwardly, he decided it would be best to avoid looking at himself in the mirror that morning.

Erwin stumbled from the bed then, snapping Levi from his thoughts by placing a kiss on the man’s shoulder. Levi turned and smiled slightly, grabbing his t-shirt from the bag at the end of the bed and slipping it on over his body. The clean clothing felt so good against his bare skin; a feeling he could still remember from the night before, when Erwin had helped him climb into the bathtub, though he was half asleep throughout the whole motion; the entire previous night felt like a dream.

And honestly, he didn’t really want to think back to how clingy he might’ve seemed the night before. He always could hold his own, but something inside him sparked a vulnerability he didn’t ever show, most likely because he was so tired. Or maybe because his entire life was almost taken from him. Either way, he wasn’t going to talk about it again. Instead he wanted to focus on what the hell he’d say to the Smith’s at breakfast.

Once Erwin had clothed himself again, the men headed from the bedroom and down the stairs, into the kitchen where the soft clattering of pans was sounded. It was just past eleven in the morning, and as such, it appeared the Smiths were hosting their traditional Sunday-style breakfasts. A late one, midday, with all the trimmings. Even though it wasn’t Sunday, they knew that it was the boy’s favourite, and as such decided they both needed a treat.

A mothering instinct kicked in as the men walked down the stairs, Carol not even needing to look to know they were about to enter the room. And as soon as she sensed Levi, Erwin’s mother stopped her cooking and ran over to him, arms outstretched wide.

“As I live and breathe,” She gasped, holding him in a tight hug, “It’s my wonderful Levi! Oh, how I’m so happy to see you once again in our home, Levi. You were missed by us all.”

“You too.” Levi muttered out, a little embarrassed, as the lady wrapped him up in a warm and loving embrace, rocking him gently as she did so. Carefully, Levi wrapped his arms back around her and allowed himself that moment of affection. The feeling of being hugged by someone who was practically a mother to him was comforting in an entirely different way to the way Erwin comforted him, and Levi had barely realised how much he missed it until now. That mothering hold he’d wanted his whole life.

After a few seconds, the two pulled apart. “How are you feeling after everything? What a trauma you’ve been through! Gosh.”

He shrugged, awkwardly looking up to Erwin before speaking. He didn’t know what had come over him; maybe the fear he was going to be judged for his past? For shooting someone? “I’m okay. Hungry, I haven’t eaten much since it all happened.”

“Well, good job we’re cooking breakfast with all the mashings!” Carol grinned, giving Erwin a warm embrace as well. “What have you been up to all this time apart? Where were you working at?”

“Mother…” Erwin tried to interrupt, before Levi cut him off.

“It’s fine. I worked in a bar. Obviously not anymore.” He scoffed a little sarcastically, walking over to the breakfast bar to pull out a seat, feeling a little light-headed still. Come to think of it, he hadn’t eaten since before work when Petyr came in. It wasn’t a wonder he felt faint, really.

Erwin followed his boyfriend, taking a seat beside him.

“Erwin has filled us in about the police station, about what happened there. The treatment wasn’t correct, and if you were wanting to push anything further, just know you have the Smith family support. For everything.”

Levi nodded, mumbling slightly. “Yeah, thanks. I think I’m just gonna put it all behind me now, though. Everything about that city is messed up.”

Mrs Smith smiled sympathetically, “That makes perfect sense. I think leaving that part of your lives in the past is a sensible decision, especially after what you’ve struggled through. Now is time for a clean slate.”

“I couldn’t agree more!” Mr Smith joined in the conversation, smiling proudly as he entered the kitchen and headed over to the two boys at the breakfast counter, wrapping them both in a tight embrace. “It’s so good to have you both back home. And Levi, it’s wonderful to see you again. Finally.”

Levi nodded a bit, “You too.”

After a few more pleasantries, everything quickly fell back to normalcy. Almost as though the boys had never left their small hometown, apart from now they weren’t actually allowed to help out with the cooking. Their parents were instant on doing everything for the couple – which Levi was once again, relieved for. He wasn’t sure helping flip pancakes over right now would really help with his famished state.

And as soon as the food was ready, excitement bubbled. The family of four took the plates that Mrs Smith had lined up along the island, carrying them through to the dining area and laying them all out. It was excessive, and everyone knew that, but both Levi and Erwin appreciated the effort. Food right now sounded great too, considering how long it had been since they’d eaten something proper. The chocolate bars in the car didn’t quite count as an official meal, after all.

Lined up along the wood there were piles of pancakes, with toppings you could only dream of. There were freshly made pastries, large bowls of fruit, every type of egg scrambled, poached, fried. Luxurious newly pressed juices decorated between in elegant jugs, finished with Greek yogurt and homemade granola right in the centre. It was far, far too much for four people. But hey, at least it would last a few days.

Erwin and Levi walked into the room last after washing their hands, sitting close beside one another where they once sat all those years ago, helping dish out food to each other. Levi, of course, chose the pancakes decorated heavily with all sugary sweets he could find. That craving still had yet to die, but at least it was a legal craving, compared to what he was itching for right now. Not that he’d want to talk about that, with anyone. Those kinds of feelings needed to shut the hell up now he was at the Smiths.

Everyone knew fully well that talking about Levi’s past wasn’t appropriate, nor would it ever come up in conversation unless he initiated it. So instead, the conversation over the breakfast table was predominantly focussing on Erwin and what he’s been up to since they last saw him. They didn’t question where Levi had been over the years, nor why he was in the police station, or who the Petyr guy was that Erwin had spoken about. They didn’t bother to ask about the track marks that were blatantly decorating his arms, or the bags under his eyes which he knew were hanging heavy.

As he took that last mouthful of pancake, chocolate sauce, and whipped cream, Levi found himself grinning and laughing along with the conversation. Joking around the way he had once grown used to years ago, teasing Erwin, leaning up close to him. It was like a new Levi had sparked somewhere within him.

And he was happy.

He was really, really happy.

* * *

At five in the evening, as requested, the group of friends showed up on the Smith’s front door, loaded with food and drink for their mini-freedom party. The weather had turned out quite nice; jumper weather, but definitely warm enough to sit in the garden until the early hours of the morning. The exact distraction that everyone needed – something pleasant to focus on, for once.

Mr. Smith guided everyone through the house into the back garden. It was Petra’s first time, and her eyes were wandering around the lavishness of the Smith household as she cut through. Living in her poxy flat in the centre of town suddenly felt like nothing compared to the grandeur of this suburban dream. It was the exact way that Levi had described it he few times he’d talked about his past with her, and to finally see it in person held a little spark of excitement in Petra.

As the group approached outside, they were greeted warmly by Carol, offering them all individual drinks with her kind and pleasant smile. Erwin was at the end of the vast garden beside Levi, sitting on a quiet bench, talking softly to one another. However, Erwin caught a glimpse of Mike’s tall figure creeping through the door frame, he immediately stood tall and waved the group over.

It took less than ten seconds for Petra to dash across the grass to Levi, almost knocking him sideways as she enveloped that small frame in her own petite figure, squeezing him tightly, her eyes closed shut.

“Oh God, Levi. Am I sure glad to see you out in the open!” She squealed, almost laughing in joy. “I’m so relieved you’re okay. I’m so happy you got out!”

“Me too.” He mumbled, barely able to breathe through the loving clasp she had around him. Carefully, he lifted his arms up to wrap his friend in a small hug back, encouraging her to let go after a further second. Whilst he was relieved that he wasn’t in jail, he wasn’t sure he could deal with that much of an embrace when he was still so exhausted.

Carefully, both Mike and Nanaba followed suit. A small shoulder squeeze and a relieved smile, a gentle and familiar hug that was always there through the end of school. And it felt nice; right. To finally have these people back in his life, it reminded Levi that he never truly understood why he was so willing to give it up a few years ago. Because he was jealous that Erwin was finding his own life too? Because he knew he didn’t fit in at University? Or was it simply because he felt he had to be like his uncle Kenny, because that’s what all Ackerman’s were expected to be like.

Either way, the less he could think about it, the better. Right now, he was sat in Erwin’s garden – a place he was told to call home. He was surrounded by new and old friends, he had just got let off a murder charge, and he had Erwin back in his life. Even the constant nagging he faced every day of shooting up had died down a little, muted by his contentedness.

Very quickly the whole event picked up to a happy pace. There were conversations, food, drink, laughter. Everyone settled down and started mingling around with one another. Petra managed to find a close friend in Nanaba and Carol, the three ladies chatting about life in the city, what life was like here in the suburbs. It was pleasant.

Mike and Erwin hung around with Mr. Smith at the barbeque for a while too, assisting in getting it lighted, getting the food put on for everyone. They wrapped vegetables up in tin foil to crisp and spread butter on burger buns for everyone. It all looked and felt so natural and so family-like. It was a feeling that Levi still wasn’t used to, after all those years.

The man in question took this time to spend a moment or two by himself. He needed it; his mind and body still exhausted from what he’d gone through over the past two days. Whilst he no longer felt that uneasy guilt about what happened to Petyr, he couldn’t stop the image of the blood seeping from his wound as he forced material into it to try and pause that leakage. He couldn’t stop hearing the small, last few breaths the man he thought he loved make.

But then he couldn’t stop feeling that man’s dirty hands crawling on him. That needle forced into his veins, enlightening a fire in him that would be so, so hard to put out. He couldn’t stop reliving the withdrawals he suffered, the vomiting, the pain, the itching. And it all always led back to Kenny. The gang leader, the one man who he had constantly in his life since a child. The man he found dead, overdosed.

“Hey.” Mike suddenly commented into the depths of Levi’s mind, forcing him out of that spiral he often slipped into. “Can I sit here?”

Levi looked up at the tall figure, two drinks in his grasp. “Sure.”

Mike sat down beside Levi, hanging him a can of alcohol-free beer as he did so. The smaller clicked it open and took a swig, before letting his rest against the back of the fence, closing his eyes and just enjoying the moment for a while.

“I see why you’re friends.” Mike commented suddenly, into the silence, before taking a small amount of his own drink. “You and Petra. I see why you like her.”

Levi shrugged, tilting his head forward again. “She was just there for me when I got that job. She was nice, compared to all the over dumbfucks in that city.”

Mike snickered slightly, “I get that. But I mean how she looks, how she acts. She’s like Isabel, if you don’t mind me saying that.”

“No one is like Isabel.” Levi felt himself snap at Mike, glaring at him as he said it. Even after all those years, he couldn’t help that defensive attitude he put up whenever someone mentioned his old friends. His old family. But he knew it was unreasonable – Petra was more like Isabel than anyone he’d ever met, and that is the subconscious reason why he loved her so much. He sighed heavily, “But yeah. You’re right.”

“I didn’t mean that she could replace Isabel-”

“I know what you meant. I over-reacted, I still feel shit from yesterday. Sorry.” Levi took a moment to look down at the drink between his hands, hating sobriety that much more now than ever. “Thanks for. Y’know, finding me again and shit. I think I’d be dead now if you all didn’t come look for me.”

“Hey,” Mike turned his gaze to Levi fully now, “You’re like family to us. We were always going to find you again. Besides, do you really think Erwin was gonna give up on you? You’re all that man talks about. All the fucking time.”

Levi felt himself trying to hold in that small smile that threatened to escape every now and then, when he thought of Erwin at least.

“For what it’s worth, too,” Mike continued, “I’m genuinely gutted you missed our wedding. We might redo the whole event in a smaller way, just to have you in the wedding pictures with us. We’ve been talking about if for a while now, and Nan is adamant she wants you in the album somehow. And plus, she wants any excuse to put that damn dress back on.”

“I’m not getting in any fucking pictures. You know me by now.” Levi joked slightly.

“That will _not_ go down well with the Mrs, let me assure you that.” He laughed, loud. “Maybe then you and Erwin will just have to hurry up and get on with it, so she can have those pictures too.”

Levi snapped his gaze back to Mike, who was simply smirking proudly to himself. And before Levi had an opportunity to respond to what his friend had just proposed, the Smiths were shouting everyone over to the freshly grilled food on the barbeque, proposing that the first round of food was ready. And of course, Mike would always be the first one for food, dashing off quickly without saying a further word to his friend, left bewildered on the bench.

As the evening grew later, groups mingled around and conversated, Petra fitting into the flow of it pleasantly. Erwin and Levi found themselves huddled on the swinging bench on the porch, a comfy blanket wrapped around their legs, drinks in hands, laughing along at the small group conversation they were having. It was almost like everyone fell into their own perfect, small slots as though they were made just for that night.

Mike was cooking beside Mr. Smith; the way they always had, over all the years that Erwin had been the man’s friend. Carol was chatting away with Nanaba and Petra, joining Levi and Erwin into the conversation whenever the time felt right, and the two men basked in their own company, letting their eyes pull slightly closed as the bench swung gently in the breeze. But mainly by Erwin’s legs gently pushing against the floor, since he knew how relaxing Levi found the motion.

To Levi, this was the perfect night. This was the kind of night he’d wished for his entire life – the reason he wasn’t ready to be locked up for Petyr’s death. The motivation for giving up drugs forever, for forcing himself to be clean. Being high felt good to him, but nothing felt as good as spending time with these people. The only way to make the entire thing more perfect would be if Hange and Moblit could be there again, or if Isabel and Farlan could. But he was trying not to wish for things that couldn’t come true anymore. Dwelling on the past had almost got him shot, after all.

“Hey, Erwin,” Mike called over, holding a half-roasted pepper on the end of his fork, “We’re all out of things to cook. Shall we head off to the shop to buy some more?”

“Oh.” Erwin frowned; his stomach slightly empty still. “It’s alright, I’ll head off to the shop.” He looked over at Levi and placed a small kiss on his cheek, before lifting the man’s feet from his thighs and pushing back the blanket, standing up tall. “Be back in about twenty minutes.”

Levi looked up to his boyfriend as he stood, forcing himself to get into a new position that was very obviously less warm, less toasty. “Want me to come with?”

“No, you need more rest than I do, Levi. Stay and keep Petra company – show her around the house a bit if you want.” Erwin smiled kindly.

“Sure.” Levi mumbled back. Something inside him possessed that he needed to look at Erwin a little longer, as that figure he loved so much disappeared inside the large house. He continued to watch until he heard that front door slam shut, and the soft roar of the engine spark to life.

And very weirdly to Levi, he suddenly felt… Lost. Lost was the only way it could be explained. All the years he’d been alive, Levi had never had to rely on someone else to feel whole or like himself. But since the incident in the police station Hell, no, the incident in his workplace when those handcuffs were trapped tightly on his wrists. He just felt like he needed Erwin. He just hadn’t realised how intense it was until, for the first time since it all happened, he was caught without the man by his side.

Thankfully, though, he did have his best friend there to distract him from everything. “How about a tour then!?” Petra stood up, excitement lacing her vision. “I want to see everything!”

“Sure.” Levi agreed, forcing himself back into the party. Erwin wouldn’t be long, and he needed to stop being so damn clingy. He was embarrassing himself.

So instead, he took in a deep breath and brought Petra inside the house he’d called home for so long, giving her that tour that originally spiked such excitement inside him, all those years ago.

* * *

Erwin pulled up only a few minutes later. He was planning on walking originally, but decided that the car would be best since he’d get back home quicker. And plus, he was planning on making a small stop at another store, you know, just in case the moment felt right. The thought had been on his mind all day, and he just knew that if he didn’t buy it now, then it’d get later, and later, and then he might miss his opportunity. He wanted to show a sign of commitment – and this was the best way.

But he needed his best friends opinion first.

Inhaling deeply, Erwin brought the phone to his ear and awaited an answer.

“_Hello?_” Mike answered, clearly in the bathroom from the echo around him.

“So you snuck away from everyone first, right?” Erwin questioned.

“_Yeah but be quick so it doesn’t look weird. What do you want my opinion on? What kinda sausages to get seems a weird question to ask someone in a bathroom_.”

“Hilarious.” Erwin replied, without a hint of comedy in his voice. “This is quite a serious question, Mike. I need you to tell me the truth. If you think it’s too soon, or he’ll hate it, please just tell me. I can’t bare humiliating myself or pushing Levi away again-”

“_Whoa, calm down.” _Mike interrupted, “_Do you want to tell me what this is about before you hyperventilate? I know it’s something big. I could practically smell excitement on you today, mixed with nerves. So what_?”

“Mike.” Erwin took a deep breath, “I want to ask Levi to marry me.”

Suddenly, the phone line rang to a deadly silence. Erwin could barely hear himself breathing, or maybe he was holding his breath? Either way, silence was never a good response to something that was bound to be so life changing.

“Mike? It’s a bad idea, isn’t it?”

“_I knew it. I fucking knew it!_” Mike began to laugh, loudly. “_I guessed it today! I even joked about it with_ Levi.”

Erwin felt himself hiccup. He wasn’t usually this nervous. In fact, he was never this nervous. “Joked? He thinks it’s a silly idea. I won’t go ahead with it if it he does. I don’t mind.”

“_No no_,” Mike eagerly responded, “_Ignore my laughing. I’m just bloody happy. He seemed to like the idea earlier, but you know what he’s like, he’d never admit that to you. Or me. But you need to do it. You going to that jewellers down the road from the shop? That’s where I got Nan’s ring from_.”

A sigh of relief escaped Erwin as a smile forced itself onto his face. A good idea; that’s exactly what he wanted Mike to say. He wanted to show Levi that he was hanging around for the rest of his life, no matter what happened. And this was going to be the best way to show it – especially after everything that they’d just been through. “Yeah, that’s the plan.”

“_Amazing_.” Mike said, elated. “_I’ll go then, you go buy that ring and be back soon_.”

“I’ll be home in twenty minutes. I already requested the ring to be made to fit him a few weeks ago in secret, so there’s no picking. Don’t act suspicious though, and don’t tell anyone.”

“_I won’t_.” Mike agreed, “_I promise. See you soon_!”

As soon as Mike ended the call, Erwin let out an extremely unusual and small squeal of excitement that he didn’t realise he’d been holding in for so long. But he felt good – no, he felt amazing. The thought of surprising Levi later in the day with that ring when everyone had gone home filled his heart with joy. The plan; under the stars late at night, they’d climb on the garage roof together since Levi loved doing that when they lived at home, and he’d do it there. Something intimate, just between the two of them.

It was going to be perfect.

With one more shaking inhale, the man removed his seatbelt and left the car, rushing firstly into the food shop to buy the remaining necessities for the barbeque, before directing his unstable footing towards the jewellers. After ringing the doorbell and being let inside, it all sunk in. This was it.

This simple black band, with a small green crystal, was going to mark their commitment for the rest of their lives.

And damn, Erwin was excited for it.

* * *

Almost an hour after Erwin had left for the store, Levi was beginning to grow slightly concerned with his boyfriends’ lack of return. The shop was a five-minute walk from here, the drive even less. Normally, Erwin would only be in the shop for a short amount of time. And maybe there were queues, or maybe he needed to stock up on other things too. There had to be a reasonable explanation for the man’s slow return.

Though the more Levi dwelled on it, the more concerned he grew. Though as he scanned around the garden, no one else seemed to sense that unsettling panic. They continued to eat the salad from the table, pour drinks to share around, chat with one another. In that entire time, Levi had shown Petra most of the house – had given her a chatty tour about what it was like when he moved in here.

Where the hell was he?

Not wanting to feel so troubled anymore, Levi stood from the plush seat he had taken in the porch, merging himself into the centre of the garden to sit around the table beside Nanaba, and Petra. The two of them were now deep in conversation that he couldn’t neatly slide into; opting to look around instead. Mike and Mr Smith were at the barbeque together, joking and laughing around the way they always did.

Carol was pottering about, clearing up the odd plate or discarded cup, not paying much mind to what was going on around her. It was a normal setting – everything seemed calm. And Levi felt calm; of course, Erwin would be back in the next ten minutes. There was no way he’d be gone for over an hour to grab a bag of food to cook, and maybe a couple of drinks. There was the other shops around that part of town anyway – maybe he’d nipped into one of those to grab something extra.

“Levi.” Nanaba spoke directly to him, her voice stern. “Can you hear me?”

“What?” Levi snapped, snatching his eyes from Carol back to the girls’ he was sat with.

“I was just asking if you wanted another drink, I’m nipping inside to fill mine up. You okay?” Her brows pulled into that puzzled expression he’d grown so used to seeing over the years. Even apart, he knew it meant something was troubling her too.

Just as Levi was about to answer, his phone began to vibrate in his front pocket. At last, he breathed out, it must be Erwin letting him know that he was on his way back and that he’d got caught up in something. However, as he pulled the device from its’ hiding place, the number displayed was unrecognisable.

He pressed the answer button with great trepidation, although he wasn’t sure why he was feeling that way about a shitting phone call, but he was. Levi felt Nanaba and Petra’s eyes scan over to him as he brought the phone to his ear, pressing it gently against the lobe.

“Hello?” He asked, his voice uncharacteristically timid. Since when the hell did, he get so panicked about everything?

An unfamiliar voice responded, “_Hello, is this Levi Ackerman_?”

Levi pulled his brows into a frown. “Yeah, who’s this?”

“_Mr. Ackerman, we’re sorry to inform you this over the phone. But there’s been an accident with your partner, Erwin Smith. You need to get down to the hospital right away. It's urgent._”

And suddenly, everything that was starting to get better melted. He was seeing black again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Thanks so much for all your patience with an update on this fic. I'll try to be quicker in the future! I hope it was worth the wait.
> 
> Also, a huge thank you for the comments and kudos left on this whilst I've been away! It's helped motivate me to keep writing and working on this story. It actually means the world to me. So thank you for the love!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

It was like everything fell silent; everything stopped moving. It was words you never wanted to hear down the phone from someone you loved, or about someone you loved, anyway. Especially when you had both started to get your lives back together – when everything that was a mess before was slowly being fixed.

At first, Levi wondered if he was hallucinating. He’d been in hell at that police station for too many hours to count, questioned and treated like shit. And that kind of thing can mess with your head, make you imagine things that aren’t real. But as he snapped himself slowly back and felt that metal in his palm, it all became evident that it was very real. And that Erwin wasn’t at the barbeque anymore, that he was somewhere else. That he was in a fucking hospital. _Urgent_.

He didn’t take the words in right away. What kind of accident could Erwin have possibly suffered in the short time he was away? And why was it so urgent, and so terrifying that he wasn’t even able to call Levi? The more he thought about it, the more he tricked himself into believing it was a prank call. Erwin would pull up outside any minute with something fucking cheesy, like a bouquet of roses or something to humiliate Levi, though he admittedly enjoyed that fuzzy feeling he’d get whenever Erwin would do that.

But seconds passed, and the phone line was ringing dead, and there was no noise of cars pulling up. Instead, there was the noise of soft conversation over the grill, of the sizzling of whatever food was left, of the girls opposite him asking if he was okay. The girls. Petra and Nanaba, their eyes wide with worry, or concern. Both of them glued to Levi, watching as he just stood with that phone in his hand, staring out at nothing. Wishing nothing more than to see Erwin appear.

And it was all too much like that call with Kenny before; get to hospital quick, your loved one is gonna fucking die. And that’s all he was thinking. What was the last thing he even said to Erwin? “Sure”? If he didn’t get to say another thing, he’d have to live with the fact that he let Erwin go alone. Go through this alone. Whatever the hell this actually was.

Forcing himself back into the situation, he finally let the phone fall from his ear, lowering it slowly as he pressed to end the call himself. Without saying a thing, he brought the device into his front pocket and started to tuck his chair until the table. He had to leave to see him alone; he didn’t want everyone there to panic. No, he’d figure out how to get to hospital alone. But he couldn’t drive, and he didn’t have any other way. The hospital was out of town.

Taking a deep breath, he let his eyes wander around the scenes playing around him. At that last bit of normality that he was going to feel before he announced to everyone what happened; before his life could be changed forever. Before everyone started panicking, crying, rushing to the hospital. Hell, would he ever be allowed anything normal or nice to happen in his life? Ackerman’s don’t deserve shit like that, after all.

“Levi?” He finally snapped back into the room, looking at Nanaba as she asked his name again. Probably for the millionth time since he ended that call and stood up, acting oddly.

“What is it Levi?” Petra asked, her voice laced with concern, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

He took a moment to process the words, before letting his head shake in response. As words left with the motion, he stumbled over what he was saying, acting drunk. Or high. “No, no. I need to get to the hospital. Now.” He didn’t mean to sound so panicked, nor for his words to mumble the way they did. He just didn’t want anyone else to know so it wouldn’t be made into a huge deal. Erwin just asked for him, so chances are that it wasn’t that important. If it was that bad, his parents would be called as well.

“What? Why? What’s happened?” Nanaba asked, suddenly standing too, “Are you okay?”

“Fuck.” Levi breathed out, drawing the attention from the men at the grill, and Carol who had walked over, her brows furrowed in the way Erwin does. “Fuck.”

“Levi,” Carol questioned softly, “What’s going on, sweetheart? Are you okay?”

He let his leg bounce anxiously as he looked around at everyone looking at him. And he knew it looked bad, he knew how weird he looked. Were people actually concerned, or were they just scared he’d done something bad again? He never knew anymore, he fucked up that many times. But he knew it wasn’t about him now, it was about Erwin. And the longer he took to tell them, the longer he was kept away from the man he needed to see.

“Can you take me to hospital?” Levi asked, looking directly at Erwin’s mother. “Erwin’s had an accident. They said it was urgent.”

Watching the colour drain from Carol’s face depicted the same scene as watching the sun finally slip behind the horizon; all the warmth melted within a second, replaced with something much colder, harsher. She was worried, and Levi could see that in her eyes. And he knew it was his fault, he wasn’t explaining enough, but he was worried. He just needed to get there to see what the fuck was going on.

“What kind of accident?” Mr Smith chipped in, worry plaguing his face too.

Levi shrugged, “We need to get to the fucking hospital now!” He snapped out, marching away from everyone in the garden to the cars and tugging on the handle until something opened the fucking doors. And he could feel those eyes on him as they all appeared, unlocking two vehicles so everyone would be able to make their way to the hospital. Mr Smith driving Carol, Mike driving Levi and the two girls.

Both journeys deadly silent.

* * *

As soon as the car pulled up at the entrance, Levi ran in. He didn’t wait for the car to even stop moving; he didn’t want to wait around for everyone else to get out their cars, and he definitely didn’t want to wait until a parking space was found. Instead, he unbuckled that restrictive seatbelt and rushed straight through the front doors, practically running up to the front desk to ask for Erwin’s location.

“Erwin Smith, where is he?” Levi spoke out, frantically. He tried to close his mind off the fact it was the hospital where he’d seen his best friends die. He’d not stepped foot in this hospital since, and he swore to himself he’d never go back. But here he was, with the same bewilderment as to what was going on.

“Sorry, sir. I won’t be a moment.” The nurse behind the counter spoke, not looking up from the computer he was working at. But for Levi, that wasn’t good enough. He had no patience; he wanted to see that his boyfriend was okay. He needed to see that Erwin was okay; his mind was slipping from reality already, and just to hear Erwin talk would make everything better. Just to see that he was still okay. Maybe the guy on the phone didn’t actually mean it was urgent; maybe they just wanted someone there for him quickly?

Too many ideas and possibilities were swimming in Levi’s mind, and they weren’t responding quick enough. To gain attention he grabbed the clipboard that was positioned on the front desk and slammed it down forcefully. “No, God damn it! I need to know now!”

At that, the nurse looked away from his screen with a puzzled and shocked expression. However, it soon calmed down slightly. Evidently, this dramatic speak was something that people in this hospital were used to dealing with. Levi watched as they typed in something onto the desktop rapidly, looking over the lettering before turning attention back towards Levi.

“Erwin Smith has just been brought in and is getting prepared for surgery. They are awaiting confirmation from his next of kin to decide what is appropriate. I’ll lead you over to the ward – but I’m required to ask, are you registered as this?” The nurse used an annoyingly calming tone with seemed to agitate Levi even more with each word said.

“I don’t fucking know!” He yelled, “He’s my fucking boyfriend and someone said it was urgent, so I wanna see him shitting now!”

“Okay,” The nurse quickly stood from their position at the desk, looking over with a side-eye towards their co-worker, who simply shrugged. But Levi didn’t give a shit about what they thought of him right then, or whatever they were gonna bitch about when he was gone. He just needed to get to Erwin, and thankfully, that appeared to be where this nurse was leading him.

By the time the lift actually appeared, everyone bar Mr Smith and Mike had appeared, clearly leaving the men to park the cars. Petra walked straight up to Levi and snaked an arm in his without saying anything, the four following the nurse into the lift wordlessly, watching as he highlighted the button for the sixth floor.

As they appeared to the ward, the nurse introduced the group to a new nurse position at the reception desk, who offered them all to take a seat whilst a doctor would be located. And so they did, though Levi felt himself grow twitchy with annoyance, that nagging noise in his mind not muting itself at all. Hospitals always made him think of it; there was no escape. But even more now than ever.

“Hello,” A voice suddenly introduced to the silent waiting room, at the exact moment that Mike and Mr Smith were introduced to the room. Quickly they took seats beside their respective partners, all looking towards the doctor to await any news.

“Where the fuck is Erwin?” Levi spoke out, interrupting whatever the doctor was going to say next. But he’d been in this hospital for exactly seven minutes and still hadn’t seen the man he needed to. He just needed to look, to see he was alive. That his mind was exaggerating all the possibilities.

“Erwin is preparing to go into theatre. I assume you aren’t yet aware of his condition?” The doctor looked over the notes he was holding to familiarise himself with the facts again, before continuing without waiting for answers. “Mr Smith was brought in here after suffering a grave car accident. His vehicle collided with a lorry, crushing against the side of his car. He has suffered numerous broken ribs, alongside a very badly broken right arm.”

“Oh God,” Carol breathed heavily, trying to stop herself from crying. Levi snapped his eyes over to her, trying to focus on something else other than the words replaying in his mind. Just the imagery of a lorry colliding into a car was traumatic enough, nevermind when that car was carrying the one you love.

“The surgery we need to perform urgently is to ensure he can, to put it bluntly, save his arm. It has broken in numerous places, and as such has penetrated through the skin causing a severe loss of blood. It is imperative we perform this as quickly as possible, so I must ask the room for Erwin’s next of kin before continuing any further?” The doctor let his eyes scan around the room, before settling on Erwin’s obvious parents.

“It’ll be us; I believe.” Mr Smith spoke up, his arm wrapped tightly around his wife. And Levi couldn’t help but glare at him; he needed to know what was going on more than they did. He wanted to spend his entire life with this man, and yet he still wasn’t his next of kin? And though Levi knew he was acting spoilt and petty, and even dangerously by delaying the surgery any further, he was desperate at this point.

“I need to see him.” Levi spoke quietly into the room, before looking towards the doctor. “I want to see him now. I need to.”

The doctor looked down at Levi’s arms, the latter sensing a spec of judgment cross the doctors face, before looking back up to the man’s gaze. “I’m afraid it just isn’t possible at this moment. As I said, it’s urgent we progress so can I please ask the parents to follow me into the consultancy room? It’ll be speedy, I can assure you. I just want to make you aware of the possible outcomes of the surgery.”

“Of course.” Carol wiped the loose tear from her cheek, standing tall. She turned back to smile towards her husband, indicating that he needed to get up too. As she wandered closer to the young man, her kind eyes settled on Levi. “Levi, you come with us love. You are entitled to hear this as much as we are.”

The doctor looked confused over the grouping. “I am only meant to inform next of kin.”

“Levi’s my son’s partner and has been for years. He’s his next of kin as much as we are.” Carol stood firm, as she watched the doctor nod his head in agreement. Levi tried not to let his anger brew too strong at the reluctance to allow him to understand what was going on, which was clearly formed from how he looked. Instead, he focused on the lady who was treating him equally.

“Thank you.” Levi whispered, not wanting to sound any louder since he felt his voice might just crack. So instead, he smiled weakly at Erwin’s mother before following everyone through to the consultancy room, taking seats opposite the doctor. As the door closed behind him, he could hear the slight worried gasp from Nanaba, and the soothing tone of Mike beside her. And god, he was craving Erwin right now. He wanted the man to be able to turn to him and say it’ll be alright – however, Levi never realised he’d gotten so needy. He had never longed for Erwin in such a way before, but now he was desperate for his touch.

Even more so in this room.

It was a cold, empty room that felt heavy the second you entered it. Clearly it was used commonly for bad news, judging by the stack of tissues on the desk. Even the flowers seemed deadly and lifeless, most likely plastic. Instead of joining in pleasantries, Levi let his eyes scan across everything before him. The documents with Erwin’s name printed on top, the uneven pens lined on the desk, the odd stain on the flooring.

It was only when they began talking properly about the operation that Levi allowed himself to join into the conversation. All he cared about was Erwin. All he wanted to know was that Erwin was going to be okay, and it wasn’t actually as bad as everyone was making out. An accident makes it sound as though there was just a bump – and so Levi longed for the doctor to say that.

“As with any operation,” the doctor began, “There is always a risk of unwelcomed outcomes. These never happen, and if they do, it’s in exceptional circumstances. Such as issues with the aesthetic, and trouble waking up after. Like I said, these are exceptionally rare, but we are required to discuss further if you have any questions?”

“No, no.” Carol shook her head, signing on the dotted line under the full disclosure about outcomes of operations. “I just want my son to be okay and I trust you.”

“Thank you,” The doctor responded, “However, with your son’s situation there is another outcome which I will say isn’t likely but is a possibility. With the damage to his arm being so serious, we may have to perform an amputation on his right arm. This is the main reason in particular we had to wait for the next of kin, just to ensure that you are aware of such situations. This would only be performed if it was absolutely necessary -”

“Erwin could lose his arm?” Levi spoke into the room finally, his gaze turning from that sombre box of tissues to the doctor, “You’ll chop his arm off?”

The doctor leaned forward slightly, taking the freshly signed documents and attaching them to his folder. “Let me assure you, Mr Ackerman, that this is a last resort. We will do everything within our power to prevent this from happening. However, should we need to perform an amputation, we here provide free physiotherapy, alongside therapy itself, for all patients.”

“You can’t just cut his arm off.” Levi spoke back, “He needs it. What if you cut it off and he loses loads of blood? He’ll die!”

“Levi,” Carol turned to him, “Erwin is in exceptionally safe hands here. They will look after him, I promise you that. We must let the doctor get on with the surgery now. The sooner we let him go, the sooner we get to see Erwin.”

“It’s true.” The doctor seconded, “However, should you have any more questions we will have a nurse present in the waiting area who will be able to provide you any answers you require, regarding the situation.” He smiled weakly towards Erwin’s parents, “The surgery is likely to last approximately four hours, so feel free to wait in our area just outside this door. There is a café on the top floor, help yourselves to free drinks and snacks.”

“Thank you.” Mr Smith spoke out, “Thank you for taking care of our son.”

And with that, the doctor stood firmly and left the three in the room alone. But Levi couldn’t move; he couldn’t help but worry. The doctors before said they’d do whatever they could to help Farlan and Isabel, and now they’re both ashes discarded in the air. How the fuck is he expected to trust this doctor? What if he never saw Erwin again? Their last date being in a police cell?

And he couldn’t take it. The craving coming heavy; he needed some place to escape, something that made him feel as though everything was okay, as though he had no responsibilities. A place where he imagined Erwin so frequently.

But when that mothering hand gave him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, he knew he couldn’t leave. He had to be here; be strong, for Erwin.

“Come on, sweetheart.” Carol spoke softly, “Let’s go sit out there with everyone. Erwin will be coming round again before you even know it.”

* * *

“Mr Ackerman?” A familiar voice sounded – startling Levi awake from where he had appeared to have fallen asleep, his head resting heavily on Petra’s shoulder. Realising how he’d slept, he quickly sat himself up and forced himself to look awake. Dreading what was about to come.

“Sorry to wake you,” The doctor continued, taking a seat opposite the man he was talking to, “The surgery is over, and Erwin is resting well in recovery. You’re more than welcome to visit him in a moment, but I have to explain what happened during surgery first.”

“Can’t I just go see him?” Levi frowned, leaning forward eagerly. “I don’t give a damn what happened, just as long as he’s alive.”

“I really must request you listen, Mr Ackerman. The surgery came into some severe complications regarding Mr Smith. I just feel you should be prepared before seeing him, that is all.”

“Bullshit!” Levi snapped, his anxious attitude blending in with his tiredness. How long had they been sat waiting around in hospital? What did this damn doctor not understand about the fact that Levi was desperate to see Erwin? Where the hell were Carol and George? As he ran through questions in his head, the man found himself standing from where he was sat, a small hand grasping on the base of his hoodie to stop him from running off.

“Levi.” Petra spoke, her voice stern. She was the only one of their group still sat around here. When did everyone else go? Where were Erwin’s friends? “I really think you should listen.”

“Fine.” Levi huffed, crossing his arms across his chest in a petulant way. He knew he looked spoilt, but he was desperate to see Erwin again. Just to see him to know he was okay – that’s all he needed. And even though he agreed to listen, he didn’t agree to take a seat again. No. He wanted the doctor to understand that this had to be over with quickly.

“Erwin’s accident was extremely serious. His ribs will recover with plenty of rest, and the other scars and injuries will dissipate with time. However, as you’re aware, the surgery in particular was to focus on his arm, to ensure we could recover it. Going into the surgery, we weren’t certain, and I’m afraid we ran into many issues regarding nerve tissues, and the extremely shattered bone. I’m so sorry to inform you both of this news, but we have had to use our last resort and amputate Mr Smith’s right arm.”

“What?” Levi felt his eyes grow wide, “What the fuck do you mean, amputate? You told us that you’d be able to fix his arm! You said it wasn’t that bad! You said that you’d only amputate as a last resort!”

“Levi, please-”

"No, Petra! This is fucking bullshit!” Levi snapped, “You told me that he’d be fine! You said he wouldn’t need his arm chopping off. How the hell can he cope without an arm?! He’s a fucking barrister!”

“I understand this is a difficult thing to come to terms with,” The doctor kept his tone calm and level, “And we will provide Erwin with all the therapy he will need. Please understand it wasn’t a decision made lightly.”

“I don’t give a fucking shit!” Levi snapped, “I want to see him right now! I want to see he’s okay!”

“Of course,” The doctor replied, “Would you both like to follow me this way?”

Levi looked down at Petra who was simply sat, looking carefully between them both. “I think Levi needs some time with Erwin alone.” She commented, with a weakened smile. “I’ll let everyone know where you are once they’re back. They shouldn’t be much longer.”

“Okay, then if you care to follow me, Mr Ackerman. I must also let you know that your partner is likely to be asleep for a long-time post-surgery, so whilst he may be unresponsive for a while, he will still be aware you’re in the room.”

“Whatever.” Levi replied, following the doctor through the corridor. He didn’t mean to come off so stand-offish, but he couldn’t help it. His mind was reeling with thoughts and he was struggling to box things off to focus on one element at once. He didn’t really know how to deal with the fact that Erwin had lost his arm, or even how to deal with the fact he was so ill he needed a serious surgery. He always thought Erwin was the epitome of health, that he’d never end up in a hospital.

He always prepared for it to be the other way around: Levi would do something stupid and end up here with Erwin caring for him instead. This just didn’t feel right. He’d never prepared himself for it, he never thought he’d need to. And opening that door where Erwin lay asleep, it all dawned on Levi how traumatic it really was. How traumatising it would be for Erwin.

When Levi walked into that room alone, he wasn’t sure what to do. The incessant beeping of the heart monitor filled the empty, echoless room. The grey sky outside looked lifeless; the drab, blue of the walls and curtains. The sticky scent of cleanliness mixed with hospital food, and well, just Erwin’s natural scent. It was all he could feel setting on his sweating skin. And before he knew it, Levi had endured every sense but one.

He just wasn’t ready to look at that bed yet. He could touch the door, taste the air, feel the heavy heat settling on his skin. He heard the everyday noises of a hospital – but God, would he ever be ready to see Erwin in the mess he was in? Last time he saw someone he loved in a hospital bed; it was so he could be with them to say goodbye. And if there was one thing he wasn’t prepared to do today: it was saying goodbye.

And when he dared to look, he wished he hadn’t. Erwin looked like a shell of himself. There wasn’t the usual hue of pink in his cheeks, his usually neat parted hair was scattered to the side, over the pillow. The bags under his eyes looked weighted and tired, matching the drowsiness of his position, clearly still recovering from the life-changing surgery he had just endured.

Levi took a moment to let his eyes wander over the entire frame under that thin, white sheet. He could make out his toes, peeking out at the edge, his socks removed. Following up were those long, muscular legs which Levi had always envied – wishing his would grow as tall as Erwin’s had. But at the same time, he admired how those legs carried Erwin around daily. How those legs gave him strength to run, to walk to find Levi again. To always lead them both together.

His stomach was moving softly under the sheets. A comforting sign of life; the breathing laboured but somewhat peaceful. It was here that Levi allowed himself to breathe, too. It would be no good if he continued to hold his breath – he knew he needed to be there for Erwin. But now his eyes were drawing over that broad chest, he knew what was coming. He knew it was going to be a shock.

At first, Levi let his eyes land heavily on Erwin’s left arm. It was laid on top of the bed, his fingers daintily curled into an almond shape. There were harsh, red gashes down the otherwise pristine skin which had no marks on it from earlier life. Not like the mess of Levi’s arms, anyway, he thought to himself as he admired how strong it looked. Carefully, Levi moved closer to the bed beside that arm, pulling a seat behind him with his right foot, before taking a heavy sit down.

It was then he dared to look. Following the bone structure down from Erwin’s collarbones, to the shoulder – and it ended. There was nothing further to look at past Erwin’s bicep; everything covered neatly in white bandages, evidently with spots of deep, red blood covering them. Levi cringed as he thought of how often they had most likely been changed by now; curious to see what was hidden underneath.

But as he thought, his breath eventually caught in his throat, and he couldn’t hold that in anymore. A choked sob escaped Levi’s throat as he bent his head down, letting his forehead rest against Erwin’s left arm. He didn’t mean to feel this way; hell, he told himself he’d go in and be strong for Erwin. In reality, he didn’t give two shits about the fact his lover had lost a limb. Erwin was perfect to Levi either way.

But he was bothered for Erwin. He could only imagine how hard it would be to lose function in something you need so frequently. How traumatic it would be to awake without a limb. How going out to the shops had ended so horrendously. If he’d gone with him, then maybe he’d have been able to keep Erwin safe. Maybe they’d have stayed in the shop looking at chocolate a little longer, so the lorry would’ve been avoided. Maybe he was meant to go with Erwin all along, but let his own tiredness take over.

"Fuck.” Levi mumbled out, as the tears started to spill without his control. “Stop crying!”

Aggressively, Levi wiped the water from his face with his hands, forcing those tears to dissipate. But each time, they kept coming back. They wouldn’t stop dribbling down those cold cheeks, dripping onto the white sheet where Erwin was resting.

And as Levi caught sight of his own arms again, he began to curse. Why the hell was Erwin the one to lose a limb? He didn’t deserve it. Levi deserved it. He’d willingly forced dirty needles into that skin that Erwin had always respected. His arms were covered in abuse over the years, caused because of crimes he was forced to commit. He’d stole, he’d done drugs, he’d even aided in a murder. Why the hell was he not laid in that bed instead? He deserved it more than Erwin.

“It should’ve been you!” Levi yelled out into the room, forgetting where he was. Not caring who heard himself talking to himself right now. “He didn’t deserve it! You should be there! You’re a fucking dirty junkie, you don’t deserve a normal life!”

Immediately, he heard the door to the room click open as Carol poked her head around, no one else behind her. “May I come in, Levi?” She asked, her voice gentle and soothing. The way only a mother could speak.

“Yeah.” Levi muttered in response, wiping at his face a final time, before straightening up his back. He tried hard to look like he hadn’t been crying, sniffing a few times before looking blankly before him as she pulled her own chair over, taking a seat beside the young man.

“It’s a shock, when you first see him, seeing someone you care deeply for looking so wounded” Carol began, eyes resting lovingly on Erwin, “But you know, he’s strong. Erwin will wake soon and be strong as ever. If anyone will be able to cover from something like this, it’s definitely my son. You know how he is.”

“Right.” Levi mumbled, wiping his face one last time with the sleeve of his hoodie, pulling his sleeves back down aggressively to cover his own arms. He felt ashamed. Confused. Why wasn’t Carol reacting in a similar way to him?

“Not to overstep, honey, but I heard you before I came in. I assume you were talking about yourself?” Mrs Smith turned her gaze lightly towards Levi, as she unclasped her hands and took a hold of one of Levi’s. He didn’t pull away. “Whatever you’ve been through, whatever you did, you don’t deserve to be in Erwin’s place. Neither of you deserve to be where he is right now, but that’s beyond the point. You haven’t done anything to deserve something that traumatic. You deserve nothing but a good life.”

Levi frowned a bit, before letting a harsh laugh escape from his mouth. “And, no offence, but how the fuck do you know that? My life has been shit, and I’ve done a hell of a lot of shit.”

“You’ve never done something that bad, sweetheart. Truly, you haven’t.”

“I’ve stole. I started stealing when I was a kid. Armed robberies, burglaries. I’ve been a heroin addict; I’ve helped kill someone. I’ve seen people be beat until they’ve died. I’ve helped in that. You’ve seen my arms, they’re a mess already. That should’ve been me in that bed. Erwin was clean, he’d had a healthy life, he’d got a good job. And we sent him to the store and now he’s lost an arm.” Levi shook his head, “This world is so fucked up!”

“Whatever you tell me, Levi, isn’t going to change my opinion. You’re a wonderful young man, and terrible things have happened to you in this world. But you do not deserve anything bad because of that. I know for a fact everything you listed you were forced into, or forced to do, or just weren’t true at all. You needn’t use self-pity on me, it just doesn’t work. Right now, we need to be our bravest selves for my son.”

Levi felt himself twitch as he recounted everything he’d just said. And Carol was right, he did sound as though he was just providing self-pity, but in reality, that wasn’t it at all. He was thinking of his past and how bad he’d been, how much he didn’t deserve everything around him now. Ever since the incident with Petyr, it just reminded him of the drastic divide between him and all his friends. He didn’t belong. He never would.

“Right.” He commented again, not sure what else to say to her. His mind was wandering. Who the hell was he to decide he deserved to be happy? At the barbeque, was he actually happy, or was he forcing it to make everyone else feel that way? He should be in prison right now. He pointed that gun. Why didn’t he just press the panic button the second Petyr walked in? Was he hoping for something else?

And the lies. Oh god, the lies he’d told through his life just to make it seem better. Or the lies he’d been told. The way Kenny had brought him up was to always be prepared to fight and cover your shit up with as many lies as you needed. What had he lied to Erwin about? Probably loads of shit. How can you be a good person and lie?

“Levi,” Carol distracted him, unclasping their hands and placing hers gently on his knee. Levi looked down at it with a small frown, not understanding. “This isn’t your fault. You look troubled, and I know that look too well. I often blame myself when something goes wrong, even though I had nothing to do with it. This was a freak accident; but we still have our wonderful Erwin with us, don’t we? He’s just changed his physique, but our lovely son and your wonderful partner is the same.”

“I know.” Levi shrugged, not wanting to talk anymore. And he knew she was right, but something inside him wasn’t shutting up. He couldn’t control it.

Carol looked at him with a calming smile, “You’ll feel better once he’s awake again. I tell you what, I’ll go fetch us both some drinks, so we have something whilst we’re waiting. Is coffee okay?”

“Can I have tea, please?” Levi mumbled, not bothering to look up as he felt Carol give his knee a soft squeeze before standing and leaving the room. He wasn’t even aware if she had answered him at all, really. He was out of it, and he knew why. There was something ticking in his mind that he was struggling to push away; a feeling that he assumed would never come back. Yet here it was, niggling. And Petyr’s voice. Why the hell was it so loud? Why wasn’t he shutting up? He was with Erwin now. Erwin. Erwin.

Stress taking over, Levi found himself leaning forward, balancing his elbows on his knees, running his hands through the front of his hair, pulling it back from his forehead and rocking slightly. This was too much. This hospital was filled with too many awful thoughts. How did he know he wasn’t going to lose Erwin the same way he’d lost his friends? They said that they’d be okay after the car accident; but they died. Erwin could easily get his wound infected. Anything could happen. _Erwin could die_.

And Levi couldn’t have someone taken away from him. Not that way; not again.

“Levi?” Mike’s sudden voice snapped Levi upright, sniffing to himself slightly as he straightened his back, leaning against the chair. At the door frame his friends all lined up, waiting to come in. Waiting for his position. “You alright, buddy? Can we come in?”

“Sure.” Levi responded, focussing solely on Erwin. If he looked at him enough, everything else would push away. He wasn’t going to lose him. He wasn’t.

Quietly, Mike wandered over to take a seat beside Levi left by Carol, Petra and Nanaba sitting on the opposite side of the bed. Everyone remained silent at first, not really knowing what so say. It was an unusual feeling; people were clearly worried but were obviously planning what the hell they were going to say when Erwin actually awoke. They couldn’t exactly ask if he was alright. Who the hell is alright after a fucking car accident?

Levi was just glad no one was asking about him.

“Erwin’s mum sent us in.” Petra suddenly spoke up, clearly eager to make the situation a little lighter. “She’s gone to meet Erwin’s dad and get us all some food and drinks.”

Levi nodded in response, not bothering to talk back. How stupid was it to think about food and drink right now when Erwin was laid there, unconscious? When he had bloodied bandages and cuts across his face? Levi didn’t even feel hungry or thirsty, even though they’d been in here for hours now. Hours.

But the longer they sat there in silence, the more he thought about the possibility of losing Erwin. Permanently. And he couldn’t deal with that – he has to leave first, if something was going to happen. He couldn’t be there for him to die, there was no way. He couldn’t take that again. Not after everything.

And he cursed himself for being so fucking pathetic. He’d been through hell and back twice over, and couldn’t even stick around whilst his boyfriend needed him? How fucking _weak_.

“I, uh,” Levi suddenly spoke up, standing quickly from his chair. “I’ve got to go. I need to fucking get out of here.”

“Whoa,” Mike quickly responded, finding his own tall body standing beside Levi, “You okay there? You just need some fresh air? I’ll come with you.”

“Fuck off!” Levi snapped, not realising how desperate he was feeling until he stood and felt that blood rushing around his body. “I can’t fucking deal with this, alright?! I need to go!”

“Levi, it’s hard. We all feel like shit about it, but we have to stay for Erwin. You have to stay for Erwin, please.” Mike spoke sternly, though Levi could clearly sense his desperation, “He needs you more than you realise. And it’s fucking hard to see him laid there, I know. But we have to be tough for him and support him, even if it hurts.”

“Fuck!” Levi yelled, bringing a hand to his forehead and breathing out deeply, twitching slightly as he scanned around the room. He knew Mike was right, and he knew that deep down he wanted nothing more than to be there for Erwin. Erwin was the person he’d always been certain about; the person he’d always want to support throughout the rest of his life. But that feeling weighed against the thought of losing him was uncontrollable.

“Please, Levi.” Mike begged, bringing a hand in front of Levi in a forceful show of attempting to stop him from leaving. “Look, let’s just take a seat. Okay?”

Levi breathed in and out deeply, before reluctantly thrusting his body back onto that scratchy hospital chair, running his hand across the lower half of his face. He was battling more than anyone realised in his mind; the constant thoughts of Erwin with the competition of needing to escape for a bit, so if he did lose Erwin, at least he’d be feeling other things too. Not that constant dread that had been there since he got that call.

God, he thought he was better. He’d done so well. He’d even seen Petyr and managed that urge. But now, now it was coming on too strong.

“Alright.” Mike sighed out with relief, lowering his own body beside Levi carefully. Both girls had their eyes glued on the men as they watched the scene unfold, both very clearly worried about what he was planning on doing. And Levi didn’t blame them; he had put them through hell with everything he’d done. He should stay for them too, he decided, to look out for his friends. Mike had said that Hange would manage to get there soon with Moblit too, and then everyone would be there for Erwin. And that would help the blonde man. Definitely.

It only took a few moments of thinking it through properly that Levi started to feel a little better about it all. He knew he was in his own head, and that he needed to snap out of it. And the more he told himself that, the more the craving melted away, and he really thought it was all going to be okay.

Mr and Mrs Smith re-entered the room not long after, hands full of hot drinks and packets of crisps. Everyone thanked them both, before they handed each drink out to the respective owner, pulling their own chairs towards the end of the bed. And Erwin, though asleep, was now surrounded by everyone he loved.

The entire group began to talk quietly towards one another about small things, rather than the reality around them all. Whether that be about Petra’s childhood since they never knew her, or things Mike and Nanaba were planning on doing at home, it was light-hearted and enough to show Erwin he had people around him. But Levi still couldn’t force himself to join in, spending the entire time looking at that black liquid in the cup that was burning his hands. At least it made him feel present.

Until that harsh scream sounded. The sound that stopped everyone mid-conversation, that caused cups to be placed on sides and had people shouting down the corridor for help.

But he wouldn’t stop screaming. Erwin couldn’t stop screaming.

And it felt haunting.

Levi’s eyes looked up at his partner who was thrashing his arm against the bed, his face red and hot, sweat dripping from his brow. His eyes were scrunched shut as his arm reached across the bed for his right arm – his right arm that was no longer there. He was grasping at thin air and crying. Screaming.

And his parents, his friends, all were trying to comfort him. They were stroking the hair away from his sweating face, whispering that he’d be okay, that everyone was here. Mike reached across to grab his hand to calm him, Nanaba and Petra shuffled towards the end of the bed to get out of the way. A nurse ran in with what Levi assumed to be pain killers. Anything to help.

It was a sound like no other. Levi had never heard a man be in so much pain before; he’d never heard them melancholy yells before.

But nothing was stopping that heart-wrenching screaming that shot through Levi like a bullet. And it was too much.

Too fucking much.

“I can’t.” He whispered into the room, his eyes still shocked wide as he watched Erwin received the injection to help the pain, “I can’t.” He whispered again, the cup he was holding slipping from his hand and crashing onto the floor, the heated liquid spilling everywhere.

Without thinking, he turned from the room and simply walked out into the ward corridor in a dazed state. He heard Mike call after him, but he didn’t want to hear it. He couldn’t hear it. He knew now he was going to lose Erwin and there was no need for him to hang around and see death yet again; he couldn’t see it again. He needed to feel something good. _See _something good.

And then he ran. He ran the fuck out of there.

* * *

He couldn’t take it. He couldn’t take looking at Erwin in that state. He didn’t want to be harsh, or unsupportive, or mean. But seeing Erwin so broken, crying out in pain for something that wasn’t there: it made something snap inside Levi. Something that made him run from that hospital room without saying a word to anyone. All that was in his mind was that he needed out of that building as quickly as possible.

And the further he ran, the more the guilt piled inside him. What kind of person just ignores their partner in agony? What kind of person abandons someone they love just because they’ve had an injury? Hell, Erwin was there through everything for Levi. Rehab, Farlan and Isabel’s deaths, Kenny’s death. He’d got shot by Starr _for_Levi. And now Levi was running away from him because he was too weak to see Erwin like that.

Whilst the man had been asleep, Levi had continuously planned in his head how he was going to react. His plan was to sit beside the man until he started to heal. He was going to help him wash, dress, eat. All the normal things: Levi was going to be there for him. But apparently not anymore, as his feet carried him further and further away from the place he was meant to be. Closer to the familiar area he wanted to avoid for the rest of his life.

As Levi ran, he felt himself becoming breathless, but pushed past it. He had one thing on his mind, although it wasn’t at the forefront. It was a subconscious need and desire – he knew where he needed to go, who he needed to see, how he needed to hide. It was easy to get lost in this kind of place, especially when it was full of so many awful memories. But good ones beside it too; ones that made him rush forward.

And that person he needed to go to was flashing in front of his mind. How it had been so obvious before, but he’d not understood at the time. How he didn’t understand who they were, or why Kenny brought him over so many times. But it was all falling into place, and he was understanding. And he understood now more than ever that he needed to be there.

Before he knew it, Levi had already made it across the train tracks, and almost as if he was in a film, everything started growing darker. It was almost as if a black cloud was hanging over his hometown, threatening a storm which was about to erupt inside him. He could feel his phone constantly vibrating in his pocket. He knew there’d be missed calls from everyone back at the hospital, but he just couldn’t deal with them right now. He didn’t want to see them anymore.

He didn’t want to hear the news that Erwin had died.

And the more he thought about it, the more selfish he felt. But there was no point going back now, because he’d look like a dick for running out on Erwin, even if the man was still alive. He knew they’d all be pissed at him for scattering as quickly as he could – and he didn’t want to deal with those petty lectures everyone would give. And damn, he didn’t want to see that hopeless look on Erwin again. Not after they’d just made each other strong.

Without realising, Levi was already pushing open that familiar glass door, letting it clatter backwards with a harsh bang. The floor was still scattered with litter – old crisp packets, needles, kids’ toys. And the stench of piss was so strong that Levi almost gagged, wondering when he became so immune to the place he once called home.

Nonetheless, he pushed forward. That one flat was in view; the one that Kenny had brought Levi to countless times when Starr wasn’t available. He always told Levi to go here as a last resort for gear, since they were far more expensive than Starr and was known for mixing shit into drugs. Even more so, since they often had unexpected guests round that Kenny didn’t want Levi getting involved with. But Levi didn’t care about that now; he didn’t have a Kenny to ask for help, he didn’t have a Petyr to supply him, and he didn’t have a Starr anymore.

He reached the seventh landing not too long after he began the ascend, pushing open the half-smashed door and wandering down the corridor, slowing his pace so he was able to catch his breath before the awkward encounter. This was the last person he wanted to see in all honesty; the person who he’d told everyone they’d died. The person he never expected to see again. The person who he hated so much he didn’t want to admit they were still around. Hell, they might not even be anymore. Kenny died after all, so he’d be surprised if they could still live.

The door came closer into sight as reality suddenly dawned on Levi, causing him to almost crash into the wall beside him. Frustrated with himself, a hand was brought against his hair as he tugged it back in an attempt to stop that incessant burning inside him. But no matter how much he pulled, how much he cursed himself, that desire was never going to stop. And his friends should’ve known better. Rehab was never going to fix him; they couldn’t fix him. Levi had seen enough people deteriorate over the years from addiction, and he was destined to be one of them. Even if he tried to prove to the police that he wasn’t like his uncle whatsoever, every second became clearer to him that he was.

He harshly wiped his eyes as he straightened his back, preparing for what was to come. Preparing himself for the million questions he was going to get; the excuses he needed to make for never visiting. Even thinking through how in the hell he’d explain this to Erwin, should he ever dare see the man again. But each time he found himself stumbling; so much so his knuckles were already banging on that dirty wooden frame.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Levi mumbled under his breath, hunching his frame over slightly as though that would protect him from this decision he’d just committed to.

Not long after he knocked, the sound of metal chains on the other side echoed through the wood, before the handle began to twist. And nothing could prepare Levi for the sight before him; the feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.

The lady dressed barely in lingerie with a draping mock-silk kimono over the body, her black hair tousled and knotted, make up dripping down her face. Arms as decorated as Levi’s, though hers were far more recent, her frame as thin as his was once upon a time. Although she was covered in black ink, unevenly distributed across that sagging skin. And her eyes. Her silver eyes met Levi’s so quickly, the cigarette that was hanging from her mouth dropping to the floor, her lips falling agape.

“Oh my fucking god.” Kuchel said, her voice but a whisper. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Hey mum.” Levi finally dared to speak, “I need some shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thank you so much for all the lovely comments and support on my previous chapter! I can't even begin to tell you all how reading such thought-provoking comments inspires me to write so much! Hence this chapter being up so quick (for me!) Thank you for your love and support, and I hope you continue to enjoy this story as it progresses!


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I literally have written and edited this in one day, since the previous chapter got me so inspired. So I apologise in advance if there's any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors - either way, I hope you still love this new chapter!

Levi followed his mum into the poxy flat; the exact same lay out as Kenny’s was, only in worse condition. If that was even possible.

Kuchel wandered around the flat barefoot, the heels evidently dirty as Levi looked down to see what he was treading on. He didn’t bother to remove his own shoes, judging by the dirt on the floors already, it was very uncommon for guests to remove them at all. Well, at least until they reached the bedroom. But each step he took, he felt the sole of his foot stick slightly to the carpets, some parts squelching slightly.

He followed her through the hallway and into the main living space – the exact same layout as Kenny’s. It felt surreal to be back in an area such as that; reminding him of distant memories at home and living with Petyr. Although at least both them times they seemed to have more furniture than what Kuchel was hosting, evidently putting most of her earnings into the bedroom to appeal more to clients.

Levi took a small peak through the gap to the room as he walked past. His mum catered for everyone, from what he saw. Sex toys lined up on a dresser top, handcuffs attached to the bed frame, and costumes displayed on the right-hand side of the room. He tried not to think of it; of the memories he had of Kuchel welcoming in strange men and women, of the noises he’d so frequently hear which he came to understand at an age far too young. Of the cash handed over at the door, of the bruises left on his mother’s pale skin.

Lost in memory, he turned to meet the small kitchenette which was displayed against the left-hand wall of the main area. Similarly to the one he was used to, there was an old cooker, a tiny worktop space, and a sink. Although this time she didn’t have a Levi to clean for her, so everything was utterly filthy.

The silver metal sink was filled with old pots and cutlery, of which some had mould climbing from them. The faucet dripped ceremoniously, every single second, into a small puddle of water in an old saucepan. When it was last used, Levi didn’t even want to think about. It was clear his mum didn’t cook often, judging by the masses of discarded pizza boxes and take out containers.

As he looked in a little more detail, he was drawn to the attention of the cupboards. Or shelves, since most of the doors were either hanging off the hinges or were stacked beside the counter. Each cupboard was empty, save the odd roll of silver foil, which was there for obvious reasons. The reason he was visiting, anyway.

The walls were almost as grimy as the mould-covered kitchen counters. Splatters of cooking stained the tiles, black lined the grouting. Even spots of what looked like blood discoloured the once-white walls. It was worse than the state of Kenny’s bedroom, and he didn’t really want to think about someone living here. Though, from what he was told, the owner of this flat was dead. And even then, Levi would say it was too bad for even a haunting to live there.

And the smell. Oh god, the smell. It was powerful – there was no other way to describe it. The scent of sex, mixed with alcohol, cigarettes, and just dirt filled the air, rotting its way into the walls. The carpets had absorbed tobacco smoke, alongside spilled alcohol causing Levi’s shoes to stick whenever he tried to lift them. Carefully, he toed a pile of cigarette buds, some crumbling as he kicked them due to their old age.

When he turned from the kitchen, he finally caught a glimpse of where he would’ve slept at Kenny’s house. Also known as the living-room part of the flat, if you could call it that. Kuchel didn’t bother to decorate – instead, she simply had an old, tatty sofa with holes and stains pushed against the back wall. It was only big enough for two people, but Levi didn’t want to take up the offer of sitting beside her. Right now, even being in the same building as her was too much.

And in front of that sofa was the large coffee table, where Kuchel performed her second business, the one which Levi had come to make a deal with. Piled upon the fading wood was drug paraphernalia – enough to make thousands of pounds. Clearly this is where the sex money went, or so Levi assumed. She ordered everything into neat bags and piles; cocaine at one end, marijuana in the centre, pills below, and heroin to the left. That was where Levi’s eyes drew, and as they crossed over the syringes which he wasn’t sure were clean or not, he couldn’t help the urge and itch that came over him.

The exact urge that Erwin had paid so much money for him to get rid of. But who the hell was he even kidding? That kind of desire never fades. It was as intense as the desire to eat; or, even more so now.

But as his mind flashed to memories of that injection into his veins, he suddenly began to snap into reality. Why the hell was he even here? What was his plan? Get high, then Erwin would be better? Levi knew better than most that that kind of wishful thinking never worked, even if you wanted it to. He could leave now and be safe. He could go back, stay clean, apologise for running off. He could fix it all.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Kuchel finally spoke, letting her scrawny body heavily flop on the sofa. Levi swore he could hear her bones creak as she brought a new cigarette to her mouth with shaking hands, lighting it on the third attempt.

Levi frowned. Of course, they were going to have this discussion before he could get anything, that much was obvious. And even if he left, he’d still have to have it. Not wanting to sit down anywhere, he instead opted to stand in the kitchenette area, eyes resting heavily on that small table before the sofa. “What the hell are _you_doing _here_? Alive? I thought you were dead. Everyone told me you were dead. I even saw you, dead.”

His voice didn’t mean to be so small, but he was shocked. All those years he’d grown up thinking his mother died, with Kenny saying she died. Kenny had lied about Kuchel been alive all these years, but wouldn’t even bring Levi to his own mother? On the walk over, Levi hoped that he was wrong this whole time, and this dealer was simply a girl that Kenny had known. But there was no way she wasn’t Kuchel, it was obvious. The Ackerman genes were always so strong.

She was petite, like Levi. Maybe even smaller, although it was possible, she only appeared that way due to the fact her body was withering away. Her hair, though dirty and tangled, was that familiar shining black. And the eyes: a crisp, cold, harsh silver that stared through people when she looked. Levi recognised himself in her in seconds.

And he wanted to pity her. She must’ve lied over the years for good reasons, and he still had that weird care for her. But as he looked at her, he felt nothing but detest. So much so he couldn’t look at her for long at all, having to focus on anything else in the room instead.

“I almost did die!” Kuchel spoke out, taking the cigarette away from her chapped lips for a quick second. “I was OD’ing when Kenny got there. He took me to a hospital and told me to fix myself up. I was almost dead, I’ll tell ya that, kid.”

“Why did you never say you moved here? I’ve been to see you a handful of times. Why did you never say anything? Why did you not come back for your only son?”

“Oh honey,” Her voice croaked out, “I didn’t wanna confuse you. You were only a kid, I didn’t wanna make it confusing. You were happy with Kenny, right? You had them other two kids as well. I saw you three on that bus stop out the window all the time. Didn’t wanna get you involved with all my crap.”

Levi scoffed, shaking his head. What the hell was actually happening? “I was only a kid? You sent me to live with a fucking uncle who got me to make deals with gang lords. Jesus, how did you not know that? Why the hell didn’t Kenny tell me who you were, back then?”

Kuchel looked up, already starting to cry. “But honey, I didn’t wanna get you involved in this life. Please don’t shout at me. Kenny’s a good man. He’s always been a good brother, always been there for me. We thought it would be better for you to stay with him, get away from all the shit that goes on in this flat. My home isn’t a place for kids to grow.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He didn’t want to kick off, but what did she expect? His boyfriend was in hospital, he’d lost his job, he’d been arrested just two days before for a murder of his ex-boyfriend. He was fucked up, his life was, and it was because of the way he was brought up. There was no other way to look at it.

“A good man? You’re fucking kidding, right _mum_?” Levi aggressively pulled back the sleeves of his hoodie, revealing his dotted arm. “He fucking burned me if I didn’t manage to get him enough shit. He almost had me working in a fucking stripping club, my boyfriend got shot ‘cos of him. I was almost sliced to death in this shitting building. And he fucking overdosed and left me with nothing! How the hell is that a good man?!”

“What did you say?” Kuchel whispered, her cigarette now between her fingers once again, letting the ash fall directly onto the floor.

“And this flat isn’t a good place for a kid?! I don’t give a shit. Neither was Kenny’s! You had me; you had a fucking duty to look after me. I’m your son, did you not realise that?” Levi couldn’t stop his voice from breaking slightly, though he didn’t actually feel upset that he hadn’t grown up with her around. But something hurt deep, knowing his mum had been alive that entire time, but never bothered to reach out to Levi. That shit hurt.

“Wait.” Kuchel paused, looking up at Levi with wide eyes that were aggressively watering. Evidently just crocodile tears, she was high as a kite and Levi knew it the second he got there. “Kenny overdosed? Did he get better?”

Levi couldn’t help the harsh expression on his face. “He died when I was eighteen! Jesus, did you not know that? It’s been almost ten years since we were last here. Didn’t you think something was up?”

“Oh god, oh god.” Kuchel began to rock her body gently, the hand holding the cigarette brought to her forehead, “Oh god, I didn’t know. I didn’t know. Why didn’t you come tell me?” Why the _fuck_ didn’t you come tell me?!”

At that point, Kuchel stood from the sofa and began to walk towards Levi, anger fuelling her steps. Or remorse. Or whatever the fuck she wanted to look like she was feeling. But Levi wasn’t having it – he outstretched his hands to stop her from hugging him, or from hitting him. He didn’t want that now. He needed his mum when Kenny was hitting him, he didn’t need her now. Right now, he needed what she supplied, and that was all.

“I didn’t know my _dead mum_ was alive until I started figuring shit out in rehab! I didn’t make a thing of telling Kenny’s dealers he died, I got the hell out of there as quick as I fucking could.”

“How didn’t you realise we were related?! Are you dumb or something, kid?” She snapped, cruel. “We look the fucking same. I knew leaving you with Kenny was better, I don’t want a stupid kid!”

“I didn’t want a shitty mum either, so screw you.” Levi snapped. He didn’t want to be here anymore; this was worse than Erwin. He just wanted to grab that bag from the table and leave. He could smoke it instead, even if it wasn’t as good of a high. At least he could be out of here quick. But then Kuchel turned on those crocodile tears again, looking sympathetically at her son.

“My baby went to rehab?” She asked, “What were you doing there?”

“Getting help?” Levi sounded confused, pissed off. Wasn’t that much obvious?

But Kuchel wasn’t listening. Or she was too high to understand what was actually being said. Almost as though a switch had been pressed, her entire disposition suddenly changed to a warm smile. “Oh honey, you managed to get out this life didn’t you? I never wanted this for you. I never wanted you to be around drugs, and sex, and booze. You need a good life, don’t you? Where do you and your friends live now?”

“I moved to the city.” Levi commented, “I got out of here when I was eighteen. I live in a town house with my boyfriend.”

“That’s amazing, pumpkin.” Kuchel responded, “Hm? Is your boyfriend that Farlan boy? Kenny said you two always hung around.”

Levi found himself scowling yet again. She was trying to deflect the conversation away from the fact she disappeared for years, away from the fact she’d left Levi in that shitting abusive home. But she was too drugged up to understand any of that, just looking up lovingly at Levi with wide, puppy-dog eyes.

Kuchel outstretched a wobbling hand to her sons’ face, placing it against his cheek. And Levi couldn’t help but lean into that touch just a little, not knowing how much he’d needed his mother all those years. But he knew it was false, he knew that she didn’t really want him there. And he didn’t want her. She threw him away to Kenny, pretended she was dead. And all Levi gave a shit about right now was getting high, not this false love.

“Get off me,” He began, quiet, before turning his voice to a yell. “Get the fuck off me!”

He batted his mothers’ arm away and curled in on himself. Just her smell, being so close – it reminded him too much of Kenny. Too much of that awful childhood he endured thanks to those two adults, and now here one was trying to make amends. And he couldn’t deal with it, not with Erwin on top of that, not with losing Petyr a few days ago. Why the hell was he thinking of Petyr again? That bastard _ruined_ him.

His brain was a scrambled mess.

“Pumpkin,” Kuchel lowered her voice, before turning back to sit on the sofa. Without even caring that she had guests, the razorblade on the table was picked up, begging to decorate itself against piles of white dust as she neatened the small heap on the table, forming four straight lines. And Levi watched on, his skin itching. God, it looked so inviting. “How about we do a line each, kid? It’ll make us feel good. And then we can talk, and we’ll be more level-headed, won’t we? You can tell me everything I’ve missed.”

“More level-headed?” Levi questioned with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, and though in reality he knew it didn’t make any sense whatsoever, the appeal was overpowering. He wasn’t feeling irritated by the mess as he walked to the sofa, taking a seat beside his mother. An action he never thought he’d be able to do again. “Fuck it.” He mumbled.

And in that moment, all the grievances he held towards the woman almost dissipated. He suddenly didn’t care that she had abandoned him, had lied to keep him out of her life. All he really cared about was the fact that he was sat beside her, and she was offering him a free high, and he wasn’t going to turn that down. She was offering him an escape from hearing those horrific cries in the hospital. 

Kuchel smiled towards her son with a wobbly expression; it was as though she was battling with this too. Less than a minute ago, she’d wished Levi had managed to get out of this lifestyle. Yet now, here she was, asking her son to snort lines of coke. Levi knew fully well that she must been struggling, her own feelings jumping about so much, but that was the least of his concerns now. And he wasn’t refusing as an old receipt was rolled up, Kuchel placing it to her nostril, closing the other side. And as she sniffed, Levi felt as though he was breathing it in with her.

And god, he wished he had the willpower to walk away from this now. The second line done, then it was his turn. And he could easily get up and leave, go back to that hospital, and apologise to Erwin. He could explain that it was too much, that he couldn’t cope but he’s there to stay. He could fix it all so quickly.

However, what was the point? He couldn’t even cope with Erwin’s screams of pain. The noise that was echoing through his mind as he ingested the lines, letting his whole body fall backwards against the sofa as he did. That scream echoing through him as he brought a cigarette to his mouth and lit it, lying beside his mother, and finally feeling an escape.

* * *

When the nurses had managed to calm Erwin down from his explosion of pain, the three guests who weren’t family were asked to vacate the room until he was doing a little better. So the three of them did, leaving that pile of spilt black tea on the floor, feeling a pang of pain through their chest as they turned to shut the door, leaving a devasted mother and father to care for their child. And though the screams of pain had subsided for now, they couldn’t stop hearing them.

But they also couldn’t stop noticing how Levi had gone. How the one person who was sure to make Erwin feel better had abandoned him. And admittedly, they were worried for him too. Seeing someone in such a state was sure to spark something inside you, especially when they meant so much to you. But the worry was Levi’s past, evidently, and where he’d actually gone off to. It was clear that all three of them were thinking up their own scenarios as they gathered in the central waiting room, where they’d already spent hours.

“Maybe he’s just gone outside hospital to get some fresh air? There’s that garden part out front.” Nanaba suggested as they huddled together near the exit. There was no doubt they were going to find Levi again, so there was no need for them to settle down.

“I’ll go check.” Petra responded quickly. She was extremely worried, considering she’d only known Levi through the worst parts of his life.

“Sure.” Nanaba replied with a smile, as Petra pressed the lift button and climbed inside the metal vessel. The plan was to keep calling him until he picked up, although now she was already on her fourth and still hadn’t heard a single thing. And yeah, Levi’s track record of answering calls wasn’t outstanding, but still: she expected that he’d answer her. As the lift descended, Petra kept everything crossed that Levi would be outside the hospital, just getting a breath of fresh air.

Nanaba was also already calling Levi as her husband stood thinking about what the hell they were going to do next. They didn’t want to leave the hospital for too long, in case they were permitted access to see Erwin again. But they also didn’t want to leave Levi alone, struggling. He’d never ask for help when he needed it, and it was pretty damn obvious he needed it right now. Who wouldn’t?

Two attempted phone calls later, Mike finally chipped into the silent room. “I don’t think here’s gonna have stayed on hospital grounds.” He said to his wife with such an authority that suggested he knew where Levi had turned to. Or at least could hazard a good guess, though he hoped that would be his last stop.

Nanaba sighed sadly, “Where do you think he’s gone? We should go look for him, bring him back for Erwin. The doctor said Erwin would be out of it for another couple of hours. It would be best to bring him back before Erwin wakes up, don’t you think? Imagine if you were in hospital and woke up without me by your side. You’d hate it.”

Mike sighed. “Yeah, I know. I have no idea how either of them are gonna take it when everything comes out. Don’t say anything, but Erwin was actually picking up an engagement ring yesterday. That’s why he didn’t want Levi to go with him, and I just know that Levi’s gonna be blaming himself for all of this.”

“Oh no,” Nanaba pulled a saddened face, “How heart-breaking. We really need to find Levi then, if he’s starting to blame himself for not going with Erwin in the first place. You know how he gets inside his own head, and I don’t want him to do anything he’ll regret.”

“We do.” Mike said, his tone heavy. “If he’s done something fucking stupid, I’ll kill him.”

“I think maybe rather than killing him, we need to actually be there for him, Mike.” Nanaba added, matter-of-factly. “I can’t even imagine how I’d feel if you were in that bed. And don’t forget what he’s just been through at the police station and losing Petyr. He’s had a shitty week.”

Mike shook his head in disbelief. “Right. Petyr who raped and drugged him, how sad that he was shot? And in a police station, where he would still be if it wasn’t for Erwin? Yet the second Erwin needs him, he’s buggered off again. I bet it’s like before. I bet he’s gone to shoot up in some dirty ginnel somewhere.”

“Mike.” Nanaba snapped, her brows furrowed. “I know you’re protecting your best friend, but Levi is our friend too. And if he has gone to shoot up, then we need to be there for him. He’s had it shitter than we could ever imagine. At what, twenty-four, he’s seen death so many times, he’s been in a prison cell, arrested, abused. God knows what his uncle was like. Anyway, we’re jumping to conclusions. What if he’s just in the hospital gardens?”

Mike tried to listen to his wife, but he couldn’t sympathise right now. Erwin had protected all his friends through all their struggles and had been there for everyone no matter what. The absolute disgust that Levi had just ran off at the first sight of pain pissed him off. Even more so when he considered that Hange and their partner were flying there to make sure he was okay. Levi had abandoned Erwin once before, and though Mike and Levi made up after the incident, that distrust lay dormant.

“Whatever.” Mike commented with a heavy sigh, “We’ll wait for Petra, then if he’s not there, we’re finding him. But if he’s drugged up, I’m gonna be so pissed with him. It’s selfish, and it’s not right. Especially since he’s meant to be in recovery now.”

“Again, stop jumping to conclusions.” Nanaba spoke, her voice stern. “We’ll visit places on this side of town first. There are so many places he could go when he’s feeling down. He might even just have gone home if he’s not outside. You need to stop judging him because of his past. Besides, there’s no one near where he grew up that he knows anymore. Not to be blunt, but everyone he knew around there died.”

Mike shook his head, sighing heavily. He pressed the elevator button, “We’ll head down and wait for Petra in the main section, rather than hanging around here. It makes sense we get off as quick as possible.”

“Right.” Nanaba agreed, though her tone was a little pissed-off. She wanted to put her trust in Levi not to do something stupid again, but when her husband was essentially fighting against her, it was hard. She just had everything crossed that Levi was simply back at home, laying in his bed, thinking things through. That was the most likely place they’d find him, or so Nanaba decided for herself anyway. She just wanted to believe that Levi was better. Having a recovering Erwin, and a battling Levi, it would just be so much.

As the lift opened to the ground floor, Petra was just heading back through the entrance with a grave expression on her face. Judging by her flushed cheeks and panicked gaze, Levi was nowhere to be found on hospital grounds. So the three started to plan where else they might find him; home, any friends houses, the old coffee shops they went to, the park he always walked through.

And as they opened the car doors to Mike’s vehicle, the expedition began of 'Where The Hell Is Levi?'.

* * *

It didn’t take long for Kuchel to start prepping more for herself and Levi to enjoy together. She never thought she’d get the opportunity to get high with her son, but here she was, persuading him to partake in that lifestyle. The exact lifestyle she’d begged Levi to stay away from. And right now, he felt so good. This was what he had needed since he first saw Petyr again, and he was suddenly starting to feel so much lighter about everything. He was even seeing Erwin sat beside him, smiling along, enjoying everything as much as he was.

Levi didn’t even flinch when Kuchel helped roll his sleeves up, helping to tie a tourniquet around his bicep to make his weak veins visible. He barely twitched as that needle penetrated his skin, his vein, the liquid seeping through the plastic syringe and deep within his body. Hell, he didn’t even notice how badly Kuchel had done the entire injection.

It was evident she had injected him in a shaking state, judging by the scratches around the hole, and the blood that was now seeping out of it rapidly. But Levi was far too dazed to sense his mum now pressing an old cloth against the wound to slow that blood down, laughing as she saw Levi form a smile across his lips. He was melting into this familiar sensation, letting his spirit leave his body just to enjoy life for a while longer.

And right in that moment, he did feel light. He felt as though he was beside Erwin again in their first flat before their university courses started. He felt the man beside him, cuddling up to him, whispering how much he loved him. And damn, it felt good. It was how he always wanted his life to go. He wanted to get that degree and get a good job, to show that people from his area and background didn’t always end up in such a mess.

For that brief moment, he understood why he was so involved with drugs all that time ago. He completely understood why Petyr had loved them so much, and why the two of them formed a relationship around their usage. It seemed to make sense, for a time. He found himself questioning why he even bothered wasting all that time in rehab before, when just shooting up seemed to fix everything so quickly? He could keep at it. He could buy it from someone local and smoke it or shoot in his foot. No one would see it down there, and he’d essentially just be happy. All the time.

But when he was coming down, he felt it hard.

The hurt, and the reality of where he was, came crashing down on his shoulders so weighted, he almost had to stop himself from sobbing out. He felt empty; saddened by the fact he was in this flat. Heartbroken as the real-life Erwin came through again, those screams echoing throughout his mind. That was the worst part: seeing Erwin struggle so much.

And he understood why he needed rehab, why he needed to get out of this life. Drugs ruined him, cast him away from the situations he’d dreamed about before. So why the hell was he letting them take over him again?

But then he knew, the only way to get rid of this feeling was by getting more in his system. An endless trap, a cycle that was impossible to escape. Heavily, he forced his body upright to look at the collection on the table, debating what the hell he could do next. He was feeling too weak to be able to make up a syringe, he needed something quick and easy. Maybe a pill? He wasn’t sure.

Feeling puzzled, Levi let out a deep sigh and scanned across the room, his mind barely able to come to terms with the fact his mother was alive and beside him. That he was inside her home.

As Levi looked over her, he didn’t feel that sense of swelling love you were meant to feel for your mum. Not straight away; instead he felt what could only be described as pity. She was collapsed against the sofa, her thin frame looking frail against the plush cushions. Her own arm had speckles of Levi’s blood against it; the shared syringe by her feet on the floor. And her silver eyes were protected by those heavy lids, saving Levi from having to look directly at her.

He followed her limp arms down to her hands, where he noticed the piece of cloth was still located, covered in heavy marks of himself. He looked at it for a moment, before an unusual feeling possessed him to pick that piece of cloth up, bringing it to his face despite the damp blood covering the material. But he felt as though it was something his body needed to do; craved.

As he breathed in, memories came flooding. It was his mothers’ smell. The smell that reminded him so much of childhood, of when she’d actually show him attention and he could wrap his arms around her in a tight hold. Of when he was really young, going into that room she slept in after nightmares. Seeing all those different men on top of her, behind her. Scenes he didn’t expect to see until he was actually grown up.

Of Kuchel forcefully pulling Levi along by his wrist, making him see his uncle Kenny again. Of throwing him into that flat and slamming the door, leaving him screaming and scratching at the wood, begging to come home with her. Of Kuchel leaving him alone in that park until really late at night, when he was first taken to the police station before she came to pick him up and pretended to be worried. Of when he saw her lifeless body, laying there, overdosed.

And he felt disgusted. She’d lied to him so much; she’d caused him nothing but pain. She pretended to be dead, so she didn’t have to have a son anymore, and Levi was pissed about it. He snatched the material away from his face, throwing it aggressively towards the pile of pizza boxes in the kitchen, watching as the cardboard toppled over.

And suddenly, it was all too much. Everything piling on top of him, as though he was reliving his entire life through flashbacks. He knew how disappointed Farlan and Isabel would be, seeing him now. He felt guilty that he didn’t even bother to tell his mum that his best friends had died, that he’d actually managed to get into university and started to make something of himself. Instead, his mother would only know her son to be a weak drug addict, and that was it.

And that’s how he was intending to leave her. So she was aware that she’d failed him, left him for dead, surrendered him over without any thought to his wellbeing. He wanted her to have the memory of injecting her precious son with heroin. And that would be the last image she’d have of him. He’d never come back here.

“I fucking _hate you_, mum.” He spat out, leaning towards her as he said it. “I fucking hate you!”

Kuchel didn’t even respond, nor flinch, at his aggressive yells into the otherwise silent flat. She was too high to even respond, simply laying there, enjoying her own drugs flowing through her system. The same way Levi had always remembered her; abandoning him for her own pleasure. And the more he thought about that prospect, the more frustrated he got with the entire situation. Why the hell did he bother coming back here?

He stood quickly from the sofa, letting the dizzy spell pass in his mind, before he looked around for essential things he’d need. A half drank bottle of rum was collected from beside the sofa, a couple pills from the centre of the coffee table. Just to get him through today, he told himself. As soon as they were gone, he wasn’t going to look for more. And then he turned to his mum and snatched the carton of cigarettes from her lap, shoving them aggressively in his own pocket.

That collection would be enough for him to get through the rest of the day. Hopefully by the time this shit was all gone, he’d feel better about everything unfolding before him. Maybe the prospect of seeing Erwin wouldn’t hurt so much.

As he left the flat, forgetting his phone in the panicked need for escape, Levi let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding in. Coming here was a huge fucking mistake. He wished he’d never come. He wished he’d never got high again. He wished he hadn’t seen his mother again.

And mainly, he wished he’d been there for Erwin. But that was too late now.

* * *

The clock kept ticking further and further, and the group had been searching for Levi for what felt like hours now. They’d gone to all the main places they assumed he’d go. Starting at Erwin’s house, going along to Mike’s childhood home, his own home now, Hange’s old home. Even the airport to see if he was hanging around for Hange’s arrival. They went to the milkshake bar, the old shed in the park, the coffee shop he liked so much. They walked around the city centre with his picture, asking if anyone had seen him anywhere. But they had no luck.

It was all the most sensible places that Nanaba had wished they’d find him, more than ever. Petra didn’t have much input to the conversation; she had never known Levi when he lived here, and he made sure to avoid that kind of conversation wherever possible. Though now, even she was trying to shake her memories for anything he might’ve said over the years. Though all he ever really talked about was Erwin’s home, and that was searched top to bottom.

Deflated, they walked back to Mike’s car in the city centre car park, wordlessly climbing in and fastening their seatbelts. It was obvious there was a huge part of town left to search for Levi; the one place that Mike had suggested in the first place. But Nanaba just didn’t want to believe that Levi would really end up there again, especially after everything he’d been through in that damp place.

Mike and Nanaba had known the area to be called the wrong side of the tracks. It’s how Levi had always referred to it, saying that everyone across the train line was basically wrong. It was dangerous, rough. Known for its violent crime, it gang warfare, it’s illegal activities. It was the place for drug dealers and prostitutes to meet on street corners, where people who wanted to run away would go to change their identities. And it was also Levi’s childhood home.

But Mike and Nanaba had both agreed that he was unlikely to have gone back there. He was traumatised when he lived there, abused, threatened. Levi had moved on from that lifestyle now, he’d gotten better. He was healthy again, or so Nanaba kept saying. The more she said it, however, the more she doubted it. Even more so as Mike started to drive in that direction.

The second that devilish flat block came into view over the hill, the more the concern set in the pits of all their stomachs. The doubt for Mike had always been there, but he had hoped his wife was right: mainly for Erwin. He knew how badly the latter had dealt with knowing Levi was on drugs originally, and if he’d gone back there to get more, alongside the accident, it was all going to be so much to deal with.

And the one phrase everyone always talked about at work was the one he tried hard to ignore. ‘Once an addict, always an addict’. Mike had always believed it to be untruthful; people can change, surely. However, as they pulled into the estate, he was beginning to doubt his own thoughts and beliefs. The phrase was more often true than not, and he longed for it not to be true about Levi. But it was pretty obvious it was going to be, even if the girls’ in the car didn’t quite agree.

With each yard passed, Mike hoped to himself that Levi wouldn’t be stupid enough to do drugs again. He just wouldn’t.

And plus, as they all discussed Levi’s past, there’s no one in this area that would be able to supply Levi anymore. Starr and Kenny both died, Leonardo was still in prison. The only person they could actually think of was Josef, but he was long out of the picture, and they were all certain Levi wasn’t stupid enough to go back to him. Not after everything he’d been through at this point, especially. That man should be a fragment of Levi’s haunted past.

It didn’t take long to start circling the streets, scanning down the darkened alleyways for anyone who looked like Levi. But there was nothing. No one of his stature, and no one wanted to get out of the car and ask around for the man, for fear they’d look like they were trying to catch him out. People wouldn’t snitch, especially to folks that looked the way they did. Even more so when they were burrowing away in these darkened spots to get high themselves. Everyone was aware Levi had a reputation when he lived in these parts, and those kinds of reputations don’t just die down.

However, as Mike rounded the corner that lead to the front door of Levi’s old home, he caught a glimpse of someone in his peripheral vision. And that damned hoodie was familiar enough to him at this point. Immediately, the ignition stopped, and his keys were forcefully shoved into his front pocket.

“There he fucking is.” Mike said angrily into the car, abandoning his vehicle in the centre of the road and diving from the driver’s seat before Nanaba and Petra even realised what was going on.

The girls quickly unbuckled their seat belts but opted to stay in the car for a few moments, watching as the tall figure dashed across to road to the base of an old bus stop, which looked abandoned at this point. Half the glass from the frame was shattered on the floor, discarded bottles lining the streets. Petra didn’t even want to look around too much, thinking about her best friend growing up here. It was worse than any part of the city she’d come to know over the years.

“I can’t believe this is his home.” She whispered into the car but achieved no response. Nanaba was watching eagerly as her husband aimed towards the bus shelter, anxious about what the hell was to come next.

Mike didn’t even bat an eyelid at the group on the corner watching as he marched across the road, thunder lighting his movements. He was furious; jumping to the one conclusion why Levi was hanging around these parts. It was obvious and grew even more so as he got closer and closer to the young man. Why else would someone choose to sit on the roof of a bus stop, rather than beside the man you love in hospital?

Levi was perched atop the bus shelter that he used regularly as a child. He used to say it was his one way to be tall, to see everything. Something comforted him about laying on here and looking up at the sky, even more so when he found Isabel and Farlan laying with him. Though he’d never be able to enjoy that feeling anymore, and he was certain someone from such a well-off background like Erwin would never quite understand why this feeling of freedom was so important. He’d always been pushed to see the stars, after all.

It was why he liked to come here alone. He still did it regularly when he lived at Erwin’s parents’ house, just to feel grounded. It was weird – a way of connecting himself to his past friends, as though they were beside him. Of course, that was made easier by his vivid hallucinations of them with him, despite how distorted they looked. It just transported him to a world of his own.

As Mike approached, Levi sat his body up a little more upright, cursing under his breath that his friend had found him. In a pathetic attempt to hide what he’d been up to, the cigarette packet was thrust into his pocket, and the last mouthful of rum tipped over the edge of the roof. At least if the bottle was abandoned, there was no evidence that Levi had just drank the whole thing neat.

But it wasn’t what was around Levi that caught Mike’s attention. Instead, it was that harsh stream of red, dried blood plastered against Levi’s skin. And the new marks that had appeared alongside it, though there were only two. As Mike stood below Levi, he took note of his eyes: both heavy and dark, and evidently, they’d been leaking not long ago. However, that didn’t spark any empathy towards the man whatsoever.

Instead, he felt frustration. How the Levi thought it was right to leave his partner in hospital to come get high was beyond him. And he wanted to make sure that Levi knew he was pissed off; he needed him to know. Just the day before, Erwin was going to ask Levi to marry him. And there’s no chance that Erwin would want to marry him now, if he was watching on at all this. He’d send Levi straight back to hospital, or so Mike hoped, at least.

“What the hell, Levi?!” Mike shouted.

Levi let his eyes open and looked down at the man on the ground, who was tall enough that he nearly stood the same height as the bus stop roof. But Levi couldn’t be arsed dealing with him, batting him away with his hand into the air. “Oh, _go away_, Mike.”

“What the hell were you playing at back there? You can’t just abandon Erwin again, Levi. He needs you now! And he doesn’t need you in this state. You need to get your arse down here right now, and we’ll take you back to the hospital.”

“Sounds sensible,” Levi shook his head, “I’m not going anywhere with you. I belong here, and Erwin’s just gonna leave me anyway so what’s the fucking point? You go and sit with him whilst he _dies_.”

“Jesus Christ, Levi. Erwin’s not gonna fucking die.” Mike spat, “Since when were you such a pathetic little bitch? Grow the hell up and come look after your boyfriend.”

“Fuck off! I said fuck off!” Levi snapped, not even letting his eyes rest on Mike as he spoke. Instead, he was looking anywhere but; mainly his gaze looked towards the car, towards Petra and Nanaba, who were now starting to leave the vehicle.

“No! We’ve been searching for you for hours. I wanted to believe Nanaba, that you wouldn’t go back here! How fucking dumb are you, really? You could get thrown in jail, doing this shit! Now get the fuck down and come look after your boyfriend.”

Levi shook his head pathetically, movements overly dramatic. “He doesn’t need me. He’s just gonna die in that hospital, everyone I fucking know dies of something shit. It’s clearly his turn now.”

“Oh for fucks sake.” Mike groaned, “I never remember you being this fucking whiny. Why the hell Erwin wants to marry you, I’ll never understand.”

And that was the last straw for Levi to listen. He clearly didn’t want to, instead put his attention onto taking a new cigarette from the packet and balancing it in his mouth, bringing it to life. Mike watched the man inhale deeply, before letting the smoke sit in the base of his lungs for a moment, realising it into the air harshly. He let him do this a few times, before he decided that enough was enough. Levi needed to grow the hell up and deal with life.

Not thinking of consequences, Mike reached up and pulled at Levi’s ankle, grabbing it and forcing it forward. The man fell from the top of the bus stop to the floor, hitting the ground harshly. And before he could even come to terms with what had just happened, Mike was crouching over him, grabbing his hair harshly and forcing Levi to look right at him.

“That man in that hospital bed got you out of a life sentence for murder. He paid for your rehab; he gave you a place to live. He helped you through school, and this is how you’re repaying him? By getting high?” Mike spat his words out, not realising how angry or scary he appeared now. But he’d defend Erwin to the death, and if he needed to scare that into Levi, he was going to.

“Get off him, Mike.” Nanaba commanded in the back, now moving forward towards the man curled on the pavement. Levi had his own fists clenched, and everyone knew better than to get into a fist fight with Levi. No matter your build or height advantages, you’d never win. “Let him go.”

Reluctantly, Mike let go of Levi’s hair, forcing his head back with a push as he did so. And immediately, Levi let his body lay on the ground, his arm exposed to indicate what he’d just done. And damn, he felt guilty for it. He regretted it the second he went into that flat. But now, with his friends around, he felt utterly foolish. Was that hour of feeling great really worth all this distress? Was it worth abandoning everyone?

Nanaba crouched on the floor beside Levi, glaring at Mike to step the hell away from him as she did so. Her husband obliged, walking over to stand beside Petra, leaving the two to it. “Levi, what’s happened? You can tell me, I won’t yell.”

“I’ve fucked up again, Nan.” Levi mumbled out, as he tried to position his body upright. After a moment of faffing on the floor, he found himself sat beside Nanaba on the bus stop bench, inside the shelter. “I just needed to get out of there, I didn’t mean to come here. I just had nowhere to go.”

Nanaba nodded understandingly, “Why here, though Levi? Do you still have friends here?” She grew sympathetic towards the man immediately. Levi never showed any emotion like this normally; it was obvious the drugs and alcohol were making him talk. And she needed to make use of that, in a way to encourage him to talk about how he was actually feeling. They could help him, that way.

“My mum.” He commented, blankly. “My mums’ fucking alive, and she’s been living here for years. I thought she was dead. Everyone said she was dead ‘cos it’d hurt me less than knowing she was fucking alive and just didn’t want me.”

At that, Nanaba found her own wide-eyed expression meeting the other two, who were equally as shocked. They’d all known that Kuchel died years ago from an overdose, and that’s why Levi had to live with his uncle throughout most of his life. And to find out that was all a lie was bullshit, and everyone felt shocked by it, for obvious reasons.

“Your mum’s alive?” Petra asked, trying to keep her shock hidden.

“Yeah. She lives in the same flat block Kenny lived in. All this fucking time, she’d lived there. Selling drugs and sex all these fucking years, and I lived a few floors above her. She’d been watching me sit here out of that window.” Levi brought his bloody arm up, pointing in the direction of the flat he’d found Kuchel in. “And she never said anything to me. It’s absolute bullshit.”

“Is she still in there?” Mike asked, frowning deeply.

Levi didn’t bother answering him, ignoring him completely and turning his own attention back to Nanaba. He was drunk, and high, but he knew he couldn’t forgive Mike for how shit he just treated him then. And there was no way he was opening up to that fucking bastard after he just yanked him from the bus stop. Threatening to beat someone up never made them feel better.

Noticing that Levi was going to ignore Mike, Nanaba decided to lead the conversation once again. “Is she still in there, Levi? Do you want to see her before we go back to the hospital?”

“I haven’t seen her for over ten years.” Levi began, ignoring what everyone was saying to him. He wasn’t with it, hardly was aware of conversations and how to keep them. Those second pills he had had hit him hard. “And all she fucking did was have a go at me, and make some lines for me. She forced a needle into my skin before she hugged me. Who does that?”

Nanaba tried not to look too empathetic, not wanting to make Levi feel awkward or uncomfortable. Instead, she kept her eyes steadily on him, waiting to see if he wanted to say anything else. And when he didn’t bother speaking again, she repeated the same question. “Would you like to see her before you get in the car with us?”

Levi didn’t bother looking at her, finally finishing his cigarette and discarding it on the floor. “I don’t wanna see her ever again.”

“That’s alright, and you don’t need to. How about you head back to the car with me then? You can go home, or we can go straight to Erwin. That’s up to you.” Nanaba spoke calmly, and it seemed to be working.

Levi simply nodded in agreement, although to which part no one knew. But as he stood and unevenly began to walk towards the car, he turned back to his friend. “I’ve left my phone on the sofa. But I can’t see her again, I don’t wanna go back there. Please.”

“Levi, no one’s making you go back up there. Okay?” Nanaba responded, “You’re too drunk to make it up the stairs anyway. I’ll send Mike.” Her voice had a teasing tone to it, and Levi let out a small scoff. At least he still seemed to have his old self somewhere in there, though it was buried away.

Upon hearing the request, Mike left the three outside and made his way reluctantly into that unwelcoming flat block, after checking the number from Levi. And despite how he was childishly ignoring Mike, he did give the door number since he wanted his phone back. Thankfully, he could run up the stairs quickly, and managed to find his way to the flat in no time whatsoever.

Meanwhile, Nanaba and Petra helped Levi to Mike’s car. Normally, he’d be able to walk just fine being high. But there was something dodgy about those pills, and alongside half a bottle of rum, he was absolutely out of it: barely even able to keep upright. Thankfully, Mike’s car had prepared a bottle of water and a sick bag, which were both handed over to Levi as he perched in the back seat. Petra helped fasten him into his seat, as Nanaba climbed into the front, shutting the passenger door heavily behind her.

“We’ll grab you a sandwich on the way, Levi.” Nanaba reassured him, knowing that something heavy and stodgy like bread would help to absorb whatever the hell he’d put in his system.

“His arm is still bleeding a little.” Petra commented, frowning as she scanned over the marks on Levi’s arm. She only noticed two tracks, which was a relief – that was clearly the most he’d injected, though it looked so messy it was likely just one time, with one mistake made by Kuchel. “Have you got an antiseptic wipe?”

“Yeah,” Nanaba leaned over to the glove box, removing a first aid kit and passing it to Petra. She removed wipes and plasters, before beginning to attend to Levi. And the second she did so, the car was filled with the sound of a harsh phone vibration.

Nanaba looked down at her lap, the phone was clearly hers. Concerned it might be Erwin’s family, she quickly turned it over and brought it to her ear without checking to see who was calling. She just didn’t want it to be bad news about Erwin, not after they’d just got Levi back in the car with them.

“_Nanaba_?” Mike questioned down the line, “_Nan, we have an issue. There’s an ambulance on its way.”_

A swell of panic blossomed in her stomach, as Petra stopped what she was doing to look over at her friend. “Oh god, are you okay? You haven’t hurt yourself, have you? There’s probably needles everywhere, please tell me you haven’t stabbed yourself with one.”

“_No, no. It’s not me. I’m fine. It’s Levi’s mum. She’s uh, she’s not breathing_.”

“What?” Nanaba breathed out heavily, not wanting to indicate to Levi that anything was wrong. She didn’t want him to bolt again. Especially after what he’s said before, about losing everyone. She lowered her tone slightly to ask the next question, hoping Levi was too out of it to understand. “Is she still alive?”

Mike paused for a moment, leaving the line dead whilst he thought of the best way to word it. “_I don’t think so. She’s a mess, Nan. All skinny, covered in marks. Her flats disgusting. I just think you really need to get Levi back to hospital first, right? I don’t want to lose him again, and Erwin really needs him. Just bring him back_.”

“We’ll wait, Mike.” Nanaba said, sternly. “Or you get back to the car right now, you don’t want to get caught up in all of this. You head back down right now and take us to the hospital, okay?”

“_Alright_.” Mike agreed quickly, hanging up immediately after saying so. He knew it was terrible to leave someone alone, but he’d moved Kuchel to the recovery position, and the hospital had instructed him to not attempt anything else. So he did as he was told, leaving her laying there, grabbing Levi’s phone, and heading straight out of the flat block.

By the time he got to the drivers’ side of the car, the ambulance had already arrived and was rushing up the stairs. And that was enough to fill his guilty conscience, opening that door and sliding his way into the driver’s seat.

Without saying a word, their car pulled out of the road it was abandoned in and began to make its way back to the motorway, ready to go straight to the hospital. It had been hours by now, and it was likely that Erwin was awake, so the new mission was to get Levi to his partner before he began to worry where everyone had gone. Before Erwin realised what, the hell Levi had been doing.

They were halfway there when Levi dared to speak up. It had taken him eating a sandwich and downing two bottles of water, but he was slowly feeling himself come back around. And he was slowly understanding what was going on back outside the flat block: something that needed addressing urgently.

“She’s dead, isn’t she?” Levi asked into the silent car, his eyes watching from the window. “I knew she was gonna do something like that the second I saw her look at me. She didn’t want me to know.”

“They’re not sure yet, Levi. They might be able to help her.” Nanaba responded, whilst her gaze rested heavily on her husband. “We can find her in A&E if you want, when we get there.”

“She’s beyond saving, Nan.” Levi sighed out, shaking his head in refusal, “I don’t want to see her. And besides, it’s like I said. Everyone around me dies. And I’m not self-pitying, I’m just stating the facts. It’s the Ackerman curse.”

The car fell silent again, not knowing what to say to that, not wanting to think on it any further. They hadn’t heard from Erwin’s family, nor how he was doing, and the thought of him dying would send them all off the edge if they thought on it for too long. So instead the drive was continued in silence, just grateful they’d managed to get Levi back.

And Levi was grateful he’d never see his mum again. What a mistake that turned out to be.

* * *

The four entered the ward waiting area after the short drive back. And as Levi stepped out of the lift, he was met with a feeling of dread. Not from what could’ve happened to Erwin alone, but also because he was so embarrassed, humiliated, and regretful about what he’d done earlier that day. Why the hell he thought getting high would save everything was beyond him.

And that feeling stayed with him even more now, because he knew he’d be battling cravings intensely for about a week now. But that was the least of his concerns, as he stepped closer into the waiting area. His friends all carefully took seats in the centre, though Mike had his keen eye settled on Levi to ensure he didn’t bolt again. And whilst that annoyed Levi, he knew his friend was only looking out for them both, so he couldn’t hate him too much. A sobering brain speaks a lot more common sense than a drunk, high one anyway.

Only moments later, both Carol and George came through the corridor and into the waiting area. It was obvious the nurse had informed them that the group had returned, and so they wanted to see Levi and make sure he was doing well. Though the second Levi saw them, he felt nothing but hatred for himself, trying desperately to pull the hoodie sleeves down to cover the mess he’d made that day. And even though they saw him doing the action, neither parent commented on it. Instead they just smiled kindly at their future son-in-law.

Wordlessly, both Carol and George enveloped Levi in a tight, warm, and safe embrace. The kind of hug that Levi had dreamed his mum might’ve given him when they reunited. He could almost feel the love in their arms, and despite being embarrassed by such an action, he let his else softly close so he could feel every part of what they were doing. It made him feel; erasing all the memories of his own brief encounter with his mother, where love was shared through a line of cocaine. This was a kind of love that actually meant something.

To make it even nicer, they both smelt like Erwin.

“Thank goodness you’re safe.” Carol said, as Levi awkwardly removed himself from their embrace. “Before, it was hard to deal with and we understand that completely. But Erwin’s doing a lot better now, he’s even managing to sit up and talk a little bit, though he’s a bit woozy from all the medicine they’ve had to give him.”

“Same.” Levi mumbled, trying hard to fight that feeling inside telling him to shoot up again. Telling him he needed drugs to survive. He didn’t, and he had to keep reminding himself of that. A relapse was fine, so long as it didn’t become a habit. And that’s what he was trying to stop on. It was a brief relapse, that’s all. And if he was open and honest with everyone about it, that would help him get over it. Or that’s what they said at rehab anyway, so he might as well try it out.

“Well, Erwin’s been sat awake waiting for you for a while now. He said you’d come back, and you did. So maybe it’ll be good for the two of you to spend some time by yourselves together, then all your friends can come chat to him too.” George suggested, giving Levi a pat on the back. “There’s some food in there too, if you need to eat something.”

“Thank you.” Levi mumbled, before both parents smiled one last time, heading over to the group in the waiting area. Levi knew the second he disappeared they were going to talk about what happened, but he didn’t care. He finally felt ready to deal with Erwin; just seeing him again he hoped would replace the memory of those screams.

And after a few seconds of preparation, Levi set off down the corridor. And he couldn’t help but feel trepidation as he walked closer to the actual door that formed a barrier between him and Erwin. As he peeked through the window, he noticed that they were right: Erwin was sat upright, the colour back in his cheeks slightly, and his hair parted in that usual way, though his fringe still collapsed over his face. But he looked more like Erwin than he had all day.

Levi found his eyes wandering around the room, scanning what else he could see to prepare himself before going in. And in Erwin’s left hand, it became pretty obvious he was holding something small, quickly igniting Levi’s curiosity.

With a rush of desperation coming over him, Levi gently pulled the handle down and pushed the door open, letting himself inside. And the second he did so, he was greeted by the biggest, warmest, and most content smile he’d been craving so see so much.

“Levi, I’ve missed you.”

And suddenly, everything felt okay.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm so sorry it's been so long. What an odd year 2020 has been, let's just say that.
> 
> Please enjoy this new chapter, and also the epilogue, which I've uploaded together today! These are both summative chapters to this word on The Wrong Side, and I hope you've all thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm hoping I'll be able to start working on other fics I've started soon, or even begin a new one. Lots of ideas swimming around at least!
> 
> I hope that everyone is keeping well and safe.

Though everything felt somewhat okay in the room, neither man dared to speak at first. Erwin because he wasn’t sure what to say to Levi: he had so many thoughts pulsing through his mind; should he talk about what happened? Should be apologise for the way he was screaming in pain? Should he at least mention and ask about where Levi had run off to? Though he knew – it was obvious. Levi was shaking gently, a few droplets of blood against his hoodie. There was no denying what the man had got up to, and it broke Erwin’s heart. He didn’t want Levi to do that just because he saw him in pain.

Levi couldn’t speak for the guilt that was swelling in his throat. The onus that he’d willingly gone back to the place he grew up, willingly hunted out Kenny’s ‘spare’ dealer, and willingly stayed when he saw it was his mum. Though the needle wasn’t by choice, the lines were. And he didn’t want to tell Erwin the reason he had to run off – that he was too weak to see the man he loved in so much pain. Because it was obvious now that pain was going to be a constant in Erwin’s life, whether he had the arm there or not.

But Levi certainly didn’t want Erwin to feel he ran because he didn’t have that arm anymore, because nothing was further from the truth. He didn’t give a shit how Erwin appeared physically – he was in love with that man in the hospital bed before him. And that’s what was overwhelming for Levi; it was a feeling he wasn’t used to, and he couldn’t deal with the pain surrounding Erwin right now.

Trying his best to ignoring that incessant shaking that was pulsing through his body, Levi moved into the room further, grabbing a spare hospital chair and placing it on the left side of the bed. Wordlessly, Levi then let himself finally sit beside the man he loved. At least at this side he could grab Erwin’s hand if it was needed, or Erwin could grab him. It was only as he sat down beside his lover that Levi noted how tightly Erwin was holding something in the palm of that hand, willing it to not let go.

And that’s when the panic rose in his throat. What was he holding onto? A breakup note? He wouldn’t even be surprised. Levi decided he’d have broken up with himself given the circumstances. And a note sounded like a very Erwin thing to do, after all. Levi briefly remembered Isabel always saying that she’d dump people by writing them a formal letter because she thought it looked cultured. And Erwin was cultured. So maybe that’s what Erwin was clinging onto, writing, so that way he didn’t have to say it into the world.

Levi couldn’t blame him. How were they expected to last together for years to come if he couldn’t even deal with Erwin when he was in hospital? If in any crisis, Levi saw drugs as the only way to escape? Levi’s eyes focussed on the palm of the hand for a moment, trying to rationalise any other possible ideas.

The more he sat and thought, the more none of it made sense. It surely couldn’t be a breakup note, considering the way Erwin was acting. Happy, even. The smile on his face hadn’t faded since Levi had walked in, though that could’ve just been from all the medication being pumped into his body. He looked up at Erwin’s face briefly, and the man was smiling at him still. Levi forced a grimace back, before focussing again on what it could be.

And then it dawned on him. The drunken conversation which he’d had with Mike near the bus stop earlier that day. He might have been high, but he definitely heard the words that Mike spoke. But chances are that he’d misunderstood that completely; he always misheard things when he was drugged up.

But he did have to admit, that wasn’t often. His body had got so used to the consumption of drugs that highs weren’t like they once were, even after all this time away from any illegal substances. It was a good few years since he misheard someone, or just didn’t understand what they were saying. But he shook that out of his head. Why the hell would Erwin really want to marry him now, anyway? He’d clearly shown he was shit and self-centred. Especially in a crisis.

As the room began to feel tense and a little awkward, just sitting in the quiet, Levi decided it was his responsibility to break through that first. He didn’t even know how chatty Erwin was, considering he had two broken ribs. And an amputated arm. And was in a lot of pain. But he couldn’t sit in this silence anymore; it was haunting.

“How are you uh, feeling then?” He muttered out, looking over at his partner as he did so. Erwin moved his head in a small nod, only slightly.

“I feel numb.” Erwin spoke slowly, “But a lot better than earlier. I can speak now.”

He nodded in response to that. “At least you can’t feel any pain.”

Erwin smiled a bit, “Very true. How are you? I’m sorry if I scared you earlier with my carrying on.” He paused, speaking gently and slowly. Levi watched on as Erwin tried to form sentences, clearly struggling from the discomfort. “I didn’t mean to cry and scream like I did.”

Levi frowned, shaking his head. “What the hell? You don’t say sorry for shit. I’m the one who ran off and couldn’t take it. I’m sorry for leaving you when you were in that way, I shouldn’t have done it.” He paused, not wanting to sound cheesy but fuck it, he had to show Erwin that he’d be hanging around now. A promise. “I won’t leave you again.”

Erwin’s face lit up at those words, clearly understanding the depth of them. And as soon as those teeth shone through the smile, everything did start to feel a little lighter. Some aspect of normality: that handsome face that Erwin had. And Levi could feel his own face fading to an uncomfortable red, though no one but his lover was before him, and as such, he didn’t care too much. He was just desperate to show Erwin how apologetic he was, and how sincere his words were. He didn’t want the love of his life to leave him again; he wanted to fix himself up again, and that was the best way to show it.

“I’m very glad to hear that. In fact, I have something important to say to you.” Erwin spoke, but was interrupted by the shaking of Levi’s head.

“Before you tell me anything though Erwin,” Levi interjected suddenly. He didn’t want Erwin to do or say anything he’d regret, not knowing the truth. “I need to tell you where I went. Just in case.”

“I already know.” Erwin sighed softly, but the smile didn’t leave his face really. Though Levi was sure he was trying to look disappointed; it appeared though the medication made Erwin’s emotions alter slightly, considering the smile wasn’t budging. “It’s okay, Levi. I understand, and I’ll support you through it all once we’re out of here. A slip up is okay, it’s not ideal or what you should be aiming for, but it’s okay. As long as you’re okay.”

Levi looked on, the guilt plaguing his system. He hated himself for giving in so quickly, when he was usually such a strong and resilient person. But he’d grown up knowing drugs to be that escape when you needed it – not the escape to be avoided. Even when he’d faced death because of drugs, he still saw them as that escape. But he needed to move away from that; they were eating away at him, destroying him. And he was destroying his relationship.

“I just panicked.” Levi continued, “And I knew someone was there. But I didn’t realise who it was, and it just made me fall back into it all so quickly.”

“Levi.” Erwin spoke gently, but sternly. “I said it’s okay. I understand. Like I said, I’ll help you once I can get out of hospital, make sure you’re doing okay.”

“Forget about me.” Levi grumbled, suddenly realising how selfish he may be coming across. Erwin said it was okay, so he knew to leave it at that. There was no need to prolong what he’d done that day; he wanted to move it into the past as quickly as possible. “I’ll be taking care of you. And I’m happy to do anything, but I won’t wipe your shit for you. Just so you know.”

That forced Erwin to laugh loudly, “Levi, your politeness never fails to amaze me.”

“Thanks.” Levi mumbled out with a slight grin, feeling a little more himself now he’d seen that laugh coming out of Erwin’s mouth. He could still feel the aftermath, the coming down, but something was pulling him out of that messy huddle. Something was getting him through.

“You never fail to amaze me.” Erwin continued, suddenly forcing himself to sit a little more upright. “Levi Ackerman-”

“Don’t call me that.” Levi snapped accidentally; though necessary. He didn’t want to be thinking of those people right now – he wanted to think of anything but.

“Sorry,” Erwin continued, “Levi, I love you. I always will. I even remember when I had a crush on you in high school just because you wore your uniform all messy and swung on your chair. It seemed so cool.”

Levi tried not to laugh too much at that; “These medicines are really messing your head up a bit, aren’t they?”

“Hey.” Erwin laughed teasingly, “Maybe a bit. But I know what I’m saying. I just feel more honest than normal is all, but surely that’s a good thing, right? Anyway, stop distracting me. You’re ruining my speech.” Levi didn’t laugh as Erwin cleared his throat once more, “I need to ask you something very important. But if you say no, or not yet, or anything, I want you to know that it’s okay. No rush.”

“Just say it, goddamn Erwin.” Levi spoke in response, though he could feel that beat of his heart grow more rapid. He’d never wanted this moment in his life before, but right now, it felt right. It felt as though it desperately needed to happen. And he knew his answer – he’d always known his answer. And he also knew that his family and friends were peering through the glass right about now, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t take his gaze from those sparkly, azure blue eyes.

“Will you marry me, Levi?”

No words were needed as their lips collided, as the door opened, and nurses and friends and family ran in ecstatic; Levi and Erwin were in their own bubble. And everything from that day had just dissipated into the past. Nothing mattered to Levi now, other than the man before him, and that soft noise of joy from behind.

* * *

One month, two weeks, 5 days, and a hell of a lot of physio later, Erwin had finally reached the point he could leave the hospital. And God, he was relieved. The pain was going down, though he couldn’t help but reach for his right arm regularly, even moving in such a way that suggested it was still there. But he was slowly coming to understand and accept his new form; even more so with the news that they’d have a prosthetic ready for him soon.

He forced himself to always look at the positives of it all, though. Yeah, he was in a terrible accident and had lost his arm because of it. But if he never was in that accident, or never went to the door, he wouldn’t be leaving the hospital hand-in-hand with his fiancé. And he certainly wouldn’t get all the small privileges he was allowed: help shaving, Levi promising to bathe him, to make him food. And having Levi as his personal nurse was a small treat, all things considered.

George had brought his own car to give Erwin and Levi a lift out of the hospital. Erwin’s had already been scrapped due to the damaged it incurred, but he wasn’t too bothered about it. Rather a car than his own life, at the end of the day. However, what he didn’t think would come next was the anxious pit in his stomach he felt upon thinking he was stepping into a vehicle again.

Nonetheless, he didn’t hide the excitement of leaving the hospital as Levi thrust his bag on his shoulders, both men thanking the nurses on the ward before entering the lift. And even in that short ride, Erwin had managed to catch Levi looking down at that ring three times. He supposed it was all so surreal, after all those years apart, to be considering the theme and music for their wedding. What they both did to deserve to find one another will always lay in his mind, but he was so glad they did.

After leaving through the reception, both men found themselves waiting on the curb of the main walkway, facing the memorial garden just opposite. It was a quiet day; normally there’d be patients along the grounds, catching some fresh air or having a smoke. Right now, there was only an extremely small number. Perhaps because it was growing cold, and the sky was threatening rain.

“You glad to be out?” Levi asked suddenly, snapping Erwin from his own contemplation.

“So glad.” He smiled, “Thanks for coming to help me get my things. I’m still not used to only using my left hand.”

“You don’t need to thank me.” Levi spoke, “Like I said. I’m your personal nurse and I’ll help with whatever you need. Though I need to reiterate again, I draw a line at wiping the shit from your arse.”

Erwin cackled loudly, “Ever so charming, future Mr. Smith.”

Levi looked down at his hand, playing with the ring settled neatly around his finger. Not realising he was speaking aloud, “I can’t wait to not be an Ackerman anymore. At least legally, anyway.”

Erwin furrowed his brows softly, “Do you want to talk about her, Levi? You know I’ll always listen. Or if you want to see her grave, or anything at all. We can go whenever you want to.”

“Not today.” Levi said, looking down at the floor once again. “I don’t want to think about any of them today, please. Just us.”

“I can deal with that.” Erwin grinned, replaying those last two words in his mind again. Only a moment later, Erwin’s father pulled up outside the hospital and the two men climbed inside the heat of the car. Erwin admittedly felt incredibly anxious about being in a vehicle again; though it somehow felt okay once he was sat down, not looking towards the front window at all, instead facing the side or Levi. Anything to avoid reliving those nightmares he’d been having so often.

Thankfully, the hospital offered him free therapy for the next year regarding the accident. Being in hospital, he’d had a few sessions already. Though he had a long way to go to feel better again, he was already feeling a little lighter talking about it. He knew it would help Levi too, though whenever that was approached, Erwin was shunned away. Of course.

The journey home was quick enough, and the entrance to the Smith household felt like a step of fresh air to Erwin. He had missed home so much; there was something comforting about the scent of his mother’s cooking, the musty air of the books piled against the walls, the cosy heat that flushed through the open door. And something even nicer about having all his friends and family there.

Carol had invited everyone to spend the night to celebrate their engagement, and the fact her son was home from hospital. Nanaba, Petra, Hange, and their new partner Moblit who people were only just getting to know. Mike, of course was there too. It felt so comfortable for Erwin to have everyone around him, as though it was all normal. Joyful enough to grin through the pain he felt shooting up his phantom arm; even more so when he remembered he was now an engaged man, ready to marry the love of his life.

The party was quaint and simple, since Carol and George knew that Erwin wouldn’t be wanting a big fuss. The group all sat in the living room together, snacks laid across the table, the fire blazing out. Erwin sat on an armchair nearest the door with Levi sat against him, everyone eagerly pressing them for wedding plans. It was going to be something quiet, and only a small gathering. They didn’t want a fuss.

It was obvious to everyone that Levi, though he’d never admit it aloud, was incredibly excited. But for him it was so much more than just a wedding – it was bringing him back into a family again. It was welcoming him into a new life, where he could leave that past behind him. The past that was still chasing him in his thoughts regularly, finding it hard to remove those feelings from his body. His desire had been intense since he’d seen his mother, and though he was doing well to avoid actually shooting up, he was finding it hard to get the plague from his mind.

When the conversation fell a little quieter, Levi removed himself from the situation, allowing some air outside. It was cold, but that’s what he liked. The cold made him feel – and that’s what he needed. To feel reminded him he was alive, and that helped him remove the thoughts that tempted him so often.

When the door was shut behind him, Levi leaned his body across the wooden frame of the balcony, lighting a cigarette, and allowing his body to inhale a large drag. Nicotine managed to calm him enough at the moment, though he was going through packets a day. He knew it wasn’t good for his health – but surely nicotine was better than heroin, right?

Though he was immersed in his own thoughts, Levi was fully aware when he heard that door pull open behind him and felt that tall frame appear in the back shadows of the house. He didn’t choose to look yet – they’d not really spoken all too much since Levi ran off that day. He didn’t know what to say, embarrassed about how he’d acted about it all.

“Levi, can we chat?” Mike came beside the man on the decking. He carefully scanned Levi’s face for any sign of emotion, but the man was lost staring into the distance. He was meant to be inside celebrating his engagement, but he was distracted. And Mike could understand why. He wasn’t here to argue, he was here to help. 

“You’re already talking, aren’t you?” Levi answered back, not bothering to move his eyes from their resting place. But this seemed good enough to Mike, as he took a similar stance to Levi, leaning on the fencing. In his hand was a half-drank beer bottle, hanging loosely between those large fingers.

He took a swig, before taking a breath. “You doing okay?”

Levi frowned, “This is Erwin’s coming home party, why does everyone keep trying to talk about me?”

“It’s your engagement party too, so you’re half involved. Plus, sometimes the person closest to the accident has an even shitter time ‘cos they don’t get help. So I’ll ask again. Are you doing okay?”

Levi tried not to think back on anything with too much detail. He tried not to think back to his mum forcing those needles under his skin, or the way that powder shot through his sinus with such a scratching pain it made him wince, or that awful headache he got when he was coming down. Because even thinking of the horrendous negatives made his mind scream for more, and he knew that wasn’t right. And he knew he couldn’t bring it on anyone when his fiancé had just got out of hospital after losing an arm.

Levi brought the cigarette to his mouth and took a drag. “I’m fine.”

Mike fell silent for a moment, letting those words hang heavy. “I think you forget I’ve known you the same amount of time you’ve known Erwin. You’ve had it rough, more than anyone I know, and if you’re not doing good that’s fine. Just I would rather know so I can keep an eye on you, and Erwin. You found out your mum existed and lost her on the same day, that can’t be easy for anyone.”

“Thanks for bringing it up.” Levi sarcastically responded, before dropping the bud of his cigarette on the floor and sighing heavy. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be a dick to you. It’s just been a lot, you know?”

And just saying that made his skin itch with that desire he thought he’d got rid of. Even forcing those images of death to the front of his mind: Starr, Kenny, Kuchel, Isabel, Farlan. The day Erwin’s arm got shot – the hospital trips, Petyr. Everything bad that came around drugs, nothing was stopping his thoughts and they were so intrusive and violent.

“It’s more than any one person should deal with.” Mike paused, clearly thinking of the best way to word this. He didn’t want to scare Levi off, but he knew he needed it offering. “Look, do you need help again? There’s nothing wrong with getting it.”

He hesitated to think about it. He couldn’t ask for that again really, could he? Not after the first time. He should be better now, so many people helped him get there. And shouldn’t he be happy now, anyway? He was engaged to Erwin, he was about to start a new life. Finally. Asking for that kind of money to get help again was so selfish, wasn’t it?

“No.” Levi shook his head, “I’ll figure it all out. And for what it’s worth, I didn’t give a shit about my mum. She can rot like Kenny for all I care. She abandoned me and left me to rot.”

Mike nodded his head sadly, though he knew every word of that was a lie. “Just be aware that we’ll help you however we can, if you ever need it. But I will say you need to cut back on the cigarettes. Don’t think none of us have noticed, you’re going through them way too quickly.”

Levi turned to look at Mike and rolled his eyes. “Right. Like I said twice, I’m fine.”

“Good.” Mike responded with a smile. Sensing Levi’s desire to change the subject, he followed through. “You better make me best man, right?”

A snort-laugh escaped Levi’s mouth, “I think they’ll be competition from me and Erwin for that one.”

“Erwin can have Moblit.” Mike laughed out, “Or Hange.”

“Fair.” Levi agreed, “Fine. You can be my best man. I think that’d make Farlan happy.”

Mike nodded, not knowing how to follow from that. Levi rarely mentioned his friends, or his past. At all. The fact he’d brought him up just indicated to Mike that the man’s mind was somewhere else; and that wasn’t going to be somewhere safe. But he didn’t want to press anymore; the two had enough clashes over the years. He wanted nothing but good things for Levi, he always did. He just wanted to make sure that his friends were protected too.

“Better get back to the party.” With a small smile, he straightened up his back. “Don’t stay out here too long, it’s cold. And it’s your party.”

“I won’t.” Levi responded.

Mike smiled once more, before turning and heading inside to find his wife waiting by the back door. The second it was shut, he looked out once more to ensure that Levi wasn’t looking still. And of course, he wasn’t, he was staring off into the distance again, letting the cigarette burn between his fingers, ashes draping to the floor.

There was no way Levi was doing okay; he might act strong and tough, as though he doesn’t care. But Mike knew better than anyone that Levi longed for any family; and he’d had it for a brief moment. Blood family. No one can just pretend that watching their mum die doesn’t hurt, even if they had no attachment through their life.

Nanaba could sense the same as she looked over to her husband with a concerned expression. “He’s okay?” She asked, willingly that statement to be true. But Mike just shook his head slowly.

“Keep an eye on him.” He said, and Nanaba nodded.

Levi sensed the two figures in the kitchen disappear back to the party; he knew what they were trying to do. And he knew they were doing it for Erwin more than anyone, but Levi would get himself the help when he needed it. When he could afford it. No matter how intrusive those thoughts were. Sighing, he dropped the bud of his cigarette on the decking, before stomping it and picking it once again, ready to put in the bin.

One more deep inhale of breath prepared him for returning to the room full of people. He closed his eyes to think for a moment, steadying his thoughts.

Levi wasn’t doing well. And he knew it himself better than anyone.

* * *

The party died down about midnight, as most people retired to their beds. Carol stayed up a little later getting the room tidied slightly for breakfast, though she too was in bed by one. Erwin had fallen asleep at a similar time, where Levi was laid beside him originally. But by four in the morning, he was still wide away, and his eyes wouldn’t stop watering. Though that he didn’t quite understand why. He definitely wasn’t crying, he just felt so engulfed in his thoughts. They were slowly absorbing him, and he was struggling to deal with it. His conversation with Mike consistently playing in his mind; the way people could tell something was bothering him was niggling away. He couldn't help Erwin heal with his mind the way it was.

Silently, the small man excused himself from the bed, grabbing a discarded blanket from the floor. He barely thought about the fact he was simply wearing shorts and a t-shirt, wandering down the stairs and onto the back balcony huddled in the itchy cloth of a wool throw. He perched on that garden seat that swung slightly, not paying attention to his harsh shivering, chattering teeth.

It felt like hours before anyone noticed he’d gone; though in reality, Erwin had followed him down the stairs and had made a cup of tea the way that Levi loved. The man crept behind him onto the balcony, handing Levi the steaming cup silently, before perching beside him. Levi willingly accepted the cup, though didn’t bother looking over. He just sat zoned out, staring into the black night.

That was until he got the courage to speak: to admit the truth to the man he was the most scared of talking to.

“I need help.” Levi said, hands wrapped around that cup of tea in a way he’d never held it before. He was shivering; whether it be the cool of the evening air, the lack of clothes upon his body, or the fact he was bearing all. “I need help, Erwin.”

“Then we’ll get you it.” Erwin responded confidently. He closed his body a little closer to Levi’s, wrapping his arm around him and holding him tight. He tried not to think how good it felt to hold Levi in two arms, knowing that luxury wouldn’t come. But just having Levi beside him felt good enough now – they’d come a long way.

Levi frowned a little. “I’ll get the money. I’ll pay you back for all this. It’s my fault anyway.”

“No,” Erwin began, “Levi you will never have to pay me back. I don’t care: this kind of money goes into our relationship. And when you’re out again, we’ll work on it. We’ll work on each other, we’ll plan the wedding, move to a new house. It’ll all work out.”

Levi didn’t absorb the words – his thought process too busy ticking away. “I can’t believe I did it. I’m a fucking idiot.”

“A slip up is bound to happen to everyone at the best of times, never mind the worst. It was a difficult time, and I don’t image it was made easier by finding who you did and losing her. No matter what you say, Levi, I know you incredibly well. And I will support you with whatever you need.”

Levi scoffed. “I can’t believe my selfishness. You’ve lost a fucking limb, and I’m here moaning about a _plant_. It’s a plant that I can’t stop dreaming about. How fucked up is that?”

Erwin sighed sympathetically. “Not at all. A plant or no plant, they’re incredibly powerful and consuming. You’ve had them around you your entire life, willingly or not. But that’s okay, because you won’t have them around you in your future. You did it once, you can easily do it again.”

Levi nodded along, “True. I should be here looking after you, though.”

Erwin smiled sadly. “I’m not looking after you, Levi. I’m just looking out for you. You’re looking after yourself, and by doing that, you’re looking after me. And I’m home now, so you know the treatment I’ll get from my mother and father. I’ll be well and truly pampered.”

Levi looked up at Erwin and smiled weakly. He knew that Erwin was right; he always was. And Levi knew he needed to be selfish and think about himself, sort himself out. He couldn’t be looking after Erwin with a heart full of heroin.

Without needing to say anything else, Levi felt his body sink back in the chair slightly, collapsing it heavily under the hold of Erwin. The latter rested his cheek on Levi’s black hair, as the two let their eyes close. They embraced one another in silence for a long time, preparing for what was to come, enjoying that they had one another now.

* * *

Levi left for rehab a week later; this time he felt truly ready for it. Leaving Erwin as he walked into the building didn’t feel so final; he was hoping not to be in there for long. And so were the Smith’s, eager to have their family all together. The wedding was going to be booked for a week after Levi was due to leave as some kind of motivation. He was never too bothered about the planning of it, leaving that instead to Petra and Erwin to manage. Romance was definitely far more up their streets than his.

And true to form, Levi didn’t end up staying at the clinic for as long as expected. He was feeling fit and healthy within a month and a half, a similar time period to what Erwin was in hospital for. In that time, Erwin had managed to find a new hobby in knitting. He’d already received hats, mittens, gloves, socks. But his most favourite gift was an autumn coloured scarf which Erwin had made for Levi to wear on his birthday. Coincidentally, the day he got out.

The wedding was a Christmas event, taking place on the eve of Levi’s birthday. It was a snowy, magical event with just their closest friends and family. As requested, Mike was the best man to Levi, and Erwin had Moblit there. The latter was slowly morphing himself into their friendship group, though Hange would be back across the sea before anyone knew it. They were just able to come for special events since their work was so demanding.

It was just a few weeks into the New Year that Petra ended up moving to Nanaba, Mike’s, and the Smith’s own hometown. She managed to find a job at a local coffee shop which was far more suited to her than bar work. Since Levi left, the job just wasn’t for her with too many saddening aspects. Plus, she wanted to live near all her new friends and soon became close with Nanaba, the two often spending days off and weekends together.

And only half-way into that New Year did the group find out about a new addition to their circle. Nanaba and Mike, both expecting their first baby boy, who they joked they’d name after Levi since he was such an inspiration to them. Of course, Levi rolled his eyes at this, and found it incredibly humiliating, but Erwin was overjoyed. Even if the comment was meant to just be a joke.

By October, Erwin was finding himself again, understanding how to use his new prosthetic arm with ease and comfort, managing to do things he used to love. The married couple had lived in his parents’ house for the months following the accident; Levi not wanting to go back to the city, and Erwin wanting to have homely comforts. He ended up quitting his job at the Law firm in the city, instead taking a year off to recuperate and find his footing again. Which seemed to be perfect for the couple, planning their futures out together, what they wanted to do.

Levi had one wish: to live by water. Water in particular been the sea – something he’d always loved looking at, provided the beach was made of pebbles and not gritty sand, since that was filthy and got everywhere. No. He wanted to live by an old seaside and paint, which he’d taken up in rehab with his art works being sold in galleries already. And they were so close to moving to the beach until Erwin asked if they could instead find another place, wanting to be close to home in case of an emergency again.

Levi understood completely – he wasn’t used to this family thing yet, but he was slowly integrating himself into the Smith household properly now. And at the end of the day, if he still had Farlan and Isabel around, he would’ve asked to live near them. Or they’d all end up living together, in all honesty. It was sad: he hadn’t thought of his old friends all so much as of late, but his new therapist promised it was because he was doing better. They were always with him, just not forcing their way to the front.

He liked that.

For Levi’s birthday, the couple travelled around towns with lakes which were close enough to their hometown. And after four houses, they found their dream one. It was a small, simple cottage with a kitchen that overlooked a large expanse of water. Log burning stove, bedroom up a set of ladders, and a squishy loveseat in the centre of the main room. The house was no bigger than Levi’s childhood flat, but there was something so comforting and inviting about that.

And with that water for a view – it was exactly what they both needed. An hour drive from their original home, Erwin got a job in the town at a small, local law firm that dealt with small cases. The two had enough money for Levi to live as a freelance artist, creating portraits and images as his emotional outlet to sell to galleries. He would never do commission work, for whenever he was able to create his own paintings, any thoughts that may have nibbled his mind momentarily dissipated.

It was the life they’d always longed for. Years flew by, they became uncles for more children, friends to more people, and their love simply grew stronger.

“You ready?” Erwin asked Levi, as he slipped his boots on by the front door. “It’s cold. Don’t forget your scarf.” He teased.

“Coming.” Levi shouted from the top of the ladder, as he began to descend. “I am not wearing that new shitty scarf you made me. I’m wearing my favourite.”

“Ah,” Erwin grinned, standing up straight. “I must admit, that autumn scarf is my most proud creation. Why don’t you head back up and wear the matching jumper, socks, hat, and gloves?”

Levi frowned sarcastically.

“I liked that wool a lot, what can I say?” Erwin teased, before Levi laughed and pushed his husband through the front door. It was a Sunday morning, meaning it was their walk through the forest to the bakers, where they’d get freshly baked bread and a steaming pot of tea. Levi looked forward to this walk every week; the tea was incredible, the bread even better.

The two set walking through the trees, decorated with warm tones of red and orange, the crunch beneath their feet reminding them of their silence around them. The quiet of the breeze through the trees letting them absorb in one another, as their hands clasped tightly together, fingers entwined. The way that just felt right.

Erwin leaned against his husband slightly, planting a warm but heavy kiss on the top of his head, and Levi let his eyes close softly. He wanted to hold onto this moment forever. He wanted to hold onto his lover forever.

Erwin and Levi Smith. _Levi Smith_.


	17. Epilogue

Levi wrapped the scarf around his face for the second time. It really was the longest scarf he’d ever owned – no doubt about it. Even more so as the years progressed and the wool pulled. But it was his favourite; Erwin had knitted it by himself with one hand, the help of his mother occasionally. Not that Erwin wanted to admit that to Levi – though it did slip out that first Christmas as the Smith’s, and it was a long-standing joke since. And god, it felt good. Soft, warm.

It was the hand-craftiness of it that made Levi’s heart swell. Just imaging his husband sitting there without him, thinking of ways to cheer Levi up through gruelling rehab. He’d just lost his arm; he’d pick those colours out specifically. Of course, he saw Erwin knit now, but he was actually good now. And Levi didn’t like that: he liked homemade things.

The breeze slammed the door shut behind him as he left their house. It was a simple affair; Erwin’s parents had offered to help pay for another house for them that was just as grand as their own, but both men wanted something a little simpler. Levi wasn’t quite used to the luxuries of the Smith lifestyle yet, even after all these years. So, the small house by the lake was enough for them.

He had originally been insistent on buying their house by the sea, but Erwin so desperately wanted to live near his parents, and Levi didn’t want to oppose that – though family ties he never really understood. Though he did think of Farlan and Isabel often, even now, almost twenty years on.

Years on from high school when Levi and Erwin first met. Where they first worked together, kissed one another, loved each other. All those years.

The walk from the house to the town centre was always a quiet one. It was one of the main reasons they bought their house: Levi would often take this walk mid-afternoon, meeting Erwin from work in the centre. His office was decadent for the place they chose to live. The footpath was lined with York stone, the building aging back to the fourteenth century. It was very Erwin; classic and traditional. But it was perfect.

The walk itself spread through forests of trees, a small river trickling beside the footpath. It was always quiet and peaceful: it made Levi feel alive. Something he was always searching for, since everyday was still a struggle. Though he had to admit, he hadn’t thought about his battle in years now. He was doing better every day; Erwin was so proud of him. And his family too, the Smith’s. They were his family now, after all. Erwin and Levi had been married for seven years.

This was always Levi’s favourite time of year, not that he’d ever admit being such a romantic. But the way those crisp leaves fell delicately from the trees, the hues of reds, oranges, and yellows that shone against the muddy tracks. Autumn was always their month – despite marrying at Christmas, autumn was so much more sentimental to them. As was this walk.

And Levi couldn’t wait to see Erwin today. It was a Friday, meaning that he would finish work early, and they would get a pizza and rush home through the woods, probably sitting opposite the vast lake and eating together, laughing together. Petra would be coming up at the weekend: she always did, once a month. After originally moving to Levi’s hometown, Petra did a turn and chose to move back to the city with Oluo, the man she chose to love these days. It turned out all those endless nights of getting drunk really paid off for him.

The weekend after, Mike and Nanaba would take their turn visiting the younger Smith household. And they’d have their little kids with them now, too. They had two boys, and one girl. The boys named Thomas Erwin, and the other Wilhelm Levi. The girl was named Heidi Isabel, as requested by Mike. Though Levi found it incredibly cheesy and embarrassing the kid was named after him, nothing would beat seeing those tears of joy that fell from Erwin’s face when he first found out.

But they chose to never look into having kids; they liked being the fun uncles to everyone else instead. Besides, Levi swore to never bring another Ackerman into the world. His life might’ve turned out alright, but he didn’t want to risk that family curse on anyone else. No one deserved to be an Ackerman – he even tried to rid it himself, though a name has so much more attached to it than a few letters. Even adopted, the kid would’ve had direct ties to Levi, and that was enough for him.

Levi never actually heard of his mother again, either. It was factual that she died from an overdose that day: but Levi felt nothing towards it. Not when they forced him to talk about it at rehab, not when Erwin checked in on him, not when he got that tattoo against his arms to cover up scars, she’d forced on him, and the ones he’d forced on himself. He felt nothing. And honestly, given everything else he’d had to feel throughout his life, it was a true relief.

He even rarely thought back to Petyr and the trauma that surrounded him. Even Kenny was fading from his memory slightly, though he supposed that’s what happens as time goes on. Faces fade with memories. He just hoped that everyone was looking down on him and seeing how well he really was doing for himself, despite all the odds stacked against him.

His footsteps carried him further through the woods into the cooler air, as the trees began to clear. He soon heard the soft noises of cars against the road, and the chatter of people passing him on the path. Sometimes they’d say hi or smile at him, but Levi burrowed his face deeper into that hand-crafted scarf that was gifted in rehab.

His phone was going off in his pocket regularly; he felt that buzz he’d come to know after years of luxury. A phone he’d never expect to own when he was a teenager, yet now he’d always have the most modern one. Not by necessity, but because everyone in his life begged him to get one so they could force him to download the most modern apps, though he’d never used them. And the second he was with Erwin again; he’d never use it. It was just for those long, lonely walks.

And for Petra. Who wanted to video chat him. Daily.

Not removing his hands from his pocket, the phone was switched onto silent. It didn’t seem appropriate to have it on any kind of noise now; he’d never let it play aloud in such a subdue place.

Only when he approached the gate did a hand leave his pocket; pushing that iron black to the side so he could squeeze his body through. He hadn’t brought anything today; not sure what to bring. No one really brought things all that often, to be honest. That was out of Levi’s request. But he knew the next few weeks people would go against that and bring things – which was fine, he supposed. It was only a one off.

His black, military-style boots stomped over the leaves on the path. The soft crunch was so soothing to Levi, seeing those curling leaves dissolve beneath his frame. His favourite thing to do at this time of the year with Erwin is to make piles of those leaves, and the two would run and dive into them. It was a lot of work for a moment of joy – but wasn’t that life, really?

He crouched beside the grave he’d come to know so well over the years – visiting so often, which he never expected himself to do. It just seemed like the kind of thing that should be done, and Erwin had even joked regularly to Levi about that himself anyway. Just visiting this one place felt like a tie to everyone in his life, though; Isa, Farlan, Kenny, Kuchel. The Ackerman clan all grouped together, including the unofficial two. But they were Levi’s first family; they always would be.

“Hey.” Levi mumbled, before scanning around to make sure no one else was in the graveyard. Though he couldn’t understand why they would be; it wasn’t exactly a special date for anyone in particular. Just him, really. “I’d say how are you doing, but that seems stupid. Just wanted to tell you how I’m doing, to be honest.”

Levi paused, reading over the words. “I’m still clean, believe it or not. I knew you doubted me. Not in the way that you thought I couldn’t be clean, but ‘cos you doubted how I believed in myself. But I knew you were right, you always were, and always are. I trust you, I always will.”

Levi outstretched his arm to the top of the headstone, placing his thin fingers gently above the cold rock. The bright colours of autumn danced around the base, around the trees. The weather was harsh; brisk cold, icy air. It was a good weather to Levi; it made him feel alive. It felt good to be awake. “I’m not sure what else to tell you. It’s a Friday, Petra’s up tomorrow. She’s insisted on staying for the entire weekend, through to Tuesday. I tried to say I had work, but she knows me too well, since my work is sitting and painting. And I do it whenever I can be arsed.”

Levi looked on for a moment, his eyes shining through past the headstone to the tree behind. The tree he’d picked for a reason; it was grounding and powerful and would keep him sheltered and safe. He sighed heavily, “We’ll be back tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. You know how she is, loving a good visit. I just hope she doesn’t bring Oluo with her. He’s decent, but Jesus. He morphs into me after a minute together. I think he thinks Petra fancies me, to be honest. But we all know that isn’t true. She likes an old man, and I’m not that old. Yet.”

He scoffed to himself lightly, before taking his hand from the tomb and rubbing his nose against the back of it. It was cold; but the sun shone so brightly. And it always shone on this one spot_. Of course it would_, Levi thought to himself, _it would always shine. Just for that one man_.

“I got my blood tested again earlier this week, results coming through earlier. I haven’t got it, but I promise to check regularly for you. I said I would. And your dad is doing okay too, don’t worry. The treatment is working, and your mum is looking after him. And me. She drives the full hour at least twice a week to bring me food. I’d complain, but it’s too good to refuse.”

His wedding ring laced around his finger shone brightly with the reflection of the autumn sun – shimmering gold. A constant reminder of what he has; home. Comfort. And it’s something he’ll always have, though it might not be beside him all the time. But he knew that if he was to look at it, he’d be okay. He’d always have family now.

“It’ll all be okay. I promise. It always turns out okay in the end.”

Just like Farlan and Isabel are with him: always.

He’d always be there too, now. He’d always be watching over him. But for now, he needed to rest.

“_October fourteenth_.” Levi sighed into the air, “Happy birthday, Erwin Smith.”


End file.
